Wannabe Writers Writing: Revisions, Feedback, Evil Chickens

Man, has this got me me excited hehehe

This is just the spot for a Lovecraft parody I'm working on

/heads off to type it up

So who wants to critique a comic script I'm writing?

Note that as I'm also going to be the artist I'm not following a strict script style, such as "Page one, panel 1, page one, panel 2, etc." format. I'm mostly focusing on the dialog and the quality of the story itself.

Any takers?

ccesarano wrote:

So who wants to critique a comic script I'm writing?

Note that as I'm also going to be the artist I'm not following a strict script style, such as "Page one, panel 1, page one, panel 2, etc." format. I'm mostly focusing on the dialog and the quality of the story itself.

Any takers?

I'll do it. I've never critiqued a comic script, but I'll take a shot if you'd like.

ccesarano wrote:

So who wants to critique a comic script I'm writing?

Note that as I'm also going to be the artist I'm not following a strict script style, such as "Page one, panel 1, page one, panel 2, etc." format. I'm mostly focusing on the dialog and the quality of the story itself.

Any takers?

I'm game -- I critiqued jlaasko's upthread, if you want to take a look at my critique to see how critique-able I am. I've had some experience scripting comics, if it helps.

Also, a loose script's fine, but even if you're drawing it, I'd personally recommend a tighter script, if only 'cause it'll make changes at the thumbnail stage easier if your descriptions/dialogue-to-panel/dialogue-to-page/panels-per-page ratio is worked out. It's a lot easier to noodle with descriptions on the script than it is to throw out two-thirds of a page after it's drawn.

I also say that simply as a writer who's never been able to layout his own pages, so take that for what it's worth.

Alright, I've hit a bit of a stumble in this scene. I need to think of what I want the dialog to be before I move on to finishing the scene up.

Also: the first page after the title page is a result of this starting out as a regular prose story instead of a comic. I'm gonna work out some ideas as to how I want to show that. Basically, this all starts on the third page.

So yeah. Linky link.

I read it! So, are the characters going to break the fourth wall and start talking about increases to their HP and stuff? It sorta reminds me of Order of the Stick in that respect.

I'm curious you phrase the question like that. I thought it would be fairly obvious that the characters are actively playing a game.

In which case, technically there won't be any fourth wall breaking, though the latter two characters introduced (Valkyria and Roger) are certainly aware that they are playing a game while the first character (Edrick) is not. The end of scene two is going to have Roger logging out and doing stuff in the real world, which I suppose would have made everything obvious if I had gotten to that part before finishing.

Hrm. That it isn't immediately obvious is something to ponder. In some cases, that air of mystery is a good thing, and in a lot of ways part of the point when it comes to Edrick. Here I was concerned that people would have it all figured out too soon.

I like it so far. It will be interesting to see it put to art. Do you have anything drawn yet?

I'm keeping a progress journal on my blog, though some of my concept art work has taken a bit of a productivity hit. I began practicing a bit last night, and am also about to work on practicing panels and deciding on a "page" format. I might have something to look at after the weekend, as I think I'm satisfied with what sort of "ink" and foreground colors I want to use.

You can check my art progress thus far here and here.

I'm still working on how I want to make certain characters look. I realized in a discussion on diversity in games that I have a habit to mentally whitewash characters, so while my protagonist is still going to be a white male, Valkyria is going to be an Asian girl and Roger, if I can figure out how to draw him that way, is going to be Indian. Most of the details will be in hair and skin tone since everything else is too simplified to really make differences in facial structure or eyes or whatnot.

EDIT:

Been working on the art aspects, but I'll probably post that stuff in the Photoshop thread later.

I did, however, finish that second scene up. I'll probably rewrite it later as I don't like how Natalie comes off. I want it to be clear that they're different in terms of hobbies and interests, but there is definitely something that ties them together. As it is, it seems more like she's a nagging wife.

You can read my additions here. Any feedback is appreciated, as these two scenes is what I plan on completing before pitching the concept out. I'll work on rewrites in the coming days while I prepare to figure out what I want in terms of art (I keep going back and forth between wanting it to be color or grayscale).

I didn't want to toss this into the Writer's Throwdown thread, because it'd be unfair and irrelevant.

Anyway, there's this great little NaNoWriMo alternative (especially for the comic-inclined) I came across, the 30 Characters/30 Days Challenge. Basically, your goal is to create 30 new characters in the 30 days of November. The contest leans towards artists, but writers are encouraged to create new stuff as well, which is good for me since A.) i'm still learning to draw and B.) I don't have a scanner.

Anyway, i'm taking up the mantle this year, and i'm genuinely interested to see what kind of stuff I end up with. Will I run out of ideas on November 10th? Probably! But dammit, i'm gonna try for 30.

To that end, here's my entries #1 and #2...

Matthieu Giuly

Kamal Mahgoub

Well, two days into Nano (three in real time but I only started yesterday) and already 8k+ words on ze novel.

I'm hoping all the crazy stuff going on at work and the training for my upcoming Amateur MMA fight (Dec 6) - last time I fought was about 4 years ago - do not put a dent in my production

Wow. Way behind on this. I'm up to #22 now. The full list of characters I've come up with can be found at http://www.30characters.com/author/theprederick/.

Just another eight characters, and I've done it.

Prederick wrote:

Wow. Way behind on this. I'm up to #22 now. The full list of characters I've come up with can be found at http://www.30characters.com/author/theprederick/.

Just another eight characters, and I've done it.

I'll have to check that out later, when I'm done with my monster. A little over 42k words and the finish line is in sight as far as the minimum word count is concerned. The one problem is that the story has taken a bit of a life of its own and will likely balloon up to 70k or so. I'm still positive that I can finished it before November 30th, though.

48k words in since yesterday, with more writing to come today and tomorrow and so forth, I'm quite confident, for once, that I will manage my Nano goal this year. Yay me!

Woo! Finished! 30 Characters in 30 days!

That was a blast. I hope i'll be up for it again next year.

Prederick wrote:

Woo! Finished! 30 Characters in 30 days!

That was a blast. I hope i'll be up for it again next year.

Congrats!

I, too, hit the goal. 50k by the 26th and have taken a short break to analyze how I will end my novel as well as adding a thing or two.

Tag.

I need your help. One of the universities I'm applying for transfer to wants to have a 10-page writing sample. It can be fiction, non-fiction, screenwriting, etc. So I want your thoughts on the piece I wrote. It's a revised section from a previous NaNoWriMo. I would greatly appreciate all of your comments either on here or on the document.

Creative Writing Sample

Thank you!

To those of you who make use of Deus Ex Machina I would like to ask what the motive behind turning to that tool is.

As a media consumer I find it a bit overdone, it almost comes across as lazy regardless of the medium. I want to break the echo chamber of my subjective experience though; surely it's not just writers playing "gotcha"?

I think many writers just write themselves into a corner and rely on it to solve issues that would be better solved through another rewrite.

krev82 wrote:

To those of you who make use of Deus Ex Machina I would like to ask what the motive behind turning to that tool is.

As a media consumer I find it a bit overdone, it almost comes across as lazy regardless of the medium. I want to break the echo chamber of my subjective experience though; surely it's not just writers playing "gotcha"?

I think the use of this device is valid as long as it is intended from the beginning, usually with the elements that constitute the deus ex machina being foreshadowed throughout the story. In this case, however, some might argue that it is no longer a deus ex machina, but I still think it falls within the definition.

Oddly enough, many successful novels and authors use the device without any regard for proper set-up.

Dominic Knight wrote:

I need your help. One of the universities I'm applying for transfer to wants to have a 10-page writing sample. It can be fiction, non-fiction, screenwriting, etc. So I want your thoughts on the piece I wrote. It's a revised section from a previous NaNoWriMo. I would greatly appreciate all of your comments either on here or on the document.

Creative Writing Sample

Thank you!

Domenic, any more context you can provide? Are you in a fine arts major? What do they want to see you demonstrate in the sample you provide (ability to craft a narrative, build tension, or just have a proper grasp of grammar and diction, sentence structure, etc.?

So I'm thinking about writing a book about my daughters' quotes. Kind of like Sh!t my Dad Says.

As a few of you may know, I have twin daughters. They are funny, and say funny things from time to time. Now I don't claim that they are any more or less interesting than anyone else's children - part of the universal joy of watching kids grow up is how they begin to explore their language in hilarious ways. But when they do say something funny, interesting or unique, I write it down. Every time. I have over 450 blurbs, quips, and insights from my girls now.

For a while now, I thought they were just kind of a cute thing to share with my Facebook friends. I labelled them "Twinspeak", and would put that title before each quote.

For example:
Twinspeak - Anna (when describing her teacher): "She smells like meat and sadness."
Twinspeak - Rosa (on the potty): "This is serious business"
Twinspeak - Rosa "Daddy, can you help me?" "Ask your mother." "Mommy, can daddy help me?"

To be blunt, I thought they were mildly amusing enough to share with my Facebook friends, nothing more. I never took them seriously and had no intent on doing anything with them. However, everyone (and I do mean everyone) on my Facebook page continues to demand that I write a Twinspeak book. I've been on the fence about it for a few reasons (Don't have time, probably not worth the effort, not 100% comfortable with exploiting what my kids say for any commercial gain, outright anxiety and laziness, etc.), but at this point I figure, why the heck not?

Here's the problem I have: I have absolutely no idea how to take the next step. I basically have the blurbs and a few ideas on next steps, and that's really it. I DO have so many questions regarding next steps. Who should I contact? Should I get an illustrator? How many Twinspeak quotes should I use? Should I put personal commentary behind each quote? Categorize them (food, daddy is an idiot, child wisdom etc.)? Who can I go to to get advice? Should I trademark Twinspeak?

Meh, this is probably just a waste of time.
...and just when I think I shouldn't even bother with this, Anna leaves the bathroom shouting "I smell Victory!", and then realize I may have to go ahead and do this.

I figured based on the collective genius around these parts, and (I'm assuming) there are a few writers and/or published authors here, I would ask these questions here.

Any, ANY advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Chairman_Mao wrote:
Dominic Knight wrote:

I need your help. One of the universities I'm applying for transfer to wants to have a 10-page writing sample. It can be fiction, non-fiction, screenwriting, etc. So I want your thoughts on the piece I wrote. It's a revised section from a previous NaNoWriMo. I would greatly appreciate all of your comments either on here or on the document.

Creative Writing Sample

Thank you!

Domenic, any more context you can provide? Are you in a fine arts major? What do they want to see you demonstrate in the sample you provide (ability to craft a narrative, build tension, or just have a proper grasp of grammar and diction, sentence structure, etc.?

The instructions online are very vague, only that it's for creative writing majors, which is what I'm going for. I emailed admissions to clarify, and they got more specific that its so they can get a feel for my voice as a writer. But that was basically the end of their answer beyond double-spaced.

I couldn't figure out where else to put this so I thought I'd try here. Hopefully there are enough interested souls who can help me.

I'm a wannabe writer (I wrote short stories and poetry in college) and would like to get back into it again. Aside from time and time the biggest issue for me is distraction. That and time. With that in mind I had a question about your weapon of choice is when traveling, sitting at a coffee shop, etc. I ask because I can't hand write. I just can't. My hands cramp up while writing out a birthday card. So it's down to a laptop of a tablet with a bluetooth keyboard or ?. The tablet with a keyboard option has become attractive as a way to have less distractions available. I used to pack around an Alphasmart word processor. I was most productive when I had that because it was single purpose. But I really didn't like the keyboard and I already own an iPad and a MacBook Air. What I'm deciding on is whether to pick up a keyboard for the iPad and whether to take it on my next vacation / start packing it around in my backpack. Ideally I'd get a keyboard case so I'm not packing around 2 pieces. But I'm open minded.

I'm just curious for those that do find a way to set aside the distractions and do write on the go, what's the setup that works best for you these days, basically.

There was a woman at a write-in I started that would write on her phone via a bluetooth keyboard. It worked really well because it limited her distractions a lot. Clearly the major caveat is the screen is really tiny. I don't know if that's how she still writes, but it helped during NaNoWriMo to keep her focused.

Dominic Knight wrote:

There was a woman at a write-in I started that would write on her phone via a bluetooth keyboard. It worked really well because it limited her distractions a lot. Clearly the major caveat is the screen is really tiny. I don't know if that's how she still writes, but it helped during NaNoWriMo to keep her focused.

I've done that before. That's kind of the idea behind the iPad Mini. It has distractions, but not as many distractions as my full-fledged computer. Less storage space. The thing about a small screen like that is that it's great for banging out stuff quickly. You just need to make sure you haven't totally screwed it up. And apps like WriteRoom give you literally a blank page and no distractions.

IMAGE(http://cdn.appstorm.net/ipad.appstorm.net/files/2011/07/Dual-Pane-View-No-Keyboard.png)

Writing on an iPhone reminds me of my old word processor. The screen was even tinier on that and I wrote more than I did in my entire life on that.

IMAGE(http://assistivetech.sf.k12.sd.us/images/AlphaSmart.jpg)