Corrections / Supplements to the Target Home “No Tools Required” Bookcase Manual
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Sunday, July 27th, 2008 - 11:47pm
- On the cover of the manual it states “Congratulations – you've purchased a fine furniture item from Target”. The Congratulations should be in quotes, as this is sarcastic.
- Warning, at no time during construction can the bookcase support it's own weight. If we have steps involving rotation of the device, this must be done in the Target Home brand Zero Gravity Environment, sold separately.
- At several points you will be asked to fill many identical holes with several types of plastic doodads. If you do not put the right doodads in the right holes according to the plan, which is tiny and poorly illustrated, the bookcase construction will be screwed. This is intentional.
- While we write our instructions for the average 2nd grade brain-damaged child of two cavemen, we will refer to all of the various plastic hardware only by long alphanumeric strings that are sometimes less than one digit apart. This is simply for our amusement.
- While we advertise the bookcase as “No Tools Required” this isn't strictly true. Here at Target Home we acknowledge that there's only one tool required in construction. You, the customer, are that tool.
- At one point you will be asked to install the piece which provides the majority of the structural integrity of the bookcase, a thin sheet of cardboard. This sheet has holes that align with the backside for easy installation.
- As a correction to #6 above, “align” and “easy” should be in quotes. They are, again, sarcastic.
- The last page of the manual states that “We hope you enjoy your new furniture item.” This is in fact a lie.
- We've gotten several questions about the fact that we've taken a bookcase that should've taken 15 minutes to build and made it more complicated, less reliable and much harder to assemble by replacing all screws and nails with random pieces of plastic less reliable than tinkertoys. Please stop sending in these questions.
"If I was Obama I'd have made a joke about that. Then again, if I was Obama I'd have f*cked up my own campaign long ago by making c*ck jokes." - 1Dgaf
"Poor Achmed, only three days away from retirement ... from Jihad." - Mike Nelson
*chuckle* And such is the way for all furniture bought from mass retail outlets such as Walmart, Target or similar. Of course the best furniture costs and arm and a leg and be found only at actual furniture stores or office supply stores. I would very much like to have the awesome desk and cabinet set I use at work at home. However I don't have $1000 to just blow on nice looking furniture. Quality is so damn expensive.
Prederick wrote:
"When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross." - Sinclair Lewis.
Heh. Never seen the wordless IKEA instructions, have you?
XBL: NSMike | Steam | PSN: NSMike | Wii Friend Code: 7763 1519 2475 2278 | GWJ Google Calendar
10. Find the nearest toddler raised with Lego. He'll provided step by step instruction you and your spouse can follow. Please do not attempt to think but mindlessly follow his instructions, this toddler is a trained professional.
Wait! It had words?
Until the dishwasher I installed this weekend, I don't remember the last thing I put together that didn't have an overabundance of vague, poorly printed illustrations and a near complete lack of verbiage.
So the real question is, does it hold books? Or does it just fall over?
*Legion* recognizing greatness wrote:
"If I was Obama I'd have made a joke about that. Then again, if I was Obama I'd have f*cked up my own campaign long ago by making c*ck jokes." - 1Dgaf
"Poor Achmed, only three days away from retirement ... from Jihad." - Mike Nelson
Chiggy?
Xbox Live tag Gorilla800lbs
Not enough swearing.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
I write manuals for a living so I often end up fixing (that is, rewriting) the manuals that just frustrate people.
Most of the people who write the really crappy manuals are the same people who designed the crappy product. They really believe those instructions are simple and brilliant.
LilCodger wrote:
Thing is, IKEA stuff really is brilliant. I've put together any number of furniture pieces from other manufacturers that try to duplicate IKEA's manuals and building styles, right down to the types of fasteners, but nothing ever goes together as nicely or as smoothly as IKEA.
Like it or lump it, it's impressive from a design standpoint.
MechaSlinky wrote:
-on L4DI bought a very attractive and sturdy solid-wood coffee table from Target. However, I don't remember if the instruction manual was bad...
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Um. Why does anyone need an instruction manual for building a bookcase?
This is the internet! In our natural environment, atheists run in packs and have dictionaries! --- JoeBeDurndurn
Depends on the type. I needed instructions for putting together a barrister bookcase. The way the doors were attached was not intuitive.
XBL: NSMike | Steam | PSN: NSMike | Wii Friend Code: 7763 1519 2475 2278 | GWJ Google Calendar
Okay.
I've been told that I have a gift for visualizing the way things go together, but bookshelves never strike me as particularly difficult to figure out. I think I'd have a harder time figuring out the most efficient order in which to paint a bathroom than putting together furniture.
This is the internet! In our natural environment, atheists run in packs and have dictionaries! --- JoeBeDurndurn
Tool-less can also complicate things. I have the same problem with computer cases. Some of them are incredibly obtuse for the sake of not needing a screwdriver.
*Legion* recognizing greatness wrote:
I've built some of those bookcases. How exactly are you supposed to get those nails in with no tool?
At least they didn't challenge me the last time around when I brought in a pile of wreckage to get my $30 back..
An ounce of prevention creates a single point of failure -- IT Security Proverb
Giannino - 70 Fury Warrior
I had just put together a computer desk that took 3 hours before and it was complicated, but necessarily so. They had 10 different types of screws because the job required it and it made sense where you use what.
This thing was a freaking bookcase, and it was like putting together the space shuttle. Just some boards and screws, that's it! It doesn't need to be this complicated! At least 4 different plastic doodads just to replace where one screw would've gone.
"If I was Obama I'd have made a joke about that. Then again, if I was Obama I'd have f*cked up my own campaign long ago by making c*ck jokes." - 1Dgaf
"Poor Achmed, only three days away from retirement ... from Jihad." - Mike Nelson
For the record, I own a Target desk and hutch, and this piece of furniture must've been designed by someone else entirely, because a lot of stuff was not only already assembled, but didn't rely on a lack of tools. They even gave you a small substitute phillips driver. Always thought it was odd that they never instructed you to glue the dowels, though. I always do.
XBL: NSMike | Steam | PSN: NSMike | Wii Friend Code: 7763 1519 2475 2278 | GWJ Google Calendar
I submit that it's not real furniture unless it requires you to call 911 anytime it falls onto you.
I hate moving.
-Bad Mojo
And man that dog looks like he's having a good time, but that monkey is f*cking into it. This isn't his recreation; this is his life and he knows it in a way I will never know anything. --Danjo Olivaw
Bookshelves!=Bookcase.
"Also, I have four legs and am covered in wool. Baa!" *Legion* reveals his inner furry.
I like being a girl.
1. Buy item from store.
2. Have bf/father/Joe Schmoe worker load it into your car.
3. Have one of males listed in step 2 unload the item from the car to the house and assemble.
4. Provide beer &/or food for effort.
Although I have assembled a few things from IKEA myself and those pictures are actually quite well done, after you figure out what each part of the picture means. For instance, if you see a black side and a white side to a piece of wood, they are trying to tell you that the two sides of the wood (all ivory in color) are in fact somehow different. It is up to you to figure out in what manner they are different, and which one should be black or white. But after that, it's easy!
"I can't knife you right now. I have a chair and some pants."
Like my old case, which instead of retaining expansion cards in position with a single screw - and let's not forget if I'm going to the trouble of moving/replacing an expansion card I can definitely manage to find myself a screwdriver - it had some sort of clip arrangement, which required enough force to push it free that you invariably ended up taking some skin off your thumb when it finally moved. It's anti-convenience.
Pistols for two and coffee for one.
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