GWJ Writer's Throwdown: August 2012 Edition

Let's get ready to scribble! It's the August Throwdown: (a wee bit early, because I'll be out of town on the 1st.) Throwdown suggested by: FridgeGremlin!.

The Challenge: Write a story using only dialogue, with no blocking or set direction. Try to avoid long monologues and exposition. Here's Terry Bisson doing it right.

Ground Rules for August Throwdown:

  1. Complete an entire story arc using only dialogue.
  2. Any genre.
  3. Any number of distinct characters.
  4. Post the story somewhere else.
  5. Link to it in this thread.
  6. Read and opine on other people's stories
  7. Make suggestions for September's challenge!

Ok I have one in production. Bit of a Lovecraftian theme :).

Alright, time to get started.

Brainstorming at ease, here. Nothing really sticking, but we'll see what happens...

I've finished my entry.

Benched

One character has a tendency to talk in caps. Originally I though of having three characters all the way through and that the caps, as well as being a 'monster voice,' would help with clarity. Knocking it back down to two characters I could have done away with the caps but the big booming voice that the caps suggest had become part of the monsters character (he has a tendency to talk in declarative statements.)

There are a couple of Lovecraftian in-jokes but I think they have a good chance of working even if you don't know what they are alluding to in Lovecraft's work.

Man, I have got nothing for this one so far. I've tossed more ideas than I can count, because they all sort of end up like Waiting for Godot. Nobody wants that. Especially Godot.

Higgledy, I'm looking forward to reading yours, but I'm waiting to read everyone's after I've gotten mine written...so; I really need to get mine written.

No problem :). It's a good idea to try and avoid being influenced by others.

Sometimes narrowing your options subject wise is good. I used to write sketches for amateur dramatics and having a subject for a show focused the mind (I'd still spend the first couple of weeks thinking I had nothing before my subconscious spat out several decent ideas.) The Olympics might be fertile ground :).

I just got back from vacation, but I've got an idea and I'll get cracking on this. Yayfun!

Ok, I've got mine finished. I need to get it posted somewhere after I reread it tomorrow...but I'm done. Yay!

Alrighty, got mine up: Run, Rabbit, Run. I'm not sure the ending works the way I want it to...I don't know if I write snark as well as I speak it.

Higgledy wrote:

I've finished my entry.

Benched

One character has a tendency to talk in caps. Originally I though of having three characters all the way through and that the caps, as well as being a 'monster voice,' would help with clarity. Knocking it back down to two characters I could have done away with the caps but the big booming voice that the caps suggest had become part of the monsters character (he has a tendency to talk in declarative statements.)

There are a couple of Lovecraftian in-jokes but I think they have a good chance of working even if you don't know what they are alluding to in Lovecraft's work.

Oh, that was great fun! I very much liked the monster. I agree that the typography works well for storytelling in this instance.

I managed to get mine done. I'm not sure if it's 100% finished. Only time will tell. Normal.

I enjoyed your entry a lot, Ducki! I mostly loved Paul's silence. Not stopping the fight was obvious, it was great that Brian did not understand that.

EDIT: I decided to jump start the WriMo thread early this year, just so people can start planning or deciding if they want to participate.

duckideva wrote:
Higgledy wrote:

I've finished my entry.

Benched

One character has a tendency to talk in caps. Originally I though of having three characters all the way through and that the caps, as well as being a 'monster voice,' would help with clarity. Knocking it back down to two characters I could have done away with the caps but the big booming voice that the caps suggest had become part of the monsters character (he has a tendency to talk in declarative statements.)

There are a couple of Lovecraftian in-jokes but I think they have a good chance of working even if you don't know what they are alluding to in Lovecraft's work.

Oh, that was great fun! I very much liked the monster. I agree that the typography works well for storytelling in this instance.

Thanks

Here's mine: Surveillance

I'm throwing my hat in the ring: The Hours.

So do people want feedback or is this more of just a writing prompt (a much needed one in my case--I really benefit from the "narrowing options" structure)?

McFinn wrote:

I'm throwing my hat in the ring: The Hours.

So do people want feedback or is this more of just a writing prompt (a much needed one in my case--I really benefit from the "narrowing options" structure)?

Go ahead and give feedback! It's sort of half the point of this here thread/club, non?

Dominic Knight wrote:

I managed to get mine done. I'm not sure if it's 100% finished. Only time will tell. Normal.

I enjoyed your entry a lot, Ducki! I mostly loved Paul's silence. Not stopping the fight was obvious, it was great that Brian did not understand that.

EDIT: I decided to jump start the WriMo thread early this year, just so people can start planning or deciding if they want to participate.

Ok, you have to imagine me putting on my editor's hat. (A little black number with beading and feathers. It's fabulous.)

I'm not sure I understand what's going on in this story. I get that there's conflict, but I don't get to explore the characters at all, so I don't understand *why* there is conflict; or who the characters are, or what there relationship is to one another.

I can tell that this story and characters are defined for you, the writer; but I don't feel as though you've defined them for me, the reader. It's one of the things that really tricky about dialogue, it's so hard for descriptive writers to only express themselves through the character voice, without being able to set the scene.

If you have any interest in revisiting it, I would like to understand the dynamics of the relationships. I'd like to know why Devin is using stilted language patterns. Who is Silas and why is nobody seeming to react to his comments? I can tell that there's significantly more to the story that I've gotten, and I'd like to explore what has been left unwritten.

muttonchop wrote:

Here's mine: Surveillance

Well, so which is it? Clones or tunnels?

I really liked this. The tone was pitch perfect for the conversation that was being held. The relationship between the two of them was immediately clear. I love the fact that it remained gender neutral because I think it lets the reader create the character as they see them. (For instance, in my reading; it's a nine-year old, freckled, ginger girl... perhaps because my best friend at that age would totally have watched the neighbors and discovered paranormal conspiracies. Man, I miss her.)

Well done, you!

McFinn wrote:

I'm throwing my hat in the ring: The Hours.

So do people want feedback or is this more of just a writing prompt (a much needed one in my case--I really benefit from the "narrowing options" structure)?

I really love the speech pattern/vocabulary choices you've made. I sort of instantly fall into that Edwardian vibe. And I want to hear more from the characters. I would like them to talk about where they are, and how they got there.

You mention "the trio" in the second sentence; which leads the reader to think that "the trio" plays some role in the story, but you never mention them again.

Same with automne...which if you just mean the season, I'm not sure why you'd have the character switch to French, so as the reader, I was thinking perhaps it was Baudelaire's Chant d'automne - Fleurs du mal which was making the trio so sad, but it never came up again.

I would read more about these characters and this story, and I think it would be really cool if you expanded it.

muttonchop wrote:

Here's mine: Surveillance

I kind of like the way it meanders off topic at the end. Makes it feel like a bit of unexplained weirdness in a normal (ish) day.

duckideva wrote:

Alrighty, got mine up: Run, Rabbit, Run. I'm not sure the ending works the way I want it to...I don't know if I write snark as well as I speak it.

Great and slightly surreal :). The ending didn't work completely for me possibly because the father son relationship had to be processed at the same time as the punch line. It might work better to have the character idents as Father and Son.

duckideva wrote:
Dominic Knight wrote:

I managed to get mine done. I'm not sure if it's 100% finished. Only time will tell. Normal.

I enjoyed your entry a lot, Ducki! I mostly loved Paul's silence. Not stopping the fight was obvious, it was great that Brian did not understand that.

EDIT: I decided to jump start the WriMo thread early this year, just so people can start planning or deciding if they want to participate.

Ok, you have to imagine me putting on my editor's hat. (A little black number with beading and feathers. It's fabulous.)

I'm not sure I understand what's going on in this story. I get that there's conflict, but I don't get to explore the characters at all, so I don't understand *why* there is conflict; or who the characters are, or what there relationship is to one another.

I can tell that this story and characters are defined for you, the writer; but I don't feel as though you've defined them for me, the reader. It's one of the things that really tricky about dialogue, it's so hard for descriptive writers to only express themselves through the character voice, without being able to set the scene.

If you have any interest in revisiting it, I would like to understand the dynamics of the relationships. I'd like to know why Devin is using stilted language patterns. Who is Silas and why is nobody seeming to react to his comments? I can tell that there's significantly more to the story that I've gotten, and I'd like to explore what has been left unwritten.

This is definitely unfinished, but I'm stuck as to where I can presently take the dialogue. I had to keep cutting off the description I wanted to add, because body language with Devan is far more important than anyone else. Not to mention, it'd be tough to touch on the conflict lightly and not outright say what it is.

The other drabbles I've used those characters in make more sense because of the description.

Well, here's my little drop in the sea of submissions hehehe. I had to scrap my original idea because I felt that telling it in dialogue was a disservice to how I envisioned it. So I instead came up with this:

Uncle Jacob?

Hope it's not to terrible! My apologies in advance!

Alright. Here's my reviews so far:

"Normal", good stuff, though the ending does seem to be a bit off... like there really should be something else there... maybe he gives in entirely too easily?

"The Hours": nice rhythm to it. Very comfortable dialogue, comfy. Didn't get much about what it was about though, not really, so I'm not sure what you were going for there, but I did enjoy it.

"Run, Rabbit, Run": thought it was a great bit of school fiction, for lack of a better term in my sleep-addled mind. The ending was interesting in a comedic way.

"Surveillance": Good stuff! Out of the ones I've read so far, it seemed like the best one, imo. Simple and concise. Tells everything it needs.

"Benched": Good mythos-type stuff with a good hint of satire. Dig the grandma a lot.

"Room 304": Awesome! I almost lol'ed

Almost forgot about this. Didn't have much time this month (that's a lie, I had plenty), but here's what I've got. It's a pretty rough, dialogue-only approach to another story I've been working on sporadically.

Have at!

Edit: I'll do some commenting on other stories when I'm not at work.

Benched. Made me laugh a couple times. Loved your "art installation" comment. For me, a couple of times Zellus got a little too out of character. Also I think you could take Molly's literal description of Zellus and instead use a unflattering comparison/slight that still goes unnoticed by Zellus (who may take it as an unintended compliment). If you do more with it, I think the middle section could use a bit more tweaking. Entertaining read.

Run, Rabbit, Run! Dethatched! Some amusing descriptions, although I wasn't sure if I was dealing with this world or one where chili really does fight back (aside from digestive skirmishes). The ending threw me since I hadn't seen the father/son relationship (if that's right), except for the "methodology" comment not sounding like a kid. The sequence seems like it could be in a movie.

Normal. I'm not familiar with previous entries, and with the dialogue so clipped, I didn't have anything to anchor me to the story. I think you kind of went even farther with my approach--a conversation that didn't add much extraneous information for the reader.

Surveillance. But, clones or not? Pretty good natural flow and slice of life. Wasn't sure of the relationship throughout. My take progressed from friends -> siblings -> mother/child -> older/younger siblings. I agree that salmon is unnatural.

The Hours. Obtuse.

Uncle Jacob? One man's story all nicely laid out. I think the nephew could use a little fleshing out, and his sentence structure of continually getting cut off was a little repetitive for me (even if it did show his uncle's tyranny and/or lack of regard for others). I wonder if the uncle would refer more to his sister as his sister rather than as the nephew's mother, making the relationship more about him (uncle). One problem with his plan is just how long that building will actually be around (or providing the necessary fields). Maybe he believes the process only has to work for a certain amount of time for it to become permanent?

Room 304. Laughed at your first, "How does that make you feel?" Clever writing. My one hang up is I don't understand how "don't panic" fits in with, "Oh dear, I’m glad you are happy but please stay in a calm state," and the subsequent cascade of events. If she was happy with the proposal, I don't see how she would equate "calm state" with "don't panic" (at least until much later when the wedding planning comes into effect). I was also expecting 42 to make an appearance.

Just Visiting. I thought it was about to take a torrid turn there at the end. Conveyed a fair amount of info in the dialogue, which would seem a beast in a SF setting. The captain seemed a little off to me, like he wasn't quite connected to reality. Pretty dire situation to find oneself in. One question I have is what is interfering with the ship mapping the stars when the crew can see them from the viewscreen?

McFinn wrote:

Uncle Jacob? One man's story all nicely laid out. I think the nephew could use a little fleshing out, and his sentence structure of continually getting cut off was a little repetitive for me (even if it did show his uncle's tyranny and/or lack of regard for others). I wonder if the uncle would refer more to his sister as his sister rather than as the nephew's mother, making the relationship more about him (uncle). One problem with his plan is just how long that building will actually be around (or providing the necessary fields). Maybe he believes the process only has to work for a certain amount of time for it to become permanent?

I agree with your assessment of the nephew. What you read is actually the second draft of the story, as in the original one the kid hardly spoke. I felt that he was a little to absent and would therefore make the idea of it being a dialogue story rather inconsequential, as it would be more of a monologue - not that it isn't in its current form, really - and the reader would forget his presence all together. My duct-tape fix was to have him try to get a word in edgewise only to be run over by his uncle's speech.

I felt that giving him more dialogue, the space to express himself fully, would change the dynamic of the two characters. The idea, essentially, was to convey the uncle's total assertion of power even at his late stage in life and the nephew being resigned to his place while waiting for his uncle to finally bite the dust.

As for the plan, well, my inspiration for this was due to a series of deaths that have taken place this year. Close friends, family members and acquaintances, all in quick succession. I was just wondering about how people might remain and how ghost sightings tend to happen in places where certain sound frequencies and other physical conditions are present. I played with the idea of maybe chancing upon a way to propitiate this sort of thing. Then moved to how the brain works, how electricity and neural pathways essentially - in very broad terms - beget the existence of the self-aware person. Then back to how ghosts might be simple magnetic footprints and the like, then to the thought that everything in the universe is information at its most basic state, and thought along the lines of these ghosts/magnetic footprints carrying out routines that the person who left it would engage in, much like programming code left in a computer running routines and specific functions in a loop. So what if the conditions were prepared so a person could effectively "upload" their consciousness and store it within an environment?

I just improvised the motivations for this and brainstormed a few different sets of characters with different communication dynamics; best friends, a couple, and finally settled on uncle/nephew/deceased mother (tacitly).

As for how long the building will remain? Who knows? He can only hope his nephew follows his request.

This entry bites on a level it's hard to describe without charts and an easel, but even the attempt was good for me.

You can read it here. Working title is "Celedon."

Benched: I absolutely love stories like this. It reminds me, for some reason, of a short story I read wherein Sherlock Holmes solves a mystery for the Queen, but the queen turns out to be an elder god.

Run, Rabbit, Run: This story could have been pulled right out of someone's memoirs. It's super adorable!

Normal: It doesn't really seem like a self-contained story, and without reading the rest

Surveillance: Absolutely loved this. It reads like the intro to a movie or TV episode.

The Hours: I like this, but only as part of a larger piece. To be fair, it did pique my interest. The hour? Just the one? How was your hour? Are they old people from a home? Space travelers on a holodeck going back into stasis? Criminals of some sort on hour leave?

Uncle Jacob: Too much talk from the old man. Didn't really understand what was going on until brokenclavicle explained it further. I think the nephew could have been fleshed out a bit more with dialogue, but still remained in a passive role.

Room 304: A right good giggle.

Great job by all

Edit: just saw Momgamer's post.

Celedon: I like that the angels' parts read like beat cops! Would like to hear more of the beginning scene before cutting away.

thegirlnerd wrote:

Uncle Jacob: Too much talk from the old man. Didn't really understand what was going on until brokenclavicle explained it further. I think the nephew could have been fleshed out a bit more with dialogue, but still remained in a passive role.

Hmmm, I may just have to rewrite it just for the hell of it... See if I can make it better

Quite the puzzle for me; getting the nephew to have more dialogue yet maintain the Uncle's absolute dominance... Then again, the 1500 word limit crippled me there, but I might be able to flesh it out and streamline it

Challenge accepted!