Uncomfortable plot summaries: Game Edition!

Digeridoom!
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Sonicator's picture
Location: Canberra, Australia

If you haven't seen it already, start by reading this brilliant list of uncomfortable plot summaries. Highlights include:

ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.

and my personal favourite:

LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

Given what game plots are like at the best of times, I think there's good potential for a game version of this list. I'll kick it off with:

Half Life: Nerd has a bad day at work.
Wing Commander 3: Old man kills cats, planets.

SpacePPoliceman wrote:

First thing my grandfather taught me was "Don't let any hellportals near your junk."

Steam

Claw Shrimp
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Location: On a picnic, going "La la la!"

Quote:
300: Gays kill blacks.

NOTE: Not a doodle bug.

Steam-XBox-PSN: Lobstermancer

Mornington Peasant
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Location: Winchester, UK

Mario: immigrant stalks girl
GTA: Man lends money to prostitutes
Bioshock: Genetic mutant kills girls' carers
World of Warcraft: Armoured psychopath with enormous shoulders repeatedly slaughters wildlife

XBL BGG GR
PSN: DudleySmith74

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Location: Ft. Collins, Colorado

Dawn Of War II:

Religious white men start multiply genocides with chainsaw swords.

Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77

A Clone Smitten
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DudleySmith wrote:

World of Warcraft: Armoured psychopath with enormous shoulders repeatedly slaughters wildlife

Hahahahaha... actually, those were all pretty good.

Mega Man: Robot stops robot uprising by murdering famous doctor... wait, what?

Assassin's Creed: Man goes back in time, prances across ethnic rooftops

XboxLive: Clemenstation

Me Love You Long Time
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Vector's picture
Location: Frozen Wilds of Japan

Sonic: Hyperactive hedgehog annoys robots.

Fletcher wrote:

*Legion* wrote:
Fletcher wrote:
I couldn't agree more.

Do you want to, like, make out now or something?

No, actually now I just want to punch you. Alas, it was good while it lasted.

Canis Lupus Goodjeris
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Location: Connecticut

Crysis: Warhead - British expat gives in to genocidal tendencies.

Steam ID: Rallick

Sin Nombre, B*tches
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HantaXP's picture
Location: Calgary, AB

FFVII: Emo kid heartbroken when girlfriend dies.
Gears of War: Two men in love, and guns

Sorry for this, but couldnt resist.

Portal: Cake not a lie

Not a mistake, an evolution!
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Location: Browsing the app store

Quote:
FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.

Ouch.

Viva Pinata: Gardener attacks buildings, animals with shovel.
Oblivion: Man picks flowers for 215 hours.

SallyNasty, on inappropriate Godwinning wrote:

Because we know that the Nazi's insistence on high-speed connections were their worst crime.

__/ __
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Final Fantasy 7: Environmental terrorists bomb power plants
Max Payne: Wanted criminal gets high, goes on killing spree
Left 4 Dead: Armed band of looters euthanize the sick

Executive
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Location: Supporting my local Zombie Hunters for Hire

Switchbreak wrote:
Left 4 Dead: Armed band of looters euthanizes the sick
Nice.

Steam
The Scottsman wrote:

Ach! Lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won first prize.

Claw Shrimp
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Location: On a picnic, going "La la la!"

Resident Evil 5: White American visits Africa, kills sick black men.
HALO: Super soldier follows commands of voice in head.
Final Fantasy 7: Depressed teenager seeks self-discovery by becoming a terrorist.
Tetris: Gravity exposes flaws in structural integrity.

NOTE: Not a doodle bug.

Steam-XBox-PSN: Lobstermancer

Canis Lupus Goodjeris
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Rallick's picture
Location: Connecticut

Wii Bowling: Phallic symbols, balls and vigorous hand motions.

Steam ID: Rallick

Credit to Team
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Location: Madison, WI

Animal Crossing: Usurious raccoon has small-town monopoly.

words.length<140 | Photos | Steam

KrazyTaco wrote:

You are comparing apples to cardboard boxes

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast
pignoli's picture
Location: UK

Peggle: Balls destroy pegs, unicorn farts.
Diablo 2(+expansion): Three brothers are shouted at, murdered by axe wielding savage.

Adamantine Boreas
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The Witcher: Heavy metal star lives the dream: sex, drugs and more sex.
Mass Effect: One space marine's quest to have sex with an alien.
Team Fortress 2: Caricatures spew witty remarks in an endless gang war.

My Website: Gaming Culture - New Video - Most Disappointing Games of 2011
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XBL
G+

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World Of Goo

Boogers band together to fight the exploitative fashion industry.

Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77

Canis Lupus Goodjeris
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Location: Connecticut

Warcraft III: Spoiled son throws tantrum.

Steam ID: Rallick

What Is Your Quest?
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Fallout 3: Man raised in cave emerges and adapts to society.

Xbox LIVE: oldman GWJ

2007 GWJFFL2 Champion
2008 & 2011 GWJFFL Champion

LobsterMobster wrote:

Gnomish prostitutes look like bunches of grapes.

PSI Level Ω
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Earthbound: Early teens beat up unassuming citizens with sports and leisure equipment because a talking bee said so. Also see: drugs, hallucinations, rape, and mind control.

Steam | XBL | Backloggery | PSN: VrikkGWJ

__/ __
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System Shock: Hacker compromises and destroys multimillion dollar computer system
Secret of Monkey Island: Poverty-stricken youth turns to piracy, local Governor turns blind eye
Fahrenheit: Female police officer falls in love with murderer, has sex with corpse

Invited the 7th Guest
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Location: Newfoundland

You could use a variation of the actual marketing line for Vigiliante 8 when it debuted.

Vigilante 8: Sh*t blows up.

Xbox Live | Steam | Xfire | Last.fm | PSN: stauf7

This Will Be A Hard One
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Location: Sweden

Half Life: Nerd screws up at work. Goes on rampage with crowbar.
Half Life 2: Unemployed nerd can't talk to girl. Goes on rampage with crowbar.

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Location: Ft. Collins, Colorado

Final Fantasy 6-

Witchcraft clown takes over the world.

Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77

A Clone Smitten
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Location: TORONTO

Dimmerswitch wrote:
Animal Crossing: Usurious raccoon has small-town monopoly.

I love the word usurious... well done sir!

Chrono Trigger: Time-traveling lad enjoys carnival games and kidnapping young princesses

Final Fantasy VIII: A revered franchise is converted into a feature-length film, with poor results

XboxLive: Clemenstation

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast
pignoli's picture
Location: UK

KOTOR: Amnesiac is reminded of identity

Canis Lupus Goodjeris
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Location: Connecticut

The Sims: Faceless entity with god-complex causes ordinary humans to wall themselves in. Also, to have lesbian sex.

Steam ID: Rallick

__/ __
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Switchbreak's picture

Myst: Uninvited guest interferes with family quarrel
The Longest Journey: Troubled girl drops out of school

Adamantine Boreas
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Location: Hong Kong

StarCraft: Space hillbilles find big bugs, get squashed by alien space samurai.

My Website: Gaming Culture - New Video - Most Disappointing Games of 2011
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XBL
G+

Intern
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Tomb Raider Anniversary: Wealthy woman destroys archaeology, kills a dinosaur.

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Halo-

Genetically alter super solider destroys religious sanctuary and starts a genocide.

Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77