Depression is ruining my life.

Can you get a referral for counselling? Especially since the universe - bastard that it is - seems intent on you forming a mental scar over this. This is the kind of thing counsellors routinely deal with over short courses of treatment.

Maq wrote:

Can you get a referral for counselling? Especially since the universe - bastard that it is - seems intent on you forming a mental scar over this. This is the kind of thing counsellors routinely deal with over short courses of treatment.

Yup; had one about two years ago over different issues, but never got around to using it. Basically, I need to be referred by my regular doctor. I'm due to see him in the next month or two for my regular checkup, anyhow.

IIRC therapy and counselling are most effective when dealing with a specific traumatic issue or event. It gets more iffy when you have to unravel decades of up-f*ckedness.

Hope you feel better soon at any rate.

Coldstream wrote:
LarryC wrote:

When I'm "up," I feel like a million bucks. You feel an irrepressible energy and a need to accomplish things for the joy of doing, well, anything. Sleep becomes an obstacle and a nuisance because it prevents you from being awake to feel oh-so-very-good. You can't help but smile because the world seems like a wonderful place and everyone appears as though they were your friend.

Sound a little like Bipolar II from a distance.

Yup. Larry just described my bipolar wife to a tee.

Tangle... that's really rough. I hope you will make your way through all of it and feel much better. Stupid drivers!!

Maq wrote:

Well I've been shunted into a new role at work which could be seen as a good thing long term or, to a messed up brain, could be seen as a demotion.

It's November.

I have recently become a Dad, my life has completely changed and I'm getting the square root of eff-all sleep.

The phrase "parlous mental state" looms large.

The new Dad thing gets better, but the sleep part... Our first was sleeping through at the 4 month mark, but our second didn't sleep through until 18 months. The second one pushed me into therapy, where I began wading through decades of up-f*ckedness.

Hang in there. See if you can get 'a night off' from the kid. The wife and I made a deal to have three full nights each when it got really bad. The person getting the nights off slept away from the kids, with ear plugs, in a darkened room. Best thing we ever did for each other.

Tanglebones wrote:

Not exactly depression, but I've been under a ton of work stress over the last month, as well as finishing up my masters this semester, and helping my wife through some troubles of her own. All of this came to a head on Friday night - I had been hit by a car about six months ago (largely recovered now, thanks!), and had successfully buried all the mental trauma from that. On my way home from work, I was nearly hit again, while crossing the street, by a car speeding, and crossing two lanes of traffic. They veered and braked, and barely missed me, but I nearly puked from the afterreaction. I went on to have panic attacks Saturday and Sunday nights, and I don't feel much better today. I'm strongly considering going back to the doctor and getting my old atavan prescription re-upped.

I would suggest doing exactly this. Ativan is a good way to move past the immediate pain of panic/anxiety attacks. However, Maq's suggestion warrants some consideration too. The way you say "and had successfully buried all the mental trauma" makes me wonder if you have only avoided it and not dealt with it. (no offense intended) However, from personal experience there have been things in my past I didn't deal with and rather just "buried" and they came back to bite me hard later in life.

Maq:

Need to manage time more effectively. Only one of you needs to attend to the baby at all times. The other guy needs to get her sleep on seriously. On the whole, people need about 4 to 6 hours of sleep to get recharged in any way. Anything less might as well not exist unless you know how to go straight to REM (power napping).

My wife and I switched every other day, if it got bad, but we managed well otherwise.

Just doubled up on my Zoloft intake. Now I am waiting for the double happiness to kick in.

Zedian,

I am sorry I am late to this discussion. I have struggled with depression since I was 15.

I have experienced just about everything you mentioned in your post. Depression is an insidious disease and, unfortunately, there is still a stigma attached to it in some ways. However, it can be controlled through therapy and medication. Here are some things I hope will help:

Medication - I have been on lots of different medications to help with the depression and my brain has an annoying way of trying to find its way around the medications and back to my companion called depression. You may have to go through several regimens before you find the right mix that will work. I am currently on a cocktail of four different medications that have worked well for over eight years. However, there may be a time when I will need to fix the mix or try something new. I know it will be hard to do, but be patient.

Therapy - Find someone or some vehicle to express what you are feeling and everything you are, in fact, feeling. I once told my psychiatrist that having depression was like standing in a Disney ride where everything is dark except little points of light peering out from the ceiling. In my view, my brain was in darkness and the points of light were the only thing I could see that wasn't depression. From that, we worked on getting me out of the darkness and into the light. Many therapists will work on a sliding scale basis if you can't afford one.

People - This is one of the hardest things I had to deal with as so many people ridiculed or belittled my depression. I had people who would tell me to "just get over it" or "take up a hobby." In one instance, I literally threw an acquaintance out of my home when he said that all I needed to do was "turn that frown upside down." People can deal with physical illness. Many people can't deal with mental illness. Avoid those who can't.

Choices - You always have choices, even when the depression is at its zenith. I allowed my depression to guide me and I made some bad choices that came close to ending my vocational career as well as my relationship with Rubb Ed. If you end up on medication, don't stop taking it. If you don't like it or it has side effects, talk to your doctor. But try to not let the depression make the decisions for you.

Hope - I have been able to keep my depression at bay for over seven years now. There are still some bad days, but nothing like when it was at its worst. Depression, again, is an illness that can be treated.

If you want to ask any questions, feel free to PM me.

Best wishes.

The Black dog took hold today. Worst part is that things seem to be on the upswing. I'm putting it down to over the last few weeks I've been wading through sh*t and just not thinking about it and now I've gotten through most of it I have some down time so my body is cashing the cheque. went to bed as soon as I got home from work yesterday and slept 12 straight hours.

Hmm. On my second day of upping my happy-pills. Feel a little groggy but I know effects on taking a new substance or in this case upping the dosage of my current regimen can have temporary side-effects. Hopefully, my brain chemistry will right itself and I will back to posting pictures not meant for man's eyes.

Strangeblades wrote:

Hmm. On my second day of upping my happy-pills. Feel a little groggy but I know effects on taking a new substance or in this case upping the dosage of my current regimen can have temporary side-effects. Hopefully, my brain chemistry will right itself and I will back to posting pictures not meant for man's eyes. :shock:

Zoloft turned my brain to fog. Even taking the pills at 8.30 at night, I couldn't shake that fog until noon the next day. I tried to combat it with coffee, but that just made me more tired on account of not being able to sleep at night. YMMV but did the doctor give you a stepping up regime, or just a straight 'increase' recommendation?

I know when I transitioned from Zoloft to Lovan I had to step down from the Z before I could take the L. (ie, 1 tab, then 3/4 for a few days, then 1/2, etc).

Strangeblades wrote:

Hmm. On my second day of upping my happy-pills. Feel a little groggy but I know effects on taking a new substance or in this case upping the dosage of my current regimen can have temporary side-effects. Hopefully, my brain chemistry will right itself and I will back to posting pictures not meant for man's eyes. :shock:

SSRI's have a very long half life and can take a while to kick in. The side effects are usually a result of them starting to change the chemistry in your body. I was in Viibyrd for 26 days before I noticed anything (besides bad side effects) and then it was like all the sudden it kicked in right in the middle of the day and everything just seamed different. It was probably the most frustrating thing to keep with it with no results for so long.

For what it's worth from me, just keep with them and see what happens.

Strangeblades wrote:

Hmm. On my second day of upping my happy-pills. Feel a little groggy but I know effects on taking a new substance or in this case upping the dosage of my current regimen can have temporary side-effects. Hopefully, my brain chemistry will right itself and I will back to posting pictures not meant for man's eyes. :shock:

Please be careful with any psychopharmaceutical medication. Don't change doses (either up or down) lightly and without consultation. I have the scissor wounds to show what happens when people go cold-turkey on Zoloft. Any sudden change in your mood has emergent consequences. Please look after yourself.

Prozac wrote:

The Black dog took hold today. Worst part is that things seem to be on the upswing. I'm putting it down to over the last few weeks I've been wading through sh*t and just not thinking about it and now I've gotten through most of it I have some down time so my body is cashing the cheque. went to bed as soon as I got home from work yesterday and slept 12 straight hours.

Bad days/weeks are allowed. This too will pass.

Yup. Having some side effects. They are similar to when I first started taking some Zoloft a year or so ago. I expect the side effects will pass the same as before. Until then wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (That's my positive attitude showing through)

For me, the upside of the meds so far outweighs the side effects that it's a no-brainer. But then, I'm lucky to be very sensitive to the medications. Although what I will do if I need to raise the dose, I don't know - I've tried and I don't tolerate the higher dosage well.

Maq wrote:

Please be careful with any psychopharmaceutical medication. Don't change doses (either up or down) lightly and without consultation. I have the scissor wounds to show what happens when people go cold-turkey on Zoloft. Any sudden change in your mood has emergent consequences. Please look after yourself.

Don't worry, Strangeblades knows better. He saw me jump off Paxil! Even at a low dose by the second day off it I was having all kinds of muscle spasms (particularly in my core), but I knew enough not to freak out!! Knew it was just "coming down"... It was awful!!

That was six years ago. After crawling back into the pit, about 6 months later, I was back on.

[Vent]

About ready to curl into a foetal knot and cry myself to death.

[/Vent]

I'm feeling ya buddy.

For me the worst part is if I'm home alone or at work I'm fine, I have amazing avoidance strategies and my time is filled with distraction. When I'm with the wife all the stress and pressure comes back and I want to (and have on a few occasions) crawl into bed and hide from the world. Hopefully a bit of the stress and pressure will be lifted soon. Got the Government coming to Audit us at work tomorrow, so getting through that will help, hopefully, provided the contract on this house we're buying doesn't fall through the contract will go unconditional on the 7th of December so I'll have some certainty there as well.

Prozac wrote:

The Black dog took hold today. Worst part is that things seem to be on the upswing. I'm putting it down to over the last few weeks I've been wading through sh*t and just not thinking about it and now I've gotten through most of it I have some down time so my body is cashing the cheque. went to bed as soon as I got home from work yesterday and slept 12 straight hours.

That is one of the hardest parts of recovery that I've been dealing with in trying to accept my anxiety and depression. I think the natural reaction when things are going well is to assume, sometimes even subconsciously, that things will continue to move in a straight line trajectory. Then when it drops off and I have a day full of anxiety or depression, not only am I dealing with that difficulty, I feel a bit defeated, like I thought I was past this and now here it is back again. That is scary and I fear that I'll continue down that road, not realizing that just like things took a turn for the worse, they will likely take a turn for the better at some point soon. You seem to be taking the right steps by focusing on your actions and goals and not on the feelings. The feelings will change and go away. Proving to yourself that you can meet your goals even when you aren't feeling your best builds confidence.

More settling in of my upped Zoloft dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. It's been about one week of this dosage. Today's side effect includes a message from Bob Barker and also a weird sense of flattening. I don't feel anxiety like I used to (yay) but .... Actually, screw that. I feel god-damn awesome. Tuesdays used to be hell but now it's smooth sailing boys. I'll take flat any goddamn day thank you very much. Especially if it means not wanting to scratch my skin off thanks to my former crap of Black Negative and Dark Depression.

Strangeblades wrote:

More settling in of my upped Zoloft dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. It's been about one week of this dosage. Today's side effect includes a message from Bob Barker and also a weird sense of flattening. I don't feel anxiety like I used to (yay) but .... Actually, screw that. I feel god-damn awesome. Tuesdays used to be hell but now it's smooth sailing boys. I'll take flat any goddamn day thank you very much. Especially if it means not wanting to scratch my skin off thanks to my former crap of Black Negative and Dark Depression.

Wow, this is great news (well the feeling better, not the side effects). To bad one comes with the other. But congrats Strangeblades! I still remember my first week back thinking... wow, ok, I can do this... humm, this even seams like it's something I might enjoy once I get back in the groove of things.

SodaGremlin wrote:
Strangeblades wrote:

More settling in of my upped Zoloft dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. It's been about one week of this dosage. Today's side effect includes a message from Bob Barker and also a weird sense of flattening. I don't feel anxiety like I used to (yay) but .... Actually, screw that. I feel god-damn awesome. Tuesdays used to be hell but now it's smooth sailing boys. I'll take flat any goddamn day thank you very much. Especially if it means not wanting to scratch my skin off thanks to my former crap of Black Negative and Dark Depression.

Wow, this is great news (well the feeling better, not the side effects). To bad one comes with the other. But congrats Strangeblades! I still remember my first week back thinking... wow, ok, I can do this... humm, this even seams like it's something I might enjoy once I get back in the groove of things.

Thanks.

Oh and side effects is right. There is no free ride in life and the small price I pay is offset by the positives.

Strangeblades wrote:
SodaGremlin wrote:
Strangeblades wrote:

More settling in of my upped Zoloft dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. It's been about one week of this dosage. Today's side effect includes a message from Bob Barker and also a weird sense of flattening. I don't feel anxiety like I used to (yay) but .... Actually, screw that. I feel god-damn awesome. Tuesdays used to be hell but now it's smooth sailing boys. I'll take flat any goddamn day thank you very much. Especially if it means not wanting to scratch my skin off thanks to my former crap of Black Negative and Dark Depression.

Wow, this is great news (well the feeling better, not the side effects). To bad one comes with the other. But congrats Strangeblades! I still remember my first week back thinking... wow, ok, I can do this... humm, this even seams like it's something I might enjoy once I get back in the groove of things.

Thanks.

Oh and side effects is right. There is no free ride in life and the small price I pay is offset by the positives.

That's how I feel about mine. I have been on it for about 6 months now and look forward to next year taking a go at stopping it. We will see how it goes. But one slow step at a time.

Today was a weird day. I know it takes a few weeks before the final effects of a new drug or upped dosage are felt and today I got a taste. A calming or a cut in my drive. Hard to say. It feels better when I'm at work anyway.

Pregnant wife is hormonal and gets angry at me for not admitting anything is wrong or talknig about it. She yells at me then cries so I do housework and be helpful. Then she feels bad, apologises and I go to bed early.

Not Ideal situation, but we both love each other. My avoidance strategies are just conflicting with her desire to "talk".

Prozac wrote:

She yells at me then cries so I do housework and be helpful. Then she feels bad, apologises and I go to bed early.

Not to make light of anybody's fight with depression, but isn't that normal marriage? I keed, I keed.

Prozac wrote:

Pregnant wife is hormonal and gets angry at me for not admitting anything is wrong or talknig about it. She yells at me then cries so I do housework and be helpful. Then she feels bad, apologises and I go to bed early.

Not Ideal situation, but we both love each other. My avoidance strategies are just conflicting with her desire to "talk".

It's really hard for people who love you not to try and "fix" your depression. It's frustrating and they often feel like it's their fault.

Reminding her that you just need to ride it out; that there's no specific cause (and even if there was it wouldn't be her); and that all you need from her is the occassional hug. That's worked for me with my wife and got us through the later stages of pregnancy.