This is Not the Boogle Memorial Dating Advice/Tips Thread, No

Thanks a lot guys, I really appreciate it. Especially LarryC's comments. I'll be sure to be in the right state of mind when I do decide to say it. I definitely would never demand reciprocation, but I would have expected it deep down inside. I should say it because I want to say it, regardless of how she reacts.

Filthy half-skimmer reporting for duty. Got to about page 40 and decided to skip to the end!

I must say, these 'everything else' threads are quite amusing when the gaming news dries up.

Hopefully my musings below will be helpful to somebody. I write as a fellow nerd who devoted himself passionately to career and games for a bit too long, and had little success in romance in most of my life. Then I decided to act outside my comfort zone, and boy, did it change my life for the better.

1) There's a reason why in dating site surveys, women list humour as the most attractive attribute. Whereas men probably list something like intelligence or personality when they feel like putting oogaba as the number one priority.

2) Being fashionable is underrated. It does not matter whether you succeed in your aim to dress as a suave and sophisticated guy, the important part is trying (but not too hard that you move outside your comfort zone). If you don't put an effort into bettering how you present, it can be hard to get past the first impression. On this point, watch the shoes - they don't mean anything to a guy, but women will definitely read things into what you wear on your feet.

3) Nice guys finish last. Not to say that a man shouldn't convey himself as a gentleman, but for some reason, it pays dividends to play the part of the "bad boy" now and then, even as much as you might find it distasteful. I'm not advocating for guys to go out and act like douchebags with impugnity - rather, noting that it seems to me women enjoy an element of danger in an encounter. In this regard, self-confidence is key. If you don't believe in yourself, chances are you won't be able to sell yourself to someone else.

4) It's probably self-evident and has been stated in different ways before in this thread, but you will most likely find someone with common interests if you go out of your way to discover your own passions and move on from there. You're unlikely to find a passionate gamer / anime fan in a bar (not impossible, but much less likely).

On a separate note, LarryC, your posts are well thought out. I don't always agree with your comments, but one of the interesting posts was about how true love should be unconditional. Unconditional love seems more like unrequited or one sided love to me. In my mind, it's the opposite - true love should be reciprocal and demanding, because it's worth it; the relationships that are the most rewarding are the ones which involve give and take in balance.

True love might very well be both unconditional and demand no reciprocation. But as all love is conditional it seems unlikely that true love exists

IMAGE(http://zs1.smbc-comics.com/comics/20121024.gif)

I consider unconditional love to be a choice, not an emotion.

LouZiffer wrote:

I consider unconditional love to be a choice, not an emotion.

This right here. Thumbs up.

Farscry wrote:
LouZiffer wrote:

I consider unconditional love to be a choice, not an emotion.

This right here. Thumbs up.

*thumbs up*

LouZiffer wrote:

I consider unconditional love to be a choice, not an emotion.

I consider it a myth, for the most part.

I don't love my wife unconditionally. There's any number of things that she could do that would make me stop loving her. Murdering innocents, for instance. Kicking me in the balls every time she saw me, that would do it too.

I feel like unconditional love applies more to situations of children, though even then there are plenty of folks that prove it doesn't quite exist. I love my niece because she exists, and while it may bother me when she acts like a brat, at the end of the day I still want to hug her goodnight.

But when it comes to two adults coming together to form a relationship, you fall in love because that person gives you something emotionally, mentally and even physically. You don't fall in love with someone you hate (things like Stockholm Syndrome not withstanding).

ccesarano wrote:

But when it comes to two adults coming together to form a relationship, you fall in love because that person gives you something emotionally, mentally and even physically. You don't fall in love with someone you hate (things like Stockholm Syndrome not withstanding).

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about falling in love. I'm talking about the decision to love someone unconditionally. For me, that's making them family and they'll remain so regardless of what else happens. No other meaning (such as "staying together") beyond that intentional connection is implied. Emotions both come from that decision and factor into making it, just as they do with any other decision.

I also think it's beyond just in a romantic sense. I have a few people in my life whom I love unconditionally. If they turned evil and started murdering puppies and kicking babies, I'd want to figure out what the hell went wrong with them and help them heal (but I'd still turn them in to the authorities for the safety of others), and I'd still love them even if I was horribly saddened by what they had done.

I know we've touched on this before, but I need some help dis-enabling me on asking out people that work in bookstores and libraries. Hit me with some good reasons not to do this!

Squee9 wrote:

I know we've touched on this before, but I need some help dis-enabling me on asking out people that work in bookstores and libraries. Hit me with some good reasons not to do this!

They'll be too awesome, and you'll feel sad when you have to move on?

Squee9 wrote:

I know we've touched on this before, but I need some help dis-enabling me on asking out people that work in bookstores and libraries. Hit me with some good reasons not to do this!

Why would you NOT want to do this? I'd rather figure out how to do this. Hitting on someone that reads books seems like a better idea than hitting on someone at a bar or some such.

ccesarano wrote:
Squee9 wrote:

I know we've touched on this before, but I need some help dis-enabling me on asking out people that work in bookstores and libraries. Hit me with some good reasons not to do this!

Why would you NOT want to do this? I'd rather figure out how to do this. Hitting on someone that reads books seems like a better idea than hitting on someone at a bar or some such.

Ditto.

Are you hitting on the older ladies looking at 50 Shades of Gray? Or the tweens looking at Twilight?

The issue is more that I'm unsure on how cool it is to ask out employees. Especially since it's a place I go to at least once a week, and will continue to go there often.

Squee9 wrote:

The issue is more that I'm unsure on how cool it is to ask out employees. Especially since it's a place I go to at least once a week, and will continue to go there often.

Are you a creeper? If yes, then do not ask them out. If no, then go for it, but don't be a creeper about it

If unsure, ask female friends that you trust to observe your asking out style and let you know if you're a creeper. If you have no female friends, you might be a creeper

Ah, that's a bit of a different story.

In that case I can't help you there. It seems the only single women I have a tendency to run into lately all work at places I eat. I've given up any notion that I could really hit on waitresses or that it's a good idea.

Though there's one at a pub I go to with friends that really likes movies and we talk to quite a bit. I ended up inviting her to Wreck-It-Ralph (which didn't happen anyway), but she seemed to avoid providing a real answer. Which is understandable.

That's the most interesting thing that's happened to me lady-wise in months, but lately I'm fine just being single anyway. I'm liking spending a sh*t ton of time playing video games at the moment.

Tanglebones wrote:
Squee9 wrote:

The issue is more that I'm unsure on how cool it is to ask out employees. Especially since it's a place I go to at least once a week, and will continue to go there often.

Are you a creeper? If yes, then do not ask them out. If no, then go for it, but don't be a creeper about it

If unsure, ask female friends that you trust to observe your asking out style and let you know if you're a creeper. If you have no female friends, you might be a creeper

Squee9 wrote:

The issue is more that I'm unsure on how cool it is to ask out employees. Especially since it's a place I go to at least once a week, and will continue to go there often.

Well this, as in any other flirting situation is situational. If the woman or man, regardless of role, has an interest in you they will say yes-a waitress, librarian, barrista, filling her gas tank.

What you might need to keep in mind is that many people who work in restaurants, retail stores, etc. are usually accostomed to being oggled, flirted with and may have some armor up.

And I just need to vent this in here now that I am a few weeks removed from it.

My fiancee works in an environmental lab as an analyst. One service she provides is to instruct in classes about mold remediation (detection, removal, prevention). Men (and rarely women) come from all over the country to take these classes. One fellow in this class took an opportunity to ask her out to dinner. She politely declined, but the dude over the next couple days of the class was trying to sneak into the lab area to either get a peak at her/try again, or one of the other analyst girls; maybe to try for another one of those gals.

There is flattery that "you still got it" and then we get to weirdo territory. I am not the jealous type, I have a good self image and security. But I also have a protective streak. I really had an urge to channel some Chimpanzee energy onto that guy.

It's that issue with persistence. The idea that maybe she'll change her mind or some such. It's plastered all over Rom-Coms, as advice, etc. etc.

In fact I recall posting a photo that resulted in my endless frustration.

But for that guy, the opportunity was gone and he needed to move on.

Though you're engaged, right? Shouldn't she have a ring on her finger?

We went with engraved necklaces for the engagement, rings for the wedding. I think they are somewhere upthread. But she said that she could not see wearing an engagement ring and a wedding ring. She has a lot of class that way about being gaudy.

Ah, in that case I can give the guy at least a small benefit of the doubt. I'm old enough that I look for a wedding ring first, though I constantly forget which hand the ring goes on and it seems very stylish to have rings all over the place these days.

ccesarano wrote:

Ah, in that case I can give the guy at least a small benefit of the doubt. I'm old enough that I look for a wedding ring first, though I constantly forget which hand the ring goes on and it seems very stylish to have rings all over the place these days.

Either ring finger could mean she's married/engaged, as it varies by culture which one the wedding ring goes on, and sometimes the engagement ring will be worn on the right hand. More commonly though, the left ring finger is where the wedding ring goes.

Guys, rings don't actually stop bad pickup attempts. They just ensure you only get hit on by the sleazeballs.

Really depends if the ring is sharp and tipped with cyanide.

clover wrote:

Guys, rings don't actually stop bad pickup attempts. They just ensure you only get hit on by the sleazeballs.

Truth. My wife gets hit on at least once a week at work, and this happens with her wedding band and engagement ring in plain sight. Recently, she got one particularly charming piece of work hit on her not only knowing she was married, but visibly pregnant. And we aren't talking innocent flirtation - this was straight-up dirtbaggery. You wanna talk about the urge to unleash some gorilla rage out on someone, there you go.

Squee9 wrote:

The issue is more that I'm unsure on how cool it is to ask out employees. Especially since it's a place I go to at least once a week, and will continue to go there often.

Ask if/when they take breaks. Then ask them out.

AnimeJ wrote:
Squee9 wrote:

The issue is more that I'm unsure on how cool it is to ask out employees. Especially since it's a place I go to at least once a week, and will continue to go there often.

Ask if/when they take breaks. Then ask them out.

Definitely more of a sh*t where you eat conundrum rather than logistics.

I think if you have a genuine rapport (not just admired them for 3 months from afar), aren't a creeper about it, and willing to deal with any rejection as a grown-up, then it's okay. And if it does make the person uncomfortable, even if the average person would think it was kosher and reasonable, then you just gotta live with that.

I'd also err on the side of a casual invitation as opposed to AAAAAA DDDAAAAATTTTTEEEEE. Dunh dunh dunh!