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Imagine you had super powers. Imagine you had the ability to warp ten feet in any direction, and the strength to kill anyone in three punches. Would you take upon yourself the awesome responsibility to protect the weak? Would you become a superhero? Heck no. You’d go rob a bank and steal some Mega Plutonium!

Every so often, a game comes along that’s a metaphor for something in the player’s life. The ones we usually notice are the ones that represent Big Ideas, like the Soulless Dead End Job, or The Tyrannical Society That Looks So Clean From The Outside. Forgotten, or outright missed, are the games that represent little parts of a person’s life. Like going to the toilet.

It’s the perfect distillation of online multiplayer: It’s fast, pretty and only fun if you have teenage reflexes.

Imari, Japan. 2001. JR Ralls parts his rich, full hair. Luscious lock after luscious lock bends at his touch, each strand clinging ever more tightly to his brow than the last. JR doesn’t think about what it would be like to see a bald spot in the back grow; why would such a thought as that even cross his mind? Rather, JR has more important things to focus on. This nihon-go is kicking his ass!