Tell us your best dad jokes!

There was once a man who went to a bank in hopes of borrowing some money. The banker gave him a sack full of cash, and the man went on his way.

A short while later, the man was at home, eating dinner, and thought he'd clean up for the night before heading to bed. On his way to bed, the man heard something crying. He looked over at the bag of money, and it was audibly sobbing. The man, not at all startled by this for whatever reason, asked the bag what the problem was.

After ceasing the tears for long enough, the bag responded "No matter what I do in life, I'll always be a loan."

Actual favorite dad joke from my dad:

What did the hat say to the hatrack?

"You stay here, I'll go on ahead"

Tanglebones wrote:

Actual favorite dad joke from my dad:

What did the hat say to the hatrack?

"You stay here, I'll go on ahead"

Nice. Reminds me of:

"What's that on the road, ahead?"

"Let's eat, Grandma."
"Let's eat Grandma."

Tanglebones wrote:

Actual favorite dad joke from my dad:

What did the hat say to the hatrack?

"You stay here, I'll go on ahead"

This is one of my new favorites. Thank you!

What did the hat tell the bra?

You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.

I think that's backwards.... or at least I hope it is.

LobsterMobster wrote:

"Let's eat, Grandma."
"Let's eat Grandma."

Reminds me of:

How did the animated couple meet?

They were just drawn together.

Did you hear the joke about the battery manufacturer?

Some people didn't like it, but I got a charge out of it.

The motorcycle was going to head out to the supermarket, but it was too tired.

This latest round of DT puns prompted my brain to realize his forum picture looks a lot like our friend here:

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/b3QNxJ2.jpg)

Should be the thread mascot.

That dog always makes me laugh.

I have a picture of myself on a field trip in high school. We are all lined up for a class photo. And there I am. Making that face.

Right next to the teacher.

He was so mad.

I once knew a man who owned an apple orchard. He was very successful, and the envy of many a farmer throughout the land. However, after years and years of producing the best crops known to man and woman, his fields began to go fallow. It was perturbing to him, to say the least, to watch his tried and true methods fail without rhyme or reason.

So, in an effort to restore his orchard to its former glory, he began to seek answers from wise men through the land. Some suggested fertilizing differently, others suggested taking parts of the trees and grafting them into saplings and replanting. Yet, none of this helped, and his orchard produced fewer fruits as the seasons wore on.

As the farmer grew more and more desperate to restore his orchard, he met a man who inquired as to his troubles. The farmer laid them bare to him, telling him his tale of woe, how he had gone from owning the greatest apple orchard in the world to one that was dying and produced no fruit. It was then that the man offered a truly unorthodox suggestion to the farmer; he insisted that the man should begin singing to his trees, and all would be well again. The farmer thanked him profusely, stating over and over that he'd tried so many things, and before leaving said thusly:

"I surely hope that your suggestion would work, as if it does, I will be greatly relieved at the renewed growth of my orchard".

Clothes designers really should create a mini skirt variation for men. They could call it the mickey skirt.

That's from my daughter. Hehehe.

AnimeJ wrote:

I once knew a man who owned an apple orchard. He was very successful, and the envy of many a farmer throughout the land. However, after years and years of producing the best crops known to man and woman, his fields began to go fallow. It was perturbing to him, to say the least, to watch his tried and true methods fail without rhyme or reason.

So, in an effort to restore his orchard to its former glory, he began to seek answers from wise men through the land. Some suggested fertilizing differently, others suggested taking parts of the trees and grafting them into saplings and replanting. Yet, none of this helped, and his orchard produced fewer fruits as the seasons wore on.

As the farmer grew more and more desperate to restore his orchard, he met a man who inquired as to his troubles. The farmer laid them bare to him, telling him his tale of woe, how he had gone from owning the greatest apple orchard in the world to one that was dying and produced no fruit. It was then that the man offered a truly unorthodox suggestion to the farmer; he insisted that the man should begin singing to his trees, and all would be well again. The farmer thanked him profusely, stating over and over that he'd tried so many things, and before leaving said thusly:

"I surely hope that your suggestion would work, as if it does, I will be greatly relieved at the renewed growth of my orchard".

I feel really dumb but I don't get it.

Yonder wrote:
AnimeJ wrote:

I once knew a man who owned an apple orchard. He was very successful, and the envy of many a farmer throughout the land. However, after years and years of producing the best crops known to man and woman, his fields began to go fallow. It was perturbing to him, to say the least, to watch his tried and true methods fail without rhyme or reason.

So, in an effort to restore his orchard to its former glory, he began to seek answers from wise men through the land. Some suggested fertilizing differently, others suggested taking parts of the trees and grafting them into saplings and replanting. Yet, none of this helped, and his orchard produced fewer fruits as the seasons wore on.

As the farmer grew more and more desperate to restore his orchard, he met a man who inquired as to his troubles. The farmer laid them bare to him, telling him his tale of woe, how he had gone from owning the greatest apple orchard in the world to one that was dying and produced no fruit. It was then that the man offered a truly unorthodox suggestion to the farmer; he insisted that the man should begin singing to his trees, and all would be well again. The farmer thanked him profusely, stating over and over that he'd tried so many things, and before leaving said thusly:

"I surely hope that your suggestion would work, as if it does, I will be greatly relieved at the renewed growth of my orchard".

I feel really dumb but I don't get it.

I'm guessing that "renewed growth of my orchard" is a play on a saying I've never heard before.

Yeah, I've tried saying it really fast but that didn't help.

Stengah wrote:
Yonder wrote:
AnimeJ wrote:

I once knew a man who owned an apple orchard. He was very successful, and the envy of many a farmer throughout the land. However, after years and years of producing the best crops known to man and woman, his fields began to go fallow. It was perturbing to him, to say the least, to watch his tried and true methods fail without rhyme or reason.

So, in an effort to restore his orchard to its former glory, he began to seek answers from wise men through the land. Some suggested fertilizing differently, others suggested taking parts of the trees and grafting them into saplings and replanting. Yet, none of this helped, and his orchard produced fewer fruits as the seasons wore on.

As the farmer grew more and more desperate to restore his orchard, he met a man who inquired as to his troubles. The farmer laid them bare to him, telling him his tale of woe, how he had gone from owning the greatest apple orchard in the world to one that was dying and produced no fruit. It was then that the man offered a truly unorthodox suggestion to the farmer; he insisted that the man should begin singing to his trees, and all would be well again. The farmer thanked him profusely, stating over and over that he'd tried so many things, and before leaving said thusly:

"I surely hope that your suggestion would work, as if it does, I will be greatly relieved at the renewed growth of my orchard".

I feel really dumb but I don't get it.

I'm guessing that "renewed growth of my orchard" is a play on a saying I've never heard before.

Slow that part down.

Re-leaved.

Stengah wrote:
AnimeJ wrote:
Stengah wrote:
Yonder wrote:
AnimeJ wrote:

I once knew a man who owned an apple orchard. He was very successful, and the envy of many a farmer throughout the land. However, after years and years of producing the best crops known to man and woman, his fields began to go fallow. It was perturbing to him, to say the least, to watch his tried and true methods fail without rhyme or reason.

So, in an effort to restore his orchard to its former glory, he began to seek answers from wise men through the land. Some suggested fertilizing differently, others suggested taking parts of the trees and grafting them into saplings and replanting. Yet, none of this helped, and his orchard produced fewer fruits as the seasons wore on.

As the farmer grew more and more desperate to restore his orchard, he met a man who inquired as to his troubles. The farmer laid them bare to him, telling him his tale of woe, how he had gone from owning the greatest apple orchard in the world to one that was dying and produced no fruit. It was then that the man offered a truly unorthodox suggestion to the farmer; he insisted that the man should begin singing to his trees, and all would be well again. The farmer thanked him profusely, stating over and over that he'd tried so many things, and before leaving said thusly:

"I surely hope that your suggestion would work, as if it does, I will be greatly relieved at the renewed growth of my orchard".

I feel really dumb but I don't get it.

I'm guessing that "renewed growth of my orchard" is a play on a saying I've never heard before.

Slow that part down.

Might as well just tell us, because that doesn't help either.

He'll be re-leaf-ed at his orchard growing again.

AnimeJ wrote:
Stengah wrote:
Yonder wrote:
AnimeJ wrote:

I once knew a man who owned an apple orchard. He was very successful, and the envy of many a farmer throughout the land. However, after years and years of producing the best crops known to man and woman, his fields began to go fallow. It was perturbing to him, to say the least, to watch his tried and true methods fail without rhyme or reason.

So, in an effort to restore his orchard to its former glory, he began to seek answers from wise men through the land. Some suggested fertilizing differently, others suggested taking parts of the trees and grafting them into saplings and replanting. Yet, none of this helped, and his orchard produced fewer fruits as the seasons wore on.

As the farmer grew more and more desperate to restore his orchard, he met a man who inquired as to his troubles. The farmer laid them bare to him, telling him his tale of woe, how he had gone from owning the greatest apple orchard in the world to one that was dying and produced no fruit. It was then that the man offered a truly unorthodox suggestion to the farmer; he insisted that the man should begin singing to his trees, and all would be well again. The farmer thanked him profusely, stating over and over that he'd tried so many things, and before leaving said thusly:

"I surely hope that your suggestion would work, as if it does, I will be greatly relieved at the renewed growth of my orchard".

I feel really dumb but I don't get it.

I'm guessing that "renewed growth of my orchard" is a play on a saying I've never heard before.

Slow that part down.

Might as well just tell us, because that doesn't help either.
Edit -
Re-leaved?
If that's what it is, the "at the renewed growth of my orchard" should be cut off, or the phrasing changed so that re-leaved is more obviously the pun. "I surely hope your suggestion would work, it'd be a great relief" or something.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/6oFpaES.png)

Way to bring it back around, Danopian!

I leave to serve.

danopian wrote:

I leave to serve.

That elicited an actual groan... well played.

I surely hope that your suggestion would work in bringing renewed growth in my orchards; if so, I will be greatly releafed.

AnimeJ wrote:

I surely hope that your suggestion would work in bringing renewed growth in my orchards; if so, I will be greatly releafed.

Is that a euphemism? It feels like a euphemism.

Can we move on? I'm bushed.

I hope nobody needles me about it , but I've been pining for some good Arbor Day jokes.