Stupid little bags of testosterone

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I herpes you guys. I really do.

I October 19th you herpes.

I should really not be laughing this hard at herpa herpa herpa.

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MilkmanDanimal wrote:

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Herpy derp?

I now officially read it as "herps"; there is no longer a second syllable.

Herp derp.

I herpes this thread so much.

I herpes it so much I had to do it twice!

Sorry, late to the party due to herpes.

So trichy, the first boyfriend seems to be actually a nice guy?
Dude, does this mean that you won't need the Non-Euclidean Enema Machine (now that's what I call a 'Deep One') that you hired me to clean and prime for you?
Took me months; wasn't easy to extract the tormented essence of the fallen from the Sook Ching Massacre. Luckily I live near one of the beaches but that was the reason you outsourced the job to me in the first place. Are you going to reimburse me for the 23 liters of tortured chicken blood?

Maybe you can resell it on Craigslist?

clover wrote:

Maybe you can resell it on Craigslist?

Nahh, the NEEM is actually antipodally locked to trichy so it's his to sell; not my call, I'm just the tech guy. Besides, that's what all the chicken blood is for. I have to soak in it for 34 minutes with bits of trichy's hair sewed into my scalp in various places just so the NEEM would stop screaming and killing any pigeons between the ages of 2 to 7 months within a 55 meter radius each time I cross the threshold of the protective circle the delivery guys put around it.

But thanks Clover, bringing up Craigslist...I just got inspired to start advertising my repair services. Guess it's time to put my certification to use. Ahhh, I still remember the day I was rewarded it, the Elder Sign in the bottom corner was a nice touch and the 14^! by 19^! wound on my back where they flayed off the piece of skin to make it is healing nicely. I have it embedded in the flesh wall of my workshop but still can't look at it at right angles without crying tears of blood.

Guess I should answer that ad on craigslist from that lady that wants her set of Byzantine stone figurines appraised. She only has two left after using the other 9 for revenge on her "ex-lovers" as she calls them. She's been meaning to sell the pair off after accidentally cutting her finger on one of them and now wakes up to find them in poses where the other one looks to be trying to strangle the first.

See kids, if you develop a marketable skillset, you won't want for work even in a recession!

...I wish I could sig that entire post.

OK Trichy, get all prospective suitors to read this thread, then, under dim light, ask them if they 'want in'.

That should sort the wheat from the chaff.

23 liters?! Your estimate clearly only called for 13 liters. Listen, I'm still interested in a machine that can irrigate the colons of potential suitors with the screams of the damned, but if you try to pull that kind of "only cursed by a minor demon when you promised me the unholy blessing of an unspeakable Elder god" sh*t with me, I'll have a negative review on Angie's List so fast it'll make your head spin. Don't push me. I'll make sure people call RotoRooter for their Eldrich needs before they come knocking on your door.

Why has no one made a herpetology joke yet? You people make me sad.

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trichy wrote:

I'll have a negative review on Angie's List so fast it'll make your head spin.

Literally.

If you really like this kid then you will tell your daughter how much you don't like him and then tell her you trust her to do the right thing thus assuring they will be dating at least until graduation. I have seen this twice with both my sisters.

Grenn wrote:

If you really like this kid then you will tell your daughter how much you don't like him and then tell her you trust her to do the right thing thus assuring they will be dating at least until graduation. I have seen this twice with both my sisters.

You dated both your sisters against the wishes of your father until they graduated?

Jonman wrote:
Grenn wrote:

If you really like this kid then you will tell your daughter how much you don't like him and then tell her you trust her to do the right thing thus assuring they will be dating at least until graduation. I have seen this twice with both my sisters.

You dated both your sisters against the wishes of your father until they graduated? :shock:

Hey, give him credit. If it had continued after graduation, it would have been, you know, weird.

Jonman wrote:
Grenn wrote:

If you really like this kid then you will tell your daughter how much you don't like him and then tell her you trust her to do the right thing thus assuring they will be dating at least until graduation. I have seen this twice with both my sisters.

You dated both your sisters against the wishes of your father until they graduated? :shock:

If you can't keep it in the pants..

You can all go herpes yourselves.

Dude...Take it easy, I think there is some level of mis-communication here, let me go over the Work Order again. Ok it says here that you were the one to order the NEEM directly from Angie's. You even put forward the down payment of a bag of your own hair, toe nail clippings and your GPS coordinates to have it be locked antipodally to yourself. From our conversations, I thought you had experience with such devices (refer to your tag).

The work order then continues that you specifically made arrangements for the NEEM to be shipped to me, your certified Eldrich Technician, for set up and priming. Says here that you were "inspired by Chumpy" to have the irrigation medium that will be introduced into said suitor's colon to be "the murdered screaming souls of Chinese men". Well I emailed you a month and a half back that I managed to extract 66 of such from the very sands of Changi Beach, one of the sites of the above mentioned Sook Ching Massacre that took place during the Japanese Occupation of Singapore back in World War 2 (the Mundane one). At no extra charge for my increased labor I might add. Just needed 10 more liters. Didn't hear back from you, figured you were busy getting ready the brass cage and protective circle to house the NEEM at home, and so went ahead anyway. My initiative, your bonus.

Aww man, not RotoRooster again. Ok ok, tell you what, I'll absorb the extra cost for the 10 liters, you still take the NEEM and pay me the agreed sum. Just do me a favor and help spread my name around to all your other friends who are also playing with their souls in the acquisition and use of unholy/unspeakable relics from the Deep? Thanks man, I'm only just starting out.

Sheesh, now I remember why I didn't get into this sooner, providing Customer Service is HELL.

clover wrote:

...I wish I could sig that entire post.

Well if you don't mind hearing more details about Eldrich Maintenance Work Orders in a short-form, episodic, story format with irregular updates, I could start a new thread and stop hijacking Trichy's...

YES

All right, all right, I've calmed down. That's fair. And just for you:

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Falchion wrote:

Well if you don't mind hearing more details about Eldrich Maintenance Work Orders in a short-form, episodic, story format with irregular updates, I could start a new thread and stop hijacking Trichy's...

I WOULD SUBSCRIBE TO THAT!

Grenn wrote:

You can all go herpes yourselves.

What makes a man turn to incest? Lust for sister? Power? Or were you just born with a heart made of recessive genes?

Why did you a**holes take this beautiful thread about teenage girls dating, and make it all about herpes?

athros wrote:
Falchion wrote:

Well if you don't mind hearing more details about Eldrich Maintenance Work Orders in a short-form, episodic, story format with irregular updates, I could start a new thread and stop hijacking Trichy's...

I WOULD SUBSCRIBE TO THAT!

You know, Falchion, Nanowrimo just started...

Double post for the Great Old Ones.