Ted Cruz, Canuckchurian Candidate

I Mean You Couldn't Make It Up

via Wikipedia

Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta, where his parents, Eleanor Elizabeth Wilson Darragh and Rafael Bienvenido Cruz, were working in the oil business. Cruz's father, Rafael Cruz, who was born in Matanzas, Cuba, was jailed and tortured by the Fulgencio Batista regime and fought for Fidel Castro in the Cuban Revolution but "didn't know Castro was a Communist" and later became a staunch critic of Castro when "the rebel leader took control and began seizing private property and suppressing dissent."

I'll be honest, that doesn't strike me as a satisfactory answer. I mean, Cuban and Canadian? That's some kind of god-forsaken double-socialist swirl, and I think it's entirely fair to ask questions about whether Ted Cruz secretly follows Castro's beliefs and is a plant sent here to bring Mambo and Parliamentary Law to the United States. Anyway, if he was born in Calgary, is he really a "Natural Born" American? The son of a Communist born into a a socialist state? I think it's a fair question to ask.

I think Ted Cruz needs to allow every American citizen to personally inspect his long-form birth certificate, and to convince us that he renounces poutine, ropa vieja, and Don Cherry.

I heard he's not even a Southern Baptist, but that he's actually secretly Anglican.

Damn. The Americans figured it out! Now we'll never get to take over!

Vector wrote:

Damn. The Americans figured it out! Now we'll never get to take over!

That's because you're confused - you think the Americans are in charge, when it's really the terrorists.

Aetius wrote:
Vector wrote:

Damn. The Americans figured it out! Now we'll never get to take over!

That's because you're confused - you think the Americans are in charge, when it's really the terrorists. :P

I thought it was the corporations? Or did we switch dystopian futures away from Deus Ex without mech parts?

Demosthenes wrote:
Aetius wrote:
Vector wrote:

Damn. The Americans figured it out! Now we'll never get to take over!

That's because you're confused - you think the Americans are in charge, when it's really the terrorists. :P

I thought it was the corporations? Or did we switch dystopian futures away from Deus Ex without mech parts? :D

Damn well better not. I had plans for those bionic testicles.

KingGorilla wrote:
Demosthenes wrote:
Aetius wrote:
Vector wrote:

Damn. The Americans figured it out! Now we'll never get to take over!

That's because you're confused - you think the Americans are in charge, when it's really the terrorists. :P

I thought it was the corporations? Or did we switch dystopian futures away from Deus Ex without mech parts? :D

Damn well better not. I had plans for those bionic testicles.

High-fall and Eye-Phone, for me.

I can't believe that this f*cker went rogue.

This is going to blow the lid off the whole thing.

This is why Albertans are—pardon me, were—seldom recruited for the Canadian SPI (Secret Politeness Initiative) program.

And we Canadians made the perfect fifth columnists, too: just lengthen one's vowels, gain some weight, and learn a few alternate spellings and an archaic system of weights and measures.

Now the next time someone holds a door open for you, you'll wonder, Are they just being nice, or is some puppetmaster in Ottawa pulling their strings to make you mimic their behaviour?

So is Cruz bi-national? National-curious? In the dual citizenship closet?

I can only imagine the insanity on the right if Obama had been born in Canada to his American mother and retained dual citizenship while he was a Senator.

How can conservatives trust Cruz to defund Obamacare when he himself was born in a country with nationalized healthcare? I mean once that socialism stuff touches you you're tainted for life, right?

Comandante Cruz renounced his Canadian citizenship.

Yay!

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

Comandante Cruz renounced his Canadian citizenship.

Can I have it?

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

Comandante Cruz renounced his Canadian citizenship.

Putting out a statement isn't the same thing as going through the process legally required to renounce one's citizenship. It might be difficult to prove that a future President Cruz wouldn't be a threat to Canada's security.

Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta.

Was he born in an Embassy? I thought you had to be born on American Soil to run to become President?

You must be a natural born citizen-born in the US, or from a parent who was. Every army brat born in Berlin is a natural citizen.

"Didn't know Castro was a Communist". Well, that's good enough for me, Cruz for president.

OF CANADA.

Demosthenes wrote:

Was he born in an Embassy? I thought you had to be born on American Soil to run to become President?

You have to be a "natural born citizen" which legal scholars have pretty much thought includes anyone who was entitled to US citizenship at birth, though it's never been supported by an actual court ruling. Cruz would be eligible to run for President if this holds true.

I would imagine, though, that someone will legally challenge his right to run for President and I fervently hope that whichever judge catches that case is a strict follower of originalism.

So, no "a village in Cuba wants its idiot back" stuff?

I just think this is delightful.

KingGorilla wrote:

You must be a natural born citizen-born in the US, or from a parent who was. Every army brat born in Berlin is a natural citizen.

RABBLE RABBLE THAT'S NOT WHAT NATURAL BORN MEANS ASK RENOWNED SCHOLAR ORLY TAITZ RABBLE RABBLE

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

"Didn't know Castro was a Communist". Well, that's good enough for me, Cruz for president.

OF CANADA.

There's just too many holes in this story for me to feel safe. What kind of man fights for Castro, realizes he "made a mistake" and "flees" to Canada?

A damn pinko socialist, that's who.

Will we get to ask him to produce a certain legal document?

IMAGE(http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/3192/r9gp.jpg)

Gorilla is Celine Dion? Mind... Blown!

Why would a man born in Calgary have a birth certificate issued in Quebec?

Vector wrote:

Why would a man born in Calgary have a birth certificate issued in Quebec?

Because for us Murrickings it's all one contiguous plain Great White North anyway!

Gad, and he is my Senator too! I feel so betrayed. I guess that is why he had those crates of maple syrup in his local campaign office.

Vector wrote:

Why would a man born in Calgary have a birth certificate issued in Quebec?

Because that Birth Certificate is for Celine Dion??

mudbunny wrote:
Vector wrote:

Why would a man born in Calgary have a birth certificate issued in Quebec?

Because that Birth Certificate is for Celine Dion??

It's a fake. Celine Dion was hatched.

Well, I guess Cruz's stance is that as long as his mother was an American citizen that where he was born is totally irrelevant and he's a natural born American citizen no matter what so that settles that, right?

I'm sure it will be fine.

He's the right color, he's the right religion, he's successful and he sticks it to the libruls. His constituency will love him, even if he's shown to be a KGB plant born under false id papers. They'd just claim he's reformed and become a Real Texan...

Robear wrote:

He's the right color, he's the right religion, he's successful and he sticks it to the libruls. His constituency will love him, even if he's shown to be a KGB plant born under false id papers. They'd just claim he's reformed and become a Real Texan...

Heck, we were about to amend the Constitution so we could elect Conan the Barbarian until he borked his political career on his own.