Tell us your best dad jokes!

Math-y dad jokes:

What do yo call a math professor after a beach vacation?

Spoiler:

A tangent

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Spoiler:

Because you can't drink and derive

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

Spoiler:

To get to the same side

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Spoiler:

Because 7 8 9

Why did I divide sin by tan?

Spoiler:

Just cos

What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?

Spoiler:

A large pizza can feed a family of four

What is purple and commutes?

Spoiler:

An Abelian grape

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil!

Oh gawsh I'm dying. Math dad jokes. Who ν?!

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, "For you, no charge."

"I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"

I had an email full of sciencey dad jokes, got deleted when the account expired.

Some bloke just threw milk and cheese at me.

How dairy.

More a math joke than a dad joke, but pretty amusing:

I did like that the video length is "2:56"

Maq wrote:

I did like that the video length is "2:56"

Reads as 2:57 to me...

I once swallowed two pieces of string and an hour later they came out of my ass tied together.

Spoiler:

I sh*t you knot!

Spoiler:

I sh*t you knot, CORAL!

Remember the rapper named Ice Cube? I found a current picture of him:

IMAGE(http://loripalooza.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/half-full-glass.jpg)

Spoiler:

HE'S WATER NOW CORAL

Ice T completely sold out too (Coral)

IMAGE(http://www.dukaany.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/800x800/cacff30c7720c7a044096a14860d357e/i/c/ic-000008559.jpg)

Is there some sort of trick to the Coral thing? I don't get it.

Not enough coral jokes in this thread.

What did the clownfish say who left his home to hang out in the coral reef?

Spoiler:

"With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

....

Spoiler:

you know what I was going to say here.

Credit where credit is due.

AnimeJ wrote:

Is there some sort of trick to the Coral thing? I don't get it.

It's a silly internet thing

T-Prime wrote:

Remember the rapper named Ice Cube? I found a current picture of him:

IMAGE(http://loripalooza.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/half-full-glass.jpg)

Spoiler:

HE'S WATER NOW CORAL

IMAGE(http://rs1img.memecdn.com/ice-t-with-ice-cubes_o_4078435.jpg)

My son and I have been racing snails in the courtyard. I took the shell off mine, thinking it'd make him faster. It didn't. If anything it made him more sluggish.

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant.

Another math one...

What did the math book say to the therapist?
"I've got lots of problems doctor"

Q: What is 4Q+6Q?

A: 10Q

Spoiler:

You're welcome

UpToIsomorphism wrote:

Q: What is 4Q+6Q?

A: 10Q

Spoiler:

You're welcome

Hey
Hey
Hey

What's the difference between three hedge fund managers and three thousand hedge fund managers?

Spoiler:

2997 hedge fund managers

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Maq wrote:
UpToIsomorphism wrote:

Q: What is 4Q+6Q?

A: 10Q

Spoiler:

You're welcome

Hey
Hey
Hey

Agreed! Where's the profanity filter on this one Certis?

I'm not sure whether this one's been posted yet, but:

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Spoiler:

Nacho cheese

Chumpy_McChump wrote:

My friends tell me I'm hooked on brake fluid, but I can stop any time I want.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

If I'm addicted to cold turkey, how do I stop?

The Hokey Pokey one killed me.

My friends tell me I'm hooked on brake fluid, but I can stop any time I want.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

If I'm addicted to cold turkey, how do I stop?

EDIT: (Because I forgot it the first time) I've spent a lot of years obsessed with speed bumps, but I'm starting to slow down.

Chumpy_McChump wrote:

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

Part of the fun I have reading these is turning them into jokes I can totally get my wife with.

Me: "Babe, I have something I need to tell you."
She-Prime: "What's up?"
Me: "I have an addiction to something."
She-Prime: "An addiction to what?"
Me: "The hokey pokey"
She-Prime: "Seriously?"
Me: "Yes. But with your help I can turn myself around. That's what it's all about."

Then she shanks you with a sharpened candy cane.

Dad puzzle: Also true story!

Last year, a math professor announced that he and his wife were pregnant at our department meeting. He announced that right now, he has a 3/4 probability of having a boy, and also a 3/4 probability of having a girl.

How is this possible?