Penis Theft
What. No really:
KINSHASA - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa.
Throughout much of Africa, belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.
Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some eight million inhabitants.
They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.
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This comes up all the time in Africa. I remember reading a story about it years ago, when it was causing riots in Ghana.
Homo sum, humani nil a me alienum puto
If my dick suddenly shrank noticeably, I may go on a witch-hunt myself. I am an average American, there is not much to spare.
They stole this from Wizards First Rule didn't they?
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I have my penis insured for just this reason....
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Can I have my pool arrested for shrinking my penis?
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No but the pool can sue you for wasting it's time. Ba dum ching!
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So... does this explain the legendary 'black men have bigger penises' thing?* Does the 'stolen' penis become 'added' to the stealer's? Cause if that's true i'm joining the cult!
Hmm... Now all's i need is some way to steal good looks, personality and personal hygiene..
*BTW, i'm not trying to imply that larger penises are 'stolen'...
Of - power - insessantly
Plagued - by - malefisense
Doomed - to - insidious -
Death - is - he - who - breaks
this - monument - i - prophesy
"Naw, baby, it's not my fault. A witch shrank it."
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Sounds like a good excuse for the.. um, lesser-endowed. "Hey, it used to be HUGE. Damn sorcerers..."
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Okay, let's talk worst places to live in the world. War? Check. Starvation? Check. Plagues? Check. Dudes trying to steal your penis? Check.
Africa, FTW!
I swear, this has never happened before.
No way. The place has radio call-in shows, taxis, flash jewelry, and sorcerers? It sounds like a messed-up RPG setting! Call me there. It'd be like Cast a Deadly Spell, only with Grand Theft Wang as a possibility.
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I read this.. funny as heck!
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Who in the hell has all these penises?
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The use of the word "sorcerers" absolutely cracked me up. I'm imagining a guy in a powdered wig handing out the charge of sorcery.
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How do you think dildo's are made son?
Well, there are those guys with elephant penises... we always thought it was just genetics gone mad though.
Of - power - insessantly
Plagued - by - malefisense
Doomed - to - insidious -
Death - is - he - who - breaks
this - monument - i - prophesy
So it's sorcerers then. I thought it's the work of the feared penis zombies. Peniseeeeeeessss!
You can't take the sky from me.
If there are penis zombies, then God help us all when the penis zombie apocalypse happens.
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!
'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce
Yeah, this is pretty much my take on it. Just another reason Africa is hell on earth. Not because you can get your penis magically stolen, but because this kind of BS inspires a WAVE OF PANIC AND LYNCHINGS. WTF just doesn't quite cover it.
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Pssshhht. Losers. I have a much better excuse for my.... my.....
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Something like Ghanarhea or something.
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