Is anyone happy in their marriage? Is it worth it?

Married for almost 12 years now, been together for 15.

jlaakso wrote:

I am genuinely looking forward to getting old together (we're both in our mid-30s). If we ever fell through, I can't see myself being with anybody else.

This is pretty much where I'm coming from too. As I get older and (I think) less self-absorbed and narcissistic I can more fully and deeply appreciate how lucky I am to be married to my wife.

Mimble wrote:

I sometimes miss living on my own and answering only to myself and eating popcorn for dinner, but not all that much; not enough to go back to it. We agreed before we got married that it wasn't about marriage making us one (we are not Borg, and marriage is pretty much like when we weren't married, except that now we are). And neither of us subscribe to the whole "I married my best friend" thing. He is one of my best friends, but he's not my whole world. I have interests that he couldn't care less about. He has his own things too. We have mutual friends, but some of them are more mine than his, and some are more his than mine. I talk to my friends about things we don't talk about because he doesn't care much for the subject matter. And I'm ok with that, it's why I have those other friends. I support him fully in making himself happy; he does the same for me - and we both do pretty much as we like so long as it's not at the expense of the other person's happiness or well-being.

We have a good understanding of each other's strengths and weaknesses. We're good at talking things over together. He makes me laugh (quite a lot, it's one of the sexiest things about him in my opinion). We want very similar things. We agree on the big stuff (kids, money, religion...).

I suppose this sounds all very unromantic and more like a business arrangement, but honestly, it's good. It works. It's a simple as anything can be when it involves human beings. ;-)

This is probably the best description of the relationship my girlfriend and I have. We're not actually married yet but we've been together for almost 4 years, moved in together after 10 months, we've been considered "common law married" by the government since 2011 and now have a dog, two cats and bought a house this year so we're basically married in all but title. If things continue going as they are, I have no doubt we'll get formerly married some day. Neither of us are in a crazy rush though and we don't believe some justice of the peace has to have some ceremony for our relationship to be considered solid.

We have many different interests that the other isn't into at all (she has zero interest in gaming for example) but we respect what each other's into and being very introverted, we both understand that each of us needs more "me time" than many others do so we accommodate that and it works well for us. We also have a joint account that's only for paying joint bills (mortgage, utilities etc.) and beyond that, she keeps her own money, I keep mine and we spend it as we please, assuming each other will be smart about it. That's the best decision we've ever made and we've never fought over money. We discussed very early on what our views were on kids, religion, politics and any other contentious stuff, largely line up on most of it and agree to disagree on the stuff we don't. We've discussed what would happen if we broke up and while we don't anticipate or expect it, we both understand that sometimes people just change too much for each other. We're also not those ridiculous people who think that by even discussing the possibility, that you're guaranteeing it will happen.

We've definitely had our fights and challenges. She's 9 years younger than me and that does bring certain perceptual differences on many issues, though I think she's both smarter and more mature than me when it comes to many things. But honestly, fights are healthy sometimes and if you never have one, chances are you probably should be and are just keeping things bottled up. I did that with an ex and it didn't work out well. Our way isn't for everyone but like others have said, it works great for us and that's ultimately the point.

Mex: if the abstract idea of marriage somehow spooks you, it means you simply haven't met the right person yet. In that sense, it's totally OK not to marry those wrong persons whom you're eyeing and measuring against that marriage concept thing.

Married for 20 years, together for 23 years, been knowing each other for 28 years (since 5th grade).

Hitting our 10th anniversary this January, 3 weeks before the due date for our first kid.

Why did I get married? Because it felt right? There's no less-hand-wavy way to explain it. I remember the exact moment (middle of a Plaid gig) when the penny dropped in my head and I realized "Oh! I'd better marry this girl!"

Has it been worth it? Indubitably! Mrs Jonman and I work really well together as a couple. And to be fair, the couple we are is very different 10 years in than it was 10 years ago. But that's part of what works - we continue to re-adjust and re-balance with the passage of time (for instance, deciding 7 years in to restructure our relationship to non-monogamy). One of the things that makes it work is that we both buy into the notion of us being a team. We work together, for the betterment of us both. That's some powerful voodoo, right there.

Is my life over now? Hardly. I'm under no illusions about "The One", and equally, I'm under no illusion that I would have been capable of leading a happy, fulfilled life had I never met the wife.

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

Mex: if the abstract idea of marriage somehow spooks you, it means you simply haven't met the right person yet. In that sense, it's totally OK not to marry those wrong persons whom you're eyeing and measuring against that marriage concept thing.

Yes, I've kind of figured that out now, it was in the back of my mind when I made the thread. This girl I know just left my house, and I like her and enjoyed spending the weekend together, but damn I couldn't wait for her to leave today. It's always like that.

Reading this thread makes me happy for those who did, but it made me realize I prefer being single. It used to scare me that I'd have to get married someday, and it scared me more that I didn't want to get married. I'm ok with it now : )

Also: Aww

Vector wrote:

I look forward to the day that I meet someone and am ready to get married. Being 19 I realize that's a long ways away.

Vector a few years later wrote:

Just got married in July after a relatively short time together. Great for each other. Some rocky moments because out work and future plans are incredibly stressful. Never mad at each other for long and always supporting each other.

Marriage isn't for everyone. It's about being with someone that makes you a better person for the rest of your life.

This warms my heart : )

It's perfectly okay not to get married at all, too. Some people are happier without being married. Some people don't want to see the beautiful flower they married shrivel and wilt and sag and resort to binge drinking or hard drugs to scrub that image from the brain and try to vividly remember just how pretty that flower was. But their petals still fall out and their color fades and all that's left is this bald, pale...thing...that used to be the bright spot in the garden which reminds you every five f*cking minutes about taking the garbage out or how you don't see your mother-in-law often enough. This thing that you begrudgingly put your penis in once a month while thinking of that hot young actress on some dumb sitcom you don't know anything about but watch anyway for the gratuitous shots of cleavage, like some pathetic schmuck who is too lazy to even hit the internet for some decent porn. Some people just want to waltz into the florist every few months and pick out a nice, fresh, new, supple flower whose smell assaults your nose where it's all that you smell for days and days.

Just kidding. I like typing ridiculous things. Get engaged soon, Mex, and commit yourself for life!

FSeven wrote:

It's perfectly okay not to get married at all, too. Some people are happier without being married. Some people don't want to see the beautiful flower they married shrivel and wilt and sag and resort to binge drinking or hard drugs to scrub that image from the brain and try to vividly remember just how pretty that flower was. But their petals still fall out and their color fades and all that's left is this bald, pale...thing...that used to be the bright spot in the garden which reminds you every five f*cking minutes about taking the garbage out or how you don't see your mother-in-law often enough. This thing that you begrudgingly put your penis in once a month while thinking of that hot young actress on some dumb sitcom you don't know anything about but watch anyway for the gratuitous shots of cleavage, like some pathetic schmuck who is too lazy to even hit the internet for some decent porn. Some people just want to waltz into the florist every few months and pick out a nice, fresh, new, supple flower whose smell assaults your nose where it's all that you smell for days and days.

Just kidding. I like typing ridiculous things. Get engaged soon, Mex, and commit yourself for life!

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/DVmYwUj.gif)

Nothing's guaranteed, but marriage can mean a healthier life.

For some of us, marriage may reduce or eliminate the worst reoccurring instances of (single) male pattern stupidity.*

* Spouses, be advised that YMMV.

Mex wrote:

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

We would have gotten married regardless, but the timing was partly driven by less-romantic factors. Mrs. Dim's parents are more socially conservative, and continuing the charade of separate apartments was silly (and would have been prohibitively expensive as we looked to move outside DC).

That doesn't take anything away from the fact that I love Mrs. Dim like few other people on this planet. She is an amazing woman, and I am exceptionally lucky she loves me back.

Mex wrote:

2. How long have you been at it?

Known each other for 23 years, together for 20, married for 17. Friends throughout.

Mex wrote:

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Yes, it's been worth it.

My life is definitely not over since getting married - it is immeasurably richer for having someone amazing to have all these adventures with.

Huh, just noticed this thread. This should be interesting. And maybe another female perspective will try and balance out the overwhelming male contributions.

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?
We got married because we wanted to, for a variety of reasons. We felt we wanted to "officialize" our relationship (not that non-married couples aren't official, it's just the way we were brought up, the culture we live in; like FSeven said, it's totally cool if you never get married, have quite a few friends who never did), and it was a great excuse to have a great party. The wedding pretty lasted three days, was one heck of an affair. Best wedding I've ever been to. And we'd already been shacked up for a few years, so this was just confirmation of what we already knew, that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
In a nutshell, weddings are a very cultural thing, if that makes any sense. And it makes paperwork (taxes, ownership of property, children) a lot simpler.

The hormonal/accidental/true love question seems completely removed from getting married, in my mind. It actually predates the wedding, for us. We met, and while it was love at first sight for my husband, not so for me. Or maybe it was, but I didn't realize it at first, that would be more accurate.

2. How long have you been at it?
We've known each other for ten years, together for nine years, living together for eight and a half years (yeah, we moved a bit fast there ), and married for seven years.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?
Totally worth it. Sure, there are ups and downs, just like everyone else. But the ups are glorious.
I definitely wouldn't say my life ended after we got married. Quite the contrary, I was very shy, and not too social as a teen and young adult, and kinda opened up as I got older. If anything, I saw an increase in social activities after we got together. Getting married didn't change much, in essence.
Having a child years later did make going out more complicated, but you adapt, you change, you do different things.

Mex wrote:
Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

Mex: if the abstract idea of marriage somehow spooks you, it means you simply haven't met the right person yet. In that sense, it's totally OK not to marry those wrong persons whom you're eyeing and measuring against that marriage concept thing.

Yes, I've kind of figured that out now, it was in the back of my mind when I made the thread. This girl I know just left my house, and I like her and enjoyed spending the weekend together, but damn I couldn't wait for her to leave today. It's always like that.

Reading this thread makes me happy for those who did, but it made me realize I prefer being single. It used to scare me that I'd have to get married someday, and it scared me more that I didn't want to get married. I'm ok with it now : )

Also: Aww

Vector wrote:

I look forward to the day that I meet someone and am ready to get married. Being 19 I realize that's a long ways away.

Vector a few years later wrote:

Just got married in July after a relatively short time together. Great for each other. Some rocky moments because out work and future plans are incredibly stressful. Never mad at each other for long and always supporting each other.

Marriage isn't for everyone. It's about being with someone that makes you a better person for the rest of your life.

This warms my heart : )

By a few years later you mean 8 years later.

I've only been married 3 weeks, so it still has that new marriage smell, but if it's not 'true love' I don't know what that is. We've been together more than 3 years though.

We had been together less than a year when I asked her to move across country for me, she said yes without hesitating. I don't believe in relationships for their own sake, so for me even asking that question was a huge commitment. Her saying yes was an even bigger one because she's from Zimbabwe and was moving much further away and from the only life lines she had.

I couldn't wait to be married to her. The idea of waking up with her for the rest of my life fills me with excitement. I don't know if we'll last forever, but I can't imagine a future without her.

Previous relationships that seemed to be heading in that direction filled me with dread, I had one particular relationship where we kept trying to 'make things work' and it was a disaster. My conclusion is that when you meet the right one it becomes easy, if you need to force it or justify it then you're making a mistake. IMO of course.

Mex wrote:

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

2. How long have you been at it?

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

1. Got married because that was what Korean folks do when they have been going out a while and your partner seems like someone you would like to make a life together with.

2. 5 years married. 10 years together.

3. Big time. I think we both had pretty rough edges on us when we got started. I guess that is pretty inevitable when you are nearing 40 and have gone your entire life not having to make personal compromises. Eventually, I got her to loosen up and enjoy life a bit more. She got me to be a lot more responsible. In the end, I think we make one another stronger.

Mex wrote:

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

2. How long have you been at it?

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

1. Got married because we've been living together for about two years, and going out for about one year. We have a lot of fun together, and I thought that she'd be a great person to have kids and do all that mature life stuff with.

2. About 5 months and 20 days now.

3. I reckon. I was able to go to Japan with her, and we had a great time. Life is pretty much the same as living together, but better. We do lots of fun stuff for each other now. There's always going to be conversations about money and the future and stuff like that, but as long as you are living with someone you love and care about, you get over those hurdles pretty quickly. I'd advise living with someone before getting married though, since you learn a lot about someone that way.

Good luck to anyone reading this and considering marriage! It'll work out.

I've been with my wife 10 years and just had our 9th anniversary. For the most part it's great. We still love each other and lately we've been making a much greater effort to put our relationship above work and child rearing. But I won't lie it's goram dang hard sometimes. My life doesn't feel over but I do feel a lot more stressed than I did when I was single or when we were just dating.

But when I start feeling like the guy in FSeven's little scenario (as in why didn't I choose a carefree life of banging co-eds vs being yelled at about the garbage), I try to focus on the long game. I remember one of my Army buddies turning 40 and then dumping his wife to go be a player. We'd see him at the club desperately chase young hotties and strike out with everyone except the truly drunk or desperate. And considering this guy was in good shape and reasonably good looking, I can only imagine the swinging bachelor life gets worse as you get in your 50s and 60s.

My married life hasn't involved much yelling outside the bedroom, and those inside yells are totally worth it. If I had to pay a membership fee to renew it, I'd process that paperwork a month in advance. I feel like I'm making out like a bandit.

I am in my 30s and single. I've never been engaged or even had a relationship that lasted over a month.

It was just never my thing. Both of my sisters are married and have issues with their spouses. My parents didn't get along in the best fashion although they were always together.

I've got dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, so I am not exactly lonely. I think that a relationship would be nice every now and then, but it gets dismissed rather quickly when I look at my life and responsibilities and see that it's too full with my bucket list to invest the time trying to start one. Due to genetics, my body is already starting to give out. So I will die single, never knowing what being loved by any human other than your parents feels like.

But I do know the feeling of saving the lives and being adored by many homeless abused animals. Maybe that was my purpose, to show them that they can be loved unconditionally even after being tossed out. So there's fulfillment in life without mother nature's plan. Granted it has been a rough road with their shorter life-spans.

Mex wrote:

From that "amish" thread...

Quote:

I've been married 10 years and the only thing I look forward to sometimes is the sweet release of death.

= (

Wow. Seriously, I want to hear some stories.

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

2. How long have you been at it?

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

I'd also be interested in what non married guys think.

Personally, I imagine I'll get married at some point later on. Maybe at 30, or 35, if I live that long. I do want to populate the world with a couple of extra copies of Mex.

=)

Edit: Sneak question, because I'm just so curious - When she's pregnant... Like... How long do you have to go without sex? Is it true you have to spend a month without sex after she gives birth?

So first, my answers are in no way pushing my view onto you. I am only answering from my heart.

1. We are both Christians and we knew that we were meant for each other. We met in high school 30 years ago and just clicked. We have similar likes and dislikes and yet we are different in the sense that we help each other in the areas we fall short. Hopefully that makes sense.

2. Married 24 years. Together 30.

3. Yes. That's not to say that is has always been easy, but it's been worth it and while there have been a few major crisis points in our life, I would not change a thing. Those moments have made us into the people we are today.

Sneak question: All three of our children were c-sections so that complicated things a bit, but overall it did not hinder us from being apart for too long.

Here is something that I highly recommend anyone getting married or currently married to do. http://www.familylife.com/events/featured-events/weekend-to-remember

We have gone three years within a five year span and each time we discover something new about each other. Plus is a great way to get away from "everything" and spend time together as a couple.

Overall with marriage, it's a two way street and you get out of it what you put into it. It's not 50/50% though, its 100/100%.