Good thoughts for Phoenix Rev appreciated

Mex wrote:
Phoenix Rev wrote:

This sounds kind of cool... Maybe listen to Aphex Twin to get in the mood...

Phoenix Rev wrote:

because I feel like I have no control over anything.

On the serious tip, have you thought about meditation? Or perhaps even considered a little Buddhist philosophy in regards to the illusion of control. Control is rooted in fear and is totally a product of ego. Trust that you are perfectly safe in that MRI machine. There has never been an injury or accident in one. It's a bed with a computer. When you're afraid your body's natural reaction is to tense up, to try to predict what will come next. Your mind is in overdrive and your body is tense. It's physically exhausting even though you haven't done anything physical.

Instead, try this once to surrender. Think of being in a canoe in a river with a strong current and trying to paddle upstream. Trying to control where you are going with oars and fighting the current is exhausting. You will tire yourself out in minutes and might not even accomplish your goal. Then imagine dropping the oars, lying back, and allowing the current to gently pull you downstream. Focus on your breathing. Try counting slowly to 5 on an inhale and then count slowly to 5 on the exhale. Increase/decrease the count depending on your lung capacity. And for the wise-asses out there, this river has no waterfall.

I'm butchering this quote but Einstein said something like, "The most important decision we make is whether to believe in a friendly or hostile universe." Which do you believe in, Rev? Which do you want to believe in?

In short, let go and have faith.

Wise words, FSeven. Something I've been working on for a while too with most aspects of my life. I make decisions and I work to improve myself, but I've long since stopped worrying about the idea that I can somehow magically transform my entire life, as most of the things that would need to happen for that "ideal vision" were never really in my control. Been much happier (though that may have also been meeting and dating my now wife around the same time :D) ever since.

Phoenix Rev wrote:
Chairman_Mao wrote:

Just close your eyes and think of pandas playing street hockey, or Rubb Ed. Whichever makes you smile more.

It's close, but I think I am going with Rubb Ed on this one. :)

Bah, combine the best of both worlds and imagine Rubb Ed playing street hockey WITH pandas.

Just be careful not to check them too much. They ARE an endangered species, after all.

As for the control thing, I actually kind of find that amusing, as one of the most overdone Church sermons I've heard throughout my life is the "you don't have control, trust in God" sermon. It doesn't really come that hard for me to relinquish the notion of control, though. I always count on life working out somehow (not without effort on my part, mind you, but that as long as I try and get things done and do well, life will be okay and God will listen to my prayers).

I don't really have any useful advice for how to get through an MRI machine. Laying there for 45-50 minutes without being able to go to sleep, even in silence, sounds like a tough task to handle, let alone with uncomfortable noise. But I believe you can get through it again, perhaps even more easily this time since you've already been through it once.

For what it's worth in my early MRI days something I found that helped was focusing on staying really still, I don't think I could move much in that head cage even if I tried my very best to do so but it would probably be enough to screw with the imaging. So for me one way of feeling more in control during the MRIs was paying acute attention to keeping my body still, my breathing consistent, and acting as though I was helping them get the best pictures possible.

Better images = more accurate diagnosis = more accurate treatment

Spoiler:

IANAD and this may be false but I'm going with it.

Well, crap. Rev woke up this morning with severe vertigo, pain and nausea. I'll keep folks apprised as I find out more, but... crap in a bucket.

Demosthenes wrote:

Something I've been working on for a while too with most aspects of my life.Been much happier (though that may have also been meeting and dating my now wife around the same time :D) ever since.

Crazy how much the ego gets in the way when you stop for awhile to analyze it, huh?

Rubb Ed wrote:

Well, crap. Rev woke up this morning with severe vertigo, pain and nausea. I'll keep folks apprised as I find out more, but... crap in a bucket.

Argh. Hang in there Rev. With the MRIs and the meeting at Barrows it seems as though a resolution is coming closer with each passing day. We're all pulling for you!

Rubb Ed wrote:

Well, crap. Rev woke up this morning with severe vertigo, pain and nausea. I'll keep folks apprised as I find out more, but... crap in a bucket.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :'(

Tell your brain to stop it Rev! Get better immediately!

Feel better, Rev.


I hope he feels better soon.

Rubb Ed wrote:

Well, crap. Rev woke up this morning with severe vertigo, pain and nausea. I'll keep folks apprised as I find out more, but... crap in a bucket.

So sorry to hear that. Hope you update us with good news soon.
Sending lots of positive energy.

Go go 21st century medical technology!

Hang in there gents. Our continued best to you both.

Still rooting for you with all the best wishes possible. Hang in there and seriously... good thoughts.

I am awake and feeling better and am so thankful that Meclizine is OTC.

It seems like I had a reaction to one of the medications I am taking (the sort of emergency pain med for the headaches if the regular stuff is being less than effective). After speaking with the kind folks over at the neurology clinic, they are fairly certain it was the medication, so I off that script and will be stopping by my PCP or UC unit after the MRI just to make sure it isn't an ear issue (the current issues notwithstanding) such as fluid in the ear, etc.

But, I am up and moving and getting ready for my MRI in a couple of hours.

FSeven wrote:

I'm butchering this quote but Einstein said something like, "The most important decision we make is whether to believe in a friendly or hostile universe." Which do you believe in, Rev? Which do you want to believe in?

For me, the universe is the face of Yahweh. I can choose to look into Her eyes and see the love He has for me or I can choose to cower in fear for being human. I choose the former, knowing that we are made up of the same "star stuff" that makes up the universe. With all due respect to Albert, I don't like his dichotomous choices, but I believe in a loving universe, and I want and do believe that all of this is happening for a reason.

Glad that the trouble this morning appears to have been medication-related rather than an additional symptom of the underlying trouble, Rev.

You two are still in my thoughts, and I (as well as the rest of us here!) are anxious for your health. Hopefully it's something innocuous!

I had to have an MRI done a few years back, and it was one of the big machines that they put you on a gurney and slide you into the machine (rather than the open-air ones now). It was uncomfortable and really noisy, and I focused on controlled breathing and pretending it was just a thunderstorm instead of a big clanking machine (I like thunderstorms, I'm weird). It helped a little.

Farscry wrote:

Glad that the trouble this morning appears to have been medication-related rather than an additional symptom of the underlying trouble, Rev.

You two are still in my thoughts, and I (as well as the rest of us here!) are anxious for your health. Hopefully it's something innocuous!

I had to have an MRI done a few years back, and it was one of the big machines that they put you on a gurney and slide you into the machine (rather than the open-air ones now). It was uncomfortable and really noisy, and I focused on controlled breathing and pretending it was just a thunderstorm instead of a big clanking machine (I like thunderstorms, I'm weird). It helped a little.

They're not all open air ones now. It depends on how strong a magnetic field is needed (mine was closed, yipee).

Good luck PR, hope the exam is going smoothly!

Drat, I'm probably too late, but:

I wouldn't worry too much, Phoenix Rev. Those things hardly ever explode. It's practically unheard-of.

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With a Monty Python joke... ohhhh, I love you guys.

Yeah for the Python!

I had Farscry's slide-in style MRI machine too, yours looks so much more palatial!

Thumbs up FTW!

I apologize for the late update but as can be imagined, today has worn me out.

The MRI went as best as can be expected. The only problem was that they couldn't find a vein in my hand for the contrast, so I finally just told them to do it in the arm and that worked well. The total time in the MRI machine was about 50 minutes, give or take. The sedative the doctor gave me didn't do much except give me cotton mouth. But by the time I got my things together and put on my shoes, my CDs were ready (from the MRI back in April and the one today).

I then got a ride from my Dad over to the Urgent Care center to have a look at my ears to see if there was fluid building up and causing the vertigo. There was fluid in one of the ears which was probably the culprit, but I am still not taking the other pain medication to be on the safe side. I am on Sudafed and Meclizine in order to get rid of the fluid and not have the vertigo.

After getting home, I was taken to dinner with friends and then crashed for a bit.

So, barring any more surprises, the next stop is the gaggle of neurologists at Barrows on Friday, August 16, who will, hopefully, have a final diagnosis on what is going on.

Rubb Ed wrote:

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The noises those things make is astonishing. Did they give you headphones with music? That helped me.

When the Star Trek age hits MRI scanners will be a little hand held do-hickey that makes a gentle twirtling noise.

Higgledy wrote:

The noises those things make is astonishing. Did they give you headphones with music? That helped me.

I like the machine as headphones, and pretend I'm listening to Allen Ravenstine warm up the EML synth before an early Pere Ubu session. But then again, I'm a weirdo.

ianunderhill wrote:
Higgledy wrote:

The noises those things make is astonishing. Did they give you headphones with music? That helped me.

I like the machine as headphones, and pretend I'm listening to Allen Ravenstine warm up the EML synth before an early Pere Ubu session. But then again, I'm a weirdo. :)

I was making tunes and fill in sounds to the grinding and thumping noises the one I was in made. The technician asked me what I was doing in there. I kept my head and everything completely still, but he said he saw me tapping out some beats on my hands, and toes at one stage. #yourenotalone

I spoke with Rubb Ed before posting this because he knows this community better than I do, and there comes that time when you wonder if there is a line to cross with information or not. Maybe the line is of my own making, but I am hoping that what I am writing will be understood and, at least, provide me an outlet.

The past 48 hours have been exceptionally difficult because the emotional strain of all of this is starting to wear on me. The range of emotions have been all over the place and a lot of it centers on guilt. That may be an odd emotion to feel vis-a-vis my current medical situation, but I feel guilty because I see all of this as being a horrendous burden on my family, my friends, and, in particular, my husband, whom I cherish and adore and love more than anything on this planet.

I feel completely lost in all of this right now, and Friday's meeting with a gaggle of neurology specialists seems eons away. There is also a profound fear that they will not be able to find anything and then I will continue on trying to find some resolution to all of this.

I am attempting to find a counselor to work with through all of this. I really didn't expect the emotional side to weigh just as heavy on me as the physical side is doing.

And, of course, my longing for the touch of my husband is incredibly overwhelming. Rubb Ed will be here later this week and is going to the neurological appointment with me, which I think will be good for both of us.

In the meantime, I just wish I could find some bit of solace somewhere.

I would say that is completely natural feeling right now, RP. Just know we are all hoping for the best news possible. And if that doesn't come about... well then we are here for you for that too.

I wish I knew some magic words to make it all better. Don't worry about crossing any lines here, this community has shown time and time again that it pulls together to support each other. I think getting in touch with a counselor too is a fine idea. All the support you can get is a good thing. Glad to hear that RubbEd will be joining you again for the appt.

((hugs)) and good luck with the docs Friday. Sending all my good vibes your way that they find a cause and solution.

Demosthenes wrote:

I would say that is completely natural feeling right now, RP. Just know we are all hoping for the best news possible. And if that doesn't come about... well then we are here for you for that too.

Agreed.

It is the strangest feeling, having a person you've never met, or more likely will never meet, be a constant in your thoughts, and well wishes.

This community has taught me more about loving (and trusting) others than any of life's other lessons has. If ever there was a group of people I would trust sharing my fears and uncertainties with, it's the people of GWJ.

Also (((((hugs))))).

Hang in there duder.