Stupid little bags of testosterone

Give em hell, Trichy - at least for entertainment purposes.

(disclaimer: I don't have children so probably am worth ignoring)

This thread again reminds me why I'm so blessed to have only sons.

Why don't you just get it over with and buy a cigar and some alcoholic beverage and tell her she can have them and congratulate her "When she's a real woman".

(I'm quite possibly going to get flamed to cinders for that)

edit: Being slightly silly with that, but I guess the point I'm making is to be a bit more open with your daughter and realise it's very likely going to happen anyway. Make it a part of life, not some hidden dirty secret. Be there for the good and the bad.

Yet more reasons I am glad my children are furry and have four legs....and spayed/neutered.....

Hell, I have multiple swords, daggers, impact weapons, polearms, longbow, I know how to use each and every one of them and could go into great detail to any possible male attempting to date my teenage daughter if I had one on how best to hurt, maim or kill a person with it.....

Rainsmercy wrote:

and spayed/neutered.....

That's always a solution, right?

Seriously, I'd pull the boys aside and say something along these lines:

Boys, I appreciate you coming by to help cheer up my daughter. But remember that you are guests in my house and that I expect you to be respectful. Otherwise there will be consequences and you will not be welcomed back.

This way they know you know, they get that you're approaching them with respect, and they know that bad sh*t will happen if they don't toe the line.

I'm actually thinking BadKen's advice might be useful here. He has handled his daughter being a Playboy model with pride rather than "AAARGH!", so when it comes to a situation like this I think his input could be valuable.

Though, in regards to "Just remember when you were that age..."

Yeah, I was an idiot at that age, and for the most part I was less of an idiot than all the other kids in most matters.

I don't trust them little runts.

ccesarano wrote:

I'm actually thinking BadKen's advice might be useful here. He has handled his daughter being a Playboy model with pride rather than "AAARGH!", so when it comes to a situation like this I think his input could be valuable.

Though, in regards to "Just remember when you were that age..."

Yeah, I was an idiot at that age, and for the most part I was less of an idiot than all the other kids in most matters.

I don't trust them little runts.

That's along my line of thinking. What would you rather bee seen as, the parent who's going to flip their lid and your child won't discuss their life with, or approachable.

Scratched wrote:
ccesarano wrote:

I'm actually thinking BadKen's advice might be useful here. He has handled his daughter being a Playboy model with pride rather than "AAARGH!", so when it comes to a situation like this I think his input could be valuable.

Though, in regards to "Just remember when you were that age..."

Yeah, I was an idiot at that age, and for the most part I was less of an idiot than all the other kids in most matters.

I don't trust them little runts.

That's along my line of thinking. What would you rather bee seen as, the parent who's going to flip their lid and your child won't discuss their life with, or approachable.

Wait, do you mean the part about BadKen? Because my other line of thinking wasn't in that direction at all. >_>

Funkenpants wrote:
ThatGuy42 wrote:

Let's table that discussion for some other P&C thread.

I don't see why this is a P&C issue. It's a thread about parenting, isn't it?

Yeah, and parenting is never controversial.

edit* funny story, I accidentally put this in they Skyrim thread first.

Why I am glad I will never have kids? My girlfriend/partner and I agree on this, plans of my surgery some time next year.

She, friends, exes have some real gem tales about their first, other early relationships, sexual experiences. I firmly believe, chastity belts and chemical castration of males until they have a certificate or a degree is sound policy. The idea that I live in a region leading the nation in teenager marriage terrifies me. Compound that with having a horse in that adolescent race? I will just hang myself, thanks.

I think your reaction is totally normal. I think you'll get over the glaring and first name calling part in time, but these boys are just strangers and I think there is nothing wrong with you representing the protector, as long as its not totally overbearing. You'll probably learn to gauge it as required. Conversely, you'll probably run into situations someday where you do need to make an understanding clear.

Your daughters need to grow up, they will grow up and I guess the tricky part is learning how to navigate that going forward. I'm sure there is a ton of parenting books, and though some of them might give some good tips, I bet none of them will give you the specific answer for what you need to learn for your family.

Yay, parenting is fun, eh!

Honestly, I can only wonder how my wife will react when my sons bring home their first girlfriends. (I'm rolling my eyes as I type that...) Let the interviews begin!

Funkenpants wrote:

If you don't deal with these things rationally, you risk making her miserable, and you risk making yourself miserable.

Yeah, my daughter's 12. She knows she can come to me for straight answers on anything without any scare-tactic bullsh*t. She has a "boyfriend" that she sees at school, at some point he may come to visit if their little relationship continues. I'll greet the kid with a smile and trust my daughter's judgement, I really don't get the whole torches and pitchforks approach to a totally normal and healthy situation. I do not have some idea that my daughter will always be "my little girl" - hell she is now biologically a mature female. For the vast majority of our lives together I'll be relating to her how she is - a grown woman able to make her own choices. Of course I'm going to want her to come to me for advice - but that starts with me respecting her freedom as an individual.

Nosferatu wrote:
Wolfen Victrocious wrote:
Amoebic wrote:

I'm horrified and refuse to believe that's real.

Not only do I think it's real, I can only imagine what their honeymoon was like.

Boy that must of been a bloopers reel. "How do I put it in?"

You'd be suprised at how naturally that part comes. Just because they were virgins doesn't mean they don't know how sex works.

I'm sure it's natural enough for a lot of people. Just not for the couple in that video.

I think calling them names is way out of line, that just doesn't do anyone any good. If you think about it these are probably the kind of kids that you want your daughter dating. Showing up and and being concerned when she is hurt is pretty nice. Have they actually done anything inappropriate or even shown any kind of overt interest other than showing up?

wordsmythe wrote:
ThatGuy42 wrote:

But! Gather all ye Goodjer Parents for I have a solution! Children of Goodjers Dating Service! We get groups of our kids of similar age together for a big gaming night, and then just sit back and watch the magic happen! It's brilliant! We won't have to worry as much that our kids are going out with some crazy unknown, because instead it will be the offspring of a fellow Goodjer! And, if they do hit it off, we'll already know that the future in-laws are awesome people! It's WIN/WIN I tell you!

Quintin isn't having kids, right? I mean, I don't have any, either, but I don't want to imagine what would happen if our genes mixed.

Tell you what: you have kids and I'll hook em up with my nephews/niece.

Okay, so one of the guys came back to visit today. I tried to be a bit more civil, even sat in the kitchen while he and Emily visited in the living room. He was there for about 45 minutes, and I didn't even call him Dorothy. (Okay, well, once, but I don't think he heard me.)

Emily and I talked a bit after he left. I explained to her that logically I understand that she's beautiful, funny and personable, all of which are guaranteed to grab the attention of her male classmates. But I also told her that I loved her and would always be very reluctant to let her grow up, not because she's not ready, but because I'm not. I promised to be more polite to the guys that come visit her as long as she promised to be open and honest with me and her mother.

She gave me a hug when I was done, and told me that she wasn't interested in either Susan or Dorothy (sorry, one more shot). I felt happy. Then she proceeded to tell me that there was a different guy in class she did like, and that he was planning on coming over tonight to visit. I felt less happy, but I promised not to answer the door holding a butcher knife, call him by a girl's name, or threaten castration if he sat within six feet of her.

Sounds like a win to me.

Ah, but you didn't say anything about looming threateningly. Smart man - leaving yourself some options.

Awesome, on both your parts. Now you get to keep it up tonight the rest of your life.

(If you think this mess somehow goes away when they're grown you're in for a bitter shock. You're not even safe once they're married off.)

Full disclosure: I'm no parent. Also word of warning, I do talk about some sensitive material here so I'm throwing on the spoiler tag.

Spoiler:

However this is something I've given a lot of thought to. Sex education is something that I think is extremely important in teaching kids in a society with a pretty f-ed up history with cultural parallels. Be it, "no means yes" BS, the misogyny in most porn, or weird conquest movies for losing your virginity like American Pie, kids are being fed information that I find fundamentally wrong.

The advent of internet has spawned things like sexting, chat roulette, stickam, and a lot of bad decision-making that makes me want to expose my (potential) kid to some of the more terrible things that can result from your privates going viral. At the same end I have no problems with someone wanting to explore their sexuality as long as both parties are willing and not engaging in anything dangerous. For instance, on an episode of Sex Nerd Sandra's podcast, a mom talked about exposing her son to using condoms and getting him Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex. More importantly, however hard it may be, communicating the ethics of sex is important. Some people I know experienced rape at an early age due to a misconstrued concept of how sex or losing your virginity should work, which blows my mind.

Granted, your story of belittle two teens is very hilarious from my standpoint and I'm glad everything worked out. Just as someone that would like to be a parent in the not-so-distant future, for an area where so many mistakes are made, I'd at least like to expose my children to things that will help them know better instead of letting them fare for their own while watching like a vengeful god at anyone that goes near them.

Spoilered again because of NSFW language:

Spoiler:

I hate to ruin this for you/give you a heart attack/induce insomnia upon you, but high school kids are engaging in anal these days. It's crazy. Think about how things will change in four years.

I recommend informing the young suitors that those girls are, at least in your heart where it matters, your daughters. And that you aren't afraid of going back to prison.

gregrampage wrote:
FlamingPeasant wrote:

Reminds me of an old adage:

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of them.

Don't go overboard, but it's ok to be protective.

Is this really an old adage? I know it as a line from The League.

My Dad has been telling that for years. Mind you, he has two sons and a daughter who likes girls.

It could be worse, when I was in junior high the hot girls all dated university guys for a while. I don't think any of us knew it was a crime at the time.

SuperDave, they were doing that 15 years ago, and I presume even before that.

peedmyself wrote:

It could be worse, when I was in junior high the hot girls all dated university guys for a while. I don't think any of us knew it was a crime at the time.

Junior high?

Creepy.

peedmyself wrote:

It could be worse, when I was in junior high the hot girls all dated university guys for a while. I don't think any of us knew it was a crime at the time.

MURDER.

So Craig stopped by last night. He was polite, introduced himself to Jen and me, called us ma'am and sir, and actually dressed decently. Part of my negative reaction to Susan and Dorothy was the fact that they were smug little bastards who acted like little sh*ts around Emily's mom and dressed like hobos with leprosy. Craig brought Emily daisies, sat and visited with her for about half an hour, then thanked me and Jen and left.

I may have to give this one a shot, dammit.

trichy wrote:

So Craig stopped by last night. He was polite, introduced himself to Jen and me, called us ma'am and sir, and actually dressed decently. Part of my negative reaction to Susan and Dorothy was the fact that they were smug little bastards who acted like little sh*ts around Emily's mom and dressed like hobos with leprosy. Craig brought Emily daisies, sat and visited with her for about half an hour, then thanked me and Jen and left.

I may have to give this one a shot, dammit.

DANGER! DANGER!

Don't let his nice behavior and adherence to social norms deceive you!

You're a father, not the host of love connection.

My opinoin isn't worth much [on this matter]. I have two little bags of testosterone. My struggle will be to teach them respect and restraint.

This personal experience formed my opinion on daughters growing up:
I have a few buddies with daughters and we always sat around cracking the "cleaning the shotgun" jokes.
I met someone new and we got to talking about having kids. He had daughters. I attempted the humour in the same vien as I might have with one of my other buddies and the stonewalled me. I was gobsmacked. He just said something to the effect of, "no, I've made every effort to raise my daughter to think for herself, make good decisions, and I trust to do that. She knows she can come to me for help if she needs it." It was the first time I'd heard this outlook on it, and I thought, you know, he's right.
Of course I'd add a healthy dose of self defense training and cautionary tales about boys' intentions, but generally I'd agree.

I was a teenager once. I had pre-marital sex. I can honestly say that I've never had sex with anyone I wasn't in love with; and that I've had a couple of opportunities where love wasn't involved which I declined. I made those decisions as an older teenager. It is possible that not all of the boys, as detestable as they seem, are dirtbags. I'd suggest scouting out the family situation, and who their role models are. It might give you a cursory idea about the values they've been taught. If it were me, I'd be looking for a family who are teaching somewhat flexible values, but with a lean toward conservative values. Too uptight, strict, religious, buckle down, and you're likely to find a kid where they can't talk about sex and he's out to find out for himslef. Too loose, party, slack, don't show up or come drunk to pick the kids from soccer, and you can be sure there are no values in place to be passed down.

Oh, and if my completely unfounded thoughts on psychology are correct, you daughter will probably feel most comfortable with what she knows. As difficult a leap as it may be to make, she'll probably be naturally attracted and feel most comfortable with a boyfriend whose values, mannerisms, social standing, behaviour... are more like... her dad's. *sheilds face with arm, cautiously peering beyond* From your earlier post it looks like the key factor for this to be true is in place. She has to have the best opinion of Dad, for that to be a safe comfortable place.

trichy wrote:

I may have to give this one a shot, dammit.

Wait, I'm confused. I thought you wanted to shoot the other two.