Monday Night Football, through the eyes of Marcus Vick:
It begins with anticipation:
However, things go wrong quickly:
Marcus looks to the past for solutions:
Marcus starts making demands, using the royal "we":
Marcus Vick, General Manager:
He knows you're tweetin' but he can't hear you:
I hear Homeland's really good:
The softer side of Marcus:
Marcus reveals his metric for judging QBs, subtly revealing the lie he uses to convince himself that he was once good:
Teams with good offensive lines, call Marcus:
No longer part of an upper tax bracket, Marcus just doesn't find the Republican platform very appealing:
Being a 1st round draft pick reduced to the fourth option in the running game is, apparently, Beast Mode:
The former Eagles defensive playmaker changed sex and went R&B:
Despite Marcus's assertion, at the time of this tweet, LeSean McCoy had 103 rushing yards. He would finish the game with 119 yards, on a 6.3 per carry average.
Blast! Marcus was so busy on Twitter, he missed out on the evening's opportunities:
Marcus had no time for idioms class at VaTech:
Football Thoughts:
Pick 'Ems
It was a road team sweep last week, and only one player managed to get 4 right. I guess that'll silence any question of the picks being too easy for one week at least.
Falcons at Saints: Atlanta's pursuit for perfection continues. New Orleans has rebounded from an 0-4 start to go 3-1 in their second four games. The turnaround in New Orleans has been impressive, but their defense is still a major liability. Atlanta has been winning without dominating, making them appear far more vulnerable than you'd expect from an 8-0 team. I'm still picking the Falcons but every week they look prime for a loss to an inferior opponent.
Lions at Vikings: Oh Christian Ponder, stop making my pre-draft faith in you look so bad. In spite of Ponder's recent struggles, the Vikings find themselves at 5-4 and still very much in the mix. Adrian Peterson picking up his game has of course helped. Detroit currently finds themselves in the NFC North basement, but at 4-4, they're far from out of it either. I'm taking the Lions on the road.
Cowboys at Eagles: The good news for everyone involved is that someone (probably) has to win. Romo and Vick take their respective 3-5 teams to the field in Philly, where Dallas is a narrow 1.5 point favorite. King Dunlap will have his hands full with DeMarcus Ware. Dunlap, despite what Marcus Vick would tell us, is an adequate left tackle, but really not much more than that. Adequate's not good enough to shut down Ware. Cowboys.
Texans at Bears: Two of the best defenses in the NFL face off in an anti-fantasy-football rumble at Soldier Field on Sunday Night. Houston seems well-equipped to give Jay Cutler fits, while the Bears defense would seem up to the task of bottling up Arian Foster. One of our first looks at a playoff-quality non-divisional matchup this year. I'm taking the Bears at home but this game is obviously up for grabs.
Chargers at Buccaneers: Tampa's offensive explosion continues, this time on the back of Doug "Muscle Hamster" Martin. San Diego showed some offensive life of their own last week, piling up three fourth-quarter TDs against Kansas City. Now, these two teams who thumped on the bottom of the AFC West face each other, both at .500 and trying to climb the ladder back into playoff contention. I've gotta go with the Buccaneers because I just don't have much faith in San Diego, ever.
Last week's results:
sr_malo: 4-1
AnimeJ: 3-2
bighoppa: 3-2
boogle: 3-2
Certis: 3-2
Elliottx: 3-2
garion333: 3-2
Gumbie: 3-2
Jasonofindy: 3-2
Jayhawker: 3-2
kaostheory: 3-2
karmajay: 3-2
LeapingGnome: 3-2
MilkmanDanimal: 3-2
oldmanscene24: 3-2
sheared: 3-2
Stele: 3-2
tboon: 3-2
thejustinbot: 3-2
ukickmydog: 3-2
Xeknos: 3-2
*Legion*: 2-3
Fedaykin98: 2-3
iaintgotnopants: 2-3
Kush15: 2-3
lostlobster: 2-3
McFinn: 2-3
mudbunny: 2-3
peedmyself: 2-3
TheGameguru: 2-3
Zaque: 2-3
ODDSMAKERS: 2-3
Atras: 1-4
fangblackbone: 1-4
TempestBlayze: 1-4
billt721: 0-5
Enix: 0-5
Jolly Bill: 0-5
willhouse4078: 0-5
ZellbrigeN26: 0-5
Season to date:
Jayhawker: 32-11
sheared: 31-12
Xeknos: 29-14
*Legion*: 28-15
Jasonofindy: 27-16
LeapingGnome: 27-16
Kush15: 27-16
TheGameguru: 27-16
ODDSMAKERS: 27-16
Certis: 26-17
kaostheory: 26-17
karmajay: 26-17
Stele: 26-17
McFinn: 26-17
tboon: 25-18
AnimeJ: 24-19
bighoppa: 24-19
Elliottx: 24-19
Gumbie: 24-19
MilkmanDanimal: 24-19
thejustinbot: 24-19
lostlobster: 24-19
Fedaykin98: 23-20
oldmanscene24: 22-21
iaintgotnopants: 22-21
peedmyself: 22-21
Zaque: 22-21
ukickmydog: 21-22
Atras: 21-22
fangblackbone: 21-22
garion333: 20-23
Enix: 19-24
Jolly Bill: 19-24
boogle: 18-25
mudbunny: 18-25
TempestBlayze: 17-26
billt721: 17-26
ZellbrigeN26: 15-28
sr_malo: 14-29
willhouse4078: 8-35
Falcons at Saints: The Falcons seem to always be invariably just good enough to sneak out a win, and there's no way that winds up lasting the season, right? They play down to their competition all the time, and teams will eventually beat them. Just don't think it's now; the only thing the Saints can do with any consistency is throw, and it's not consistent enough.
Lions at Vikings: It's hard to describe how completely and utterly awful Christian Ponder has been the last two weeks. The thing is, his team knows it. In the Bucs game, the Vikings approach to mounting a desperation comeback with time running down was repeated bubble screens to Percy Harvin, because they don't trust Ponder to throw the ball down the field at all. The sole passing game is throw it short to Harvin, and let him make plays. Hey, guess who's probably not playing this weekend? Percy Harvin.
Cowboys at Eagles: Tony Romo makes me pity Cowboys fans. It's not that he's bad; he's often incredibly good. It's just that he's good just often enough to give you hope that he might be able to lead the team on a real run, and then he implodes with the force of a fully-charged level 20 Human Vanguard using Nova (GAMING REFERENCE WE ARE NOW ON TOPIC FOR THE SITE PLEASE CONTINUE). Romo played well against the Falcons, and he'll do it again vs. the Eagles, giving Cowboys just enough hope that they could just maybe make the playoffs before he throws six picks in a must-win game in a few weeks and makes babies cry. Also, the Eagles are now the odds-on favorite to win the "2011 Bucs We Hate Raheem Morris And Are Mailing It In" Cup. Congrats, Philly!
Texans at Bears: The Texans have been incredibly consistent, and that is repeatable. The Bears have scored a heaping pile of defensive TDs, which is not the kind of thing that is consistently repeatable. Scoring on offense is more likely to continue than scoring on defense.
Chargers at Buccaneers: I will buy myself a hamster, inject it with steroids, and let it know I will hug him and love him and name him "Doug". I don't for a moment think last week's performance by the Muscle Hamster (really, that's his nickname, unfortunately) is going to happen on a consistent basis, but Doug Martin is getting better every week. He's developing the patience he didn't have in the early season and is doing everything well. I mean, he's not the strongest guy or the fastest guy or the shiftiest guy, but he's got a great mix of all of it. Also, Vincent Jackson hates A.J. Smith with the fire of a thousand suns, and I think it's going to be "run Doug Martin, run Doug Martin, play action bomb to V-Jax" all day long.
MilkmanDanimal: 24-19
Also, I'd like to thank you all for participating in this contest, but it's pretty clear I'm the winner and you all need to concede. My lead is far too high, and you simply can't approach the level of perfection I'm showing.
What? Oh, I don't believe your biased numbers. My math shows I'm clearly in the lead here.
Falcons at Saints
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears
Chargers at Buccaneers
I have to go homer with the Bears this week. I am honestly not super confident they'll win. I'm fairly confident it will be a good, close game. I think it's going to be huge whether or not Tillman plays this week (there's talk that he might miss the game for the birth of a child).
Falcons at Saints
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears
Chargers at Buccaneers
Falcons
Lions
Cowboys
Bears
Buccaneers
Atlanta at New Orleans - home team upsets contender in a shoot out
Detroit at Minnesota
Dallas at Philadelphia - ew, can I pick neither?
Houston at Chicago
San Diego at Tampa Bay
It was a road team sweep last week, and only one player managed to get 4 right. I guess that'll silence any question of the picks being too easy for one week at least.
sr_malo: 4-1
sr_malo: 14-29
Falcons at Saints
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears
Chargers at Buccaneers
Falcons
Vikings
Cowboys
Texans
Buccaneers
Not even a snicker at Marcus. See if I try and entertain you assholes ever again. :)
Hey, there hasn't been a boogle pick yet this year. Just saying.
There are only 3 teams in NFL history who have given up over 500 points in a season - most recently the 0-16 2008 Lions. The Tennessee Titans are not only on pace to become the 4th, but they're on pace to beat the 1981 Colts' record of 533 points yielded (current Titans pace: 547.5 points).
And yet they still have a better record than Jacksonville.
MARCUS HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Not being sarcastic either. Heard about the ranting but missed the tweets.
I really liked the commentary on the Marcus commentary. At first I thought it might have been screen capped from a Grantland article, in a praising way. Not a plagiarism accusation way.
This weeks OP makes up for last weeks lack of one
Falcons at Saints
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears
Chargers at Buccaneers
Now my ego is sufficiently placated. We may return to regular discussion. :)
I think Mike Vick saw your post.
Saints
Lions
Cowboys
Bears
Buccaneers
edit: Switched my pick to the Saints because Roddy White's talking about going 16-0 so you know they're going to lose this week.
Falcons
Lions
Cowboys
Bears
Buccaneers
I had only heard a bit about the Marcus Vick thing so I appreciate the full break down. I just remember hearing that the kid was a total creep when he was in college at Virginia Tech.
Falcons at Saints - Saints ain't good. Falcons would probably lose to Texans or Bears right now but they are a consistently good team.
Lions at Vikings - Vikings are a pretty good team just that last week they ran into that guaranteed loss that is the Seahawks at home. Heck talk to the Packers, they won in Seattle and it still turned out to be a loss.
Cowboys at Eagles - Both teams have talent, when do we just acknowledge that almost every problem they have is due to very bad coaching?
Texans at Bears - Okay I really want to watch this game. I'm just giving the toss-up to the home team.
Chargers at Buccaneers - I want the Buccaneers to be good and I feel they're an 8-8 team this year.
Falcons
Vikings
Eagles
Texans
Buccaneers
BIG game this week for the Texans. Sunday Night Football. Between that and A&M-Bama, probably my biggest football weekend this year.
Falcons at Saints
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears
Chargers at Buccaneers
Falcons: Atlanta has too many weapons and New Orleans has nobody to cover them. Big game for anyone catching a football.
Lions: Stafford seems to be playing himself out of his funk. Percy Harvin is out. Edge goes to Detroit.
Cowboys: "Good" Romo plays this weekend and Dallas' secondary shuts down Jackson/Maclin combo. Vick runs for his life (again).
Texans: Game of the week. Houston's O-line should be able to give Schaub time in the pocket. J J Watt is going to get in Cutler's head. He doesn't play well under pressure.
Buccaneers: Tampa Bay/Martin are on a roll. (Mediocre) west coast team flying east for an early game. Bad week for Rivers.
Falcons at Saints - I'll give the Saints a slight edge at home.
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears - Total homer pick, but the Bears have a good chance at home.
Chargers at Buccaneers
Saints
Lions
Cowboys
Bears
Buccaneers
Falcons at Saints
Lions at Vikings
Cowboys at Eagles
Texans at Bears
Chargers at Buccaneers
Atlanta at New Orleans
Detroit at Minnesota - Homer pick
Dallas at Philadelphia - This is the worst pick em ever. Dallas will probably win, but I can never, ever pick them.
Houston at Chicago
San Diego at Tampa Bay
Not even a snicker at Marcus. See if I try and entertain you assholes ever again. :)
I applaud you for following Marcus Vick on Twitter.
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