hm, i just found this thread after finding the 'how to be a woman' thread on the 'recent' posts thing.
I applaud you and wanted to thank you being a part of what makes this community so great, and thank you for your kind words about the community. It's also wonderful to hear that your father reacted the way he had.
Now on to things more important to me... I saw your name and immediately thought 'dude, he's of the Thursday nighters in BC2 that went awol for bf3'. Why you haven't been playing BF3 despite having played so much BC2?
Come onn, we need new blood, there's a new content update soon, come on and shoot people with us.
You guys are still doing that? o_O
no. it kinda fell apart. podsix guys went awol and many of the guys that kept sh*t held together stopped showin up (you and fedora being two of the names I'd put on that list D:<).
i'd kill for it to happen again though. totally could, BF3 is rounding out to be pretty complete with only one DLC left to go.
I think I BF3ed until my son was born. I'll be back on the Battlefield someday. You can always count on a huge GWJ revival when a new Battlefield game drops, at least.
Glad to hear you're doing well!
Do I just grab the PA microphone and just go, "Hey, everyone, just to let you know, you have a gay relative. Me."? Come up with some kind of eloquent speech?
These may not be the droids you're looking for.
Imho the goal for all of us humans is to be confident and comfortable in our own skin. Obviously, that takes a lot of time. I think, and again, totally my opinion, and possibly wrong, but I think it's ultimately best to be the guy who models the fact that there's nothing weird about being gay by being totally normal and, as it so happens, gay.
Next week, on Straight Eye For the Queer Guy!
Can you please make the speech similar to my drunk mothers at my birthday party?
Leave them with something to talk about!
I'm grappling with coming out issues with regard to work, myself. On the one hand, I don't particularly want to hide the fact that I'm trans. And I [em]really[/em] don't want to be in a position where I feel the need to skirt around answering questions or speaking up if somebody says something bad, simply because I'm not out at work. On the other hand, I really don't want to make a big fuss about things. So I feel like I should take care of things with official people (HR, managers), and probably talk about it with my immediate co-workers, and then after that feel free to just be a normal human being. If somebody asks me a question, I'll answer it. If somebody says something that makes me uncomfortable, I'll speak up. (Oh, and I'm already out to the few coworkers I consider close personal friends.)
Family has a whole different aspect to it, of course. But if I were gay and wanted to be out to my family, I'd take more-or-less the same approach. (And this is basically how I figure I'll treat being trans with my extended family when it comes up.) Come out to the people who are closest and most important to me. (Which I've done, mostly: my immediate family except my sister's kids. There may be some stress over the kid thing this next Christmas.) With other relatives... well, now that I'm out to the people I care the most about, it's just a thing, and I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. If somebody else wants to make a big deal of it, I really won't be able to do anything about it, but I just kind of figure that treating it matter-of-factly is the way to go.
It sounds like you have more family that you're close to than I do. I'd probably aim to write a coming-out letter to the remaining people I'm close enough to that I'd like them to know pro-actively, and leave it at that. Gossip will probably get around, and other people will learn about it. But at least you'll be in a position where if somebody says "when are you getting married?" you'll feel that it's perfectly reasonable to say "when I meet the right man" and not have it be a bombshell. "Oh, you didn't know? Well, now you do. No big deal."
Good luck, in any case. I'm being pretty blase about things, but I know it can be much much harder than that. I'm still somewhat petrified about going to my employer to explain my trans-ness to them, and I'm still a bit scared about coming out to the remainder of my close co-workers. So it's more a statement of "this is how I think I [em]ought[/em] to handle things, and I'm going to work on myself until I'm comfortable doing that."
Edit: Oh... and one more stressful thing. In the wonderful future when I go full time, there will come a point where I need to change over social network things. That will probably involve a rather... broad announcement. But I don't see much way around it. I think by that time I should be pretty comfortable with things, though. I hope so, anyway.
One of my friends I'm out to at work is gay, and one thing he said when I came out to him is that he's "always been kind of don't ask don't tell about the whole thing", in that there's no reason for him to bring it up at all... he's just a guy, y'knoiw? And I pointed out "Yeah... can't really do that when everything is so tied up in how you interact with people, and how they interact with you." Maybe some day people will just see me as a woman. But there's definitely going to be an awkward period in there. Stupid awkwardness.
@NSMike: Do you need to come out specifically to random relatives you see a couple of times a year? Writing letters (or making PA announcements) makes it "a thing"; seems like if you don't want it to be a thing, you treat being gay as Hyp suggested, like any other mildly unusual thing about yourself. You're hardcore into reggae, you eat anchovies by the pound, you're gay, you run a Bollywood appreciation group - if it comes up, it comes up and you move on. I think if you make a big deal out of it, it allows everyone else to make a big deal out of it, which is not what it seems like you want.
You're both brave people. I would commend you on your huge cojones, but there might be better compliments for Hypathian
FTFY
Cheeto1016 wrote:Can you please make the speech similar to my drunk mothers at my birthday party?
Leave them with something to talk about!
:)
I seriously doubt I could top Mary F. I wouldn't even try.
You mean Cheeto's not even the most unique individual in his own family?
Well, at least now we know where he gets it from.
On the one hand, I don't particularly want to hide the fact that I'm trans. And I really don't want to be in a position where I feel the need to skirt around answering questions
I don't even know if that was intentional or not, but am I a bad person for laughing anyway?
Hypatian, if you haven't already, I suggest you check out the following link: http://www.hrc.org/issues/pages/lgbt... and more specifically http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/r...
I say this with caution, because I am pretty sure there are no workplace discrimination laws in PA that prohibit discrimination based on gender identity that exist outside of any state job that is under the governor's jurisdiction.
Source: http://www.americanprogress.org/wp-c... page 69 for PA.
I was also thinking, as RG pointed out, that it would be very odd if none of your relatives were sharing this news - I mean, this qualifies as pretty juicy gossip to a lot of folks.
I say this with caution, because I am pretty sure there are no workplace discrimination laws in PA that prohibit discrimination based on gender identity that exist outside of any state job that is under the governor's jurisdiction.
No state laws, but Allegheny County and Pittsburgh both have laws on the books, and my employer also has an explicit policy. Doesn't stop it from being scary, but I'm not super worried. (Bigger worry would be that health insurance could suddenly decide that they don't have to pay for anything for me because I have GID as a "pre-existing condition". But even in that extremity, they can't pull that crap any more after that provision of the PPACA takes effect at the start of 2014.)
--
Anyway, wanted to make one more suggestion for the family reunion scenario: A pride bracelet or pin or something might be a pretty low-impact way of letting people know. It's a fairly obvious signifier (unless people are utterly clueless), provides an opportunity for people to ask about it if they want to, but doesn't particularly get in anyone's face. (At least in my opinion.)
Anyway, wanted to make one more suggestion for the family reunion scenario: A pride bracelet or pin or something might be a pretty low-impact way of letting people know. It's a fairly obvious signifier (unless people are utterly clueless), provides an opportunity for people to ask about it if they want to, but doesn't particularly get in anyone's face. (At least in my opinion.)
Alternately, a giant rainbow flag stitched to the back of your shirt. Or as a cape! Yeah, go with the cape thing!!
SuperDave wrote:I say this with caution, because I am pretty sure there are no workplace discrimination laws in PA that prohibit discrimination based on gender identity that exist outside of any state job that is under the governor's jurisdiction.
No state laws, but Allegheny County and Pittsburgh both have laws on the books, and my employer also has an explicit policy. Doesn't stop it from being scary, but I'm not super worried. (Bigger worry would be that health insurance could suddenly decide that they don't have to pay for anything for me because I have GID as a "pre-existing condition". But even in that extremity, they can't pull that crap any more after that provision of the PPACA takes effect at the start of 2014.)
I'm glad you have all the details. Good luck!
What does a gay pride pin look like? I'm super supportive of ye homosexuals, and I have no idea. Pretty good chance the intended audience wouldn't, either.
Sidebar: There is a type of person out there who believes he is "fine" with gays, but wishes gay people would stop bringing their sexuality up, or taking offense at things that are damn well offensive.
It's like they believe they're "fine" with gay folks, but don't like "uppity" or "activist" homosexuals. I was in such a rage at these folks, and some who are even less enlightened, that I took a half-week time out from the one sports website I post on. Homophobia and using "gay" as an insult is rampant on sports websites, it seems. : /
You're both brave people. I would commend you on your huge cojones, but there might be better compliments for Hypathian
NSMike, I'm not sure on the best 'strategy' for coming out to 2nd tier relatives (if there is one). But please don't beat yourself up for feeling the urge to lay low. You're human, so you want to get along and not stir things up. That's completely normal.
edit: fixed major gaffe.
There are a few pride symbols. There's the (classic) rainbow:
There's also symbols showing that you support the lobbying of equality, like the Human Rights Campaign logo:
That's what the blue/yellow thing is? I had no idea.
NSMike wrote:Cheeto1016 wrote:Can you please make the speech similar to my drunk mothers at my birthday party?
Leave them with something to talk about!
:)
I seriously doubt I could top Mary F. I wouldn't even try.
You mean Cheeto's not even the most unique individual in his own family?
Well, at least now we know where he gets it from.
Hypatian wrote:On the one hand, I don't particularly want to hide the fact that I'm trans. And I really don't want to be in a position where I feel the need to skirt around answering questions
I don't even know if that was intentional or not, but am I a bad person for laughing anyway?
Carg do you have a tagging thread that I missed somewhere? I have been trying to find it and I seem to be failing...
That's what the blue/yellow thing is? I had no idea.
:/
You mean the equals sign?
That's what the blue/yellow thing is? I had no idea.
Same. I had guessed it was something like that, but I never see it other than as a stand-alone bumper sticker.
SixteenBlue wrote:That's what the blue/yellow thing is? I had no idea.
Same. I had guessed it was something like that, but I never see it other than as a stand-alone bumper sticker.
Ditto. I always equate blue and gold with Sweden or the University of Delaware, so I thought it was some Swedish/Ikea thing.
Fedaykin98 wrote:SixteenBlue wrote:That's what the blue/yellow thing is? I had no idea.
Same. I had guessed it was something like that, but I never see it other than as a stand-alone bumper sticker.
Ditto. I always equate blue and gold with Sweden or the University of Delaware, so I thought it was some Swedish/Ikea thing.
Until fairly recently I was similarly clueless about pink triangles.
Mixolyde wrote:Fedaykin98 wrote:SixteenBlue wrote:That's what the blue/yellow thing is? I had no idea.
Same. I had guessed it was something like that, but I never see it other than as a stand-alone bumper sticker.
Ditto. I always equate blue and gold with Sweden or the University of Delaware, so I thought it was some Swedish/Ikea thing.
Until fairly recently I was similarly clueless about pink triangles.
This I knew, thanks to Weezer.
This I knew, thanks to Weezer.
Ditto.
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