Stupid little bags of testosterone

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As some of you know, my fiancee's 13-year-old daughter Emily blew out her knee in an accident last week. While the prognosis is good, a more insidious result of this injury has emerged. As she has been home from school the last week, her friends have been visiting, bringing well wishes and gifts. All of this would be fine, except for one small detail.

Two of them are boys.

Now I would like to preface this by admitting that I am being completely irrational. She's 13, which means she's definitely starting to entertain the idea of romantic relationships. I understand this logically. But every time these little shaggy-haired bastards deign to poke their heads into the house, voices cracking as they ask if Emily is home, the logical side of my brain clocks out, and the violent part of my psyche that finds the idea of punting teenage boys through our screen door funny seems to roar to the front.

The problem is, I remember what I was like at that age, and that terrifies me. Emily is not my natural daughter, but for four years, she and her younger sister Hannah have been mine. Their father isn't around much, so I'm the one that helps with homework, cleans up bruises, tucks them in, buys them birthday and Christmas presents, and goes to school concerts and plays. They don't call me dad, but when they refer to their parents, it's Jen and me they're talking about. And as I've learned the ropes of being a parent, I've learned that rationality and logic tend to fly out the window when I'm worried about the girls.

This is the first time that I've been confronted with the fact that within the next few years, Emily will be dating. So far, my response to these two visiting has been to sit in the same room the entire time they're here, glaring and calling them "Dorothy" and "Susan".

Thoughts?

My thought? Call the one Sally instead of Dorothy. Alliteration is always good. Sally and Susan has a nice ring to it.

Haha. Irrational is a good word.

At least they're being kind.

I was dating at 13, btw. While it was wholly different than what adults or late teens would consider "dating" it all might come sooner than you think.

Thought The First: You're being an irrational silly-head, and you ought to accept that your daughters (whether biological or not) will have relationships in their lives, and you ought to further accept that some of those relationships will be ill-advised, and furthermore, that that is all part of growing up and the best way you can deal with that is to support your daughters' choices rather than making their choices for them.

Thought The Second: Despite my best intentions, I'm probably doomed to do exactly the same thing if and when I have daughters.

P.S. Think back to your own teenage years. Yes, you were an idiot when you were 13. You no doubt did a bunch of stupid stuff, as did we all, and yet here we are, being functional adults, right?

Yes, you're overreacting, yes you're being overprotective, yes it's perfectly natural.

Yeah, you know I could try to approach this from a logical perspective, but in reality, I'd be lacing up my kicking shoes, too.

Embrace it; as Kehama said, it's totally natural.

I have a 3 month old daughter, and am so glad that I have many years before this becomes an issue. That being said, I'm sure I will act much like you are in regards of irrationality.

This happened with my sister. Boys kept wanting to hang out during the summer. Dad said no boys in the house and she stuck to that, forcing them to hang out on the porch. This led to us calling them porch monkeys. It was explained to us not much later why we should choose a better name for them.

So be careful in referring to them. You may accidentally be racist.

SOON...

Sorry. Still chuckling about Dorothy and Susan. It's probably not going to help, though.

I'm reminded of my own adventures in this arena. I have two of each, and they each have had their own path.

My eldest boy started it off one day when he was 13. I'd mentioned I wanted to ask one of the older neighborhood girls stay at the house and watch the girls after school for me while I worked (it was really to watch all of them). Our regular sitter had a family emergency, and having the four of them in the house by themselves was a recipe for disaster. Just having someone there kept the mayhem down to a sustainable roar. He gave me this horrified expression and begged me not to, because he'd just asked her out to Skate King!

Oh.

I asked another girl, and later found out he actually had gotten up the courage to ask her, but she hadn't given her answer yet. She was 16 and already dating someone else, and she let him down as kindly as one can in those circumstances. And from then on, my backup for my regular sitter was two of the teenage girls so they could sort of chaperone each other until I finally solved the problem by finding a gal in my complex to watch the girls after school as a sort of divide and conquer deal until they got jobs and enough after school stuff stacked up that it really wasn't necessary.

His younger brother gave me so many white hairs at that age I stopped counting them. His escapades are the main reason we have a house code for what we call Rule 2 (don't tap the crazy).

The girls stayed comfortably enamored of Anime boys until about that same age. Then I remember the day we were talking about some of the local uncouth, unwashed mancubs in reference to a school dance, and one specimen was described as being "as hot as Edward Elric". Oh no.

It helped me also that the local crop of dribbling adolescent junkmonkeys were so very adolescent. It took quite a while before either one of my girls would look twice at a boy their age. Sounds like these two would have fit right in there.

It's the older ones you gotta watch for. And when I say watch, I mean WATCH. Do you have a logging software on their IM? Do you read the logs occasionally? What about their Facebook? Don't sneak around, be right up front with it. Let them know that as a part of having an internet connection you reserve the right to pay attention.

You know your girls best, so you'll have a better idea of what will help them use their brains under these conditions. The most effective things were steps I had them take:
-- Teach THEM to shoot, and make sure they brag to their friends about their scores and show off their targets so it gets around. Just knowing they can do it will help them feel stronger and more sure of themselves. If you don't know how, join a class and make it a family affair. Then, if any of the little miscreants seem to get too close, offer an afternoon at the range for her and a couple friends and let her invite said miscreant. My son in law still remembers that trip when my younger daughter out-shot him with three different weapons. Make sure you shoot also; it's a lot more convincing that you know how to use the thing than just having a shotgun that gets suspiciously dirty every Friday night.
-- A martial arts class might also be good. One of the little gals in our church youth group is a black belt in Tai Kwan Do. Beautiful girl and still very girly, but none of the boys will give her anything other than respectful attention.
-- Communication! Talk to them. Maintain a relationship where if something does go awkward she will feel safe talking to you. And yes, you can do it even though you're a guy. I had some horribly embarrassing conversations with my boys during that time and we all got through it.

You know what, I'm going to shortcut a lot of this by just adding a link to this.

Don't get your cape caught in the intake on this one. They've got to grow up. Outside of polishing the eyes you get in the back of your head as part of the parenting package deal, there's not a lot you can really do. They are going to grow up, things will happen, and one day she'll be dancing in a long white dress and you won't know what happened.

Reminds me of an old adage:

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of them.

Don't go overboard, but it's ok to be protective.

Momgamer's stories are the best!

I hadn't heard that one, but that's AWESOME!

Well after reading that I'm going to go enroll my 5 year old boy in some martial arts classes so he can hold his own with those 13 year old black belt girls when he gets older. I'll teach him that the only way he's allowed to date a girl is if she can first hold her own in a sparring match with him.

"Why sure, boys, come on in, I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you! First I'd like to show you my collection of firearms, along with my trophy for shooting moving targets at night. I've been working on an editorial for the local paper, by the way. Would you like to hear some of it? It's called, 'If You Touch Emily I Will Murder You (With My Guns).' I'm thinking about adding a part about how it'll totally be worth the prison time, but I don't want to make it too long."

What you're doing now doesn't involve a shotgun?

You're a better man than I.

Part of me can't wait for my 3 year-old daughter to grow up to when she can start dating, just so I can be cleaning a different WWII era rifle whenever a boy comes over. "Yes, this is what the British used in WWII. Did you know they marked the sights out to 800 yards? I don't really try anything more than 200 though."

And I definitely can't wait until she's old enough to learn to shoot.

I've typed a couple different responses and wasn't happy with any of them. The only thing I can say is as a boy I lost my virginity at 14, was sexually active until marriage in my mid 20's and never had a pregnancy, STD, etc. However you go down this road, push contraception and not abstinence, PLEASE!

LobsterMobster wrote:

"Why sure, boys, come on in, I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you! First I'd like to show you my collection of firearms, along with my trophy for shooting moving targets at night. I've been working on an editorial for the local paper, by the way. Would you like to hear some of it? It's called, 'If You Touch Emily I Will Murder You (With My Guns).' I'm thinking about adding a part about how it'll totally be worth the prison time, but I don't want to make it too long."

Naw man, death is too instantaneous. Talk about how you know just where to shoot someone in the leg to cripple them for life.

In all seriousness, this thread already got my own mind reeling. I remember being 13, having moved from a town where the girls went "Ewwww! It's Chris Cesarano!" as I walked in, to a town where girls played Pokemon and willingly talked to me.

Oh, how confused I was when it came to the differences between physical and emotional attraction.

I worry about my niece as a teenager, though mostly because she could become a worse version of my sister, and I remember all the trouble my sister got into. I wouldn't be surprised if my niece starts smoking by age 10.

I know I'm going to be protective of her, and I know when I have kids of my own I'll be thinking about this a lot. I think the toughest is in trusting your daughter. She's young, and momgamer's mention of her daughter claiming a young miscreant to be a "hot Edward Elric" is...yeah, that would send shivers down my spine.

My instinct would be that, until a certain age (my brain says 17, but I imagine it would have to be earlier) Dad or Mom must chaperone a date. That is, until we parents deem them fine.

I've honestly pondered, though, that if a boy were to want to date my niece or my potential-future-daughter, if I'd bring up the idea of protection with him. A one-on-one heart-to-heart explaining that I do not condone, but there's only so much I can do. On one hand, that's the responsibility of the boy's parents. On the other, this would be my niece/daughter, and I don't trust other parents to do their job.

It all just seems so confusing and easy to screw up.

I thought this thread was going to be about scrotums.

wordsmythe wrote:

I thought this thread was going to be about scrotums.

I think it is.

LobsterMobster wrote:

"Why sure, boys, come on in, I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you! First I'd like to show you my collection of firearms, along with my trophy for shooting moving targets at night. I've been working on an editorial for the local paper, by the way. Would you like to hear some of it? It's called, 'If You Touch Emily I Will Murder You (With My Guns).' I'm thinking about adding a part about how it'll totally be worth the prison time, but I don't want to make it too long."

My dad did that with a few of my sister's boyfriends. When one of them smacked her around a bit (when she was 20 or so), my dad grabbed him by the throat, slammed him against a wall, and, while choking him, reminded him of the guns in the basement and told him what would happen if he ever hit her again.

I will now point out that my father just retired from the ministry, and is pretty much universally considered to be a kind, caring, compassionate human being. However, touch his little girl, and, well, not so much. Guess I'm saying that what you're feeling is normal, and I'll go through the same (my daughter is 7); be supportive, be kind, and occasionally drop hints about dismembering them if they ever hurt her. Nicely.

My brother-in-law usually takes a moment to clean his shotgun whenever the boys come around to visit his teenage daughters.

*sigh* double post.

FlamingPeasant wrote:

Reminds me of an old adage:

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of them.

Don't go overboard, but it's ok to be protective.

Oh dear lord... I have two daughters and more grey hairs than I can count. This just added a few more.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

I will now point out that my father just retired from the ministry, and is pretty much universally considered to be a kind, caring, compassionate human being. However, touch his little girl, and, well, not so much. Guess I'm saying that what you're feeling is normal, and I'll go through the same (my daughter is 7); be supportive, be kind, and occasionally drop hints about dismembering them if they ever hurt her. Nicely.

"May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't." - Patton

FlamingPeasant wrote:

Reminds me of an old adage:

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of them.

Don't go overboard, but it's ok to be protective.

Is this really an old adage? I know it as a line from The League.

Favorited.

Kehama wrote:

I'll teach him that the only way he's allowed to date a girl is if she can first hold her own in a sparring match with him.

Like a reverse Red Sonja!

FlamingPeasant wrote:

Reminds me of an old adage:

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of them.

Don't go overboard, but it's ok to be protective.

I'm sorry, I think I just had a stroke.

momgamer wrote:

Don't get your cape caught in the intake on this one. They've got to grow up. Outside of polishing the eyes you get in the back of your head as part of the parenting package deal, there's not a lot you can really do. They are going to grow up, things will happen, and one day she'll be dancing in a long white dress and you won't know what happened.

I know she's going to grow up, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. But it's still not easy to sit there and let it happen. It's much more satisfying to answer the door with a butcher knife and a glare.

On some level, it's a good thing Phoenix Rev and I don't have kids. Can you just imagine the fear going through a boy's head if he showed up to see our daughter and saw two dads ready to growl at him and tear him limb from limb?

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