Otaku In The Mist

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/otakumist.jpg)

Today we're going to discuss an issue of growing concern.

Naru-tards.

What is a Naru-tard? Simply speaking, it's someone who likes the Japanese television show Naruto to the point that they begin to display a characteristic set of behaviors. Some people would call anyone who enjoys the show a Naru-tard, but in my book only the most over-the-top fans garner the designation. Even with my stricter definition, there are plenty to go around. Believe it.

Their numbers at local anime and gaming conventions are growing rapidly. Since its translation and release to the American market the show has gathered new fans in droves, and they are encroaching on other species' territories at a rapid rate. Their numbers will soon will begin to rival established species such as the Sailor-suited Bishoujo and the Vinyl/Furry Pseudo-Goth. We have to learn to understand them so we can find a way to peacefully co-exist.

Over the years I've collected a body of knowledge and designed a set of tactics with the hopes of, one day, communicating with them on their level. Here are some of my findings:

  • Dressing up: Obsessive "costuming" is not only tolerated, but encouraged by their brethren. For the hardcore, any event is an excuse to dig out their ill-fitting and ill-sewn orange sweat suit with the duct-tape boji boots colored with a blue Sharpie. Here's a field guide to the three varieties you're most likely to encounter in the wild:
    IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/narutard.jpg) Name of character they're trying for: Naruto Uzumaki
    Distinguishing Marks:
    Konoha's Number One Hyperactive Ninja! Believe it! Our titular character has blonde hair styled straight up in big chunky spikes, with his forehead protector worn bound around his forehead to show his team spirit. No one's too sure what he might be protecting with it – his behavior would indicate it's mostly bluster in there. His outfit is a complicated orange workout suit in the show, but it's usually faked with orange sweatpants cut off so they're high-waters and then topped off with various half-mangled sweat jackets.
    IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/sasketard.gif) Name of character they're trying for: Sasuke Uchiha
    Distinguishing Marks: He's a sulky/emo kid with a troubled past and spiked black hair carefully styled by running a weed-whacker up the back. In the show he wears khaki cargo shorts and a blue tunic with his family crest on it. Usually faked by a blue t-shirt with a potato-printed smear on the back that looks like a stylized ice-cream bar.
    IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/kaketard.jpg) Name of character they're trying for: Kakashi Hakate
    Distinguishing Marks: He's the leader/teacher of this merry band. He has white hair sticking straight up. You'd be gray too if you had to deal with this bunch all the time. He wears his forehead protector pulled low diagonally over his left eye and a navy-blue fabric mask that covers his face from the bridge of his nose down. The mask and the green protective vest he wears are rather hard to duplicate so most of the younger set trying for this costume content themselves with wearing a green or blue sweatshirt with big red circular patches sewn on the shoulders and back.
  • The headband: Oh, excuse me! I mean "forehead protector." This earns a mention on it's own due to sheer ubiquity. Much like a football jersey from your favorite team, which forehead protector you choose to wear says a lot about you. The heroes of the show are all sporting a spiraling stylized leaf. The bad guys all sport a musical note. There are several other cryptic variations for those who don't like to get into the forefront of the dispute.

    And like those elf-ear headbands that were all the rage the year Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring came out, the forehead protector will often show up as a solo item. You'll be walking through the crowd and see what appears to be a perfectly normal person and breathe a small, inner sigh of relief. But then they'll turn around a flash you a tinny Leaf emblem. I give extra points if it's home-made, or for their own "custom" village.

    Note to the wise: don't ever agree to read their fan-fiction story that explains it.

  • Acting the Part: Even the more casual fans will display this one when in groups of their own kind. Many will shout Naruto's signature phase "Believe it!" in prepubescent tones that would bend metal. Others content themselves with the constant use of the word "loser" in sarcastic tones like Sasuke. Naru-tards who are way too into it also have a habit of randomly shrieking some polysyllabic name they've assigned to their next left turn at the top of their lungs.
  • Viewing Habits: They don't just watch the show; they absorb it into their life. The most annoying elitist fan behavior is just the beginning. Here are a few signs that distinguish a mere "fan" of the show from a Naru-tard.
    • Do they insist on watching it in Japanese?
    • Do they know the names/bands for the opening closing credits songs? Do they sing the songs?
    • Do they know which episode number it is just by a description of the plot?
    • Do they collect and bring up their own imagined plot inconsistencies if the topic is even brushed lightly with an elbow?
  • Online Behavior: In any fan following, there's always that one charter member of the Please Please Pleese Get a Life Club. In the case of Naru-tards, they're in the majority. They're the ones who argue endlessly online over mysterious points like Naruto's parentage and who is the leader of the evil group Akatsuki. Both those facts were recently revealed in the manga. Don't bother telling them that, though. It won't shut them up.
  • Monkey, Dog, Rat: When they really get into it, they'll start making these weird gestures. They're not flipping you off, and that isn't ASL. Each ninja's special powers/attacks in the show is triggered by a specific set of hand-signs named after animals. It's worst when they don't do them properly. If you're going to look like that much of a dork, show some pride in your work and dork out correctly!

Inter-species Communication
This is the researcher's Holy Grail. Attempts to communicate with them in a meaningful fashion can be a challenge, but it's one we must undertake if we are ever to understand them.

You can try to just talk to a Naru-tard you've encountered, but sometimes there is no way to get through. At Halloween they'll be all sugared-up from trick-or-treating, and at the conventions they're all heavily caffeinated. If they're really wound up, your mileage may vary as to whether or not you're going to be able to negotiate a common language.

When it works, it can be very rewarding. For example, I was volunteering at a church Halloween party last year. I was assigned to help clear a room so we could start setting up for another activity. I ran into a group who they were firmly convinced they were in the right place and attempts using normal communications couldn't convince them otherwise.

They were led by a classic Naru-tard in an orange jumpsuit that looked like it had been repurposed from the janitor's closet, and he was backed up by one of each of the other varieties. It was a little alarming because he came with a set of rubber kunai knives in a makeshift duct-tape holster on his leg and looked like he thought he knew what to do with them.

Like the intrepid Diane Fossey who had to hike up that misty mountain and brave the jungles to get close to her beloved gorillas, I hunkered down in the nest with them, groomed their fur a bit, and tried to communicate in their native tongue.

He started his spiel about some sort of important mission. I struck an imperious pose and I answered with, "I am Koriko Kusukabe, Obabakage of the Village Across the Water, master of the Senility Technique. I don't know about your mission, genin, but mine is to clear this area so we can set up. You guys better go find your sensei."

The whole room was silent for a moment. They just looked at me. Then one of them giggled. The leader gave me a Cub Scout salute and they all headed off out the door.

What I said was not in any way canon to the show. I was trying to move up above them in their hierarchy by pulling rank, but doing it outside of the story so their fertile little imaginations couldn't readily come up with an in-character response that involved throwing rubber knives. I still feel a sense of accomplishment that I reached them, and have used that technique on other occasions to great effect.

But be forewarned. Direct communication can be tricky. I don't recommend you try it without some study. It always carries a risk of encouraging them.

At a local convention I was volunteering at I lost my temper with one flapping little twit who insisted on punctuating every sentence with a series of badly-done hand signs.

I told him, "Come on! You only have one simple hand sign to set off your favorite jutsu. The rest of us have to do so many our enemies don't know whether to take damage or steal third base. Left hand in the two-fingered salute position but straight up and down, right hand in same shape but perpendicular. Match up the knuckles, right hand behind the left. Do the sign precisely and sharply. Otherwise, it's just the Clueless Loser Jutsu."

After a few practice runs with me demonstrating the proper technique he straightened up. But he also switched to that one sign exclusively. That turned out to be even more annoying than his previous behavior.

And you never know. I would swear sometimes that kid pulled off the Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu after all. Just last month I walked out to the main area at of a local convention and was confronted about 20 of the little orange-clad punks running around. I realized their numbers were overwhelming. They were beyond my reach.

There wasn't much I could do but adjust my own forehead protector so my custom Village Across the Water symbol was properly centered, make sure my kunai holster was on straight, and head out into the mist.

Comments

Yeah, these people bug me too. Though as a lover of anime, if I may make an observation...

There is a distinct difference between the original Naruto aired in Japan and the censored/cut version aired in America, similar to (though I don't believe as severe) as the difference between One Piece stateside and the original One Piece. That being, the original material is pretty intense at times but the US versions have been watered down for consumption by the little kiddies.

It has been my experience that the vast majority of Naru-tards have only been exposed to the US version.

Back before Naruto came to the states there was a following among the fansub circles but nothing even approaching the kind of hysteria we see today. A friend introduced me to Naruto and forced me to watch up until the episode where the guy that had his arms torn off tried to stab someone with a shuriken held between his teeth (yeah, you read that right). Even uncut I found the series to be pretty boring. I can see why it and One Piece are considered to be kindred series since they both have a similar feel (which is perhaps why they've both been condemned to similar fates), though in this case, pirates are clearly superior to ninjas.

But since you mention that most of your "subjects" insist on watching it in Japanese I'm going to conclude that we've had different experiences.

I'm also going to conclude that Naruto sucks and is wholly undeserving of the attention and adoration it's received.

I mean seriously. WTF is up with that Sakura chick? Supposedly, she, Naruto, and Sasuke were the first students ever to pass Kakashi's training, but all she did was f*ck up and let the boys do the work.

You are a brave, brave soul.... I've been looking forward to your next article for a while now.

I don't know how people like you can do it. If i try and act in character in anything i've made up i just fudge it with the stutter that i aquire when trying to think three steps ahead of where my mouth is.

I also don't have much patience for the teen set. Anything below 10-12 and i'm fine, they respect older people a lot more than those 12-17 and by 18 most of them tend to have gotten the idea that you should treat people the way you want to be treated. It's funny really, i'm known by my family and friends with kids for having limitless patience but i'm sure it's only because i know they don't know any better...

Doesn't the fact that you know how to do all of these hands signs.... kind of put you in the 'club' so to speak? I have to sit through watching all of these lame japanese cartoons.

LobsterMobster: Don't even get me started on Sakura in the beginning of the series. It all works out, though. She grows up and grows a spine about 30 episodes downstream from there. And when you get to the Shippuden arc, she can even stand up to Kakashi.

As far as which version is more likely to cause the syndrome, it seems to depend on age. The younger ones have only seen it on Cartoon Network, so they've only seen the English version. The adults are the ones who do the subs and all that that implies.

If you made it all the way to Zabuza Mimochi's death before you gave up you did pretty good. But you also gave up before it started getting better. This thing doesn't really warm up until episode 75 or so. Another good section is episode 130-136 where Naruto and Sasuke drop the gloves and really go at it.

Duoae: Not brave, just stuck fighting a holding action. I can't blame it all on the kids. They weren't even born when I got hooked on anime. But when my daughters found it, they went absolutely organ-grinder's-monkey over it. They had a lot more and a lot better available to them. And I don't mind kids - raise them up in the way they should go, and they don't give you near the crap the ones who don't. And I count in the neighborhood kids as well as my own in that. That's another BIG article, though.

Uliari: Yeah. Takes one to know one. But I would like to hope that while I enjoy the series, I'm not a 'tard about it.

momgamer wrote:

And I count in the neighborhood kids as well as my own in that. That's another BIG article, though.

I'm looking forward to it

But I would like to hope that while I enjoy the series, I'm not a 'tard about it.

KILL ULIARI!

Momgamer, pardon my curiosity: why do you feel the need to communicate to these individuals?

I think i've heard of this "naruto", but can't say i've ever seen any of the fans or shows. Probably because I ignore all anime stuff, just don't have any interest in the medium/games and generally art style.

seems like they haven't invaded the midwest yet.

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

Momgamer, pardon my curiosity: why do you feel the need to communicate to these individuals?

Because at least two of them live at my house, and I volunteer at a lot of conventions and stuff. Plus, this was pretty tongue-in-cheek.

I enjoyed Naruto and One Piece when I was watching them subbed. I think I liked it better when all the Naruto fans were limited to bittorrent sites. The show was destroyed with the release of the US version and that's what became the phenomenon.

I can't say I care too much though. I love anime but I could never stand the crowd. I always end up talking to people that are obsessed to the point of insanity. Everything is awesome and if you don't agree, you suck. I just want to have a normal conversation. Most of the time I'm just asking around trying to find a good anime to watch. It turns out that EVERY ANIME EVER MADE is A+ 10/10 OMG teh awesome.

I just stay away... Far, far away.

momgamer wrote:

I am Koriko Kusukabe, Obabakage of the Village Across the Water, master of the Senility Technique.

Now I'm unaware of your age, but I don't think you'd be obaba age. I used to watch anime a lot as a small kid, but after I moved to the states and stopped visiting Japan frequently I lost interest. Fist of the North Star and Gundam still hold a special place in my heart, though. On the whole I can't watch english conversions of Japanese anime, unless it's subtitled. The butchering of the translation and the crappy voice acting sour it for me.

Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!

That is all.

edit: Oh and Sakura trains under Tsunade and becomes really powerful after the story break. They call her mini-Tsunade. Naruto trains with Jariya. Sasuke is with Orochimaru and Sakura with Tsunade.

I hear you, Violet. There are sane anime fans out there, but in some environments they can be few and far between.

Trainwreck: I'm not all THAT old, but I'm a grandmother. Isn't that sort of the definition? And I love Fist of the North Star and the original Gundam. Some of the subsequent materials got a little hokey.

Fang: I was waiting for someone to do it. Bless you. I had it there in the last paragraph. And then I realized I'd have to explain it.

Good article, momgamer. It's fascinating to see how the advent of the Internet has allowed subcultures based around anime, bands, American Idol contestants, etc. to coalesce almost instantly. There are going to be a lot of people in their twenties wishing they could delete all their online posts in a decade or so, after using their real name to boast about the many, many ways in which they are *just like* the main character of their favorite show and extol the virtues of some female character's "boobees".

Mystic Violet wrote:

Most of the time I'm just asking around trying to find a good anime to watch. It turns out that EVERY ANIME EVER MADE is A+ 10/10 OMG teh awesome.

This problem makes Netflix's recommendation feature almost worthless for anime. The fans rate everything 5 stars, making it tough to distinguish between good stuff and forgettable drek.

The scary thing is everytime I read it and when I was writing it, I hear the "hoo, cha" music in my head. I dont know what it is about that show but every time I think of the mass shadow replication technique with 1000's of Narutos popping up all over, it makes me smile.

I stand corrected, I guess you are that age, Obachan.

momgamer wrote:

I hear you, Violet.

... You're a better mother than my own mother ever was!

Seems like I should just contribute to the big anime thread in the forums. I find you guys more trustworthy. And I just purchased an external HDD with mad gigs yo.

Oh I forgot to mention that I stopped watching Naruto when it caught up to the manga and added a bunch of crappy filler episodes. Did they ever go back to the main story? I'd like to pick up where I left off minus the crap.

There's an anime thread in the forum?

fangblackbone wrote:

edit: Oh and Sakura trains under Tsunade and becomes really powerful after the story break. They call her mini-Tsunade. Naruto trains with Jariya. Sasuke is with Orochimaru and Sakura with Tsunade.

It's spelled Jiraiya n00b! Thousand years of pain to you!

In all seriousness, there's something about Naruto that keeps me watching every (or so) week. I try to steer clear of the sort that take these things to an extreme, but that's not always possible.

Great article, as always. It brought a smile to my face, especially the Please Please Please Get a Life Club. Animaniacs is awesome.

[edit]

Mystic Violet wrote:

Oh I forgot to mention that I stopped watching Naruto when it caught up to the manga and added a bunch of crappy filler episodes. Did they ever go back to the main story? I'd like to pick up where I left off minus the crap.

Yea, if you left off at 100. (like most of us) Then just start with the Shippuden series.

I see a parallel between this and the "social interation" discussed in SLC Punk (NSFW language), only replace the New Wave kids with Naru-Tards.

One thing I definitely noticed during my trip to PAX (with a nice layover in SF) was that folks out on your coast seem much more willing to look weird in public. I'm not just talking about convention people. I'm talking about folks in airports, on the street, etc. Most folks around the midwest treat this kind of thing like cross-dressing, poetry, and pornography: If you're going to do it, lock the door and clean up after yourself.

It's funny that my feelings about anime faded in about the same way as my feelings about certain strains of punk rock. As the trend widened and started appealing to younger audiences, I just lost interest both in the product and in associating with the culture.

I also switched from candy to whiskey somewhere around that time.

Duoae wrote:

There's an anime thread in the forum?

Let's talk anime.

jmdanny wrote:

Yea, if you left off at 100. (like most of us) Then just start with the Shippuden series.

FINALLY an answer that makes sense! Thank you!

Now first off let me say that I love anime and Naruto, but the problem that I have with Naruto is that he is so one dimensional. He treats every battle like a WWII Soviet general. Just shadow clone and throw bodies at the enemy until you win. Thats also why I like Shippuuden so much better, more techniques, and more depth of character for Naruto and Sakura.

Although the original did have some good stuff for Rock Lee

Great article Momgamer. It hits home because I love Naruto. I mostly read the manga. Youtube has all the episodes, both fansubs and dubbed, so I've seen up to the timeskip. That being said, I still mainly go with the manga. I've always enjoyed comics and I'm usually disappointed by the shows, especially the filler episodes (Rurouni Kenshin, I'm looking in your direction). When I do watch them, I prefer to watch the subtitled episodes. This is due partly to watching a lot of kung fu movies growing up, and also because I cannot stand bad dubs. But still, that character trait is on you list. I now give you all (gwjers, the world) permission to beat the ever living hell out of me if I start dressing that part, singing the songs, signing the jutsus, etc. Just be sure call me a naru-tard before the beating to break my will, so I won't fight back or run.

*Slight Spoiler*

P.S. You think forum posts about Naruto's parantage and Akatsuki are bad, just mention Sakura's name in a Naruto/Hinata shipper's page. One person actaully reached through the internet and smacked me on the face when I asked about her in a forum. I just wanted to know if they hooked up after Saske was out of the picture.

Mystic Violet wrote:
Duoae wrote:

There's an anime thread in the forum?

Let's talk anime.

Thanks, though the thread's really long and everything i know of has already been mentioned :/

I think I should have my tag revoked. I have no idea what everyone is talking about.

btw, what was changed for US release of Naruto?

Nei wrote:

I think I should have my tag revoked. I have no idea what everyone is talking about.

Shh, just play like you're too cool.

Horrible voice acting. Worse than standard anime crap dubbing.

The thing about Naruto isn't the variety of his powers, its the way he uses them. He is a trickster/prankster and the way he uses conventional powers is very creative. Take for instance the one fight where he gets pounded into the ground and is seemingly KO'd. But he makes a shadow clone to lie unconscious in the ground as he digs a tunnel underneath Neji to surprise him. Or when he transforms into a clone of Akimaru and forces Chiba to attack his own pet. And I just love Rasengan when he uses his shadow clones to power it up faster.

Naruto: worst Tricketer mythos ever?

Nei wrote:

I think I should have my tag revoked. I have no idea what everyone is talking about.

btw, what was changed for US release of Naruto?

It was your standard hack job for sanitization, pulling out blood, anything that could be deemed remotely inappropriate for young kids and things like that.

As to Naruto itself, the series is good as long as you take out all the filler arcs. My suggestion? Read the manga, skip the series. Gets rid of the dozens of themes, annoying filler, and condenses 21 minutes of show into 5-10 minutes of reading, depending on how fast you read.

Oh, and on your tag, don't sweat it too much. It's just a Jump series.

What perplexes me to no end is how anime fans lament the poor quality of the dubbed English dialogue, as if the original Japanese voicing is in any way superior.

I do not consider myself an "anime fan" (brrr). My exposure to the genre is limited. But from what I can observe -- Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children probably being the latest example -- the original voice work in the anime titles is an atrociously overdone caricature of a performance that miserably lacks in subtlety of shades and intonations which we usually associate with the mastery of the delivery. My theory is that the Western voiceover actors come across so forced and wooden because they lack any meaningful points of reference.

I actually find this obsession with Naruto fans more scary than the subjects of study...