Starting Anew

I need a fresh start. Or, technically, a start. I need to move and start life, start really living. I'm 26 years old and I've lived in the same house, and had one job, my entire life. A job which I never had an interest, or cared, in. I started out doing the family business for a summer job in high school, but since I didn't have enough ambition or courage to try something new, it's progressed to what I do full time. I've always disliked it, but it was expected of me, and now I dread each morning.

Is construction really that bad? No, and I know some have it far worse. I don't enjoy it, and I don't feel right.

I need a new job and community. Question is, how? I've been isolated for so long that I don't even know how to get what I want, and really what to want. That's another reason for my inhibition. I don't know if I'm great at anything commercial. Since I was a shy kid/teen, I didn't do any extracurricular or hobby activities. Well, there was Little League and a year of JV Football, but nothing will come of that. I found gaming early at a daycare, and it's been my pastime since. In my mind's eye, it seems like everyone's great at something productive, and it's always greatly depressed me that I don't yet know that about myself.

I also don't have any work experience outside of manual labor. Sure there's HS, and some college (which I mostly spent gaming; great idea), but how do I get a job when my only background is in something I want nothing to do with?

I can't tell if I'm rambling, so I'll try and be concise. What I ultimately want advice about is how to move forward. I really have no idea about the scope of what I'm asking.

Please, help me help myself.

P.S. Best day of the year: half a day under the oldest house in town, with a 20" crawlspace. Just changing some water lines, the usual.

http://i.imgur.com/7Mxtf.jpg

(1) You're young enough to easily do, well, anything. I realize having desire for something is part of your problem (I suffer from something similar), but that can be found, eventually. What I'm going to say now comes from experience. You may hate doing your job every day, but I highly suggest you finding something within what your doing that is more satisfying (ie. management). Why? Because you'll be stable and may find that other aspects of the business interest you more. It may not be exactly what you're looking for, but it'll better help you understand what it is you need. Hell, start your own business.

(2) Move out. Now. You may or may not be saying you live with your parents still (same house, they could've moved), but a LOT of change happens when you get away from that comfort. It's stuff you can't even understand/experience until you do it.

(3) If you live in the house you grew up in, but your parents aren't still living there then make drastic changes to the house. Paint the inside and outside. Knock down walls. Use your construction knowledge and contacts to do this on the cheap. Rearranging rooms can make a huge difference in how you view things. Stagnation sucks and changes to the colors and shapes around you can have a profound impact.

(4) Go to counseling. Seriously.

(5) Take a class or two at a community college (ie. cheaper) and see if something strikes your fancy.

(6) If you decide to move halfway across the country know this: eventually the same baggage you are carrying will catch up with you. Yeah, you might have 6 months or so of a honeymoon period, but eventually everything catches up. See #4 for advice on how to deal with that.

(7) If you drink, cut back. If you do ... other things, cut back. Now is not the time you need other influences mucking things up. Try meditation. Exercise more. Etc.

I'll leave it off there, for now. Best of luck. Truly.

@garion333

1. I realize that's a logical next step, but just the idea of doing something similar makes my blood crawl. I would like to think I'm open to change in whatever form it takes, so never say never. Being a proprietor is a lofty goal, a dream I've often taken comfort in. But realistically, I've very little experience in anything. Not even starting one up, I have to begin with a basis, which I'd have some soul searching to do, and then learn about. Hope that made sense.

2. That's the intended plan, and yes, I still live with my parents. That's so hard to say.

4. I've thought about this (more for my family, though), and I don't know how it's feasable on my income and wealth. Though, that may just be my own defensive mechanism making an excuse. This is damn good therapy though. I'm feeling emotional right now, and I haven't even been descriptive about my life. Hell, I put off posting this thread for days because I've never opened up to anyone before. When I tried in the past, the results were not good.

5. I have an aversion to CC, or the institution itself in general. I'm not sure if it's because of my experience, but I think I didn't feel so highly about college even in HS. If you can do something well, or have the ambition, why spend years in a place to get less real world experience than you would just doing it. I guess I see how ignorant, and ironic, that is after I wrote it.

6. Great point. I wouldn't be against moving and then finding a place for myself, but time permitting, I feel the other way makes more sense.

7. I definitely need to get back to exercising. I stopped that early this year. I've no vices, thankfully. I was overweight most of my life, but put my foot down around 22yrs old. I lost 80 lbs that year, most of my excess weight, and have maintained a healthy weight since.

Thanks, garion, it means alot.

You definitely need some new inputs in your life, like Garion said. If you want to really go for it, I'm sure there is some sort of international development organization like the Peace Corps that could make use of you. That would give you something completely different that's also a bit structured so you could get exposed to a bunch of new stuff without having to figure out what you're supposed to be doing that minute. And you could use that time to figure out your next move.

That's my suggestion because the times I've gotten to live overseas in my life have without question been the times when I've really grown as a person, learned a tremendous amount, and gotten some perspective on what I want to do next.

edit: failing that, just pick a goal, an ambitious goal, and do it. Achieving big things can get addictive and pulls you out of yourself.

Move out. That's step 1. Even if you're still working the same job, that's step 1.

Going back to school is an option. I had a... similar first attempt at college. Being older, wiser, and the actual education meaning something to you when you go back is important.

You're at the point where you don't have any direction. I understand that. However, a lightning bolt isn't going to come out of the sky and all of a sudden you're going to have a future. You need to get out there and try new things. See what feels right. Making a move, even a small one, will change your perspective, even on where you're at now.

I've been in your shoes. Direction and self-motivation come but not until you start making some changes to your surroundings. If you need anything, even a sounding board, you know how to get a hold of me. Just ask.

Well your description of yourself basically sounds like me. Never had much interest or hobbies, save video games. Tend to be an introvert, although I do get along with people. If my parents weren't smart about pushing me out of the house and education god knows what I'd be doing now (currently a computer developer). What worked nice for me was trying new things. I'd recommend either school or just studying something on your own. Try to learning programming, see if you can make a simple game or something. It's nicely intellectually challenging and it builds solid job skills. Computers is nice in the way that it's one of the few skills that can be self taught and still get decent work out of it.

Another thought is maybe you need a goal of some sort. Is their any possibility of advancement in your construction work, or branching off from the family business, say starting your own group? That would take a lot of work and risk, but that is definitely the sort of thing that can get you moving. My older cousin did the same thing (lot of family does construction). Just having a solid goal on where you want to go can really help. Not to mention all the work and research that goes into such a thing would definitely spice your life up.

Join the military, seriously. Maybe try to get into one of their colleges, but not sure how hard that is. Or Peace Corps like Alien suggested.

garion333 wrote:

(1) You're young enough to easily do, well, anything. I realize having desire for something is part of your problem (I suffer from something similar), but that can be found, eventually. What I'm going to say now comes from experience. You may hate doing your job every day, but I highly suggest you finding something within what your doing that is more satisfying (ie. management). Why? Because you'll be stable and may find that other aspects of the business interest you more. It may not be exactly what you're looking for, but it'll better help you understand what it is you need. Hell, start your own business.

(2) Move out. Now. You may or may not be saying you live with your parents still (same house, they could've moved), but a LOT of change happens when you get away from that comfort. It's stuff you can't even understand/experience until you do it.

(3) If you live in the house you grew up in, but your parents aren't still living there then make drastic changes to the house. Paint the inside and outside. Knock down walls. Use your construction knowledge and contacts to do this on the cheap. Rearranging rooms can make a huge difference in how you view things. Stagnation sucks and changes to the colors and shapes around you can have a profound impact.

(4) Go to counseling. Seriously.

(5) Take a class or two at a community college (ie. cheaper) and see if something strikes your fancy.

(6) If you decide to move halfway across the country know this: eventually the same baggage you are carrying will catch up with you. Yeah, you might have 6 months or so of a honeymoon period, but eventually everything catches up. See #4 for advice on how to deal with that.

(7) If you drink, cut back. If you do ... other things, cut back. Now is not the time you need other influences mucking things up. Try meditation. Exercise more. Etc.

I'll leave it off there, for now. Best of luck. Truly.

All really excellent advice. As far as what you should do next- what is available? I think you should be looking for other jobs and apply for anything that possibly matches your interest. Outside of that, if you feel you really need to make a change sooner than looking for the perfect job allow- see if a job through a temp agency or even in telemarketing (I would recommend inbound, where people call you) will pay something comparable to what you make now.

Most importantly- best of luck to you, and I hope you find yourself in a more satisfied setting soon enough- no matter what the specifics.

Step 1: move out.

Step 2: everything else.

cyrax wrote:

4. I've thought about this (more for my family, though), and I don't know how it's feasable on my income and wealth. Though, that may just be my own defensive mechanism making an excuse. This is damn good therapy though. I'm feeling emotional right now, and I haven't even been descriptive about my life. Hell, I put off posting this thread for days because I've never opened up to anyone before. When I tried in the past, the results were not good.

Since you're living home with your parents and gainfully employed (I'm assuming you have health insurance which you SHOULD) then there is NEVER a better time to seek outside help. Ever. Things only get more complicated when you leave the nest. Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with living with your parents. f*ck some sort of schedule our lives need to take, there is no set path for anyone. I say this as someone who is currently living in their sister's basement after 10 years of living 1,500 miles away. I live here because I wanted to be closer to family and it's temporary. I'm not exceedingly happy about it, but I'm glad it's an option as I'd like to re-settle in this area.

Anyway, counseling is not something that needs to be terribly expensive, especially in your situation. What I mean is that you don't sound like someone who is lost beyond redemption (which I don't believe in, btw). You are in a stable situation which is exactly what you want when heading into some form of counseling. Talk to your health care provider and find out your options. Talk to a social worker or licensed counselor or a psychologist. Each costs more than the previous, but even a social worker can help you. I truly feel like you need help figuring things out, finding direction and outside perspectives are what will probably help you best. Counselors and psychologists et al are trained to do this. Don't be afraid, they're there to help you. Please don't wait until you're at some critical point or crisis to ask for outside help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.

cyrax wrote:

5. I have an aversion to CC, or the institution itself in general. I'm not sure if it's because of my experience, but I think I didn't feel so highly about college even in HS. If you can do something well, or have the ambition, why spend years in a place to get less real world experience than you would just doing it. I guess I see how ignorant, and ironic, that is after I wrote it.

I get that. Totally. I'm not talking about getting an AA in something, I mentioned Community College because of the cost. I simply meant take some classes, they're a hell of a lot cheaper than what a University would offer. My brother-in-law, a lawyer, takes classes at our local community college. His income is in the upper middle class. Believe me, people will NEVER look down on you for learning. If you take a community college class in history you're not likely to get a job as a professor of history, but you can still put it on your resume and show you're doing something and that means a lot.

Edit: And to reiterate: MOVE OUT. Seriously.

In construction, you touch enough satellite industries that you may have already seen something you're interested in.

The drawings that you work from? The salesmen that sell you your materials or tools? An idea for an improvement of an existing construction method? A way of working that you think would be better? Any of the other trades? Any of the skilled labour?

These would all be an easy shift because they're close.

I can't say I've been jammed in a crawl space for a week, but I've done hot asphalt roofing. 20 square of pitch roofing will make you as miserable as anything. On the roofing crew, I still had to do the crappy work, but I eventually proved I could work the hoist, and on delivery days, I got to do that now and then. So even in what you do now, are there things that you like?

I mention the roofing company because it was a friend's family business. His dad made him do the work. He worked his way up from picking up garbage on the site, through all of the cutting, hauling hot asphalt, mopping, to becoming certified installer by the suppliers, and eventually he moved into the office and his experience made him the best estimator the company ever had. He now runs it, and his Dad is retired. Oh and he has a big house on the lake now.

Is something like this in your long view? I assure you that bidding jobs and managing subcontractors is far far different from piping in a crawl space. Some might say it's better. Some might like to have hands on.

Just thought I'd wonder if it might be a forest for the trees situation.

You're young. If you're just out of college, you've got plenty of time. Start developing the long view. Look further than the case of beer on Friday, or the few pops after work, or whose cottage you're going to on the long weekend. Start making a plan for 5 years out.

Download some success audio. Start with Tony Robbins. It's cheese, but you can take the good, and drop the bad; then refine your listening later.

Is any of your dissatisfaction coming from not being on control of your own work? Can you take responsibility for something and make it your own? Would showing initiative and getting into a position where you control something and prove your worth improve what you do? Are you sitting back and just executing instructions?

If you've been in construction as a family business, you have some "lifers" that work for you. If that's not something you can be satisfied with, you can still work in construction or the family business without falling into that trap. Doing just what you have to, or what you're told to, keeps you from getting fired. Not getting fired is not a good self satisfying goal.

Please forgive me from throwing a bunch of assumptions on you, but I had to guess that you're not satisfied with your current responsibilities, or why else mention the crawl space work? And why is the owner's son in the crawl space? (learning the ropes may be Dad's way to the end game for him).

This is a bit of a ramble, so sorry in advance.

You've already received a lot of solid advice, so I'll +1 the moving out and maybe taking a few classes.

Ghostship makes some good points as well. You have very solid experience is a recession resistant industry, it's risky to walk away from that completely.

You have a drive away from where you are, but you seem to lack drive towards something.

I was in a similar position myself the last few years. I've had many jobs in my 32 years, but most have been in the restaurant industry and I was tired of it, so I quit my job, moved and decided to try my hand at teaching myself programming. I struggled a lot with the most fundamental parts of programming, so I figured it wasn't for me. My father, in construction, was having health issues so I decided to help him out for a few months, I've enjoyed the work, but working with family can be tough so that's been a struggle as well. Also, they can't pay me enough so I'm living with them, so that's also not easy.

Other things in my life have changed and I'm finding I want to go back to restaurants, I know the business and I'm good at it. I also want to make other non-career changes to my life so I'm less hung up on what work I'm doing. I have a great relationship, I live in a great city and I have friends. The work isn't important.

Basically, here are a few potential issue that may be causing you dissatisfaction that manifests in unhappiness with your work.

1) This you know about. Move out

2) You don't have any stimulating hobbies. I love video games as much as the next guy, but they are so destructive to your drive. Take a cooking or drawing class, join a group, do something to get out of the house.

3) Do you have RL friends? Not a judgement thing, in the electronic age meeting real flesh and blood people is tough. Point 2 can help this.

4) Do you have a significant other? Are you dating? Lack of romantic/sexual stimulation can absolutely destroy your will to live. Even a bad date is better than nothing. (A bad relationship is worse than nothing so be prepared to end things if that's a problem.) Point 2 can also help with this, as can internet dating, I made two of my best friends that way, so I guess it can help with point 3 as well.

Now, to the actual work stuff. If I'm wrong here feel free to correct me, but there doesn't seem to be anything you really want to do and in my experience if you don't have some drive and focus and attempt to shift tracks life will brutalise you. But this same thing applies to the situation you are in. If you've been in the family construction business since you were in high school that's nigh on a decade of experience, yet you're still in the crawlspaces, there's something wrong.

Either you are lacking the drive to take some control and grow in the business, or the family or specific business is holding you back. Reading your post it seems that you lack the drive, possibly due to general dissatisfaction with your life. You should consider stepping up and taking some control. If for some reason the business doesn't allow it, then break away. Become a subcontractor in a specific discipline you don't mind and become great at that, or look at support industries. Become a tool salesman, or something else related but not in the crawlspace.

I'll also support Ghostship about the success audio or some books. Most of it's pretty cheesy, but the cheese is based on reality. I'm a big fan of reprogramming your mind before you take action, it can help crystallise those feelings you have into a more solid plan of action.

So I don't have to constantly repeat myself, thanks to everyone past, present, and future for your help. It means so much to me, and more than I probably realize right now. Love.

Re-reading the OP many times before submitting, it was obvious a goal was missing. I couldn't even make up one. I do feel directionless.

@master0

Programming was what I tried to major in. My lack of knowledge in that area beforehand really hurt me. The teacher was a nice, bright, and jolly guy (even his appearance). But the course was much too fast for me. It felt like I either needed to go over the book and practice before class, or I would have to constantly ask for help from others. I was still very insecure at that point. I accepted defeat and played video games with my friends in the loft, eventually skipping whole classes because I knew I would fail. I get programming now, to an extent, but I feel it's still over my head. Something I could learn, no doubt.

@garion333

Of course I don't judge other people living with family. My situation was never good for me from the start, and I've just been dragging my life for half a decade.

No, I'm not insured. Job doesn't provide it, and I was too irresponsible to do it myself. Would've been nice earlier in the year when I had a minor health issue. A govt program covered some scan that was done because I make so little. That didn't make me feel very worthwhile.

Thanks for the counseling advice. I'll look into it.

@Ghostship

I feel you on the roofing, which is definitely some of the most stressful work in the area. Thankfully I haven't done too much of it. Maybe a handful of jobs. The worst I've felt physically my entire life was a year or two ago in Winter, I think late December. I had to dig some post holes 44" deep, pre-drilled, on time at 8am. It was one of the first freezing days, the wind was a steady 30mph, and three layers of clothing was enough to keep me sane. I actually took off my overcoat because I was sweating and felt like I was hot. Cold body, cold hands, cold dirt, miserable man.

I don't mind some things in my job, particularly hooking up water lines. It's interesting to construct a plan of connections, work at it, then execute it. Although, nothing enough so that I care to continue.

I am just sitting back and executing instructions, like you say. It's a chicken and egg problem. I don't care for the job, or care to progress in it, therefore I don't feel or want to take charge. But because I don't take initiative, I stay in my same rut. I like learning, challenging myself, and working hard; I just want to do it elsewhere.

I do all sorts of work, and my co-worker has been having physical problems this year. He's due for outpatient surgery in a week and a half, which is one of the things that prompted this thread. I don't think I could ask for a better partner, he's almost too kind, but farming and working construction his whole life is taking its toll on his body.

Re: Military or govt talk. That's something I have to say no to based on my personal beliefs. The advice is welcome (needing structure), but respectfully, those careers are not in my future.

Re: Current line of work. I have no qualms with working hard; I assume I'll be doing that most of my life. However, manual labor (my similar field) specifically, I want to step away from entirely. A type of skilled labor, I'm certainly not opposed to.

Re: Moving out. Loud and clear. I want to make a plan for myself, but it is one of my first step goals. I have little attachment to this place, so leaving isn't the hard part. I assume that'll be being honest with my parents, which I absolutely dread just thinking about it.

I was about that age when I made a significant shift in my career path. I know that the easiest thing in the world is to keep doing the sh*tty job, instead of taking a step towards a change. I finally decided I had to quit my job in order to get things done. I ended up going back to school and I am now been happily employed as a teacher for about ten years. I don't know if you are a relationship, but I know my wife was very happy that I did what I did, even though it brought financial stress upon our lives.

There was some counseling in there too.

Moving out is obviously good for "starting anew" as the thread title states, but considering you have no interest in continuing the only type of work you've done, I would suggest that if you plan to try different types of jobs, keep taking advantage of the free/low rent you have until you find something (anything) that you're willing to pursue before moving out. I moved out of my parents' house when I was 21 (maybe 22), but at the time, I had no problems/objections with working retail, which was all I'd done to that point (and continued to do for another dozen years).

It seems that breaking free from your (seemingly non-comforting) comfort zone of the family business is the first thing you'll want to do, not only for piece of mind, but for the financial stability you'll need before moving out. That's assuming (hoping) that your parents are OK with you not working in the family business while still living in their house, allowing you explore different job opportunities.

Having played Borderlands 1 co-op with you a good bit a couple years ago, I truly wish I could be more helpful. Hopefully something I said provides you with a sliver of usefulness.

What can be difficult in family businesses is that you may not be getting financially rewarded in line with your contributions. Think, would your happiness level increase simply by working for someone else and getting paid appropriately?

Like Meatman, I'd take a step back from moving out as the first step. This is because you may not have the savings to live off until you get your feet back on the ground, and living by yourself is not cheap regardless of which country you are in.

In the meanwhile, what I suggest you do is really think about what drives you, and what you want to achieve. As corny as it sounds, we all achieve the best results doing what enjoy doing the most. I wouldn't necessarily walk away from the construction industry, you wouldn't believe it but handyman skills go a long way and there could be heaps of slightly different paths in life you could branch out to.

Finally, some of the ideas the guys have floated about the military could work. For example, at least with the Australian armed forces, you can enrol in officer training and they bankroll your studies. Or maybe working in combat engineers regiment, you could apply your skills to a greater good?

I think at this point, you need to get out more and meet more people, make new friends; like IRL, and stuff. You don't know what you want to do so go out and see what people actually do for a living.

There's a lot of back-breaking, honestly menial, and somewhat repetitive side to pretty much everything that's worth doing. The byword there is "1% Inspiration, 99% Perspiration." You're still going to be doing hot asphalt roofs and water lines, in a sense, no matter where you go and what you decide to do. The change is in that you will want to do it, and what you're doing is laying down the groundwork for the future. A man that's just tiling a floor is just a man tiling a floor, but a man who wants his own construction business is doing it to gain insight into what his future workers will have to do, how they have to do it, and what it costs to do it. It's research and experience.

Sometimes you have to go away to find your way back home. Or not. Depends. But it definitely sounds like you need to go out and fly with your own wings for a few years.

Man, you sound just like me even right down to the age.

I was in a similar position, until I moved away from my hometown last April. I had been working with the same company since high school, and hated them. I'd lived in the same town from age 10-27. I saved up enough money to stay afloat until I could find new work in a new place, packed my car to the brim, and took off. It was liberating and horrifying. I'm now in a pretty sweet position, making good money, in the field I had intended to enter when I chose my major. This has been a harrowing yet strengthening process, with the unemployment and the one horrid job in between. It also has been really hard leaving my entire social circle behind, and I don't have that straight again yet. But I needed to do it to grow as a person, to show myself I could do real things.

Here's one piece of advice I don't think I saw here when I read the thread on my phone earlier: go at your own pace. Don't rush to move out ASAP. Save up some money, get comfortable with the idea. It's important that you do it, but it's more important that you don't end up in over your head.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. The way the world is now, I don't think we as young men are properly prepared for the world (likely the same for women, but I don't know, so I won't say). Used to be, you had choices to make when you graduated high school. With our generation, it seems our parents were far more heavy handed in what they expect you to do, what they would support you in doing. I've seen so many articles about the 80s and 90s kids being manbabies, but the writers don't fully account who's to blame for the situation. We were raised to do as we're told.

Don't go easy on yourself, but don't hold yourself to the standards of others either. if you find what makes you happy, stick with it. I don't think being married and having a mortgage at 25 is the standard anymore. You'll find your way, and if it's a few years later than your dad, your brother, whoever, who cares? Better late than never.

To that point though, realize nobody's going to do anything but you. Everyone's happy to tell you what to do, but the actual doing is up to you alone. You have to motivate yourself, kick yourself in the ass, show a load of discipline. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity, Mr. Einstein said.

Sorry that this was so rambly, but eh, it's late Saturday night. Sam Adams is the dude up here. Also I haven't read everything in the thread so apologies for any redundancies.

Oh and regarding schooling: in my experience you're not going to live or die because of it. I've worked with people with MBAs who would never get promoted past entry level because they don't have a lick of common sense or people skills, I've worked with people without any education that were great at their jobs and definite risers because they had a natural charisma or efficiency. Find your strengths and apply them where they're best suited.

Not to say a degree doesn't help, but people care far more about experience and personality than bookwork that may or may not apply.

From my own experience, no significant change can happen until you move out on your own. Period. That doesn't mean you don't find (a) roommate(s) or consider alternative housing (anyone young and poor and trying to live in the San Francisco Bay Area knows exactly what I mean). Independence begins when you can pay and maintain (however small) your own share of space on this Earth.

I hit that same wall you are looking at when I was 19. I didn't have any real job experiences to speak of - I don't count three years at a grocery store as a potential career - but the rest is very familiar. My solution was to join the military, the Air Force in particular. It didn't work out, long term, but it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Basic training made me push myself physically a lot harder than I had ever done, and the grinding repetition of each day made me appreciate the freedom of creating my own grinding, repeating days from before a lot more. After that, I went to an Army base to be taught Drafting and Surveying. There I saw that the Air Force was a great fit for me; even if the Navy guys were the most fun to party with. It was an amazing life for the months I was there, even though I despised surveying with a passion. All of that set me up with a new location, new career options and a new me. I got stationed in Las Vegas, doing more CAD work than surveying, working with great people in a regular day job (with the potential to get shipped off to war - details). I met some people who would become my best friends in a matter of days, lived on my own, had my own money and a job I liked. I found that being a part of something much bigger than myself was a real honor. When things with me and the military didn't work out, I had a small family of my own, but I had marketable job skills, and an opportunity to go back to school.

I would say that hitting up the military would be the easiest solution to what you are feeling. Not easy in the "this isn't difficult" way, just easy in the way it packages everything you say you are missing in one action. If that isn't appealing, I would talk to my bosses (your family, right?) and tell them you want a change of venue. I think most people feel that way every so often; they should understand and wish you well. Having a fall-back plan (coming back home and returning to your current job) will give you long-term peace of mind. For now, I would start off looking at a place you always wanted to go and seeing if you can find any work in that area - even construction work you don't like. The job dissatisfaction should be enough to get you looking for something else to pay the bills, but you would have enough money to not be eating crumbs to survive.

You've mentioned that the cash flow with you're current job is minimal. Is this primarily because you're paid so little or because there's so little work to do (Part-Time work of not too many hours)? If it is Part-Time, what about the possibility of getting another PT job in addition to what you're doing now? Sometimes just getting out of your rut, maybe even without the freefall of quitting your current job, could be a step. I really liked Blind_Evil's advice of going at your own pace. This could provide a chance to do this, esp if you saved 100% (or close to it) of the money you made from your second job to go towards a move. It could also help with the meeting people idea people keep floating.

@Meatman

Staying to get my feet wet at a low expense is logical, but it's an option I should've used years ago. Staying is being bound to a weight underwater. I can't rise up, and I'll only drown. Leaving is my decision.

And don't be hard on yourself! Of course I appreciate the kind words.

@Bfgp

You're right in that I don't have much savings, but I at least have to try. Thinking about what drives me is heavily on my mind.

@LarryC

Great points there. One of the things I most look forward to is socializing. The past me would be terrified about such a thing. I used to get so nervous about new situations and interactions that I would have physical reactions beyond what's normal. It's still a part of me somewhat, but much less so. I think Pencon helped me with that. At this last Pencon I was barely nervous, and actually introduced myself to people, which I would've never done years before.

Like I stated above, I have no hesitation when it comes to perspiration. I just want to enjoy, care, and maybe even be inspired by my work.

@ZaneRockfist

Kick ass, Fairy Princess!

@Blind_Evil

Not rambly at all. You greatly added to the conversation.

@demonbox

Yeah, this isn't a high paying job.

I worked on getting most of my room cleaned yesterday, and I'll finish today. After that, I plan to gather most of my stuff that's on the main floor. Scavenging the basement will be an adventure all itself. I should list my belongings into leave, keep, and give away/sell. Luckily I don't have many assets, so that'll help the process.

I'm still thinking on what I want to do next, what's best for me, and what my goals are. Should I just seek to move first and get temp work until I find something more stable? Look for a job that'll help with education? Send out emails to businesses I'd like to work at? Where would I start beyond my own limited knowledge of companies? Registering myself on job listing/resume sites? Doesn't sound like a great idea given my lack of experience, but I'll work at anything that may help.

If you are looking to start programming, check this thread man.
I learned enough to score a job from the advice given there.

I understand the military is certainly not for everyone. However, I've always thought the US Coast Guard would be a great alternative way to serve and gain valuable skills in a job that valiantly works at saving the lives and property of your fellow citizens right here at home. It may not be the right path for the OP but I'm throwing it out there anyway.

EDIT: I completely missed an earlier comment that government service was not an option. Of course, had I taken a closer look at people's avatars I might have guessed that myself. To thine own self be true, friend. It's never the easiest path holding firm to one's convictions.

Blind_Evil wrote:

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. The way the world is now, I don't think we as young men are properly prepared for the world (likely the same for women, but I don't know, so I won't say). Used to be, you had choices to make when you graduated high school. With our generation, it seems our parents were far more heavy handed in what they expect you to do, what they would support you in doing. I've seen so many articles about the 80s and 90s kids being manbabies, but the writers don't fully account who's to blame for the situation. We were raised to do as we're told.

Not to derail, but this inspires me to link to The Art of Manliness blog, and specifically their series Manvotional. It generally has good, inspiring rather than totally cliche or harmful advice, specifically directed toward men.

Not that spending even more time reading stuff online is necessarily a great recommendation, but the site is one I like to go to when I'm needing a shot of intellectual testosterone.

So much good advice here, but I really, really have to second Garion's advice of counselling.

Figuring out how you got stuck where you are is a big thing to tackle - but figuring it out can get you unstuck and moving in new directions (new people, new activities - both of which can lead to contacts and people to talk to about new career moves, and maybe some interesting romantic situations, too).

For me, when I was stuck in a similar situation, it was partially fear of the unknown, and some of it was thinking that I had to have my parents life; that is, I was supposed to hate my job because it if was fun, they wouldn't call it work. As it turns out, my therapist told me I had a "prison mentality" about my work life which kept me tethered to a job I really hated because I thought I was being responsible by being miserable in it.

I learned this thought pattern from watching and listening to my parents. It would seem, no matter how old you are, little pitchers really do have big ears. What started out as copy-cat behaviour (or going along with the norm of the people I know best) became my life - except it wasn't mine and I was unhappy in it.

cyrax wrote:

I'm still thinking on what I want to do next, what's best for me, and what my goals are. Should I just seek to move first and get temp work until I find something more stable? Look for a job that'll help with education? Send out emails to businesses I'd like to work at? Where would I start beyond my own limited knowledge of companies? Registering myself on job listing/resume sites? Doesn't sound like a great idea given my lack of experience, but I'll work at anything that may help.

If you have some time available, maybe talk to a career counsellor, or if you can think of some other jobs that you think you might be interested in, call or email the managers/owners and see if someone would be willing to sit down for a coffee with you and talk about what they do, how they got there, and the day to day stuff of doing that job. Most people will be hugely flattered to be asked, esp. as most people really like talking about their lives - you'll probably get a lot of positive responses. Once you have some better idea about the day to day realities of working in these other careers, then you can think about schooling (if needed) and resumes, and recruiters etc. (assuming you decide one of them is what you want to try and pursue).

Don't be too hard on yourself, either. It does take time to figure out what you want to do - and not everyone knows what they want for a lifelong career straight out of high school.

I'm in just about the same situation as you are with a few exceptions (which I won't get into here as I don't want to hijack your thread), and I would just like to say thank you, I've felt like a was the only one who felt this way for so long and while I knew it wasn't true it still means alot to me to know someone else feels the same way I do.

PS: sorry if I come off as a little sappy, but if I spend too much time thinking over this message I know I'll never actually post it.

EDIT: Hopefully my post is much clearer and a little less sappy.

Just to draw out what a few others have said: you've described the push factors in your current situation, but IMO you really need to find that pull factor. Something you want, rather than something you don't, as it were. Community college was mentioned, but an even quicker and easier way of doing the sampler approach would be to go through a wide range of things like TED talks or Khan Academy stuff until you find something that excites you. Once you have that goal in mind, most of the answers to your other questions will shake out a lot more easily.

It doesn't need to be an especially long-term goal either - find something you want to do now, and that will naturally progress to other jobs that you find interesting.

Go hike the AT. Will give you plenty of time to think.