Tell us your best dad jokes!

That's a real DAD000 joke.

What do you call a Scottish venture capitalist?

Rob ROI!

Bahahahahahah

nel e nel wrote:

What do you call a Scottish venture capitalist?

Rob ROI!

My kids don't know what an ROI is. I've made that a goal.

So y'all have heard about this new "dad bod" movement? I dunno, just seems like a bunch of people looking for father figures.

Grammar. It's the difference between feeling you're nuts, and feeling your nuts.

I've contemplated coming up with cutoff slacks specifically to be worn in the office. They'd be called Slack-Offs.

It's a mat with conclusions on it.

Chumpy_McChump wrote:

It's a mat with conclusions on it.

+1

Hrdina wrote:
Zudz wrote:

Could it also be a naan-starter?

That's naansense.

(yes, I'm a dad)

No joke, I almost ate there for lunch today.

We are all just a whim away from singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". That's right...

Spoiler:

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

nel e nel wrote:

Grammar. It's the difference between feeling you're nuts, and feeling your nuts.

Also the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!"

(My kids love that one.)

Spoiler:

If you combine bread and Grandma, do you get Naan-na?

wordsmythe wrote:
Hrdina wrote:
Zudz wrote:

Could it also be a naan-starter?

That's naansense.

(yes, I'm a dad)

No joke, I almost ate there for lunch today.

That's hilarious.

Time for a trip to Chicago, I think.

Chumpy_McChump wrote:

It's a mat with conclusions on it.

What is?

RolandofGilead wrote:
Chumpy_McChump wrote:

It's a mat with conclusions on it.

What is?

It's an idea that can make you a millionaire.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/RIyYhR0.png)

Yes, this is horrible, this idea.

Spoiler:

It's from Office Space. The jolly man in the picture wants to market a mat with different conclusions written on it that you can jump on. It's a "Jump To Conclusions" mat. "Slack-offs" reminded me of it.

It's been a while since I saw that Office Space, forgot all about it, and still don't actually remember it, but thanks.

RolandofGilead wrote:

It's been a while since I saw that Office Space, forgot all about it, and still don't actually remember it, but thanks.

You need to rewatch it. Still holds up.

True story:

Spoiler:

I'm gonna be a dad!

I think I made my first official dad joke already.

*Doctor taking a sonogram*
*Wife and I in awe*
*Doctor prints out the sonogram and hands it to me*

Me: Well it's good to know Polaroid is still in business.

!!! Congratulations!!!

Edit: Trademark "T2"

First off, congrats T-Prime.

Second....

T-Prime wrote:

Me: Well it's good to know Polaroid is still in business.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/joe1cfL.gif)

Congrats!

T-Prime wrote:

True story:

Spoiler:

I'm gonna be a dad!

I think I made my first official dad joke already.

*Doctor taking a sonogram*
*Wife and I in awe*
*Doctor prints out the sonogram and hands it to me*

Me: Well it's good to know Polaroid is still in business.

Congrats

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

KEA_Lightning wrote:

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

VARIANT DAD ANSWERS

Nice sash!

Nice dance move!

Nice tiny friend, tiny friend!

Nothing. They're both Hindu-Arabic numerals and abstract ideas don't speak.

LarryC wrote:

Nothing. They're both Hindu-Arabic numerals and abstract ideas don't speak.

You must be fun at parties.

Thirteenth wrote:
LarryC wrote:

Nothing. They're both Hindu-Arabic numerals and abstract ideas don't speak.

You must be fun at parties.

No, he's LarryC, says so right there above his tag.

Stengah wrote:
Thirteenth wrote:
LarryC wrote:

Nothing. They're both Hindu-Arabic numerals and abstract ideas don't speak.

You must be fun at parties.

No, he's LarryC, says so right there above his tag.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/6MWN4rh.gif)