Rapture-triggered email service with eschatological server space
File this under: "I wish I had thought of it first."
From the Wired blog, Threat Level:
If millions of Christians suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth as the opening act for Armageddon, Threat Level thinks most nonbelievers will be too busy freaking the hell out to check their e-mail. But if they do log in, now they can be treated to some post-Rapture needling from their missing friends and loved ones, courtesy of web startup YouveBeenLeftBehind.com.For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.
"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," reads the website, which is purportedly run "by Christians, for Christians." The domain name is registered through an anonymous proxy service, presumably to protect the proprietors from the Forces of Darkness, and not because they're up to anything shady.
The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row -- a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.
Users can also upload up to 150 megabytes of documents, which will be protected by an unidentified encryption algorithm until the Rapture, then released to up to 12 nonbelievers of your choice. The site recommends that you use that storage to house sensitive financial information.
"In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorneys," the site says. "There won't be any bodies, so probate court will take seven years to clear your assets to your next of kin. Seven years, of course, is all the time that will be left. So, basically the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way."
Hillarious.
I've always told folks I know from the religious right that 7 years for the antichrist isn't even two full terms.
There is only an up or down--up to a man's age-old dream, the ultimate in individual freedom consistent with law and order--or down to the ant heap totalitarianism,... those who would trade our freedom for security have embarked on this downward course.
Good idea.
Make your own for $35/month.
NOTE: This is not a doodle bug.
BF2142 Stats
You can say your prices are more down to Earth.
Letters to the Internet
Or I can charge a premium with the value proposition being that I can guarantee that I will still be here after the Rapture to maintain the servers.
XBox Live: Croutonic | Bungie.net: Croutonic
Bacon is like monkeys - it makes everything better. - Bagga
That's f*cking genius.
Letters to the Internet
Damn, wish I'd thought of that. Nice little income coming in and no work outside of the set-up.
Elysium wrote:
XBL: elliottxW
But then you're counting on them to trust an unrepentant heathen. Think they'll buy it?
Hell of an idea!
"And the circle has been charged through the power of unphysics, which are physics so stupid they erase normal ones from your mind." -Wields-Rulebook-Heavily at rpg.net
Do they have a money-back guarantee?
Xbox Live tag Gorilla800lbs
Good point. I'll need to convince them that I'm a non-believer (that part's easy), yet appear trustworthy to an end-times-obsessed subset of Christians.
How about this: I'll claim to be a descendant of the biblical Good Samaritan (there's a good chance they won't be looking for evidence). That guy was necessarily a non-Christian, and ironically they love that guy for his non-Christian ethics.
XBox Live: Croutonic | Bungie.net: Croutonic
Bacon is like monkeys - it makes everything better. - Bagga
Just claim to be an ultra-right-wing Jew. That will sit with them nicely.
Xbox Live tag Gorilla800lbs
If they're going to leave financial info for their heathen relatives, they might trust a heathen, yeah.
NOTE: This is not a doodle bug.
BF2142 Stats
Hmm do I get a written pledge that the support staffers are athiest? and that the owners won't try to convert them?
Crouton, technically all the characters in that story were non-Christian...and even if it were 100% true and you were the direct descendant of said person, you could still be a Christian.
"Also, I have four legs and am covered in wool. Baa!" *Legion* reveals his inner furry.
I think I'm going to have to give a nod to Poe's Law now.
XBox Live: Croutonic | Bungie.net: Croutonic
Bacon is like monkeys - it makes everything better. - Bagga
I'm going so start a company called "Looting Inc," which takes up to 5 specific addresses within 100km of your current legal residence. For just 41 dollars a year, you reserve a crack team of Looting Inc employees who, immediately upon rapturization of the general populous, will visit these locations. If the owner has been rapturized, the bust in and take all the good stuff and bring it back to you. We take a cool 10% off the top.
"Don't make the same mistake twice! You don't have to get "left behind" again! Turn the rapture to your advantage, and target the richest Evangelicals you know. Because the Antichrist cares is a money-lover, and his loan-sharks are really into sodomy."
"PEACE ON EARTH. GOOD WILL TO MEN. PUBLIC SHELTER. ADMISSION 50¢"
I admit it, this is funny.
However, if the huge number of people vanishing from the earth isn't enough of a clue for some people, I doubt an extra email or 2 is going to do the trick.
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him, than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word "darkness" on the wall of his cell.
-CS Lewis
It's more an opportunity to send them one last email, let them know how much they'll be missed in heaven, and how you'll be rooting for them to get the kindest sodomizers in the depths of Hell.
Fletcher wrote:
I think the idea is more to let the holy say good-bye to their doomed relatives than inform them that they're doomed.
NOTE: This is not a doodle bug.
BF2142 Stats
I see. Technically they aren't doomed just yet.
They can still change their minds and believe up until the point of death, even after the rapture has taken place.
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him, than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word "darkness" on the wall of his cell.
-CS Lewis
Might be a good thing to tell them in that e-mail!
NOTE: This is not a doodle bug.
BF2142 Stats
Classic.
If the Rapture occurs, I'm pretty sure I'll be the first in line to start believing in Chirst and the Resurrection if that means I don't have to burn in Hell (although I'm still not 100% convinced that Hell is all that bad of a place, with all the fun stuff being banned in Heaven and all).
Fletcher wrote:
It's a good thing that the Anti-Christ is going to accept verifiable paperwork to settle the estates.
Sort of reiminds me of the Simpsons episode where David (played by Bart) slays Golieth (played by Nelson Munz) only to find out that the Israelites actually found him to be a kind, just, and competant leader.
There is only an up or down--up to a man's age-old dream, the ultimate in individual freedom consistent with law and order--or down to the ant heap totalitarianism,... those who would trade our freedom for security have embarked on this downward course.
Trust me, if the Rapture comes, I consider the evidence.
But what kind of good Christian makes his money off of his more paranoid fellows? Seems to me to be the lowest sort of scam, like selling Exorcism kits or demon-detectors.
Trust me, if the picture that the Bible portrays of hell is accurate, you won't want to be anywhere near it. The worst part of hell doesn't seem to be the cultural depictions of the horned and sharp tailed demons constantly poking people with pitchforks, it is the eternal separation from God and the infinite loneliness of solitude and anguish.
I'd normally agree as spiritual snake oil salesmen are hardly a scarcity, but this "product" isn't promising anything it does not deliver, unless they aren't actually providing the server space and service they promise. I not sure they are doing anything illegal. However, I'm not exactly dialing the number to order. If I do, Robear, I can add you to my list of emails if you like?
To be fair though, the precedent set by Jesus Christ Himself on shady religious profiteering is quite clear.
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him, than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word "darkness" on the wall of his cell.
-CS Lewis
I did that once, it was called High School. [/emo]
So, Jesus will go to their offices and flip over their desks?
Fletcher wrote:
In the same token, spending eternity doing nothing but praising and worshiping God doesn't exactly seem to be fun either.
Hmm technically he only threw the moneychangers out fo the temple, he is never depicted as having upset the tables of moneychangers not inside the temple.
"Also, I have four legs and am covered in wool. Baa!" *Legion* reveals his inner furry.
I like how the service implies that service providers are so sure of themselves and definitely going to Heaven. It`d be cool if one day they awoke and were the only people on Earth left. They could go on logging into their system for the next 7 years. And sip tea with the Antichrist while discussing finer points of faith.
I`m Artsy Partsy Gun For Hire
I don't remember learning about the 'rapture' in the Methodist Church of my youth, though I have certain awareness of the concept now. Is it a basic belief of all Christians or more prevalent within certain Christian churches?
Update: I surfed the net and googled a wiki, and have now reached version 2.0 in my understanding.
Xbox Live: Irongut | Playstation ID: Irongut_GWJ
You gonna sue if they don't deliver?
Man, talk about awkward. What, exactly, would you say?
He's in your server farm, breaking your firewalls.
The democratization of the web ... has installed an illusion of a digital first amendment that protects speech no matter how poorly spelled or stupid. - Elysium
Wordsmythe is my hero. - rabbit
XBL: E Munnie