Security

"Is this your bag sir?"

I smile. "Yep!" One of my secrets to travel zen is to be unrelentingly cheerful, regardless of how dour my internal mood or how depressing my plight. The TSA dude seemed on edge.

"Can we take a look inside?" he asks, as if "no" would be an acceptable answer and they'd just send me on my way.

"No problem, I'm sure you just picked up my phone or something."

He opens the bag. He looks at me. He looks in the bag again. He looks at me. One at a time, he removes objects for investigation.

He lays out the contents on the table, as if reconstructing Sumerian wedding invitations. Laptop. Spare battery. DS. PSP. iPhone. Kindle. Camera. Noise canceling headset. Mouse. Power bricks. A bottle of central nervous system depressants. Two sharpies. Eye mask. Earplugs. Plastic bag with $300.

"Is this all yours?" he asks. His face is tense. I'm not sure how the answer could be anything but "yes" but I say "yes" just the same.

He begins unfolding everything. He opens the laptop. He opens the DS. He takes the PSP out of its clear plastic case. He removes the kindle from its leather book cover. He opens the medicine bottle and looks inside, giving it a shake. He removes the $300 from the bag and puts it back in. He reaches for a plastic wand with a strip of cloth held in the end, and proceeds to wipe down the surfaces of everything. He removes the cloth, places it in a chemical sniffer.

We both sit there patiently. I smile. He doesn't. The machine makes a shallow beep.

"You're all set sir," he informs me. He starts trying to reassemble my pieces, but I step in to do it for him. He hesitates before moving back down the line.

"Can I ask what all this is for?" He's dropped the officious tone from his voice. He's just genuinely curious. Perhaps he thinks I'm some sort of gamer-McGuyver terrorist, and that I will be constructing an artificially intelligent exploding toilet seat from Lithium batteries, flash memory, epilepsy medication and and pictures of Andrew Jackson.

"Nothing really," I reply, shrugging. "Just a geek I guess." I give him my most manic grin.

How did it come to this?

Bare feet cold on the rubber floor mats, I contemplate my luggage. Six independent devices, each with battery, a screen, an input system, a wireless transceiver, memory, speakers and a processor. Two of the devices feature cameras. Four of them contain Microphones. Two contain optical drives. 4 of them can play video well enough to watch a movie. 3 of them can play games (five if you count minesweeper on the kindle or web games on the iPhone).

I fall asleep on the flight home. None of them leave the bag.

That night, sitting on the couch with my wife, eating sushi, I realize that the situation is even worse in my living room. One TV, one computer and three consoles. Each console has at least two wireless controllers. The Wii and the 360 have additional hardware stashed behind the TV: drums, racing wheels, guitars, Nunchucks, classic controllers. All but the Wii will play DVDs. Each can access our music library and the internet. And of course, my wife and I both have iPhones in our pockets and our laptops on the side tables. The cordless house phone sits on the couch between us.

How did it come to this?

The next morning, we sit at the kitchen table. The kids are at school. Coffee steams from flared tan mugs stenciled with old-school Winnie the Pooh. It's silent but for the crinkle of yellow newspaper and the hum of the refrigerator.

"Let's go skiing. I need to be outside." She brightens at the idea. It's a beautiful day, unseasonably warm. We grab our stuff and head outside. I load up my board and her skis.

She turns back towards the house as I shut the trunk of the minivan.

"Just let me grab my phone."

Comments

You have too much disposable income.
I'm going back to my desktop and my laptop to sulk.

Truly, rabbit is the Smoovest and the Enlightenest One.

"Geek gear" certainly has a way of accumulating and finding their niches in our day-to-day business. I know I kind of chuckle at myself sometimes when I empty out my pockets when I return home: keys, wallet, headphones, usb memory stick, ipod, phone. Fairly pedestrian, but at the same time its not as simple as even ten years ago.

It's the gathering of wealth to horde as it is a sign of prosperity. Perhaps in some parts of the world it's goats or camels or fruit trees or gold or jade or cattle or oil or any number of things. Within the western culture amongst the techno geeks the collection of electronic devices, as have been described, is a sign of wealth and prosperity and gives the owner a higher standing amongst his tribe. His tribe being the rest of his geek friends and in modern day extended community including this forum/internet based community.

Perhaps it is the addiction to technology. The constant need for connection to the rest of the world. A wired or wireless umbilical cord to the swollen belly of technology. The absurd idea that if one is not connected at every moment of every day that perhaps just maybe they will miss something so diametrically important to the further continuance of their life that to miss such a monumental event would surely handicap them in some way. Nevermind that our fore fathers not to mention our own parents seemed to do just fine for many many years without such wireless technological connection.

Or perhaps it's the techno geeks absolute fear that they will be bored. Boredom for some reason seems to be the ultimate bane to the modern age. Some internet personalities describe boredom akin to water torture or having their brains microwaved by some unknown energy. The constant need to be doing something, seeing something, reading something, something... something... anything. So you carry "X" number of electronic devices to fit whatever urge or fiend you feel at the moment. Would any number of them do if there was nothing else? Most likely. Could you choose less than four devices to fit the bill? Absolutely (I say less than four because I'm not a barbarian ).

But I'm speaking on theories which often get chastised and belittled and most likely one upped in some way. After all it's the way of the techno geek. Show those plumes and attract those female geeks.

I have enough self-control to just bring a music device and a single gaming device for a flight. It's a sort of ritual for me, actually, to think what game I'm going to play in-flight. It can even be something to look forward to. If battery life is a concern, I bring a magazine or book on the side.

Of course I carry the laptop along, too, but that's just because I don't want to risk losing it in the luggage - I've never used the thing in a plane. (Oh, and the phone's in a pocket, too, naturally, not that it's needed in the plane.)

At least you had them with you on your carry-on. They get even more involved if they find all those electronics in a checked bag.

And this is only somewhat off-topic.. but you've not laughed until you've looked up from your work to see two TSA employees sword fighting with dildos from someone's suitcase.

True story.

Thin_J wrote:

And this is only somewhat off-topic.. but you've not laughed until you've looked up from your work to see two TSA employees sword fighting with dildos from someone's suitcase.

True story.

Now that's some funny sh*t.

kilroy0097 wrote:
Thin_J wrote:

And this is only somewhat off-topic.. but you've not laughed until you've looked up from your work to see two TSA employees sword fighting with dildos from someone's suitcase.

True story.

Now that's some funny sh*t.

Awesome, sounds like an interesting thing to witness lol

You have a lot of stuff.

kilroy0097 wrote:
Thin_J wrote:

And this is only somewhat off-topic.. but you've not laughed until you've looked up from your work to see two TSA employees sword fighting with dildos from someone's suitcase.

True story.

Now that's some funny sh*t.

"No man, funny sh*t would be shaped like...a sword."

1000 points to whoever can guess where the quote comes from.

I guess it's good you didn't have any flight simulator or arcade flyers in your bag as well. Imagine..

Vector wrote:
kilroy0097 wrote:
Thin_J wrote:

And this is only somewhat off-topic.. but you've not laughed until you've looked up from your work to see two TSA employees sword fighting with dildos from someone's suitcase.

True story.

Now that's some funny sh*t.

"No man, funny sh*t would be shaped like...a sword."

1000 points to whoever can guess where the quote comes from.

Come on, my son. That's definitely Sean Connery on SNL Jeopardy!

"I'll take swords for a thousand!"

I used to fly with a laptop knapsack packed to overflowing with everything I needed. DS, powerbook, power cords, first aid kit, 2 to 3 books, and anywhere from 2 to 15 games. It was insane! This summer I invested in a "man-bag, ". For my flight down to Phoenix I only put my PSP and 4 games in it and I carried a book. Only one book.

For someone who's used to travelling like a nomad with a library, it was a little tough to pick just one book (I cheated a little and packed 2 more in my luggage ;)). Once I got to the airport though, I didn't miss my knapsack one bit. It was nice having barely anything at all to lug around the airport. Double plus good was the extra leg room I received. The murse barely took up any room at all.

rabbit wrote:

Laptop. Spare battery. DS. PSP. iPhone. Kindle. Camera. Noise canceling headset. Mouse. Power bricks. A bottle of central nervous system depressants. Two sharpies. Eye mask. Earplugs. Plastic bag with $300.

Did you forget your hand-held GPS? I always bring mine so I don't have to pay extra when renting a car.

Clearly there is but one solution. I'll forward you my address and you can mail me the Kindle. And iPhone. And PSP. It's the only way.

I can relate to this story, since I just flew out to Ohio and back this weekend. I didn't have quite the haul you did though, and they didn't seem to give my bags a second thought.

You kept $300 in your carry-on?

Quintin_Stone wrote:

I can relate to this story, since I just flew out to Ohio and back this weekend. I didn't have quite the haul you did though, and they didn't seem to give my bags a second thought.

You kept $300 in your carry-on?

That is a little drug dealer-ish.

magnus wrote:

Did you forget your hand-held GPS? I always bring mine so I don't have to pay extra when renting a car.

Don't drive.

And the $300 is just a habit. It's always in that bag as a emergency/pler money.

rabbit wrote:

And the $300 is just a habit. It's always in that bag as a emergency/pler money.

It's also how he avoids the strip-search line...

To the guy in the next seat: "Look, pal, I'm trying to sleep. I'll give you $300 to shut up."
To the flight attendant: "Can you stir my ginger ale until there are no more bubbles? I'll pay you $300, cash, right now."
To the pilot: "Thanks for doing that loop-de-loop for me. Get yourself something nice."

I think part if it is that we have purchased these items and now feel obligated to have them with us. You bought a PSP to play games on the go right? Better bring it with you. You bought a Kindle to read a huge stack of books on the go, better bring it with you. DS, iPhone, Camera, Laptop, Extra Battery, you may need of find them usefull sometime so you better have them.

I pack a lot of stuff just because my parents raised me to always be prepared for anything. I habitually over-pack for the smallest trip. However, I showed them all this holiday season with all the travel delays, and emerged victorious again during the storms and power outages here in CA this last weekend. "Need a hand-crank flashlight with radio and cellphone charger? I've got that right here" etc.

I do, however, have a terminal fear of boredom on trips. I always make sure I have at least 1 book, my iPod and my DS with me. I do have to get used to not bringing a pocketknife with me when visiting the airport these days.

I was at Midway, traveling with the family to my cousin's wedding in San Diego, and clearing out my pockets and book bag into the bin. A man is front of me with his elementary/jr. high aged son. The man sees me empty my pockets of my iPod, DS, and SideKick (don't buy one). Then the laptop comes out of the bag. He says to his son, "Don't you wish you were travelling with him."

Coming back from San Diego, I get pulled aside by security. Something caught their eye as my book bag went through the x-ray. They search the bag and crammed into one of the many compartments was a screwdriver at the bottom. I can't think of what a screwdriver is doing in my bag. Then I recognize it as the special screwdriver I had purchased so I could open up my broken GBA SP. I had lent it to a co-worker and upon its return I tossed it in my bag several months before. Meaning it was in my bag when I flew to other places, including our nation's capital.

Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: Uh, no. It's actually for my gameboy.
Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: No, my gameboy.
Security: Sir. Is. This. For. Your. Glasses?
Me: No, it's for ... oh ... yeah, it's for my glasses.
Security: You may go, sir.

This story has just made me realize what an electronis pack-rat I am, as well.

My daily commute, to and from work, consists of a 15-45 min. drive (depending on traffic) to get to the subway. Then it's an additional 20-60 min. (delays seem to happen more often than not these days) subway ride. Everyday, I take with me a cellphone, an iPod, a Palm Pilot, a DS, a pair of earbuds, a pair of noise canceling headphones, whatever book I happen to be reading at the time, and that day's newspaper.

It all started innocently enough. At first it was only the Palm Pilot for gaming/entertainment during the commute. Then I decided to get a cellphone and realized, "Hey, what do you know. I can play games on this thing." At some later point I started getting bored with the Pilot and cellphone games, and decided to get a DS, so I could have access to the larger game library. Finally the iPod came into my life, and once again it was a case of "Hey, what do you know. I can play games on this thing." These days, I'm scared that if I ever get a laptop, I'll be doing WoW raids during my commute to work.

Trachalio wrote:

For my flight down to Phoenix I only put my PSP and 4 games in it and I carried a book. Only one book.

For someone who's used to travelling like a nomad with a library, it was a little tough to pick just one book (I cheated a little and packed 2 more in my luggage ;)).

I almost broke out in a nervous sweat until I read that second part.

McChuck wrote:

Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: Uh, no. It's actually for my gameboy.
Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: No, my gameboy.
Security: Sir. Is. This. For. Your. Glasses?
Me: No, it's for ... oh ... yeah, it's for my glasses.
Security: You may go, sir.

Nice to see that some of them can still use common sense about letting things through. I saw a couple of teenage girls have their hair products thrown away for them at the airport yesterday.

McChuck wrote:

Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: No, my gameboy.
Security: Sir. Is. This. For. Your. Glasses?
Me: No, it's for ... oh ... yeah, it's for my glasses.
Security: You may go, sir.

That's rare. Be happy.

Most of them would just give you the "Well you can keep it but you can't get on the plane with it" speech. So you either keep whatever the item is or you actually make your flight. Take your pick.

TSA confiscates a lot of stuff. My favorite is always the cans of spray starch. If you put some in your checked baggage.. only put a small can in there. If you put one of the big cans in there you're sure to lose it. Also: alcohol. They once gave me a hazmat call and when I got there it was a cardboard box with 12 bottles of vodka. The guy never claimed it and it later disappeared. Funny that.

On the travel thing.. I take a load like that to work with me every day. Cellphone and charger. Laptop. Power/charger cables for said laptop. DS Lite, charger for it, four or five games. Zune, DC charger, USB cable. One pair of lightweight foldable/transportable headphones. One pair of huge over the ear noise canceling headphones. Bottled Water. Extra fleece pullover. Pocket knife (shhhhh!). Mini-Maglite converted to LED's. Gerber multitool (Ssssshhhh again.) A couple dollars in spare change. Spare pair of gloves. Beanie. and a few more odds and ends. That bag goes everywhere I go really.

I've gotten my multi-tool through checked luggage in a bible book safe.

McChuck wrote:

Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: Uh, no. It's actually for my gameboy.
Security: Sir, is this for your glasses?
Me: No, my gameboy.
Security: Sir. Is. This. For. Your. Glasses?
Me: No, it's for ... oh ... yeah, it's for my glasses.
Security: You may go, sir.

Priceless.

boogle wrote:

I've gotten my multi-tool through checked luggage in a bible book safe.

Checked luggage isn't a problem, you can even pack a meat cleaver or your favorite sword. TSA Permitted and Prohibited Items