Fear of a PAX Planet
I don’t really, fully understand what I am supposed to do this weekend at PAX. I have a vague notion that there will be both cool stuff and people there, and that sitting in on a panel or two is a recommended idea, but for the most part I am going out there unprepared, and as a result more than a little skittish about the whole thing.
I’m usually pretty comfortable in a convention setting. I’ve walked into a handful of E3s, a clear agenda clutched in my tight, gamer grip; eyes ready to absorb the glamour and glitz with the kind of unrestrained, total abandon that is the hallmark of the objective games journalist. I have stoutly walked into Los Angeles time and again like I owned the place, a bearded force of nature in an E3 that had forgotten to equip its nature resist gear before the encounter.
PAX feels different. Squishier for lack of a better word. A convention built less on orchestrated media hype and more on the bonds of community. To be honest, this community thing is exactly where I’ve long had the most difficulty finding my comfort zone. Normally I am a level 80 shmoozer, at least in business settings where everyone pretty much agrees to put an entirely false personal on, so it feels really unusual to be nervous about PAX, but there it is. An unknown quantity.
I assume this is what a lot of people feel like wandering into territory populated by great herds of homo sapiens, an irrational distant but distinct uncertainty like sitting at a red light next to a cop. I know a lot of people just aren’t good in crowds, and while traditionally I have patiently sympathized it’s not an emotional experience I’ve ever had need to share. So this odd butterfly sensation in my mid-section is an unpleasant, unwelcome and unfamiliar companion.
To be honest, if I were hosting or sitting in on a panel, I think I'd be a lot less reticent. Something about the idea of presenting in front of hundreds (maybe just tens or fives) of people is bizarrely calming. Instead I'm just kind of floating in with nothing more than an intent for undefined mischief, like a ghost ship in the first act of a bad horror movie.
It seems odd that a convention so targeted to my core gamer self has me so discombobulated. I sense that once I get in the swing of things I will go back to revisit these thoughts and think something along the lines of “quit yer kvetching King Corona, it’s time to game up and party.”
Apparently my future self is a drunken, Jewish frat boy. My apologies to those of you who meet me this weekend.
If I’m honest with myself, and I rarely am, part of what troubles me is that in a convention that celebrates the gamer and gamer lifestyle, I’ve always felt like someone straddling the two worlds. A lot of times I still harbor the traditional image in my head of the stereotypical gamer, and it’s never been an image I’ve entirely embraced. In many ways this very site was built, at least in part, as an open rejection of that.
So, I feel a bit like an outsider wandering into the belly of the beast.
Here’s what I hope. I hope I find people so approachable, warm and opening as to once and for all dispel those stereotypes as thoroughly as I tend to when I reveal my Irish heritage while sipping from timid Mexican beers. I hope that I feel at home among the thousands who will be in attendance, even though gamer ranks increasingly low on the list of self-identifiers. I hope the mood and atmosphere infect me in a totally non-physiological way.
I have a good feeling that I may be pleasantly surprised, and yet I can’t shake my uncertainties. Onward to the PAX planet.
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Please make sure and update after PAX!!! Great article.
Xbox Live - SallyNasty
Certis wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
Well put. I'm sure you will have a blast. I look forward to meeting you.
The Long Game | My wordmaking.
Blog: http://www.davegottlieb.com/blog/
Twitter: @grobstein
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It'll be okay. I promise. There's a reason the quasi-official slogan is "Welcome home."
I can't wait for King Corona's comments on Sunday night.
Maybe this issue is best debated amongst the people who need to get off my lawn. - JoeBedurndurn
Speaking from my own experience (YYMV):
Identify some speakers/panels that interest you. Like, really interest you. Those are the ones you should try to get to. But only a few because there will be plenty of other stuff to do and the big ones will have waiting lines that will suck up a lot of your time. Keynote, Gabe&Tycho, Wil Wheaton (is he speaking again this year?).
Walk the expo floor. See what's coming in the near future. Most of it won't interest you. That's okay. Look it over and move on. If you see something that is your thing, wait in line to play a demo. Unless the line is long and then you should consider coming back at another or waiting until you're with other people who want to try it so you can chat while you wait together.
Collect swag.
Meet up with friends and/or Goodjers for some mid-day board/card games.
Go to the concerts, or at least 1 concert.
Go to the Freeplay and try some games/consoles you don't have. (To be honest, I think I found this the least satisfying use of my time, except when I was playing TF2 with Tamren, doc, & crew.)
Certis wrote:
Fedaykin98 wrote:
<+katisu> Q-Stone is an internet genius
Isn't Julian hosting a panel at PAX? This might not bode well...
You're clearly at PAX to cannibalize gamers in a poorly-lit stairwell so you can avoid the food lines. Don't tell me you haven't even started yet!
XboxLive: Clemenstation
I actually feel somewhat the same way about PAX. It's a blob of gamerdom, that benefits from being in a pack. So you'll have your pack!
Think of it this way, you're going to Podcast. It's a monster road trip to sit in Jonman's living room sunday night and drink a few Coronas. But you've got a few days to kill before that, so we'll play some old Colecovision games, a few boardgames, and maybe snag an interview or two off the floor. You can come to my panel on sunday and heckle, and you'll have your throngs of well wishers on Saturday night.
It'll be gone before you know it.
Last.fm | Twitter
"Publishers still speak in hushed tones about el bunny de la muerte." - *Legion*
Wow, really nice to see these feelings written down. I've long felt exactly the same way. I've never been comfortable with throwing myself wholeheartedly down the 'gamer' rabbit hole, although I've built multiple gaming PCs, typically buy every console in a given generation, have a huge collection of old games and consoles, etc. Somehow though, I feel like I can't really connect with the 'community' - the stigma of the image of the stereotypical gamer, the kind of crap that gets marketed to him (and the aesthetic used to sell it), and the average level of discourse just turn me off. I'm also straddling the worlds of mac and web development, entrepreneur, wildlife rehabber, literary snob, and reformed anime fan.
My girlfriend and I attended PAX East this year, and while I never fully got over those feelings, I came away from it very eager to go back next year, and hopefully engage on a deeper level. It wasn't our first convention, but there was something very special about it. It really gets across the point that yes, this IS actually a set to which I want to belong. It's not all stoned 15-year-olds delivering racist monologues on XBL. There are *people* here.
Anyway, enjoy, do your best to embrace it, and please update us after the con!
!!
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Steam: Podunk
I'll be the pessimist!
The background: I've been working in the industry for a few years now, so I'm kind of immersed in "game culture" 40+ hours per week.
I had very much the same feelings heading into PAX East this year. A lot of the panels would have been interesting from the perspective of a non-developer, but weren't terribly compelling from the other side. I went through the exhibit floor, but waiting in line to play a demo wasn't too compelling to me. I checked out the free play area, but I have so many unplayed games at home that I couldn't think of a good reason to play at the con.
Honestly, I wound up leaving after a few hours on Friday afternoon, and didn't bother going back (one of the benefits of living a 20 minute subway ride from the con). Of course, had I been there with a pack of friends or more interested in doing open gaming, the panels, or the dealer floor, then maybe things would have been different. Basically, since I wasn't meeting up with people from out of town, the activities available at the con were essentially identical to those available at my house, just with less beer and more crowds.
For me, I almost like to spend my off time escaping from the "gaming world". It's definitely not that PAX doesn't have a lot to recommend it. It's just that what it does isn't necessarily a big draw for everyone, and I think that's okay.
And that's what's so great about being a gamer; there's a whole spectrum of ways to participate and depths to take your involvement. Granted, going to PAX is to venture near the deep end of the gaming pool, but I'm sure people won't look too weirdly at you if you wear your swimmies.
May I ask if your GF is a gamer as well? Did she enjoy it? My wife and I have tentative plans for going to PAX East next year and while she plays games I wouldn't really say she's a gamer. She has voiced similar reservations to Mr. Sands' and is looking for other friends to go with us so that she isn't forced to "play Warhammer or whatever" with me.
"World Domination, Ho!" - My wife
"I'll be your frosted pastry." - Cory "Demiurge" Banks
Steam | XBL
She's an occasional gamer, but not the 'bejeweled' kind - she has a level 80 hunter in WoW, but rarely plays. We've played through all the Halo campaigns on legendary together, and she holds her own. She made us wait on line at midnight for ODST. She played through Crisis Core and loved it. Currently she's addicted to the Starcraft 2 campaign, to the point where she'll call me up at work so I can read her my authenticator code. In other words, she's not ignorant of the gaming world, and enjoys some parts of it, but doesn't live in it
She had a great time at PAX, probably better than I did, because she wasn't as concerned about fitting in. Loved the concerts, loved the Gabe & Tycho appearances, spent about an hour in the expo hall geeking out about tablets and art stuff with the reps from Wacom while I wandered around. We had a great time playing Bubble Bobble for a couple of hours in the retro free play room. She also was intrigued enough by the starter Magic decks included in the bags and my brief explanation of the game that she snuck out and bought a WoW TCG starter set that we played while waiting on the concert line.
I'd say if she's open to it, you should bring her. At the very least she'll see other grown men taking this hobby seriously, which will maybe take a bit of the edge off her disdain of the whole thing. At best, she might start to see what all the fuss is about and join in. Worst case scenario, she hates it and you spend a weekend in Boston
!!
Sounds just like my wife, but with different games. She's really (REALLY) hoping that there will be Civ5 in the free play area so she can "kick ass". I think as long as we don't try to do too much we'll be fine. That and dinner at some nice restaurants.
"World Domination, Ho!" - My wife
"I'll be your frosted pastry." - Cory "Demiurge" Banks
Steam | XBL
If I may make a recommendation (for Sean or for anybody going, really) - go see Of Dice And Men, a play by Cameron McNary being produced for the first time about a group of D&D playing adult friends and how they deal with one of them unexpectedly enlisting in the army. I saw a staged reading of it at PAX East, and it was popular and successful enough to get a full production scheduled for PAX West. I'm sad I can't be there to check it out, as I really liked the play a lot. It's genuinely funny and heartfelt, with some great dialogue [edit: dialogue not for kids, I should perhaps specify].
I wrote more about it over here if you want more details, but the bottom line is that a play I expected to be cheesy and trite ended up really good, and I want people to go see the full production since I can't.
How often does somebody write a piece of theatre about gaming that's actually good? It's well worth a couple hours of time for anyone interested.
I don't know which theatre it's playing in, but I'm sure that info is readily available.
Steam & OnLive ID: Ravenlock
XBL / GFWL Gamertag: Ravenlock80
I write about games when I can find time at [url=http://www.erraticgamer.com]Erratic Gamer
Yes, I'd also enjoy hearing how the weekend goes once you've experienced it. I've never been to a convention, but when I go to one, it'll be PAX.
Steam | StarCraft2
I'll hold your hand at PAX if you get scared. We'll need to dress you like Zelda so no one thinks it's weird.
I heard that they were keeping Elysium in the ICU not because he needed intensive care, but because they needed to be careful of his intensity. - Wordsmythe
I'd pay real money to see him dressed like Zelda.
Of dice and men sounds really cool, actually.
Last.fm | Twitter
"Publishers still speak in hushed tones about el bunny de la muerte." - *Legion*
PAX, I have one more year of high school then I can take a leap of faith and go get lost and stumble around more than if I snuck my way into E3.
Still extremely excited. September 5th, the day of GWJ Live and my birthday. XD I couldn't think of a better birthday present....
Okay I take that back, GWJ Live with Rabbit strip dancing. That would make a brilliant birthday. ^.^
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Less weird than Link with a beard
囧
PSN: Mao_Zedong
I've had a hard time talking to people at PAX. I'm good in a small group setting, *and* in public speaking, but when it comes to socializing and meeting new people, I'm awful.
That's why I'm going to try and make it to one of the Slap and Tickles, it seems more my speed than just being in a room with 60,000 nerds.
Steam: koobert
PSN: koobert / JohnnyFirebird
XBL: BearsInGames / koobert
Play spy. Try and figure out which of the unwashed masses is there to steal some corporate secret.
"Antique Road Trip U.S.A. for $3 (use coupon code, 'what mistakes have I made to end up here?')" ~Lobstermobster
Yes, but if you were an EQII player, you could be a level 90 shmoozer!
So there's that.
"Yeah, well, uh, just keep your Power Gloves off her, pal, huh?" -Corey, from "The Wizard"
Please, please, please play some Rifts: Planes of Telara and gives us some impressions. I am dying to see how this mmo is shaping up.
TERA, DCUO, Marvel Superhero Squad, and the Agency impressions would be sweet!
Being fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster.
Twitter tells me that it played last night to a 500 person crowd and that they had to turn away over 200 people at the door who couldn't fit. Apparently it got a pretty rousing standing ovation afterwards.
So I'm very happy for them and I'm sure they're thrilled. Hopefully it'll continue to pick up steam after this, especially if some of the folks in that crowd were press (and I expect some were). Hope a few GWJ'ers got to see it as well.
They're trying to get an encore performance going for it to accommodate the people they had to turn away, but who knows how that'll go. The writer / director is @cameronmcnary on Twitter if anybody at PAX wants to keep tabs on it and see if there's another showing.
Steam & OnLive ID: Ravenlock
XBL / GFWL Gamertag: Ravenlock80
I write about games when I can find time at [url=http://www.erraticgamer.com]Erratic Gamer
I'm really happy to hear this. I hope they bring their show to other conventions and make real bank.
Pyroman wrote:
Gravey wrote:
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Yeah, as somebody who "got in on the ground floor," as it were, by seeing the show at PAX East and trying to spread the word about it, I'm really excited to see it growing in popularity and success. I think it's going to play really well to a wide range of audiences.
Steam & OnLive ID: Ravenlock
XBL / GFWL Gamertag: Ravenlock80
I write about games when I can find time at [url=http://www.erraticgamer.com]Erratic Gamer
I was lucky enough to see it, and it was as good as hyped up to be. I'd give real consideration to seeing it again if it were to be at other conventions too, or another PAX. --I hope that happens.
Steam: thevinnlander XBLA: Gibby in PDX
I don't understand the fear. Isn't PAX just RabbitCon writ large, plus panels? At least, that's the impression I have of it, never having gone.
Hans
jdzappa wrote:
Jerry's mentioned it in his newspost today in a pretty positive way.
This, one would hope, will have a positive effect.
Steam & OnLive ID: Ravenlock
XBL / GFWL Gamertag: Ravenlock80
I write about games when I can find time at [url=http://www.erraticgamer.com]Erratic Gamer