This is Not the Boogle Memorial Dating Advice/Tips Thread, No

Boob grab was definitely not going to be "Step 1" in that scenario, no.

So... don't mean to brag... just wanted to share some good news....

I highly recommend it. It's fun.

Not sure what else to say to make this relevant to "advice"... just that if you're hiding your sexual agenda with women, quit it. Women like sex. Except the ones that don't, and if you can only appeal to some of them, better to appeal to the ones that do than the ones that don't.

Because the ones that do... damn.

Also, I stretched my usual criteria a little in dating this one. She's a little older than I usually go for, kind of on the rebound which is usually a red flag, but she definitely had a lot of other things going for her so I said what the heck....

So glad I did. Remember that there are no rules, only guidelines. Guidelines that can be bent and broken as the situation warrants.

I feel like there should be a hybrid of Shalalm Baskur and For Boogle for this kind of situation.

ccesarano wrote:

I feel like there should be a hybrid of Shalalm Baskur and For Boogle for this kind of situation.

Shaglam Booleskur, my son.

I think it's more a before and after thing. For Boogle pregame, and Shalalm Baskur postgame.

Take heart, nice guys:

Several years ago, on a long walk through the English countryside, Lucy and I were struggling to define our sexual standards. We weren’t wait-until-marriage types, or even wait-until-exclusivity. Yet neither of us would say we did much in the way of soulless jolly-grinding.

We were somewhere in between: we had sex with friends we liked and trusted, almost as a prize for being awesome. It was our seal of approval: “You’re an attractive and accomplished person, and I admire you. Congratulations! Gold star for you.”

IMAGE(http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i453/czpv/11412GOLD_0.png)

Gold Star Sticker Sex is tricky to pull off. My point, however, is not to give advice here: It’s to emphasize that every day, women in their twenties have meaningful, intimate, sober, relationship-enhancing sex that is also (gasp!) casual. It’s almost as if we have brains.

That opens up issues with viewing sex as a reward (though I get the point: it's almost to the contrary, where you don't necessarily need to be in a classic relationship to have sex...even if having sex with friends just seems foreign to me. Wonder if that's a regional thing or just because I was raised by uber-conservatives).

ccesarano wrote:

That opens up issues with viewing sex as a reward (though I get the point: it's almost to the contrary, where you don't necessarily need to be in a classic relationship to have sex...even if having sex with friends just seems foreign to me. Wonder if that's a regional thing or just because I was raised by uber-conservatives).

It's funny, because I was thinking about that very topic: there's this classic dichotomy of whether it's the individual guy or it's all women everywhere. What if it's just the circles an individual guy is running in? What if the answer is that some guys just aren't spending time around the kind of women that are good for them? We talk all the time about finding the right crowd when it comes to friendship; why isn't the same true when it comes to relationships?

I think it is a good question to ask, actually. Personally despite being a Christian, I don't know if I'm interested in waiting until marriage, partly because I actually don't have an interest in sex with a virgin. I don't like the notion of "deflowering" someone, so to speak, and any potential pain/ickiness that comes with it (though Lord knows what's myth and what is truth in what I've been told and learn growing up). At the same time, I've seen Christian friends in a rush to get married, and from what I've gathered most of the time sex is a factor in the "let's hurry up and go!" department.

Plus, you learn a lot when your ex wants to be a sex therapist, and while I'm really ignorant in all the factors, I know issues in the bedroom can lead to complications in the relationship. Dealing with those things late in the game is like post-poning inevitable problems until they become even more severe than they would be originally.

So I'm a Christian that wants a woman that is open to pre-marital sex and serious about her faith in God.

In the circles I've hung out with, such a woman doesn't really exist (though truth told, my interactions with other Christians are...well, they're why I can't find a Church I feel I belong in). I tend to be better friends with people that aren't Christian. This also lends itself to iffy issues of how serious should I be when it comes to the faith of a girl I like. I don't think it's a good idea to be looking for marriage, but what if you end up going for a relationship and it reaches a point where you know it's serious, but it's a deal breaker? Would it have been better to avoid a relationship in the long run?

This is why I usually try my best to avoid having specific things I'm "looking for". I feel like it just makes things all too stressful.

Thinking about dating is no good at the moment anyway. I'm moving in a month, so I'll have a new locale with a closer group of friends, and who knows what will come of that (truth told, I'm thinking of changing my location in OkCupid, but then part of me laughs at the notion of that thing being any good).

ccesarano wrote:

That opens up issues with viewing sex as a reward (though I get the point: it's almost to the contrary, where you don't necessarily need to be in a classic relationship to have sex...even if having sex with friends just seems foreign to me. Wonder if that's a regional thing or just because I was raised by uber-conservatives).

I think you're overegging the 'reward' part of the pudding and underestimating the "You’re an attractive and accomplished person, and I admire you" part. That latter part is pretty much a one-line description for sexual attraction, right? I doubt very much that the ladies in question were thinking that they were doing their civic duty with Gold Star Sex, so much as they were differentiating it from head-over-heels-in-love sex.

Yeah, I'd equate it less with "reward" and more with plain old appreciation. I can side with that

SEXYTIMES FOR ALL!

clover wrote:

Yeah, I'd equate it less with "reward" and more with plain old appreciation. I can side with that :)

Yeah, I don't think I'd mind if a nice, fun single lady-friend of mine wanted to express appreciation in that manner. And I know that sounds lecherous, but I actually don't mean it that way (and I don't have a particular lady-friend in mind; hell, none of mine are single anyway).

Granted, I'd far rather manage to end up in a proper relationship.

ccesarano wrote:

So I'm a Christian that wants a woman that is open to pre-marital sex and serious about her faith in God.

Question for you prompted by nothing other than an advert on a blog I was reading - have you considered using a Christian-specific dating service? The ad was for ChristianMingle.com.

I tried it before and think I quit my account, but that was while I was unemployed and was on a constant cycle of opening and closing such accounts.

I'm also very uncertain of anything labeled specifically for Christians. As I said, I tend to get along with non-Christians better than Christians more often than not, and most of the Christians I get along well with I met outside of a Church. Maybe it's something worth looking into.

Though truth told, I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of having no-strings sex that has no change on the relationship. It's amazing how little seeds planted in one's mind during childhood and adolescence and so-on can hold such a grip as an adult. As a child I was basically taught sex was a negative thing, and eventually that it's only for married couples, and that people that had premarital, or worse, casual, sex were horrible people that liked bad things like stealing and murder.

Okay, that's pretty hyperbolic, but you get the idea.

So...pretty lady that I enjoyed hanging out and have good rapport with but met under dubious circumstances, has gone out of her way to contact me and even sent me a photo of herself, and I quote: "to remember me by".

Trying hard not to make a big deal out of this...

Define "dubious circumstances"

Paid by another party?

Or perhaps that is asking too many questions.

ccesarano wrote:

Define "dubious circumstances"

Oh, you guys are going to have a field day with this one....

She was paid to meet me. Yeah, infer from that as you will.

From what I know, there isn't suppose to be any direct contact after the one meeting. But she did go out of her way to re-establish contact a few days later via email.
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I'm going to need to talk to Mex right?

ccesarano wrote:

I think it is a good question to ask, actually. Personally despite being a Christian, I don't know if I'm interested in waiting until marriage, partly because I actually don't have an interest in sex with a virgin. I don't like the notion of "deflowering" someone, so to speak, and any potential pain/ickiness that comes with it (though Lord knows what's myth and what is truth in what I've been told and learn growing up).

I think the "ickiness" factor is more when you're taking a girl's virginity at a younger age. I've had sex with two different virgins, both in their early twenties, and neither involved blood or other "ickiness" unless the idea of sex itself is icky for you. With one girl there was a lot of pain in most positions, and it was difficult to be creative. The other was able to do a lot with very little pain. So it depends on the girl I guess.

Falchion wrote:
ccesarano wrote:

Define "dubious circumstances"

She was paid to meet me.

and things just got interesting

ccesarano wrote:

Paid by another party?

Or perhaps that is asking too many questions.

Yeah, a friend figured it would be good for a laugh, on my birthday no less.

I'm not fully disavowed of fault as a manner of speaking as he told me about it before hand and I decided to call his bluff.

Then on the day itself, as I was lamenting that the rooftop bar would be terrible due to rain at the hotel I was staying at as a personal vacation, he texts and tells me she's on the way up. As I was I trying to reply to him to get answers, my doorbell rings.

Long story short and looking back in hindsight, I didn't have to open the door and let her in. Could have just told her it was all a mistake and turn her away. Then go hunt down and murder my friend.

But I didn't.

Few days later I get a simple email on one of my spare accounts that I only use for commenting on random blogs. Just a few lines of greeting and explanation of how she found it from remembering a blog I mentioned during our conversation and was even apologetic that she didnt know it was my birthday nor that it was all a surprise at the time. She had thought someone had arranged the meet on my behalf. Nothing demanding or creepy in that email. So I replied (mistake number 2? 3?), politely, and made random small talk, continuing from the conversations we had that day.

I check with my nearly deceased friend and he claims he never even met nor spoke to the lady in question; everything was arranged via throwaway email account and money order after he was recommended a website via word of mouth from a friend of another friend. And that he was never contacted after.

In the latest round of email, she attached her photo. Simple upper body shot, smiling. Nothing risé or revealing or taken in a studio. But by smartphone, casually.
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So what time does Mex wake up and sees this?

Sounds fine so far. Let us know if you wake up in a bathtub full of ice, though.

I've seen this movie. At some point Falchion is going to massacre her pimp and a room full of gangsters steal their money and go on the run.

MrDeVil909 wrote:

I've seen this movie. At some point Falchion is going to massacre her pimp and a room full of gangsters steal their money and go on the run.

I think I played this level in Hotline Miami!

clover wrote:

Sounds fine so far. Let us know if you wake up in a bathtub full of ice, though.

Just to clarify somewhat, the issue that concerns me is not so much that she might be stalking me, but more the fact that by establishing contact, even if just via email, and sending me her photo, she might be going behind the back of her...booking agency. Which can lead to trouble for her. If she was just looking for a normal payout, there are far easier ways to go about it.

The other issue that concerns me is that, she's actually seems to be a very nice person to spend time with...as a person.
She speaks well, can hold a lengthy conversation over a wide variety of topics, and knows enough about most of them to have formed an opinion. Good listener, able to relate and ask good questions. Nice sense of humor, was able to share a few good laughs with and even a little self-depreciating, which is always better than being proud or stuck-up. All the things I like in a friend and beyond.

As for physical attractiveness, she hits all the right spots for me as well. Which is surprising and rare, because I agree with my friends whenever they call me picky in this context.

Taken all that together and, like Gwen Stacy remarks in the Amazing Spider-Man movie, I could be in alot of trouble here.

Falchion wrote:
clover wrote:

Sounds fine so far. Let us know if you wake up in a bathtub full of ice, though.

Just to clarify somewhat, the issue that concerns me is not so much that she might be stalking me, but more the fact that by establishing contact, even if just via email, and sending me her photo, she might be going behind the back of her...booking agency. Which can lead to trouble for her. If she was just looking for a normal payout, there are far easier ways to go about it.

Well, the issue here is; is she contacting you for further paid work or is she hitting on you? If it's the latter then the agency doesn't matter. If it's the former then escorts are usually free to arrange additional other work of their own (at least in the UK), escorts are usually very interested in having a regular clientèle made up of actually nice human beings, for the obvious reasons.

Falchion wrote:

The other issue that concerns me is that, she's actually seems to be a very nice person to spend time with...as a person.

Sex workers are (nice) people too.

(do keep in mind that she is literally being paid to make nice)

What DanB said.

I'd be suspicious that I was still being pranked from a friend, but I'm a cynic like that.

ccesarano wrote:

What DanB said.

Yep, pretty much this. That's why, going back to my original post on this topic, when I start to overthink things and think it's a big deal like the latter point, I reel myself in and tell myself it's most likely like the former; got to temper that expectations.

DanB wrote:

Sex workers are (nice) people too. (do keep in mind that she is literally being paid to make nice)

Once again I'm aware of that as well, just wanted to bring the point across in case anyone thinks it's only about the physical. It's actually her personality (of whatever part of it I've seen so far) on top of everything else that I'm finding has tripped me up into thinking a little too much.

I think it sounds pretty good so far, if you're OK with how she makes her living. For some sex workers it really is just work, and they're perfectly normal and cool off-hours.

She obviously clicked with you too... she went to the trouble of finding a way to contact you. Overthinking is fine, but it's clearly mutual. Roll with it

There are some things you assume go without saying, but apparently not... Don't date a hooker. It's a bad idea. There are many reasons to not date a hooker. I'll list them if you'd like.