This is Not the Boogle Memorial Dating Advice/Tips Thread, No

hbi2k wrote:

As a general rule, anyone who talks about anything except for music having "notes" is full of it. That goes for wine, coffee, cigars, whatever.

When kids are told not to pass notes in class, I wonder what sort of music that's referring to.

(Bet it's some kind of horn.)

/deliberately stupid

hbi2k wrote:

As a general rule, anyone who talks about anything except for music having "notes" is full of it. That goes for wine, coffee, cigars, whatever.

Oxford English dictionary:

note (n) many meanings specifically those numbered 10b and 10c

b. Any of the basic components of the fragrance of a perfume which give it its character, in extended use. First citation 1905
c. A component of the aroma or flavour of a food or drink, esp. of a wine.. First citation 1989

(also, many, many meanings/usages around "things to take note of")

Using "notes" to describe drinks or fragrances is poetic and distinguished. Also, it makes you sound pretentious and slightly douche-y. Still a valid use though.

Strewth wrote:

Using "notes" to describe drinks or fragrances is poetic and distinguished. Also, it makes you sound pretentious and slightly douche-y. Still a valid use though.

Duly noted.

lostlobster wrote:
Strewth wrote:

Using "notes" to describe drinks or fragrances is poetic and distinguished. Also, it makes you sound pretentious and slightly douche-y. Still a valid use though.

Duly noted.

(obligatory rant against people who describe knowledgeable commentators on arcane subjects as full of it. Just because you're ignorant doesn't mean everyone else should be)

So these Excalibur V Toros I bought have pungent spice notes and a rich earthy smell. Translation, they are strong cigars and I crop dusted the living room when I smoked one on the balcony with the window open.

If that is something you are "going for" remember that there is a fine line between knowledgeable and pretentious. Also it means not being overly verbose and talking out of your ass to make a show.

I have a decent knowledge of wine, solid knowledge of coffee, deep understanding of beers(I am a damned snob now), cigars, and I have my superfriends of restaurants. It is great knowing of a cool bar or restaurant. It is fun when dating to try out new places and new things. Sneering at some poor person because they order a Coors Lite over The 90+ rated local brew that the V necked mustachioed waiter recommends is poor form.

Translation, they are strong cigars and I crop dusted the living room when I smoked one on the balcony with the window open.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

LouZiffer wrote:
hbi2k wrote:

As a general rule, anyone who talks about anything except for music having "notes" is full of it. That goes for wine, coffee, cigars, whatever.

When kids are told not to pass notes in class, I wonder what sort of music that's referring to.

Farts

NSMike wrote:
Translation, they are strong cigars and I crop dusted the living room when I smoked one on the balcony with the window open.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

IMAGE(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQszisyHXhBEbaxMUezlC3JNFAZFrvJd_TGHZBeKYF2FRkhkOC84KbL3pSaow)

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/4K9ROl.jpg)

KingGorilla wrote:

Sneering at some poor person because they order a Coors Lite over The 90+ rated local brew that the V necked mustachioed waiter recommends is poor form.

Am I still allowed to sneer at folks because they order a Coors Lite (because it sucks)?

Also, Coors Lite is like $6/$7 around here. Poor people don't order it - people who like Coors Lite do.

I did not say it was not a valid use of the word. Just that there is a very strong correlation between its use and how full of it the user is.

Tanglebones wrote:

Also, Coors Lite is like $6/$7 around here. Poor people don't order it - people who like Coors Lite do.

That's how you subsidize the people with good taste!

Had a "technology has changed things" thought the other day. Normally you have these passing acquaintances and short-but-intense affairs, and even 10 years ago there may have been an element of lingering nostalgia when their time ends and the two of you move on with your lives.

But with things like Facebook, I've realized I sometimes stay in contact with someone long enough to find out how little we have in common or learn things about them that I find extremely unattractive.

Not blaming technology, I think if things like e-mail change how we interact with each other that responsibility is on us due to either laziness or a lack of imagination. And I don't think getting to genuinely know a person (or at least more than a 3-day or 3-week affair allows) is a bad thing.

Nothing wrong with right person for the right time and the right place, I suppose. And there are plenty of people I got to know better and become close friends with, so it all shakes out. But sometimes I'm browsing through my Facebook feed or chatting with someone online and all I can think is "What the hell did we see in each other?"

unntrlaffinity wrote:

...But sometimes I'm browsing through my Facebook feed or chatting with someone online and all I can think is "What the hell did we see in each other?"

It's also a learning experience you wouldn't normally have. At the cost of having nice memories of your short time with someone, you get a better idea of your ability to assess others correctly.

I don't know that you really need facebook to do that, just time to get a better feel for who you are as a person. For example, when I was in college, I dated this one girl for a few years, thought the world of her. We had ups and downs, sure, but ultimately she left me for some other guy(started seeing him before leaving me, in fact) back in October of 02. Since then, I've moved 5 times, gotten married & became a father of two on the same day, had 3 more kids and have spent nearly 500 days deployed. In all of that, I've learned a hell of a lot about myself, and on those rare occasions where she crosses my mind, I wonder the exact same thing: Aside from the hormones, what did I really see in her? On the whole, the person I am now, who I was in the process of becoming back then is wholly unsuited to a relationship with her; the end of that relationship was a really good thing. But I don't really need any sort of contact, and in fact have had zero contact with her in the last 10 years.

AnimeJ wrote:

I don't know that you really need facebook to do that, just time to get a better feel for who you are as a person.

I'm not blaming Facebook, or claiming you need it for reflection. That natural progression happens, sure, especially with a breakup. But with Facebook or something like it there's this whole new way of, well, almost confirming those suspicions. I find that interesting.

With that same ex, who it used to hurt to think about, I can look at her profile and read her posts and see that we're just very different people. We wanted different things, and we're both happy and better off as things stand. I bet her husband is too, knowwhatI'msaying?

But with a few of the girls I've met while traveling it's more of a instantaneous and revelatory rather than natural learning process.

I was just laughing at myself recently, and wondering if a few of the girls I met while traveling and I would even enjoy sitting down and having a beer together, or if we'd have anything to talk about.

Delerat wrote:

At the cost of having nice memories of your short time with someone, you get a better idea of your ability to assess others correctly.

There's only so much you can learn about someone over a few days (or weeks, or months), regardless of how well you can assess others. It's a process, not an episode of the Dating Game.

I don't see it as a metric by which to determine how good a judge of character you are, but maybe as a cautionary tale.

AnimeJ wrote:

I don't know that you really need facebook to do that, just time to get a better feel for who you are as a person. For example, when I was in college, I dated this one girl for a few years, thought the world of her. We had ups and downs, sure, but ultimately she left me for some other guy(started seeing him before leaving me, in fact) back in October of 02. Since then, I've moved 5 times, gotten married & became a father of two on the same day, had 3 more kids and have spent nearly 500 days deployed. In all of that, I've learned a hell of a lot about myself, and on those rare occasions where she crosses my mind, I wonder the exact same thing: Aside from the hormones, what did I really see in her? On the whole, the person I am now, who I was in the process of becoming back then is wholly unsuited to a relationship with her; the end of that relationship was a really good thing. But I don't really need any sort of contact, and in fact have had zero contact with her in the last 10 years.

This is the exact story of the girlfriend I had before I met my wife. Despite the fact that the relationship didn't have long term prospects, it was through that relationship that I actually learned what I did want in a relationship, and in a partner.

OH! If anyone is having trouble dancing there is also this song:

I was backpacking for a year, and now I'm primarily working in Australia. I've found that lately I just don't want to put the effort into socializing.

I'm not being anti-social, I'm friendly and happy to chat with co-workers and people I meet on a day-to-day basis, but after 10 hours at work (I technically work a 7 1/2 hour shift, but in reality I work more than that, plus commuting) I just want to kick back and read or watch a movie.

I don't have that travel loneliness you get in a different country by yourself, it's more like I've run out of energy. And even if I'm sometimes horny as hell, I can't bring myself to keep having those same three travel conversations right now. Like even if someone seems interested in you, I'm just too tired to be interested in them, even if they're awesome.

Ah, well. I just have to stick it out for a couple more months, then I'll have the funds to check out a couple of the bigger cities and put in some facetime back home before flying off to my next trip.

I think that's simply how it goes, actually. For the Spring and Summer I was a lot more social, spending as many weekends in Philly or Delaware with a friend as I could, barely spending any time at home. For the past couple months, though, I've been spending a lot of my time at home, and right now I'm happy with that.

Just as the Sheawns noted in the Podcast, sometimes you like gaming a lot, sometimes you're not as interested. Interests come in phases, and this includes the desire to go out and be social.

I've been dating this girl for a couple months now, and I think I am in love. I'm 27, have had several relationships (including one of 3 years), and I have never felt this way about someone else before, so please don't think this is due to lack of experience or immaturity. The problem is, every time we are together, I want to tell her that I love her, but I fear she won't reciprocate. This would both make me feel terrible and might scare her if she doesn't feel the same way.

I definitely feel loved when I am with her. She shows a lot of affection, gives me compliments, and appreciates all of the little gestures I do. The problem is I know she likes to take things slow because of her previous relationships. This has caused me to be given the cheek when going in for a kiss, being stopped while unclasping the bra to initiate sexy times, and being told she wasn't ready to call me her boyfriend when that conversation arose.

Eventually, all those things happened, just slower than how I felt the pace was going, but I'm OK with that. It's probably made our relationship better, actually. However, telling her that I love her is a huge milestone in my mind considering I've only told that to one other girl in my life, and I don't think I even really loved her.

So should I maintain course and bite my tongue? Should I sack up and just tell her? Thanks for any advice!

I knew a guy who had a relationship like that; they're married with two kids now. Just gotta stay the course.

I was hesitant with my (now) fiancé too, I sort of danced around it for months before telling her. She was thrilled, burst into tears and held on to me for hours after saying it back.

So, I guess I'm biased and I'll obviously say to tell her how you feel. If you really believe she loves you too you shouldn't be scared. She might not want to say it straight away, but if you are confident in her feelings then don't place too much value of her telling you back straight away, she may be scared to put her heart out there, especially if she's been hurt in the past.

Also, don't make a production out of it. When I told my lady we were lying on my bed watching a movie. I just kissed her on the forehead, said "I love you, you know" and carried on watching the movie. I didn't put her under any pressure or obligation to reciprocate. 2 years later and just under a year from our wedding it seems to have worked out okay.

I'd be on Mr DeVil's side in this scenario, as I don't have any real prior experience to this situation myself. I remember letting it slip so early that I even wondered why the Hell I said it, and it was one of the contributing factors to my ex wanting to split.

But that was my first girlfriend, I was getting too attached too fast, and I have a feeling that I might be like Ted from How I Met Your Mother where the word "love" just drops out way too easily.

At the same time, I'm thinking if it's been a couple of months and the two of you are really digging each other, just let it slip. As long as you don't expect or require her to say it back.

When I told my fiancé I loved her, she basically said she'd been trying to figure out how to say it too. I think as long as you two have established a relationship for a while, if you're feeling it, say so.

Don't expect or demand reciprocation. If you want to tell her you love her because you want to know whether she loves you, too, then you're saying the wrong words. True love is unconditional and demands no reciprocation. If you want to tell her you love her, then make it because you want her to feel good and to feel loved and appreciated. If it's for self reasons, then perhaps you should think about it a little more.

Sinkwater wrote:

So should I maintain course and bite my tongue? Should I sack up and just tell her? Thanks for any advice!

I take it she is in your age group?

Given talks I have had with my now fiancee (Wife in a Month), as women age and get into relationships they get wary of certain things that many men have used but never meant: manners, chivalry, attention, statements of love and affection.

So much of that is used by guys just to get into bed, or to keep a woman putting out rather than being meant.

My advice is to stay on target, and show her that is who you are, and not just a role you put on when you are looking for action.

I told my girlfriend that I loved her after about three or four months, but by then it had been fairly obvious on both sides that we were feeling it. We'd even been signing our text messages with "<3" as a sort of code for awhile before we started using the L-word. She was just waiting on me to say it first, and when I did it we were just talking casually on the couch and I gave her a hug and said "I do love you you know.". Very similar to Mr. Devil's story. It's really not a big event or anything. It was just saying out loud something that'd been communicated non-verbally for awhile already.