Uncomfortable plot summaries: Game Edition!
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 - 8:39am
If you haven't seen it already, start by reading this brilliant list of uncomfortable plot summaries. Highlights include:
ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
and my personal favourite:
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
Given what game plots are like at the best of times, I think there's good potential for a game version of this list. I'll kick it off with:
Half Life: Nerd has a bad day at work.
Wing Commander 3: Old man kills cats, planets.
SpacePPoliceman wrote:
First thing my grandfather taught me was "Don't let any hellportals near your junk."
NOTE: Not a doodle bug.
Steam-XBox-PSN: Lobstermancer
Mario: immigrant stalks girl
GTA: Man lends money to prostitutes
Bioshock: Genetic mutant kills girls' carers
World of Warcraft: Armoured psychopath with enormous shoulders repeatedly slaughters wildlife
XBL BGG GR
Dawn Of War II:
Religious white men start multiply genocides with chainsaw swords.
Twitter: Crockpot Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77
Hahahahaha... actually, those were all pretty good.
Mega Man: Robot stops robot uprising by murdering famous doctor... wait, what?
Assassin's Creed: Man goes back in time, prances across ethnic rooftops
XboxLive: Clemenstation
"If all of those guys get into that tiny little tent, I am gonna lose it."
Sonic: Hyperactive hedgehog annoys robots.
Fletcher wrote:
Crysis: Warhead - British expat gives in to genocidal tendencies.
If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning.
FFVII: Emo kid heartbroken when girlfriend dies.
Gears of War: Two men in love, and guns
Sorry for this, but couldnt resist.
Portal: Cake not a lie
Ouch.
Viva Pinata: Gardener attacks buildings, animals with shovel.
Oblivion: Man picks flowers for 215 hours.
Paleocon wrote:
Grenn wrote:
Final Fantasy 7: Environmental terrorists bomb power plants
Max Payne: Wanted criminal gets high, goes on killing spree
Left 4 Dead: Armed band of looters euthanize the sick
Website | Twittah | Steam
Steam
Rubb Ed wrote:
Resident Evil 5: White American visits Africa, kills sick black men.
HALO: Super soldier follows commands of voice in head.
Final Fantasy 7: Depressed teenager seeks self-discovery by becoming a terrorist.
Tetris: Gravity exposes flaws in structural integrity.
NOTE: Not a doodle bug.
Steam-XBox-PSN: Lobstermancer
Wii Bowling: Phallic symbols, balls and vigorous hand motions.
If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning.
Animal Crossing: Usurious raccoon has small-town monopoly.
words.length<140 | Photos | Steam
Pirate Bob wrote:
Peggle: Balls destroy pegs, unicorn farts.
Diablo 2(+expansion): Three brothers are shouted at, murdered by axe wielding savage.
---
http://steamcommunity.com/id/pignoli/
GameRanger: pignoli
GFWL: pignoli brain
The Witcher: Heavy metal star lives the dream: sex, drugs and more sex.
Mass Effect: One space marine's quest to have sex with an alien.
Team Fortress 2: Caricatures spew witty remarks in an endless gang war.
Chairman_Mao wrote:
Steam
World Of Goo
Boogers band together to fight the exploitative fashion industry.
Twitter: Crockpot Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77
Warcraft III: Spoiled son throws tantrum.
If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning.
Fallout 3: Man raised in cave emerges and adapts to society.
Xbox LIVE: oldman GWJ
2007 GWJFFL2 Champion
2008 GWJFFL Champion
LobsterMobster wrote:
Earthbound: Early teens beat up unassuming citizens with sports and leisure equipment because a talking bee said so. Also see: drugs, hallucinations, rape, and mind control.
Yet even then we ran like the wind,
whilst our laughter echoed under cerulean skies...
System Shock: Hacker compromises and destroys multimillion dollar computer system
Secret of Monkey Island: Poverty-stricken youth turns to piracy, local Governor turns blind eye
Fahrenheit: Female police officer falls in love with murderer, has sex with corpse
Website | Twittah | Steam
You could use a variation of the actual marketing line for Vigiliante 8 when it debuted.
Vigilante 8: Sh*t blows up.
Xbox Live | Steam | Xfire | Last.fm | PSN: stauf7
Half Life: Nerd screws up at work. Goes on rampage with crowbar.
Half Life 2: Unemployed nerd can't talk to girl. Goes on rampage with crowbar.
Unofficial GWJ IRC Channel -- Stay awhile and listen
Final Fantasy 6-
Witchcraft clown takes over the world.
Twitter: Crockpot Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77
I love the word usurious... well done sir!
Chrono Trigger: Time-traveling lad enjoys carnival games and kidnapping young princesses
Final Fantasy VIII: A revered franchise is converted into a feature-length film, with poor results
XboxLive: Clemenstation
"If all of those guys get into that tiny little tent, I am gonna lose it."
KOTOR: Amnesiac is reminded of identity
---
http://steamcommunity.com/id/pignoli/
GameRanger: pignoli
GFWL: pignoli brain
The Sims: Faceless entity with god-complex causes ordinary humans to wall themselves in. Also, to have lesbian sex.
If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning.
Myst: Uninvited guest interferes with family quarrel
The Longest Journey: Troubled girl drops out of school
Website | Twittah | Steam
StarCraft: Space hillbilles find big bugs, get squashed by alien space samurai.
Chairman_Mao wrote:
Steam
Tomb Raider Anniversary: Wealthy woman destroys archaeology, kills a dinosaur.
Steam
Halo-
Genetically alter super solider destroys religious sanctuary and starts a genocide.
Twitter: Crockpot Steam: Crockpot77 Xbox Live: Crockpot77