GWJ Writer's Throwdown: February 2013 - WTF?

Your mission this month, should you choose to accept it, is to write a story based on one of the Black and WTF images here or here.

Your story can be about what led up to the picture, about what happened subsequent to the picture; or why on earth anyone would take that picture in the first place. Make it funny, make it poignant, make it absurdist, have fun with dada; do the Derrida dance...wherever the muse takes you, just tell us a story about the picture you've chosen.

Rules: Post your story somewhere else, and post a link to it here. Please also post a link to the image you've chosen for your story, if you didn't put the image on your page. Feel free to tell us why you chose that image; what about it spoke to you and inspired you.

I can't wait to see what we all come up with! Now, open the shutter of your mind, and create a snapshot of a story.

This is going to be fun. I'm going to have a hell of a time choosing which picture to write about though, there's so many good ones.

That second image makes me think of Hotline Miami: 1920s Edition.

That first image. The ladies on a barrel. For the love of all that is holy, someone 'shop Sean and Shawn's heads on there and post it in the "Decade" thread.

While I will be picking one pic as a main theme - my piece de resistance, you will hehehe - I will be incorporating bits of the other pics I dig. I am veritably excited... and stuff.

I chose this picture:

IMAGE(http://i589.photobucket.com/albums/ss332/Mimble75/Huginn_and_Thor_zps227e716d.png)

And this is the story to go with it. Feedback of any kind is hugely appreciated!

Mimble wrote:

I chose this picture:

And this is the story to go with it. Feedback of any kind is hugely appreciated! :D

As someone who has read the Eddas over and over because I so love the mythology; and as the mother of a son who tries this hard, this story resonated with me really deeply. I love how you captured the characters. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for writing it.

duckideva wrote:
Mimble wrote:

I chose this picture:

And this is the story to go with it. Feedback of any kind is hugely appreciated! :D

As someone who has read the Eddas over and over because I so love the mythology; and as the mother of a son who tries this hard, this story resonated with me really deeply. I love how you captured the characters. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for writing it.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm actually blushing a little over here from the lovely praise! I admit, I was a little worried about the mythology bits I put in as most of my knowledge comes from Avengers cartoons and Wikipedia. I really ought to read the Eddas. Can you recommend a good edition?

I chose this picture:
IMAGE(http://s3-ak.buzzfeed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2011/3/18/15/enhanced-buzz-32473-1300478100-31.jpg)

Afterthought

For my fellow writing buddies, the NYTimes archive of Writers on Writing. Astonishing list of luminaries giving advice on getting words out of your head, and on to the page: http://www.nytimes.com/books/special...

Edit to yoink the picture, since it's in the post with the link to the story, and I didn't want double images being noisy.

duckideva wrote:

Two Birds, One Stone

Haha! Loved it! Took me a little while to get into the wording and short-hand of the genre since I've never read one before but once it got going it was really fun. The names really worked out. Especially the parrot's.

I'll read yours later, Mimble. It's a bit long and I don't have much time before work.

Two Birds, One Stone - I laughed my butt off. Great story. The characters were spot on for the genre as was the language, and I esp. enjoyed the opening:

Spoiler:

“Nobody asked you.” I replied. “And don’t be so stingy with the cherries.” <-- loved it!

Afterthought - I have to admit, I was a bit confused about what was going on in this one. I feel like I'm missing a reference to something else that might make it all clearer.

Spoiler:

Were the women witches, or just charlatans? And who were the people at the end who let Lisabet live - and why do they let her live?

I did like the descriptions you wrote, those were really quite good - it's just the plot I'm having trouble working out.

Mimble wrote:

Afterthought - I have to admit, I was a bit confused about what was going on in this one. I feel like I'm missing a reference to something else that might make it all clearer.

Spoiler:

Were the women witches, or just charlatans? And who were the people at the end who let Lisabet live - and why do they let her live?

I did like the descriptions you wrote, those were really quite good - it's just the plot I'm having trouble working out.

Still working on yours!

As for mine.....

Spoiler:

It's very subtle (I hope!). Perhaps too subtle. I guess the fact there were five women to begin with and then only four after the "twist", the language and situation change wasn't very obvious. I have a feeling that I have a book on my hands but to explain it all in one short paragraph is quite difficult. This short was meant to challenge preconceptions of traditional follow-through whilst still adhering to telling techniques - such as scene progression.

I tried to nudge the reader in the right direction through the following lines:

Lisabet was frowning. “Something appears to be amiss... but I can’t put my finger on it.”

“I see those that were... even your friend.”

On my daily lunchtime walk (not always daily) I made some audio memos to myself, fleshing the story, characters and period out. I think I'm going to run with it because it's one of those things that requires careful breadcrumbing... otherwise it'll descend into formless explanations.

Thank you very much, btw.

Duoae wrote:

I chose this picture:

Afterthought

I got the feeling, while reading it, that I was reading notes, more than I was reading a story...I don't mean that as criticism, I mean that it feels like you were leaving placeholders for things that were unwritten; and I'd like to see the story once those have been filled in. I think the picture really inspired something for you; and I get the setting/vibe/mood you're writing, but from a linear standpoint, I was kinda lost.

Add: I've just read your spoiler. I'd like to read it when you're done.

Mimble wrote:

Two Birds, One Stone - I laughed my butt off. Great story. The characters were spot on for the genre as was the language, and I esp. enjoyed the opening:

Spoiler:

“Nobody asked you.” I replied. “And don’t be so stingy with the cherries.” <-- loved it!

Hee! Thanks! I had a lot of fun with it. I love the idea of a hardboiled 4th grader.

Mimble:

I really loved this. Brought me near to tears reading little Thor's trials. Some minor typography with regards to the speech but otherwise an excellent set of character studies. Really, really lovely!

duckideva wrote:

I got the feeling, while reading it, that I was reading notes, more than I was reading a story...I don't mean that as criticism, I mean that it feels like you were leaving placeholders for things that were unwritten; and I'd like to see the story once those have been filled in. I think the picture really inspired something for you; and I get the setting/vibe/mood you're writing, but from a linear standpoint, I was kinda lost.

Add: I've just read your spoiler. I'd like to read it when you're done.

Thanks! Me too. I'm pretty useless at finishing things. :/ I think one of the problems I face in my writing is that I like to leave things unexplained but have everything worked out behind the scenes. Sort of like how I enjoy my gaming: very fleshed-out but not explicit.

duckideva wrote:

Add: I've just read your spoiler. I'd like to read it when you're done.

Ditto. Like I said, the descriptions are good, but it was a bit too subtle for me in its current form. I think it could really kick some butt with just a bit more to round it out without taking away all the subtleties of the piece.

Duoae wrote:

Mimble:

I really loved this. Brought me near to tears reading little Thor's trials. Some minor typography with regards to the speech but otherwise an excellent set of character studies. Really, really lovely!

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I would be curious about the typography - I sent the story around to a few people who made some comments surrounding word choice in a few spots, and I'm curious to know if your comments would be similar. If you get a chance, I'd love the feedback on that before i take another crack at editing it.

I hope more stories will come in soon - these are really fun to read.

Mimble wrote:

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I would be curious about the typography - I sent the story around to a few people who made some comments surrounding word choice in a few spots, and I'm curious to know if your comments would be similar. If you get a chance, I'd love the feedback on that before i take another crack at editing it.

I hope more stories will come in soon - these are really fun to read. :D

I don't know how hard and fast the "rules" are since I never did any sort of literature and language degree/course outside of the stuff I did in secondary school but maybe it just comes down to personal preference. Things like having a space between the paragraphs and the speech lines so that it's easier for the reader to digest and doesn't look so squashed together. They get around this in some books by indenting the paragraphs and dialogue like it was traditional to do... these days we don't tend to and instead rely on "carriage returns" ;).

Also, having two breaks between a line of dialogue - I don't really know how to explain this one very well so I'll give an example:

That hope was squashed in the first ten minutes: “So, if there is radioactivity in the waters at Aquae Sulis,” Loki said, “does that mean that everyone who goes there becomes a mutant with gills and stuff? Do they glow in the dark?”

I would usually stick the first bit before the colon as part of the preceding paragraph and have the rest as a line.

Thor laughed despite himself. “OK, but if you get sick again, it’s your own fault.” Thor warned him.

Same with this.

Just really minor things that seem strange to me because I don't see them in literature. I hope that helps explain what I meant. No offense meant, of course!

No offense taken! This is very helpful for me to hear.

Now that I look I can see what you mean with the spacing issues and such - it looks messy and confusing is spots. I will have to fix that as well.

I should look into more of this about how words need to be structured on the page. I usually just put in spaces and such as I hear them in my head, but since it's it's only me in my head and not my readers...I better educate myself.

Thank you for the feedback - I really appreciate it!

Aaaaand I'm finally done with mine. Many different ideas played with, but ultimately I settled for this: Pearls Before Swine

The image I picked as my central piece - though, as I stated in my first post of the thread, I drew inspiration from many of the weird pics of the selection - was this little gem:

IMAGE(http://25.media.tumblr.com/c6c406f8dd209c2537fba80518311b84/tumblr_miusihSlez1qla39bo1_400.jpg)

Now, to read up on what you guys have posted!

brokenclavicle wrote:

Aaaaand I'm finally done with mine. Many different ideas played with, but ultimately I settled for this: Pearls Before Swine

Oh. My. God. So. AWESOME. I mean, there are tiny nitpicks to be made; but that story is amazing, and I want to read more. More. Now. Get to it. Go on...

duckideva wrote:
brokenclavicle wrote:

Aaaaand I'm finally done with mine. Many different ideas played with, but ultimately I settled for this: Pearls Before Swine

Oh. My. God. So. AWESOME. I mean, there are tiny nitpicks to be made; but that story is amazing, and I want to read more. More. Now. Get to it. Go on...

Bring on the nitpicks! I know there's tons of work to be done on many fronts - they grate even as I write hehehe - but it helps to hear what others see, so please voice them

Reviews:

Mimble's Story: Really liked it. Has a nice tone to it reminding me of lighthearted fantasy. You could easily turn that into a young adult series. No gripes or criticism, really, though I am a bit confused by the chronology, or time setting, of this as Thor is young while the time of the Vikings has already passed... or so it seemed to me from reading the story. Reading where your knowledge of the Aesir comes, I can see why you put Loki in there as Thor's brother/contemporary - given that in truth Loki would be Thor's uncle or second cousin - and it works perfectly for the dynamics of the story as Thor's main antagonist/opposite.

Afterthought: Short and interesting, although a bit cryptic all together. Can't say I didn't like it, but it feels, to me, like it's missing something. Small criticisms: whence means, in itself, "from where", therefore using "from whence" is redundant, despite how often it is misutilized in modern usage. Now, after reading your elaboration on the story, I think you should definitely expound, as there is likely a lot of material there that begs to be fleshed out.

Two Birds, One Stone: Love the title, love the rhythm, and I laughed and chuckled quite a bit for such a short little tale. Hard-nosed elementary schoolers rawk!

brokenclavicle wrote:

Reviews:

Afterthought: Short and interesting, although a bit cryptic all together. Can't say I didn't like it, but it feels, to me, like it's missing something. Small criticisms: whence means, in itself, "from where", therefore using "from whence" is redundant, despite how often it is misutilized in modern usage. Now, after reading your elaboration on the story, I think you should definitely expound, as there is likely a lot of material there that begs to be fleshed out.

Thanks, I'll be adding to it. As for the "whence"/"from whence" criticism, I think I'm in good company:

Here[/url]]
And even a brief look at historical sources shows that from whence has been common since the thirteenth century. It has been used by Shakespeare, Defoe (in the opening of Robinson Crusoe: “He got a good estate by merchandise, and leaving off his trade, lived afterwards at York; from whence he had married my mother”), Smollett, Dickens (in A Christmas Carol: “He began to think that the source and secret of this ghostly light might be in the adjoining room, from whence, on further tracing it, it seemed to shine”), Dryden, Gibbon, Twain (in Innocents Abroad: “He traveled all around, till at last he came to the place from whence he started”), and Trollope, and it appears 27 times in the King James Bible (including Psalm 121: “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help”).

And since words and word usage change over time I'm sticking with it... and 800-odd years is a pretty long stretch for it to be consistently in use.

Duoae wrote:
brokenclavicle wrote:

Reviews:

Afterthought: Short and interesting, although a bit cryptic all together. Can't say I didn't like it, but it feels, to me, like it's missing something. Small criticisms: whence means, in itself, "from where", therefore using "from whence" is redundant, despite how often it is misutilized in modern usage. Now, after reading your elaboration on the story, I think you should definitely expound, as there is likely a lot of material there that begs to be fleshed out.

Thanks, I'll be adding to it. As for the "whence"/"from whence" criticism, I think I'm in good company:

Here[/url]]
And even a brief look at historical sources shows that from whence has been common since the thirteenth century. It has been used by Shakespeare, Defoe (in the opening of Robinson Crusoe: “He got a good estate by merchandise, and leaving off his trade, lived afterwards at York; from whence he had married my mother”), Smollett, Dickens (in A Christmas Carol: “He began to think that the source and secret of this ghostly light might be in the adjoining room, from whence, on further tracing it, it seemed to shine”), Dryden, Gibbon, Twain (in Innocents Abroad: “He traveled all around, till at last he came to the place from whence he started”), and Trollope, and it appears 27 times in the King James Bible (including Psalm 121: “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help”).

And since words and word usage change over time I'm sticking with it... and 800-odd years is a pretty long stretch for it to be consistently in use. :)

Fair enough hehehe

Still must read Pearls Before Swine....I will do that this week.

Also, do we have a March Throwdown? If not - can we? Because, I like me a good throwdown.

I'm way past the deadline here, but this thing kind of ballooned out of control and I wound up writing a lot more than I expected. I haven't had a chance to properly proofread it yet, so it's probably a giant mess.

I chose this picture:
IMAGE(http://24.media.tumblr.com/4b225fdd10fddb13b9a0d06a9f2d1975/tumblr_mgji3bJH7W1qa9b8ro1_1280.jpg)

And here's the story: Esprit de Corps

Esprit de Corps: Nice! Very nice! Dug the whole feel of it. My one gripe is with Sgt. Wilkes and the situation with the bullet wound.

Spoiler:

One would think a Sargeant, or at least one of the soldiers, would be quick-witted enough so as to think of using a knife or another crude instrument to try and see if the bullet was still in there and, if so, push it out. Otherwise, perhaps trying to cut off the limb, though that might be too farfetched, I must admit. I would think these men would at the very least scramble to try and save their dying comrade. Just a thought. Or perhaps you meant it to demonstrate some degree of inherent ineptitude or disregard, neglect and/or apathy toward their fellow soldiers.

Regardless of that, I thought it was pretty great. Hell, it could make for a very interesting book in itself.

brokenclavicle wrote:

Reviews:

Mimble's Story: Really liked it. Has a nice tone to it reminding me of lighthearted fantasy. You could easily turn that into a young adult series. No gripes or criticism, really, though I am a bit confused by the chronology, or time setting, of this as Thor is young while the time of the Vikings has already passed... or so it seemed to me from reading the story. Reading where your knowledge of the Aesir comes, I can see why you put Loki in there as Thor's brother/contemporary - given that in truth Loki would be Thor's uncle or second cousin - and it works perfectly for the dynamics of the story as Thor's main antagonist/opposite.

Glad you liked it! Yeah, the chronology is confusing, that's another thing to look at and fix before reposting. Thank you for the link! It'll be good to get the mythology right in my head even if I decide that the Avenger cartoon version is the one I'm going to mangle in my story.

Pearls Before Swine -

Spoiler:

really, really like the premise of this one! Chickens ascending, humans being second best and having to fight their way back to the top. If it weren't for the slavery bit, I'd be interested in living long enough to see if something like this really does come about. I like stories about possible futures where humans end up getting the short end of the stick through their own collective stupidity and greed

.

My only concern was the amount of descriptive text - it might have been a bit typography (no white space, so it's visually a block of text in spots) and no dialogue. Maybe tighten some of the descriptive stuff? I dunno, I'm not a professional (and it's something I'm struggling with in my own stories too).

Esprit de Corps - Great story! Particularly the opening dialogue, it really draws you in right away and keeps you reading. The idea of these guys

Spoiler:

being experimented on - immortal with detachable heads

- is pretty cool (though also kind of awful). I have one question though,

Spoiler:

were the bodies of these soldiers their own bodies? Were the bodies built from other soldier bits?

I was a little confused on that point.

Mimble wrote:
brokenclavicle wrote:

Reviews:

Mimble's Story: Really liked it. Has a nice tone to it reminding me of lighthearted fantasy. You could easily turn that into a young adult series. No gripes or criticism, really, though I am a bit confused by the chronology, or time setting, of this as Thor is young while the time of the Vikings has already passed... or so it seemed to me from reading the story. Reading where your knowledge of the Aesir comes, I can see why you put Loki in there as Thor's brother/contemporary - given that in truth Loki would be Thor's uncle or second cousin - and it works perfectly for the dynamics of the story as Thor's main antagonist/opposite.

Glad you liked it! Yeah, the chronology is confusing, that's another thing to look at and fix before reposting. Thank you for the link! It'll be good to get the mythology right in my head even if I decide that the Avenger cartoon version is the one I'm going to mangle in my story.

Pearls Before Swine -

Spoiler:

really, really like the premise of this one! Chickens ascending, humans being second best and having to fight their way back to the top. If it weren't for the slavery bit, I'd be interested in living long enough to see if something like this really does come about. I like stories about possible futures where humans end up getting the short end of the stick through their own collective stupidity and greed

.

My only concern was the amount of descriptive text - it might have been a bit typography (no white space, so it's visually a block of text in spots) and no dialogue. Maybe tighten some of the descriptive stuff? I dunno, I'm not a professional (and it's something I'm struggling with in my own stories too).

Esprit de Corps - Great story! Particularly the opening dialogue, it really draws you in right away and keeps you reading. The idea of these guys

Spoiler:

being experimented on - immortal with detachable heads

- is pretty cool (though also kind of awful). I have one question though,

Spoiler:

were the bodies of these soldiers their own bodies? Were the bodies built from other soldier bits?

I was a little confused on that point.

Just trying to help!

About my story, yeah, I can see what you mean. I wasn't entirely happy with the end product, but liked the characters enough, in my head, so as to stick with them. I tried to play around with different narrator voices/styles from segment to segment and describe things as best I could with the little time I had - I only decided upon this particular story with a couple of days left in the month. In general I try to follow the rule of describing rather than using dialogue where possible. Personal preference, perhaps, but maybe I can insert a little more dialogue. There may be some rule I have yet to master about context for dialogue.

Thanks for the feedback!