Weird IM conversation
I just wanted to post a little something that just happened to me. I won't go into details on how I met this person, but needless to say the conversation is a litte...odd. I sincerely doubt this person is who she claims to be, but I really couldn't care less if this really is the person she says she is. A little perspective, we had talked earlier this evening, but nothing deep or consequential I can assure you.
CARLY BENSON: hi
cartoonin99: Hello.
CARLY BENSON: how you dong?
cartoonin99: Hahahaha, not bad. A little warm, but otherwise, pretty good.
CARLY BENSON: good
CARLY BENSON: tell me you know what general hospital is
cartoonin99: Haha, yea, I used to watch it when I was a kid.
CARLY BENSON: Well i have some news for you
CARLY BENSON: You ARE talking to Laura Wright
cartoonin99: hehe, cool
cartoonin99: Don't follow it anymore though, so I am lost
CARLY BENSON: ok
CARLY BENSON: Do u want me to catch u up
cartoonin99: heh, nah, but I will google ya. I don't watch soaps anymore.
Kind of odd, and tame I am sure, to some of the inane conversations that you all have been privy to. But I thought I would share this bit of "weirdness".
Quintin_Stone wrote:
Lunabean, when are you going to grow up and stop playing video games?lunabean wrote:
After I have sex with your mother.
Sounds like you could've had a lot of fun with this, if you had the patience to twist the conversation around.
Personally, I try to talk to the sexbots. Best conversation was when I told the bot I was 15 years old, and it said something along the line of "uh oh, we might have a problem with that. bye!"
MaxShrek .. Do it first, do it yourself, and keep on doing it.
Horror Vacui
I once used a different IM nickname on Yahoo Messenger and totally had a friend of mine convinced that I was an exchange student from Italy. It was awesome.
"I'm absolutely retarded. Not 100% sure why." - atom
"Dhelor + intarwebs = Great ideas." - wordsmythe
"Do I what I do: hate everyone." - Quintin_Stone
Cartoonin, that sounds really weird. It would have been awesome if you played along with it and just had fun trying to see what you could get her to do.
On a related note, I had a great conversation with a coworker once. So a little bit of background. I'm in the game industry as a programmer. I'm a gamer. I work with gamers. Almost all of my friends play games of some sort. So, the day that Starcraft 2 was officially announced, a friend and coworker of mine asked me, "Hey, you know about Starcraft?" I of course knew he was going to post me a link to the official announcement of Starcraft 2 which I had already seen, so I decided to have fun. I responded to his question with, "Starcraft??" I at first thought that there was no way I was going to be able to pull this off, but I figured I'd atleast try. And what do I get for my efforts? "You've never heard of Starcraft??!?!?"
So at this point, he starts telling me all about Starcraft, and how revolutionary it was. Yadda, Yadda, yadda. The conversation went on for an hour, but it doesn't end there. We shortly began playing Starcraft matches in the office after hours. The first game we played, I crushed him! I mean absolutely dominated him. So I thought, there's no way he's going to believe me that I've never played the game before. So he asks me, "How did you get so good?" Seeing an opening, I told him that after he told me about Starcraft, I picked it up and played through the single player missions. Once again, he bought it. Needless to say, the charade went on. I finally felt bad for him so I told him I'd played SC before. It was fun while it lasted, and to this day I still can't believe he fell for it.
Do not disturb the Witch. Do not approach the Witch. Do not fire at the Witch. Do not point your flashlight at the Witch. Do not even look at the Witch, even with your flashlight off, even from a distance, ever.
I got a sweet, random, death threat filled with racial slurs in a text message once. It read like a transcript from a Halo 2 on Xbox Live match. The best part, and I will never forget this comedic turn, I was called a "f*cking Niger."
"I'm absolutely retarded. Not 100% sure why." - atom
"Dhelor + intarwebs = Great ideas." - wordsmythe
"Do I what I do: hate everyone." - Quintin_Stone
Good stuff. I will add that "she" ended up IM'ing me again about 15 minutes later with "Would you like to RP some General Hospital?". Needless to say I ended saying in the nicest way possible that I wasn't interested. She follows after about 10 seconds with "Please don't go.", I just ignore and move away slowly, making sure my hands are exposed in a non-threatening manner.
She ends with "I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore."
I actually left that conversation feeling a little like a dick. I don't know how my brain made it out to make me the bad guy in the situation. Sometimes I hate you brain.
Quintin_Stone wrote:
lunabean wrote:Nah, your brain was spot on...
j/k!
I suppose you could have said that there's no problem talking to her as long as there's no RP? My guess is (since i've never seen General Hospital) that since the actress is kinda hot and her perhaps pretending to be that person might make you want to RP. Probably just some lonely person - perhaps even with a disfigurement that means she doesn't find it easy to meet people who won't immediately turn away from her in dis-....
OMG, you ARE a dick. I take it all back!
Since i'm not much of an IM kinda guy i don't really have any strange conversations except for one. But that's way too confusing to even post here since i'm still unsure to this day about what was going on...
A blog: by me!
EGGmen - A European gaming blog *Now with added podcast!*
Will it help if I tell you she's clearly nuts?
And probably a dude.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
I guess "she" was just lonely.
I take solace in the fact that "she" isn't now wearing my skin as a jacket.
Quintin_Stone wrote:
lunabean wrote:I am Will Wright.
jk
I am Laura Wright.
jk
Am I right? Right!
U r want to rp rping?
Your friendly neighbourhood hair splitting singularity.
Aperture scientist is my alter ego.
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
Wizzzaaaaaaaard!
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!
'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce
Because 0kelvin is slow and partially retarded and three-quarters hobosexual, I'm going to post a conversation that he had, which is NOT SAFE FOR WORK (but you're already here so you might as well just read it) so I am sorry for ruining your fine, upstanding thread with my naughty, filthy, hot and sexy smut. We never did find out who Nixon Fetish was, either, or why she was messaging 0kelvin.
---
Nixon Fetish: I have titties, hug me.
Admiral0kelvin: Oooooookay.
Nixon Fetish: Wanna cyber?
Nixon Fetish: I unzip my pants exposing my lushness.
Admiral0kelvin: Do I know you?
Nixon Fetish: What are you wearing?
Admiral0kelvin: A tuxedo and an Optimus Prime helmet.
Nixon Fetish: Okay, lets do a scenario. You can be the naughty young school boy and I'll be the lusty school teacher.
Admiral0kelvin: I unzip my pants and OH GOD SQUIDS EVERYWHERE!
Nixon Fetish: I inform you that squids are not appropriate school attire.
Admiral0kelvin: THEY'RE CRUSHING MY BONES WITH THEIR ENORMOUS TENTACLES! OH THE PAIN! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Nixon Fetish: I'm afraid I'm going to have to send you to the office.
Nixon Fetish: Oh no I dropped all the office passes on the ground!
Nixon Fetish: Why don't I bend over an pick them up...
Admiral0kelvin: LOOK OUT FOR THE SQUIDS! THEY'RE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED AND HAVE CLAWS AND FANGS AND POISON!
Admiral0kelvin: THEY ALSO SHOOT LASERS SOMETIMES!
Nixon Fetish: Uh oh, my top fell off.
Nixon Fetish: Why don't I just bend over and pick it up...
Admiral0kelvin: UH OH, MY ARM FELL OFF. BECAUSE THE SQUID ATE IT!!!
Admiral0kelvin: JESUS I'M BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PLACE!
Nixon Fetish: Why don't I just bend over and pick that up for you...
Nixon Fetish: Your arm is so big and strong...
Admiral0kelvin: OH GREAT, NOW THE SQUIDS ARE CALLING THEIR FRIENDS THE BEARS!
Nixon Fetish: I slip on the blood. Oh god, I'm flailing all over the floor and it's sooo hot.
Admiral0kelvin: NOW I'M BEING CRUSHED AND MAULED AT THE SAME TIME! THIS IS JUST THE WORST DAY EVER!!
Nixon Fetish: I'm so wet from blood, I hope my tits aren't showing...
Admiral0kelvin: MY FACE IS BEING CHEWED OFF BY A KODIAK BEAR! I THINK IT'S A KODIAK... MAYBE IT'S A GRIZZLY. I DON'T REALLY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!
Nixon Fetish: Seeing you and the big strong bear wrestling around turns me on...
Admiral0kelvin: OH JESUS HIS FANG JUST WENT INTO MY EYE SOCKET AND POKED MY BRAIN! THAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING EVER!
Nixon Fetish: I can't take it anymore, I send the rest of the children out of the classroom and expose myself to you.
Admiral0kelvin: I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!
Nixon Fetish: I can!
Admiral0kelvin: THE BEAR JUST SUPLEXED ME! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE!
Nixon Fetish: I look to your wounds with concern and tenderness, and then gaze deeply into your eyes.
Admiral0kelvin: OH GOD THE SQUID WAS TAKING A BREAK BUT HE'S BACK NOW AND HE'S SHOOTING LASERS ALL OVER ME!!!
Nixon Fetish: You can shoot your lasers all over me any time.
Admiral0kelvin: WHERE THE HELL DID A BEAR GET A KNIFE?!
Nixon Fetish: I bid you defend your love for me by defeating this bear.
Admiral0kelvin: THE BEAR KEEPS STABBING ME! WHY WON'T YOU STOP STABBING ME?!
Nixon Fetish: I began to rub my hands up and down your sweaty torso, and feel the beating of your heart, whilst declaring my love for you.
Admiral0kelvin: WHERE DID THE SQUID GET THAT BONE?! IS THAT MY FEMUR?!
Nixon Fetish: I began to rub my soft face against you, while my hands began roaming lower.
Admiral0kelvin: DO I SMELL GASOLINE? IS THAT A LIGHTER?! OH SQUID NO!!
Nixon Fetish: I began to rub your thighs, while licking your shoes. Mmmm...
Admiral0kelvin: OH MAN, BEING ON FIRE SUCKS!
Nixon Fetish: In the excitement, I drop my purse. Why don't I just bend over and pick it up?
Nixon Fetish: While I'm bending over, my contacts fall out, and I have to look for them, so I'm bent over for some time.
Admiral0kelvin: NOW THE SQUID IS BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH THE BEAR!
Nixon Fetish: I hope you can't see my ass, my skirt has fallen up.
Admiral0kelvin: THE BEAR IS STRANGLING ME WITH MY OWN FLAMING INTENSTINES! THIS IS SO NOT FAIR!!
Nixon Fetish: YOU KNOW WHAT ISN'T FAIR? YOU'RE SPENDING ALL OF YOUR TIME WITH YOUR STUPID ANIMALS AND NOT ME!
Admiral0kelvin: OH GREAT, THE SQUID HAS A TANK NOW! THAT IS SO NOT REALISTIC!!
Nixon Fetish: SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
Admiral0kelvin: GETTING RUN OVER BY A TANK IS LIKE THE WORST THING EVER!! I'D PROBABLY BE SCREAMING IF THE BEAR WASN'T EATING MY LARYNX!
Nixon Fetish: WE WILL HAVE SEX WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT!
Admiral0kelvin: NOW THE BEAR IS USING MY MANGLED NEAR-CORPSE TO PUT ON A TWISTED PUPPET SHOW! THIS IS SO HUMILIATING!
Nixon Fetish: STOP IT. WE'RE HAVING SEX!
Admiral0kelvin: WHAT THE HELL?! DID I JUST GET HIT BY LIGHTNING?! BOY, THE DAY JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!
Nixon Fetish: I STEAL YOUR PENIS AND HAVE SEX WITH IT!
Admiral0kelvin: OH GREAT, WHEN DID THE SHARK GET HERE? JUST GO AHEAD AND TAKE A BITE SHARK, THERE'S NOT MUCH LEFT!
Nixon Fetish: I AM ENJOYING YOUR PENIS AND HAVING GOOD SEX WITH IT, WHILE YOU ARE BEING A RETARD!
Admiral0kelvin: THE SHARK JUST ATE MY ENTIRE ASS! LITERALLY! THE WHOLE THING IN ONE BITE!
Nixon Fetish: AT LEAST YOUR PENIS IS SAFE BECAUSE I AM HAVING SEX WITH IT YOU ASSHOLE
Admiral0kelvin: WHY DOES A SHARK NEED A SLEDGEHAMMER?! OH JESUS, OW! OW!
Nixon Fetish: SHARKS CAN'T HOLD SLEDGEHAMMERS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE THUMBS, YOU ARE STUPID GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND HAVE SEX WITH ME
Admiral0kelvin: OH GREAT NOW I'M COVERED IN ACID! WHO COVERED ME IN ACID?!
Nixon Fetish: I START LOOKING AT OTHER MEN LUSTILY SO YOU WILL BECOME JEALOUS
Admiral0kelvin: DO I EVEN HAVE ANY LIMBS LEFT?! GOD I'VE TOTALLY LOST TRACK!
Nixon Fetish: I BEGAN HAVING SEX WITH ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS
Admiral0kelvin: IS THAT MY BRAIN?! OH GREAT, I CAN SEE MY OWN BRAIN! THAT'S JUST WONDERFUL!
Nixon Fetish: YOUR FRIENDS TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY SECRETLY HATE YOU AND I LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE AND WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME YOU ONLY LIKE ANIMALS YOU BEASTIALITY DRIVEN PRICK
Admiral0kelvin: STOP CHEWING ON MY BRAIN YOU GODDAMN BEAR! OH... I SMELL BURNT TOAST...
Nixon Fetish: I HAVE SEX WITH ALL OF THE ANIMALS OF THE FOREST TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS
Admiral0kelvin: NOW THE SQUID IS GIVING ME A WEDGIE!
Nixon Fetish: I thought the bear ate your ass.
Admiral0kelvin: DYNAMITE!!!!!
Nixon Fetish: I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX WITH AN EXPLOSIVE BEFORE AND I WILL NOT START NOW
Admiral0kelvin: THE DYNAMITE IS PUNCHING ME IN THE THROAT! WHAT THE HELL?!
Nixon Fetish: I AM CALLING THE POLICE ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE ABUSIVE, THEY ARE GOING TO COME TO TAKE YOU AWAY.
Admiral0kelvin: NOW THERE'S AN ELEPHANT STOMPING ON MY HEAD AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT SMELL-- Ooh, I came. Goodnight!
Admiral0kelvin signed off at 2:53:29 AM.
XBL Gamertag: Effin Bear | PSN Name: Effin Bear | Steam ID: MechaSlinky | Wii Console Code: 5185 2886 9649 1657 | Spore: MechaSlinky
MechaSlinky, what, the fsk, was THAT?!
Mystic Violet wrote:
I'm uninstalling every IM program I have.
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!
'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce
I am ashamed to admit that I sometimes enjoy MechaSlinky's random posts.
McChuck wrote:
WTF? I told you not to message me again.
Xbox Live: LiquidmantisGWJ | PSN: LiquidmantisGWJ
Web: Mantis on the Mountain
--
My wife liked the man part monster I made. -Pharacon
Holy goodness, MechaSlinky.
In Ultima Online I used to poison hams and leave them on the ground in cities for people to pick up and eat. I can't believe how many people thought street ham was a good thing to eat. -Elliottx
*note to self* don't piss off MechaSlinky
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so." - Douglas Adams
Congratulations MechaSlinky!
You Win The Internets!
XBox Live Gamertag: Lancejt | Zune | SteamID
PSN ID: Lancejt
I hope somebody already submitted this to bash.org!
"What do you think you're doing?"
"I'd say I was joining the winning team, but that'd imply there existed a time when I wasn't on team evil."
Honestly, I had that quote waiting. Equally honestly, with 22 replies I knew that Stone would have beaten me to it. CURSE YOU, STONE!
Rock Band Name Generator!... too funny to merely be coincidence.
"Truly, this mishap has set back the swamp sciences several years." - H.P. Lovesauce, lamenting a tragedy.
Sheer awesomeness. I am sure my co-workers heard me down the hall laughing at that one.
A Mind Without Purpose Will Walk In Dark Places
"I may be out of ammo but I ain't out of chainsaw B*TCHES!" - Sinister's warcry for Gears of War
Damn I gotta write down your names or something.
At least you can take comfort in the fact that you weren't cockblocked by a coffee grinder. Also, I savor your hate like a fine red wine.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
I would've replied "Hey I'm the actor who played Mr Whipple. How crazy two actors come across each other on the net! You wanna squeeze my Charmin?"
Lets see them roleplay with that.
Slinky, as soon as I saw the thread title, I knew you were going to post that conversation.
I was actually hoping you would've beaten me to it because I always feel weird posting stuff that I had nothing to do with, but it's such a hilarious conversation that I feel the need to share it with everyone whether they want it or not. I'm sort of raping them with comedy.
XBL Gamertag: Effin Bear | PSN Name: Effin Bear | Steam ID: MechaSlinky | Wii Console Code: 5185 2886 9649 1657 | Spore: MechaSlinky
ok 0kelvin, MechaSlinky after reading that bit I'm am so stunned I can only say...nice...
Xfire: Pharacon
Tempest says: "A team hat doe snot communicate and talk to each other about what the next move will be is going to lose."
Mex is my hero = "f*ck it, I'll do it. WE'LL DO IT LIVE."
Sweet mother of god. Looks like I am shooting for being the author of two legendary threads if people keep that kind of stuff up.
Quintin_Stone wrote:
lunabean wrote: