ianunderhill vs. cancer (RIP Nick)

Not sure if I have sound advice and am getting the whole gist.
If I understood it right, you had friends coming over and now not anymore. Is there a reason why?
Or was the question how to fill up the days in between and they are still coming.
Either way though, you can always invite more friends or family. Or maybe find some socialization through the internet.
Maybe online gaming, IRC with the Goodjers or reading and posting on forums.
Also going places with a good book and read at a coffee shop or something akin. Visit museums and/or expos.
At least you are around people then.

Hope this helps!?

You need things that can be done in little chunks, then. So games with short missions or decisions - turn based strategy and so on. Maybe something like FTL?

What about audiobooks? Listen to one chapter at a time. Can you stream films and TV series? Perhaps break a film up into little episodes. 10 minutes at a time or something.

Also, I think you should examine how much of your loneliness is related to the cancer and how much is about you not being used to being alone. (I'm assuming you're normally out and about.) Because getting used to solitude might be a good skill to cultivate.

Call people and talk to them. Most people are good for ten minutes, even during the workday. Glad you're feeling restless, that seems to me to be a good sign. Energy coming back, treatment working, that sort of thing.

Asymmetric interaction - play turn-based games on Facebook and post on forums.

LarryC wrote:

Asymmetric interaction - play turn-based games on Facebook and post on forums.

I like this suggestion. I'm also always a fan of picking up a good book. Might be easier to go with something you've already read, but it's been a while, too. That lets you put it down when you need to without anxiously awaiting starting up again, because you mostly remember what happens.

Try meditation. That's something you can do laying flat out if you have to, and getting better at staying relaxed in the face of external stimuli seems like a good thing. I'd also do Yoga. It's been applied to all sorts of physical therapy, and so there are things you can do even sitting in a chair. And with a bit more effort I'd do resistance exercises, like with a resistance band. The point obviously isn't to get stronger so much as to find ways to exercise just to keep yourself relaxed and your mood up.

It may seem like an off the wall idea, but try painting. When I'm really feeling crappy I can't focus on say TV or audiobooks but I'm sure I could push some paint around. Seems like a way to potentially get some emotions out and distract you without having to think too hard. Grab some acrylics, a big pad of paper, and a cheap tabletop easel and have it set up and ready to go so there's no barrier to doing it when the mood strikes you, then dump the brushes and whatnot in a sink full of water when you're done and worry about cleanup later.

If you're having a low-nausea day, try cooking. There are plenty of recipes with inexpensive ingredients online, and not everything requires standing in a kitchen for hours. Or push a stool in there. Obviously, the point is to provide a distraction, so prep time can be all afternoon if you think you can handle it. Have someone pick up the ingredients for you and they can have the finished product as a reward.

Finally, I'd push some comfy seating into a sunbeam and park myself there. It's not quite being outside, but it should help.

ianunderhill wrote:

So I need some suggestions. This week was mostly okay physically, in that I felt okay to good most days, but I've really started to be bothered by the isolation and solitude I'm experiencing daily. I had friends by Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then Saturday. While those were good experiences, that time in between is agonizingly long and I find myself feeling sad, bored, and lonely. Days are long as is - I typically wake up between 6 and 8 am local, and then I'm awake until I can feel tired enough to try to sleep, which is typically between 7pm and 11pm. I'm not strong enough to leave the house of my own accord on a reliable basis, and hobby/task oriented stuff is hard to fit in because I never know where my focus, attention span, nausea, and a host of other factors are going to choose to cooperate enough to even let me play a game for half an hour.

Any ideas? I'm really at a loss for what to do here.

You pretty much described my days, so here's my menu... YMMV of course:

  • IRC
  • Fancy coloring books like this one
  • A variety of iPad games... cow clickers through stuff like Ascension and Puerto Rico
  • Free magazines on Google Currents or Pulse
  • Editing Wikipedia articles (content when I'm feeling smart, typos when I'm not)
  • Cooking easy things that take a long time and don't require too much attention, like stews or roasts... depends where you are on smells and nausea so this is periodic
  • Magazines > regular books (waiting rooms will keep you in variety and supply for free)
  • Change of venue (couch in the AM, desk in the PM, lay on the floor for variety)
  • Get a bird feeder and watch the birds
  • Handwork- I cross-stitch, but anything small that doesn't involve a glowing screen is good (Legos maybe?)
  • Asymmetrical games like Larry mentioned- I've been playing a lot of Conclave, which is nice on the iPad now
  • Writing long, pseudo-authoritative posts on internet forums
ianunderhill wrote:

So I need some suggestions. This week was mostly okay physically, in that I felt okay to good most days, but I've really started to be bothered by the isolation and solitude I'm experiencing daily. I had friends by Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then Saturday. While those were good experiences, that time in between is agonizingly long and I find myself feeling sad, bored, and lonely. Days are long as is - I typically wake up between 6 and 8 am local, and then I'm awake until I can feel tired enough to try to sleep, which is typically between 7pm and 11pm. I'm not strong enough to leave the house of my own accord on a reliable basis, and hobby/task oriented stuff is hard to fit in because I never know where my focus, attention span, nausea, and a host of other factors are going to choose to cooperate enough to even let me play a game for half an hour.

Any ideas? I'm really at a loss for what to do here.

Audio books are nice. To be festive, I highly recommend A Christmas Carol as read by Tim Curry (it's really good) - and you can listen for free on YouTube, though it comes in 15 minute increments, so you'll have to queue them up yourself as they finish.

I second the colouring book idea, too. I've got some of these stained glass colouring books (they colour up well with anything you like to colour with). They can be ordered on the Dover site, or from Amazon.

Knitting can be relaxing and simple as well - just straight, back and forth knitting when you're bored with little energy - you'll have a mountain-high pile of scarves, or little squares to stitch together into a patchwork blanket in no time (oh god, that sounds so Martha Stewart - whatever, I'm leaving it in)

And Facebook games are good because you can pick those up and leave them with no bad feelings on either side.

Doodling is good - stick people are easy to do, and drawing doodles of things you're currently annoyed about is a good way to get the annoyance out and amuse yourself at the same time. I started a stick person diary to deal with an annoying co-worker once - and all the stuff I couldn't actually say to her because I would get fired for doing it went in there. Then I'd show my husband and a couple of friends the stuff I drew for a laugh. I ended up missing her when I left there, her phone conversations (obnoxiously loud, never work-related) were comedy gold.

I like the cooking idea already mentioned -though, if you're feeling barfy, that might not help. Still, if you have the energy and a crock pot - cooking that way might be great. By the time you're sick of making it, it's time to leave it in the crock pot for 6 hours while you go take a nap anyway.

I hope these suggestions are helping (or at least amusing you).

Learn a language on duolingo.com. The lessons come in bitesize chunks of about ten minutes. You can learn Spanish, German or French.

I'm currently finishing up a long essay on Whitman's Calamus cluster (along with all the crazy-cool resources presented by WhitmanArchive.org), but after tomorrow night I should be pretty free to babble about just about anything. I just finished James Gleick's The Information on the side. I want to talk about all the things, once I'm beyond this final.

wordsmythe wrote:

I'm currently finishing up a long essay on Whitman's Calamus cluster

I prefer the Caramel cluster, myself...

IMAGE(http://www.russellstover.com/images/us/local/products/detail/7098_dt.jpg)

Significantly less associated with queer relationships.

Thanks everyone. I'm mulling over a few of those. Ultimately, it all hinges whether I can concentrate for more than five minutes.

Tomorrow I am back on the pump, so I'm off Thursday, then likely sick Thursday through Sunday or so. I'll be in IRC a lot if I can't sleep, which is what I'm anticipating. Fun times ahead!

ianunderhill wrote:

Thanks everyone. I'm mulling over a few of those. Ultimately, it all hinges whether I can concentrate for more than five minutes.

Tomorrow I am back on the pump, so I'm off Thursday, then likely sick Thursday through Sunday or so. I'll be in IRC a lot if I can't sleep, which is what I'm anticipating. Fun times ahead!

What helps me pass the times when I want to go into zombie mode are tv series. When I really want to shut my brain down, I watch shows I've already seen.

Alternate with hobbies/passtimes/timewasters that give any sense of accomplishment; puzzles, models, etc. Learning a language in duolingo seems like a great idea. I had no idea it existed.

I haven't used IRC in years but I will try to install it and check in, even to just say hi.

Hang in there, we're all here for you.

I love the coloring and painting ideas, where you can be totally creative and chill. There's no right or wrong, no winning or losing, no pressure. Just creating some colorful stuff. If that appeals to you at all I'd be happy to send you some materials. Hope all goes well the next few days. Check your PM's when you get a chance.

SillyRabbit wrote:

I love the coloring and painting ideas, where you can be totally creative and chill. There's no right or wrong, no winning or losing, no pressure. Just creating some colorful stuff. If that appeals to you at all I'd be happy to send you some materials. Hope all goes well the next few days. Check your PM's when you get a chance.

Happy little clouds, man.

I will text you in the morning sometime, but if you are interested in mildly interesting entertainment, I am always up for a text conversation that requires some sort of random logic, a la:

Hope treatment is going well this weekend, Ian. Keeping you in our thoughts.

It's decent, actually. They have me on a new-to-me med called Decadron. It's an anti-nausea med with a steroid in it. Overall, I've been less miserable - while I'm still scary weak and my digestive system is nuts, I am not so horribly ill that I spend time lying in bed moaning and cringing, which is how the previous rounds have gone.

Also, I've managed to keep some weight on! Holding at 140lbs and counting. I was super concerned about losing more weight, as that has happened every round so far, and as a 5'11" guy, I don't have much left to lose. Three cheers for bagel ingestion in moments of doubt.

Special thanks to SillyRabbit for the coloring materials - I received them yesterday and they have provided some relief in those times where watching TV seems like work but a podcast is a little too passive. Never thought I'd be coloring in coloring books at 31, but life is full of surprises.

Strength will come back as you're able to eat real food and keep it down and properly digest it, I know that that isn't NOW but it will come.

I'm not up on Chicago's climate but one thing that caught me off guard as a side effect of all the weight loss and related lower blood pressure was that the cold of winter bothered me far more than usual, even inside the house. If you think you might like a tuque (particularly important if your chemo has resulted in hair loss) or any other winter wear, perhaps some comfy slippers or blankets for around home, etc - let me/us know so you can get geared up.

Until Clover and Mimble suggested them, I didn't even know such coloring books existed! I'm glad you're enjoying them. I'll be getting some for myself for sure.

Yay coloring books!

Glad the steroid bit is working from you. I'm a pretty huge fan of them myself... they're usually pretty effective appetite stimulants too, so that chipotle meatloaf or whatever will sound extra good in a couple days.

Also: yay bagels!

Sounds good Ian! Hang in there.

I hope all is well with you going into the holidays!

Yeah, me too. If you want to talk sometime - you get bored or something - pm me and I'll call and say hello.

I'm currently just starting my next treatment as we speak. It's a long, sucky morning at the hospital, but on the plus side, yesterday wasn't bad at all. I have no local family and my friends are all out of town, so I didn't really do anythng, but I did have a quiet, relaxing day before coming back to treatment, and that's about all I could ask for given the circumstances.

Next up: getting through NYE without stressing over it. By which I mean, "Not fooling myself into thinking I'd be out for amateur hour in the first place." I really don't like the whole song and dance, and every year I've gone out, I've wound up wishing I'd stayed at home. Add in decreased mobility, though, and thoughts are all different. We'll see how it goes in the end.

Thanks very much for all the well-wishes and support. Once again, I can't stress enough how happy I am to call this community home.

So how many more treatments do you have, Ian? Kind of curious.

NYE is better experienced at home, maybe with a few friends, maybe not. You've had the going-out madness a few times; try watching it on tv and Facebook this year. It's actually fun. You can pretend to an INTP computer type, live our lifestyle vicariously.

ianunderhill wrote:

I'm currently just starting my next treatment as we speak. It's a long, sucky morning at the hospital, but on the plus side, yesterday wasn't bad at all. I have no local family and my friends are all out of town, so I didn't really do anythng, but I did have a quiet, relaxing day before coming back to treatment, and that's about all I could ask for given the circumstances.

Next up: getting through NYE without stressing over it. By which I mean, "Not fooling myself into thinking I'd be out for amateur hour in the first place." I really don't like the whole song and dance, and every year I've gone out, I've wound up wishing I'd stayed at home. Add in decreased mobility, though, and thoughts are all different. We'll see how it goes in the end.

Thanks very much for all the well-wishes and support. Once again, I can't stress enough how happy I am to call this community home.

Man, isn't this site great? I'm happy that you're happy with this happy place.

Robear wrote:

So how many more treatments do you have, Ian? Kind of curious.

After this, two more. Then I get subjected to a lot of tests again and find out what's next. I'm getting a little nervous.

NYE is better experienced at home, maybe with a few friends, maybe not. You've had the going-out madness a few times; try watching it on tv and Facebook this year. It's actually fun. You can pretend to an INTP computer type, live our lifestyle vicariously.

It's really more that my friends who I'd love to hang with on a quiet night in are mostly going to be out of town. If I'm alone, I'll probably pick some stuff from the pile to chip away at. I don't really care about resolutions, ball-dropping, or the drunken caterwauling of "Auld Lang Syne".

ianunderhill wrote:
Robear wrote:

So how many more treatments do you have, Ian? Kind of curious.

After this, two more. Then I get subjected to a lot of tests again and find out what's next. I'm getting a little nervous.

NYE is better experienced at home, maybe with a few friends, maybe not. You've had the going-out madness a few times; try watching it on tv and Facebook this year. It's actually fun. You can pretend to an INTP computer type, live our lifestyle vicariously.

It's really more that my friends who I'd love to hang with on a quiet night in are mostly going to be out of town. If I'm alone, I'll probably pick some stuff from the pile to chip away at. I don't really care about resolutions, ball-dropping, or the drunken caterwauling of "Auld Lang Syne".

Well, there's always this community, vent, and a rather large pile of MP games.