Great Big Tracts of Land, or How I Bought a Castle

Original post

Posted: March 26, 2012 1:11 AM

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When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, GWJ, the strongest castle in all of ~~England~~ Goodjerdom.

For anyone who doesn't read the Post a Picture of Your Silly Purchase of the Month thread, I bought a castle.

Yes, an actual castle.

Yes, I'm likely certifiably insane.

We haven't closed yet, so technically there's the possibility of this falling through, but we've got a legally binding purchase agreement and have passed most of the primary hurdles already.

Anyway, the castle is actually a working inn, and we'll be continuing it's operations as such. There will be a standing invitation for all GWJers, including room discount and first round in the pub on me. I'll have more details on that once I'm in full control about a month from now. (Read that as full control of the castle, or my faculties. Either is applicable at this point.)

Yes, there will be an S&T, in fact a full-fledged shut-the-castle-down-to-all-but-Goodjers con is on the planning board.

For now though, we're in the process of tackling all of the business oriented tasks that we can start on during the transition. One of those is to design new marketing materials, starting with a new logo, etc. I'm putting up a LogoMyWay contest, and will let them have first crack at the graphics design. I've got a feeler out to a GWJer for web assistance. In the meantime, I thought I'd open up the creation of the Tag Line/Slogan to the Goodjer Collective, and tap into all the zany creativity floating around this place. We had a brainstorming session this afternoon and came up with several possibilities, including:

Leave the Hassle, Come Stay In Our Castle
New Realms of Relaxation
The Tranquility of Yesterday, The Getaway of Today
A Renaissance in Enjoyment

The first is our favorite so far. What say you all? Any comments on these, or completely new suggestions?

Your input, as always, is greatly appreciated.

Stengah

Posted: March 29, 2012 1:06 AM

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Costontine wrote:

I thought I saw something about brewing beer on sight. And also mead.

That's be a pretty awesome super-power.

Costontine

Posted: March 29, 2012 1:40 AM

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Stengah wrote:

Costontine wrote:

I thought I saw something about brewing beer on sight. And also mead.

That's be a pretty awesome super-power.

I will, from this day forward, attribute all of my grammatical errors to a subconscious desire to fire beer from my eyes. Or turn stuff into beer with my eyes.

KrazyTaco[FO]

Posted: March 29, 2012 1:42 AM

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Costontine wrote:

Stengah wrote:

Costontine wrote:

I thought I saw something about brewing beer on sight. And also mead.

That's be a pretty awesome super-power.

I will, from this day forward, attribute all of my grammatical errors to a subconscious desire to fire beer from my eyes. Or turn stuff into beer with my eyes.

If you learn how to do this, I will worship you as my own lord and drunken savior.

Malor

Posted: March 29, 2012 8:14 AM

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Yeah, but you know how all superheroes have a weakness or drawback? Costontine can make beer with his eyes -- but it's all Corona.

KrazyTaco[FO]

Posted: March 29, 2012 12:08 PM

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Malor wrote:

Yeah, but you know how all superheroes have a weakness or drawback? Costontine can make beer with his eyes -- but it's all Corona.

Elysium can have him then.

Costontine

Posted: March 29, 2012 12:38 PM

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Malor wrote:

Yeah, but you know how all superheroes have a weakness or drawback? Costontine can make beer with his eyes -- but it's all Corona.

That's some straight up Frank Miller brutality there.

Malor

Posted: March 29, 2012 12:40 PM

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Eventually, the hipsters will get tired of PBR and switch to Corona, and you'll be rich, rich, rich! For a few years, at least.

Paleocon

Posted: March 29, 2012 12:56 PM

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I think you should begin upgrades to your castle like a portcullis, arrow slits, and a barbican. You just never know when York will grow tired of your impiety or jealous of the duchies you hold.

Malor

Posted: March 29, 2012 2:36 PM

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I think you should begin upgrades to your castle like a portcullis, arrow slits, and a barbican. You just never know when York will grow tired of your impiety or jealous of the duchies you hold.

Not enough gold, sire!

Nevin73

Posted: March 29, 2012 2:39 PM

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Need wenches...definitely wenches.

Sparhawk

Posted: March 29, 2012 2:47 PM

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'The Last Inn' is a must. Don't care about the other names offered so far

Heretk

Posted: March 29, 2012 4:48 PM

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Costontine wrote:

Malor wrote:

Yeah, but you know how all superheroes have a weakness or drawback? Costontine can make beer with his eyes -- but it's all Corona.

That's some straight up Frank Miller brutality there.

No lie. Pretty heinous drawback.

TigerBill

Posted: March 29, 2012 4:48 PM

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Malor wrote:

I think you should begin upgrades to your castle like a portcullis, arrow slits, and a barbican. You just never know when York will grow tired of your impiety or jealous of the duchies you hold.

Not enough gold, sire!

Site your Granary my Lord.

(I love Stronghold)

Tanglebones

Posted: March 29, 2012 4:50 PM

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Heretk wrote:

Costontine wrote:

Malor wrote:

Yeah, but you know how all superheroes have a weakness or drawback? Costontine can make beer with his eyes -- but it's all Corona.

That's some straight up Frank Miller brutality there.

No lie. Pretty heinous drawback.

Especially when you consider all the people who will try to jam limes into your eyes to compensate..

Paleocon

Posted: March 29, 2012 6:15 PM

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Just make sure to vet your spymaster well.

GoldenDog

Posted: March 29, 2012 6:30 PM

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That's less than an hour from me. Could you please board pm me the phone number, contact info if you get it? I will gladly visit and toss back a brew there.

Rubb Ed

Posted: March 29, 2012 7:32 PM

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Congrats! Look, I don't have much to add, but I do have what I believe is the quintessential tag line for Ye Olde Tavern:

"Here There Be Flagons"

Teneman

Posted: March 29, 2012 8:30 PM

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Rubb Ed wrote:

Congrats! Look, I don't have much to add, but I do have what I believe is the quintessential tag line for Ye Olde Tavern:

"Here There Be Flagons"

I... I...

I just may have to raise you to Knight of the Realm for that suggestion. Free mead for life!

Sure, it'll be a short, brutish life, likely to end at the point of a sword while fighting in a minor skirmish with the barons of the North. But hey, free mead!

Rubb Ed

Posted: March 29, 2012 9:14 PM

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I'll take what I can get.

HedgeWizard

Posted: March 29, 2012 9:17 PM

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Teneman wrote:

Rubb Ed wrote:

Congrats! Look, I don't have much to add, but I do have what I believe is the quintessential tag line for Ye Olde Tavern:

"Here There Be Flagons"

I... I...

I just may have to raise you to Knight of the Realm for that suggestion. Free mead for life!

Sure, it'll be a short, brutish life, likely to end at the point of a sword while fighting in a minor skirmish with the barons of the North. But hey, free mead!

Okay everyone. Pack it up. We're done here. Rubb Ed has won the internet.

He slays me.

Heretk

Posted: March 29, 2012 10:35 PM

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HedgeWizard wrote:

Teneman wrote:

Rubb Ed wrote:

Congrats! Look, I don't have much to add, but I do have what I believe is the quintessential tag line for Ye Olde Tavern:

"Here There Be Flagons"

I... I...

I just may have to raise you to Knight of the Realm for that suggestion. Free mead for life!

Sure, it'll be a short, brutish life, likely to end at the point of a sword while fighting in a minor skirmish with the barons of the North. But hey, free mead!

Okay everyone. Pack it up. We're done here. Rubb Ed has won the internet.

He slays me.

Pretty much. I had been chewing on some ideas ... but I will stop now.

AnimeJ

Posted: March 29, 2012 11:26 PM

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Paleocon wrote:

Just make sure to vet your spymaster well.

Eh, just find an actual spy. Given the breadth of job experience around here, there has to be at least one.

Quintin_Stone

Posted: March 29, 2012 11:40 PM

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Paleocon wrote:

Just make sure to vet your spymaster well.

Check to make sure he's a eunuch, right?

Malor

Posted: March 30, 2012 12:18 PM

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Teneman, you have your catchphrase. Rubb Ed knocked that one into high orbit.

Should we just start a new thread? I think this one is finished.

Teneman

Posted: March 30, 2012 12:28 PM

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Malor wrote:

Teneman, you have your catchphrase. Rubb Ed knocked that one into high orbit.

Should we just start a new thread? I think this one is finished.

Rubb Ed definitely locked down the catchphrase for the pub, no doubt. Still not sure I've got an equivalent for the B&B portion of the business, though there have definitely been some serious contenders.

We'll actually be doing the property inspections the next few days, which is one of the last major milestones to pass before we close the deal. Another few weeks and this thing will be official! As soon as we get to that point I'll start up an official thread with details on the location, the permanent Goodjer discount package, some of our long term plans, etc.

Dimmerswitch

Posted: March 30, 2012 12:50 PM

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Rubb Ed's suggestion is brilliant. I'd make a minor tweak, since "Here Be Flagons" is shorter, and I've heard the dragon variant minus the "there" far more often than with.

Google agrees.

Not to take anything away from Rubb Ed's post, though - it's a great one.