GWJ Writer's Throwdown: October 2012: Monsters With Jobs

October: When Western Man begins to think of things creeping and crawling. The graves of imagination are breached, and the phantasms of our darkest fears sing hosannas to the coming darkness of winter. So, really...what better time to write? It's either that, or hide under the bed, and frankly, the stuff under the bed is probably scarier. (Maybe that's just me.)

Your Challenge Theme; should you choose to accept it: Monsters With Jobs. Monsters have to make a living too, you know. Have you priced exotic spiders? And don't even get me started on the negotiations with unionized minions. Think: Herman Munster as an undertaker, Wittilda delivering pizza by broomstick, Dracula finding a room for Bugs Bunny. Make it funny, or make it scary, or make it about TPS Cover Sheets, but make it about how your monster puts slugs on the table.

Bonus Words:

  • hornswoggle verb [with object]: get the better of (someone) by cheating or deception: the day would soon arrive when Peter would see he’d been well and truly hornswoggled.
  • pareidolia noun: the imagined perception of a pattern or meaning where it does not actually exist. (There is an universal tendency among mankind to conceive all beings like themselves, and to transfer to every object, those qualities, with which they are familiarly acquainted, and of which they are intimately conscious. We find human faces in the moon, armies in the clouds; and by a natural propensity, if not corrected by experience and reflection, ascribe malice or good- will to every thing, that hurts or pleases us. --David Hume)
  • Savoury adjective: 1(of food) belonging to the category which is salty or spicy rather than sweet: fresh pineapple is useful in savoury as well as in sweet dishes. 2 [usually with negative] morally wholesome or acceptable: everyone knew it was a front for less savoury operations. noun (plural savouries)chiefly British: a savoury snack: refreshments include cakes and savouries.

As always, host your story on your server of choice, and post a link to it here. I'm sure we're all trying to limber up for NaNoWriMo next month, so any length, up to about 5k words. If you can do it in haiku, more power to you.

Ready, set....punch that timeclock!

I'm in and so is my avatar... though I'm also without an idea!

Sweet. Time to get brewing with the creepy and crawly ideas.

Hmmmm... well I could...

*Hurries away to make notes*

I'm in!

Also, I like the bonus word, "hornswoggle". No idea how I'll work it in, but I like it.

Well, turned up with two ideas, one longer than the other, one more blatantly humorous, another less so. Let's see where these worms go...

Oddly enough I was grinding over this idea a while ago. It's the prelude to something, but should make for a few pages of reading.

http://redchronicle.blogspot.com/

Well, here's my first crack at this month's challenge. I have another one being cooked up but it may do away with one or two of the bonus words

This one's not so job-ish, but I think it fits the bill, after all.

What's a-crackin'

Cold.

I also commented very late on last month's entries if you didn't notice and care to take a look.

I would love to join in if I could. Are there any rules / limits in terms of, say, language or gore that I should be aware of?

Omaha wrote:

I would love to join in if I could. Are there any rules / limits in terms of, say, language or gore that I should be aware of?

You are more than welcome to join! We haven't really discussed anything in terms of language, graphic depictions of gore or otherwise, but, personally, I don't think you need to censor yourself in any way so long as it serves the story's purpose.

If you happen to write something you feel might be a little shocking or objectionable for some, a disclaimer or warning about the contents should be enough, I think.

Awesome

Omaha wrote:

I would love to join in if I could. Are there any rules / limits in terms of, say, language or gore that I should be aware of?

Sorry; I've been just slammed, and thought I responded...but apparently I forgot to hit "post" or something.

Jump on in! No restrictions; however, as a favor to me, I'd like a head's up if it moves into Clockwork Orange territory. Sexualized violence is problematic for me, but Clive Barker territory is great. Not saying you shouldn't write Clockwork Orange...it's a literary masterpiece; but I'd like advance warning, please.

Edit to say: My goodness, some of you are quick bunnies with your stories! I'm not ignoring your work; but as always, I want to get mine finished (in this case, started) before I read anyone else's and accidentally absorb your brilliance.

Damn it; I'm 3500 words into a story, which the characters totally took in a direction I was not expecting...and now; I don't have a motive for the crime that started the whole story. Man, characters are like kids; give them an inch, and they'll take over the entire plot. Not only that; it was only supposed to be an O'Henry length short story; but the damn thing is turning into a Proust epic. On the upside; Chief Inspector Dash Dumpty, hard boiled detective, is pretty funny.

My idea morphed into something not too monstery.... (though it depends on your personal definition of monster, i suppose). I think I might be out of this one.

Duoae wrote:

My idea morphed into something not too monstery.... (though it depends on your personal definition of monster, i suppose). I think I might be out of this one.

Na! The challenges are just writing prompts, not a mandatory assignment. Show your work, man!

Here is mine.

Beneath the surface

I nearly went off piste on this one but I think I'm still just about within the rules. I didn't get any bonus words in. They didn't fit naturally an would have jarred a little I think. I had several other titles but, even though I really liked them, I felt they gave too much away:

Spoiler:

They'll be red
The Lock Keeper

EDIT: I may update this shortly if you want to hold off reading it. I knew there was a flaw but I may have a solution. I'd be interesting in thoughts if you have read or want to read this version.

It's taken me a while, but here's my contribution: The Finer Things.

Now to read all the other tales posted here!

EDIT: I had some tense issues with this one - I feel pretty sure I didn't catch all of them, either. Sorry!

I've got an idea framework, and a layout, but I've barely got a watercooler conversation written. With my work schedule, I don't know if this is going to happen, but I haven't given up yet.

momgamer wrote:

I've got an idea framework, and a layout, but I've barely got a watercooler conversation written. With my work schedule, I don't know if this is going to happen, but I haven't given up yet.

Well, I'm rooting for you, I want more stories to read (no selfish agenda here...)

Beneath the Surface - I like the smugness of the lock keeper - he's got a very, "Oh, you stupid kids and your fancy gadgets." sort of tone to him that I really enjoyed. I feel like this story could have gone a bit longer to draw out the tension in a few spots, but overall, I like it.

Also:

Spoiler:

Alex dies horribly, doesn't he? Those red things give me the shivers - and I like that you never really quite describe or explain them. My imagination filled in with all sorts of horrors.

Cold - Is this about what I think it is (

Spoiler:

a guy who is pregnant

)? I would have like to hear more about the research Dmitri's parents were doing - that sounds very interesting. And about the nudity thing too - did something happen earlier that he felt compelled to take all his clothes off? Or was that because of sexytimes with Anna? It could be that this one went over my head a little bit, but I felt that there weren't quite enough details for me to really understand what was happening to/with Dmitri.

What's-a-crackin - I laughed at Jim's idea of where the board could stick their directives. And I liked Jim's contempt for his bosses and humans in general. It was funny, but also a little sad. Makes me imagine that there might be some creatures out there that really do think we're making a total mess of this place as a species. I know this is only meant to be a short story, but I hope one day you'll expand on it because I want to hear what happens with Jim.

Spoiler:

What does he decide? How does that go? Does he finally finish us all off so he doesn't have to wait for us to do it ourselves?

Miashara's story on Red Chronicle - I like Timothy, he's much braver than I was as a kid. I hid in bed with my teddy bear, and hoped that as I fell asleep, my homemade Care Bear was battling the forces of evil under my bed, and the undead in the closet.

I would have liked to hear more about their first meeting - how did Timothy finally get up the courage? What did he say to break the ice? It would be interesting to hear that from a kid's point of view, because it takes serious balls to befriend the monsters under your bed.

Mimble wrote:

Beneath the Surface - I like the smugness of the lock keeper - he's got a very, "Oh, you stupid kids and your fancy gadgets." sort of tone to him that I really enjoyed. I feel like this story could have gone a bit longer to draw out the tension in a few spots, but overall, I like it.

Also:

Spoiler:

Alex dies horribly, doesn't he? Those red things give me the shivers - and I like that you never really quite describe or explain them. My imagination filled in with all sorts of horrors.

Thanks. I'm working on a new version at the moment. I was trying to keep it just from Alex's point of view but adding in some of the lock keepers motivations will add more tension. I'm starting to feel that I perhaps don't have enough faith in my own abilities and am trying to keep everything short. I'll have to have a little more faith.

Spoiler:

Yes he dies a horrible death. I did mention that the red things were freshwater crabs (it might be an idea to make them less distinct.) I've since realised that your average freshwater crab literally couldn't fight it's way out of a wet paper bag and would only feed on a body after it had been softened for a week or three.

I've really enjoyed all of the stories so far. Mimble, yours was a great morning coffee time read.

Spoiler:

I loved this story and am thrilled with the "happily ever after" ending. I found myself really caring about Alex and Sarah very quickly and was worried about them and Boris! If you had done anything bad to them I might have gone all Annie Wilkes on you. Great story telling right there! I can't help it if I kept picturing Shrek, but that's how lovable your characters are. Who doesn't love a sensitive and thoughtful ogre?

The others I enjoyed reading last night.

Beneath the Surface: great sense of doom, great imagery.

Spoiler:

My mind kept going back to the swamp in The Witcher - this story illustrates pretty much how I felt every time I had to go there for a quest! I thought the lock keeper in particular with his vague warnings was very Stephen King-y, and I mean that as a compliment.

What's a-crackin':

Spoiler:

after finishing the story, realized how clever the title is. Great spin on our 'reality'.

I think I'll give Cold another read through:

Spoiler:

reminds me of some of JD Salinger' or even Raould Dhal's short stories, I'm not really sure I 'got it' the first time around.

edit:

Spoiler:

ok, still don't get it, need a guide. :)

Somehow missed Miashara's link - need to go read that one.

I'm lovin' these monster stories! I'm not a writer nor a critic, and really didn't intend on commenting so much, but I hope you appreciate the feedback. I'm looking forward to reading more stories, keep them coming people!!

duckideva wrote:
Duoae wrote:

My idea morphed into something not too monstery.... (though it depends on your personal definition of monster, i suppose). I think I might be out of this one.

Na! The challenges are just writing prompts, not a mandatory assignment. Show your work, man!

Here's mine, then. It's a strange thing but mostly trying to put myself in the mind and world of something completely alien.

Mimble wrote:

Cold - Is this about what I think it is (

Spoiler:

a guy who is pregnant

)? I would have like to hear more about the research Dmitri's parents were doing - that sounds very interesting. And about the nudity thing too - did something happen earlier that he felt compelled to take all his clothes off? Or was that because of sexytimes with Anna? It could be that this one went over my head a little bit, but I felt that there weren't quite enough details for me to really understand what was happening to/with Dmitri.

That's kind of funny (the spoiler part). What it's supposed to be about:

Spoiler:

He's the invisible man and he's dying (complicated by the fact that it's hard to treat an invisible man). It originally was going to be humorous (the invisible man becoming a fashion model--hey, it was before Photoshop) but I was rather melancholic when I started to write. I didn't do much editing and the story is pretty vague. It's a rorschach test!

Mimble wrote:

What's-a-crackin - I laughed at Jim's idea of where the board could stick their directives. And I liked Jim's contempt for his bosses and humans in general. It was funny, but also a little sad. Makes me imagine that there might be some creatures out there that really do think we're making a total mess of this place as a species. I know this is only meant to be a short story, but I hope one day you'll expand on it because I want to hear what happens with Jim.

Spoiler:

What does he decide? How does that go? Does he finally finish us all off so he doesn't have to wait for us to do it ourselves?

Glad it was enjoyable. It's my stab at comedy and I have always doubted my ability at making others laugh when not at my own expense. As for what the main character would go on to do, well...

Spoiler:

Since Jim is the Kraken/Cthulhu, we can logically assume from the myths that he does eventually rise up to the surface to "die/drive all to madness" on the day the world ends. Then again, if we went with a more whimsical approach - and I did toy around with such ideas - Jim may simply decide to make the best of his tenure on Earth and subvert the Board's authority (where are they anyways, right?) by making himself known to Human kind and perhaps using them for his own goals or amusement. A spin on the Cthulhu angle but with a hedonistic twist born out of boredom.

SillyRabbit wrote:

What's a-crackin':

Spoiler:

after finishing the story, realized how clever the title is. Great spin on our 'reality'.

I'm lovin' these monster stories! I'm not a writer nor a critic, and really didn't intend on commenting so much, but I hope you appreciate the feedback. I'm looking forward to reading more stories, keep them coming people!!

Thank you kindly! Glad you enjoyed the punny title All feedback is welcome!

As for my reviews of what I have read so far:

Miashara's Piece: Nice Ambrose Bierce reference there. I especially dig the setting;

Spoiler:

little kid, monsters under the bed, great creatures of power relegated to being the boogey men children chance upon.

While I liked it, I do feel it was a bit on the short side. I think it could have been fleshed out a bit more, but that's just my opinion; I wanted to read more about it, Carcosa and the King in Yellow being fiction favorites of mine. If you write more, it being a prelude as you state, do let me know!

Cold: I like it, it reads very intimate. However, the monster - if it is, indeed, about one - I simply did not recognize. Some help, perhaps? *** After your spoiler, I did think he might be

Spoiler:

invisible (when he looked down),

but then got confused about it. Knowing it now, though, it only seems obvious. You would think we would be more perspicacious readers!

The Finer Things: Very well written, the characters were likable and I almost shed a happy tear - quite literally - at the turn of events at the end. Good stuff!

Beneath the Surface: Despite some editing needed to clean up the text a bit, I found the story very well told. I must agree with SillyRabbit in the Stephen King/Short story feel to it.

Spoiler:

I would discard describing the creatures as crabs, but rather call them crab-like instead. I think the volume is just fine and the pacing seems quite natural.

There's an underlying humor to it - or maybe it's just my twisted little head interpreting it as such - that I found quite clever.

Just read Duoae's offering. Found it quite good. I think you achieved what you were aiming for, there. Thought there may have been a couple of sentences somewhere in there that stood out as difficult or inconsistent, it was pretty much a homerun, so to speak

brokenclavicle wrote:

Just read Duoae's offering. Found it quite good. I think you achieved what you were aiming for, there. Thought there may have been a couple of sentences somewhere in there that stood out as difficult or inconsistent, it was pretty much a homerun, so to speak :D

Wow! Thanks! I need to read through all the offerings of you guys.

Mimble wrote:

Miashara's story on Red Chronicle - I like Timothy, he's much braver than I was as a kid. I hid in bed with my teddy bear, and hoped that as I fell asleep, my homemade Care Bear was battling the forces of evil under my bed, and the undead in the closet.

This is the reasonable reaction, much like calling the police when there's an intruder in your house. Making friends with the monsters under your bed, well, it's the stuff of fiction but probably not a good long-term idea.

I would have liked to hear more about their first meeting - how did Timothy finally get up the courage? What did he say to break the ice? It would be interesting to hear that from a kid's point of view, because it takes serious balls to befriend the monsters under your bed.

It's called Savant White. That should probably have been mentioned somewhere.

The concern was it starts as a framing story because it's hard to develop exactly how bad Daren and Helen in a subtle way. As such I didn't want to dive into Timothy's interactions with the rest. The thing about kid characters is I like to build them based on their reactions, and thus wanted to show some actions Timothy could react to. Suggestions duly noted and appreciated, though. I'll think about that. Thanks.

brokenclavicle wrote:

Miashara's Piece: Nice Ambrose Bierce reference there. I especially dig the setting;

Spoiler:

little kid, monsters under the bed, great creatures of power relegated to being the boogey men children chance upon.

While I liked it, I do feel it was a bit on the short side. I think it could have been fleshed out a bit more, but that's just my opinion; I wanted to read more about it, Carcosa and the King in Yellow being fiction favorites of mine. If you write more, it being a prelude as you state, do let me know!

In huge quantities. To both reading RWC/AB and writing more. It's skirting the edge of being fanfiction already, though given how much HPL borrowed and got away with, it should be good.

Also noted. I'll mull over the scene and try to see what's lacking. Thanks.

brokenclavicle wrote:

Beneath the Surface: Despite some editing needed to clean up the text a bit, I found the story very well told. I must agree with SillyRabbit in the Stephen King/Short story feel to it.

Spoiler:

I would discard describing the creatures as crabs, but rather call them crab-like instead. I think the volume is just fine and the pacing seems quite natural.

There's an underlying humor to it - or maybe it's just my twisted little head interpreting it as such - that I found quite clever.

Spoiler:

It's a great idea to keep the creatures in that first version of the story as indistinct. It makes them scarier and gets around the crab problem :)

The black fen

Here is the revised version of the story I was working on. I've changed the title. It's very similar (before the rowing boat sets off it's pretty much identical) but I've added some short scenes from the lock keepers point of view which, hopefully, adds more tension. I found a different solution for the bit at the end. If you haven't read my earlier version read this one and let me know what you think. If you did read the earlier one I'm not expecting you to wade (not pun intended) through this one but if you fancy doing so it'd be interested in your thoughts. It may be a case where a 'fixed' version loses the impact the original had.

I apologies for general bad editing on my part. I read through and fix everything and then I'll read through again and find a whole new batch of obvious things that needed fixing. I'm sure I must have missed or introduced new mistakes.

Spoiler:

One of my favourite additions in this version is the over saturated TV (based on real events.) What kind of a person doesn't fix the saturation on their TV!!?

Still haven't read the others yet but I promise to get around to it tonight or tomorrow. However, as I was beginning preparation for NanoWriMo 2012 (Cheater's edition) I stumbled across a short scene I wrote ages ago and thought it might go well here. Enjoy!

Rita shook herself free from the grip tightening across her chest and watched the figure at the end of the alley move along, continuing on with its own, probably mundane, life.

Looking around at the collected drifts of rubbish that lined the sides of the alley, the steam rising from the rusty grates set into the floor and the crude graffiti lining the squarely cut brick walls, she sighed and lifted herself from behind the large bin. Her breath was ragged from the short, panicked run she’d made from the road. Rita shook her head and a wry smile crept across her face.

“Silly girl…” she chided.

Straightening, she brushed off the dust and grime from her brown three-quarter length overcoat and started back towards the end of the alley assuming her usual calm, impassioned demeanour.

Wind ruffled the papers around her; fluttering and flapping to its implacable will. Paper scraped and crackled down the alleyway: lilliputian thunder. Rita stopped dead. The cold sound of a footstep sounded behind her. Her head flung round, twisting her body as her legs tensed – ready to flee.

Nothing. The alley stood empty, blankly staring back at her. Rita huffed the air out of her lungs, annoyed at her stupidity. She started back out of the alleyway and stopped dead in her tracks.

Sheer terror rippled through her body, muscles spasming uncontrollably, eyes white and mouth agape. Her body failed to respond in any meaningful way as the thing approached her and took hold of her arm. A calmness fell over Rita as she gazed into the two pits of darkness in its head. She slumped to the ground and the thing released her arm.

“Silly girl…”, the monster mimicked.

It's funny reading this now because, even though I don't practice very often, I feel like I'm seeing the mistakes and clumsiness more readily than I did back when I wrote this.