This Is Just To Say
For those of you who listen to This American Life, this week’s conceit should prove familiar. A recent episode attended to the phenomenon of false apologies, so commonly delivered everywhere from the political stump to the Christmas dinner table. We've all heard the I'm Sorry that comes without real contrition, the kind that almost hurts more for its absence of sincerity, and the following and familiar poem by William Carlos Williams was offered on the show as among the most trenchant and egregious literary examples of a non-apology.
This Is Just To Say:
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
It is a poem that can be interpreted to describe the conscious decision of doing thoughtless and hurtful action, and as kind of a seminal example of the non-apology is widely spoofed online and off. In worlds where we, as game players are constantly tasked with less than ethical actions, where we offer damage to endless victims for our own entertainment, it seems like the sort of thing our avatars might offer as a non-apology to the digital lives on which they wreak havoc. With that in mind, we at GWJ offer some new takes on This Is Just To Say, as given from the worlds of gaming.
This Is Just To Say
----
We have killed
Your god
Which slumbered
In the Core
His reach
Loomed beyond Blackrock
With minions
Of evil
Forgive us
His plans were dastardly
And his loot
Was phat
- Elysium
----
I stole your car,
Hit you with a baseball bat
Took your money
And then ran you over
Forgive me
The cops were on my tail
And I was smuggling a few kilos
with a hooker
Plus, you looked so
squishy and tempting.
Standing there in the street.
Bleeding.
- Elysium
----
No harm
No foul
We chose our sides
In this never ending battle
It is even
Possible
We could have been
Friends
But through
The scope
My only choice
Is a bullet in your brain
- Gaald
----
You have
so many jars
and boxes
in your house
which hold things
that help
me get through
this quest
I'm sorry
I broke them
and took
the stuff
- Momgamer
----
I borrowed
the anomalous material
you were using
for the test
you were gone
so I switched it
with a new specimen
from the lab
I'm sure
the replacement
is perfectly
safe
- The Fly
---
I didn't mean
to click Accept
but my finger
was twitchy
no harm done
after all
I can always
disenchant
and you
can just run
through here
again
- The Fly
----
I broke your heart
and
tore you to pieces
that you
probably needed to
complete your
logic circuits
Forgive me
they were so round
and they
were trying to kill me.
- Brennil
----
I have opened
the doors
throughout
this dungeon
and which
I'm sure I've opened
again
and again
Forgive me
but I simply don't
care to
finish this time
- Rabbit
Feel free to add you own in the comments!
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Yes, we know we
pestered you the last
time you bought something.
Forgive us for
not having your
pre-order in.
Would you like
to preorder
anything else?
Steam ID: ihateuyeahu
Xbox Live: ihateuyeahu
PSN: ihateuyeahu
BNet: idislikeumildly
Impulse:ihateuyeahu
I have climbed
ladders
and hit barrels
with a hammer
and dropped
an endangered
gorilla
on his head
Forgive me
I was training
for my new job
at Nintendo
***
I have shot down
your missiles
and destroyed
your bombers
And I did it
again
and again
and again
Forgive me
But you were
trying
to nuke my city
***
I have eaten the dots
and strawberries
and cherries
and keys
And I've waited
for you
to get close enough
to eat you
Forgive me
But I'm trapped
in this maze
and I'm so dang hungry
Certis wrote:
Zigguratbuilder wrote:
PSN name: DoubtingTom396 Frie-hend meeeee uuuuup!
Adjective "phat"
Is right up there
With "kewl"
Or ever "rad"
Embarrasing
To see it used
Any more,
Indeed
Not that I care,
To tell the truth
Time for a litte
23 skidoo
XBox Live | Twitter | Flickr
We have given
perfect 10s
like candy
to games
from companies
with hype
and clout
and money
Forgive us
we were just trying
to keep
our jobs
Certis wrote:
Zigguratbuilder wrote:
PSN name: DoubtingTom396 Frie-hend meeeee uuuuup!
I have burned
you alive
while you were
trapped in a cage
and which
probably hurt
a whole
hell of a lot
Forgive me
the door was closed
and Ares
is being a dick
Certis wrote:
Fedaykin98 wrote:
<+katisu> Q-Stone is an internet genius
My poor AI
Squadmates
Their quips were
Entertaining
But their bodies
Made better
Human shields
Than windows
And somehow
They will return
On the next level
Anyway
XBL
Jonman wrote:
I knew I was
supposed to have
started on dinner
a half hour ago
and you are
both probably
very hungry
and tired
Let me just get
back to a save
point then I'll
go get Chinese
XBox Live: Alex C
PSN: AlexC099
This is just to say
That I'm returning GTA IV
Just like I did with all the others.
Sorry, you're still young
Enough that I feel I must take action
When I see you
Pointing a gun at a cowering shopkeeper.
Even if he's just pretend.
A not so sincere one:
This is just to say:
I watched as
tears streaked
moonlit terror from
your eyes
when teeth
gnashed and gnawed
together
with thine
Forgive me
for you are
mine always
in heart and soul
and a sincere one:
This is just to say:
My story told
events before
their time completed
and regretted.
Our embrace
rejected in unfamiliar
shock
was undone.
Forgive me
for my love
that you
will never know
My and Tboon's podcast: The Easy Button
IRC Pearls of Wisdom:
Bacon is a goodjer in your pants.
I have landed
upon
your bulbous head
and squished it
And now you
are gone
while the cheery music
continues
Forgive me
you moved ceaselessly leftward
and my princess lies
to the right
XBL: fourdswisschees | Steam: 4dSwissCheese | Blog: Ramblings of 4d
I shot you
with my
AWP
while you
had no idea
where I was.
Forgive me,
you suck
lolz.
I ran away
while you
were on fire,
and probably
needed healing.
Forgive me,
the pryo's flame
was so close,
so hot.
This Is Just To Say:
I disrespectfully mash
the ‘A’ button
whenever
you speak
about subjects
that you probably
honestly think
are important
Forgive me
but you drone on and on
without revealing
the location of the next item.
Xbox Live: Webdanzer
This is just to say
I'm sorry that I
unloaded a whole clip
of 10mm JHP
Into you
Ian
Dogmeat
and Tycho
Forgive me.
I am not yet used to
How this SMG vibrates
And you guys were in the way
I sent armies from
Greenland to your
country Iceland,
which was unprotected
probably because
of our treaty.
Forgive me,
you're just so strong
and I so weak.
I had this EXACT idea after listening to that episode. I was thinking about coming up with a bunch and submitting it as a candidate for a front-pager. Guess I was too slow. Dammit.
TempestBlayze wrote:
XBL|Steam|PSN: NSMike|BFBC2- Stats & Server
This is just to say
I have locked
the door
to your
quarters
So you
will eventually
starve
and die
Forgive me
my dwarves
were tired
of bringing you
water
"Fifty dwarves. Slain by one sturgeon." -Farscry
I must refer you to an essay by Max Beerbohm called "How Shall I Word It?" Manuals of impeccable sample letters were common in Beerbohm's day, so he wrote this essay to show the correct form of less conventional communications, for example a blackmail note. My favorite is a "thank you" note for a hideous, cheap and tasteless wedding present: "Who gives quickly, gives twice, the proverb says. For this reason I have purposefully delayed writing to thank you..."
Your notes are very good. Who would have thought that such evil lay concealed behind your smiling faces.
Ooh, fun! Here's my go:
I have input
the Konami code
to best you
and your barrage of lasers.
you can be beaten
without cheating
and in this vein
I might cherish a victory
but forgive me
my fingers ache
your code is salvation
and so easy to recall.
I was laughing so hard while listening to that episode in the car... it KILLED me.
I have led these
blood elves
deliberately to
this very spot.
You seem
very busy,
tagging all the mobs
within your sight.
So forgive me,
I thought that you,
of all people,
would like some more.
Nation of Gamers
World of WoW
http://www.deadworkers.com/network
It was, perhaps,
unkind to
remove the door
to the restroom.
But your frantic
cries of alarm
and waving of arms
amuses me.
Forgive me,
I will return
the exit
sometime soon.
Nation of Gamers
World of WoW
http://www.deadworkers.com/network
Oh you AWP whores, you never care! This is truly the perfect form of poetry for that lack of compassion.
Steam ID: ihateuyeahu
Xbox Live: ihateuyeahu
PSN: ihateuyeahu
BNet: idislikeumildly
Impulse:ihateuyeahu
I have taken
the vespene
in the lower
right-hand corner
that you were
probably saving
to stave off
my Zerg rush
Forgive me
the scary voice
told me
I required it
TempestBlayze wrote:
XBL|Steam|PSN: NSMike|BFBC2- Stats & Server
I have driven
you over
with my Hog,
while you were
carrying a charge
to our ship
Forgive me
you were going
the wrong way
Makron be with you
I am beaten
by skill
more advanced
than my own
dying,
I let go of a
grenade
and killed you
Forgive me,
I played for hours to
unlock
Martyrdom
Website | Twittah | Steam
Oh man, these are so awesome. I am not even going to try to write one, but each and every one of these are sheer genius. Excellent article, Elysium. Now I'm off to listen to the podcast (late, but better than never!)
If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning.
I took you home,
I caressed you.
I kept you in the shrinkwrap,
safe and sound.
I spent my working hours
thinking about you.
Yet when I come home
the thrill is gone.
Forgive me,
you deserve someone better than me.
Can we at least stay friends?
Jeez, I made myself sad
Robear wrote:
I knew that
It was all about clicking
And clicking
And more clicking
And there are
Deeper games
Like Bioshock
Or Portal
That I haven't played yet
But there was loot
And so many monsters
So I clicked anyways
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so." - Douglas Adams
I healed you
and charged
an uber
during setup
but left you
out to dry
when you ran
to the bomb
I am sorry
I used you
to get
the blutsauger
TempestBlayze wrote:
XBL|Steam|PSN: NSMike|BFBC2- Stats & Server
Your whole gang is
Dead now,
Headshot by moi
Sorry 'bout that
You see, you
were the only ones
spawning on this street
Nice colors, btw
The skull'marked sniper rifle
only gave me
One minute to kill
everyone you knew.