All I can say is I feel for you. We faced some similar, but less severe it sounds like, issues with my daughter, and in the end we pulled her out of the school she was in rather medicate her. We're lucky we found a school with a very different environment in which she's thriving.

It's all about your kid though - only you guys can decide what's right.

Being a parent sucks sometimes.

I have no advice but I thank you for sharing your situation. At somepoint soon I'm planning on becoming a father, and if I were in your situation I, too, would definitely look into changing the schooling situation - montessori, waldorf, even home-schooling...but that is based on 'gut' rather than experience.

It can be a tricky line to walk, but there is a distinction between being "afraid" of medicating, and just trying to avoid rushing to the medicated solution before exploring other options.

My wife and in-laws, elementary schoolteachers all, often have to watch in frustration as a child simply never gets the help he or she needs, because parents absolutely refuse any sort of medication even after an endless string of failed alternatives (though they'd never take such an attitude with any other ailment the child might have).

Unfortunately, the propensity of teachers and pediatricians to drop the ADD bomb and start shoveling out medication in the past has led to an equal overreaction in the other direction, even though much has been learned since then and most teachers and pediatricians have adopted more enlightened stances.

Frontline did a fantastic story on this a while ago.

And this is where I sit, I am so afraid of this medication. However it will be a two week trial to see if he reacts well to it.

The last thing I want to see is my son losing his personality.

And yes we are still investigating other schooling options.

T

I would like to second E Hunnie's suggestion of a private school.

Many schools systems are so under-staffed and over-crowded, that any child who is significantly different from the norm is tagged as a 'problem child' and usually recommended (possibly even required to, for continued enrollment) by school authorities to take medication, as a first option.

Now, medication may help your child. But there are always prices to pay, your child may be able to 'focus' more and be less disruptive; but at what cost to his 'native' personality?

I can speak from experience, because as as a child I was sent to the top neurologist in the state of RI for my 'symptoms'. I had brainwaves, EKGs and EEGs all done to me at the age of three. This was 1970. So, I got put on the new drug at that time, Ritalin. It helped my mother out, I guess. But all, I remember is not really being to get my thoughts out to my mouth and just staring straight ahead at whatever I was looking at.

After nearly 2 years of medication, my mother took me off it because, I acted, "like I was a zombie". I went into kindergarten and started to act up. I would stand up in class at the wrong time or talk about other things in class when asked by my teacher. My local school system diagnosed me as retarded. My parents got upset, knowing that I was not, and put in me Catholic School starting 1st grade.

They had more structure and paid more attention, for 1st and 2nd grades; I had additional testing by a child psychologist and a speech therapist. Eventually, it was discovered that my intellect was really above average and I was not being motivated enough previously.

So, there's always hope.

Frankly, I'd try a change of school venue and see if that evens things out. If that works, great... If not, maybe some therapy and medication may be indicated, which is not a sin to do either. As long you and your son get to the place where your son wants to be.

Good luck.

Funny you should mention that. (Warning: Shameless self-promotion. )

Good luck, Garrad. It's a tough problem to deal with, and I've had several family members struggle with it. Each ADHD case is different, so the only advice I can give is - never trust someone who tries to treat your kid with a "one-pill-fits-all" type treatment. Some will try.

Been there, done that, still burning the t-shirt.

Medication is a hard question. For me, the whole thing boils down to "what works for your child". If he's getting along at school, getting along with his peers in a reasonable fashion, not causing problems at home, then you're fine with whatever interventions you want to try. But if all that is not working, medication can help dramatically and this fear of it makes matters worse, not better. I waxed rhapsodic about this several years ago here. The article's a little angry. I'm sorry; I was dealing with some people who were busting my chops over the choices we made and it was right around that whole Tom Cruise on Oprah thing.

We went through the ringer with my younger son. His problems are somewhat different than your son's. His symptoms were far more than just acting out at school. We went through two years of steadily degenerating situations between school and home before we gave in and got some help. That was in late 1998.

After a four month rigamarole to get him diagnosed, he went into therapy and onto a stimulant right around his eighth birthday. Ritalin was the first one we tried, but he had to take it five times a day in little doses and it was a nightmare to manage that in our schedule. After a year or so of that, they switched him to Adderall and he took that (and the long acting form called Concerta) up until 2003.

Stimulants did not make my son a zombie. It just got him into the barely managable end of uncouth, unwashed mancub and then his behavioral therapist and his teachers and I worked on the rest. For him, it didn't deal with his problems for him. It just made it more possible for him to deal with it. But it certainly wasn't a panacea.

He was in constant trouble in school until we got an IEP in place for him and even that didn't help much. Then our local school system piloted a program that focused on behavioral issues exclusively without tying them to developmental disability. That worked much better. He was taking the content of the higher classes he could actually cope with, but this way he and his teachers had the behavioral support to help him cope. Even that was hard work, but our alternative was a day-program at a local mental hospital.

In 2003 it hit the fan so bad he had to go in for an in-patient assessment. If you want more details, I can give you links to some articles I wrote for that site at the link above around that time. After a bunch more scans and tests, they decided that this wasn't just ADD, but he was also bi-polar and had what they called "psychogenic siezures". That was set him off like the Hulk.

They put him on a different regimine that treated the whole problem, but that meant another round of assessments and it took forever to get it balanced out. He went on a mood stabilizer for the bi-polar and a different ADD medication called Wellbutrin that isn't a stimulant, per se and even more therapy for the seizures. That did pretty well. He stopped spinning up and down a mood sine-curve several times a day and could cope better so he had fewer siezures. He actually passed all his classes next semester at school, but he still got sent home several times for melting down. And we were still dealing with the legal aftermath of the big meltdown and his even more messed up girlfriend and his acting out at home, destroying things, and running away.

After doing some more work with his doctor and his therapist in 2005 we added an anti-psychotic to the mix and that did the trick. No more punching walls (or other kids). No more 3am calls from the RCMP because he tried to run away to Canada. He slept at night instead of staying up for five or six days straight until he just lost it. Things improved even more the next semester - he finished his probabation with flying colors and he got straight A's in school.

He still has what they call the bi-polar "long cycle" so you can actually chart out on the calendar when things are going to start getting harder to cope with but now we know what's coming and have things in place to help. The medication to treat that is some seriously scary stuff and that's something we and his doctors have decided we're going to avoid as long as possible. At least until his nervous system is fully developed around age 25. He still lives at home, but he's looking ahead. We'll see how it goes. We all went through way too much to not know to just take it a little bit at a time. He graduated with his class last year. He's 19 now. He's not a zombie by any stretch. He's got an active social life (a little too, IMHO) and he's volunteering to peer counsel other troubled kids down at the local teen center and is working and thinking about college.

It can be done. You can make it. And he can do well. It's so hard, though. For him and for you. If you want to talk, please feel free to get ahold of me.

I work with developmentally disabled (almost always in the autistic spectrum) kids with behavior problems, and this was my first thought as well -- though you likely would have noticed something was amiss before the age of 7 if this was the problem. That doesn't rule out some other pervasive developmental disorder (the umbrella term covering asperger's and autism, PDD), but it's something to look into. What people are saying about medications certainly holds true: there's a definite risk involved. But it's also something that I feel should be given a try. Some kids react poorly to meds, some find it gives them the ability to focus. Every kid I've met wants to be able to focus and participate in the class, it's just many times due to circumstances beyond their control (biological or environmental) they can't. You seem to be avoiding the medication route which is a good sign. I've seen kids "zombified" by medications (and damn is that disturbing, especially if you've known the kids before) and that's typically the result of parents who seem overzealous for a quick fix. If you're careful and monitor your child's moods and alertness carefully you should be able to detect any problems. The goal is not to change the child, but to empower them to keep control of their bodies. In other words, you seem to have a good attitude with regards to the medication. Listen to your doctor, confide in people you trust, and trust your instincts. No one knows your child better than you.

As far as alternative options are concerned, physical therapy and coordination exercises can help with dyspraxia. Balance beams, left/right coordination exercises, throwing balls for accuracy are some great ways to combat this. This is easy to make fun: get a jungle gym or set up an obstacle course (or take him to the park), teach him dancing (great for motor planning and coordination), or play catch. This can help with gross motor (large muscle) skills. For fine motor skills try coloring in lines, spinning tops, models/legos, etc. Caveat: I'm not a physical or occupational therapist, and you should definitely consult one of each if your child has problems with motor planning. I tend to make sure one has been consulted with my clients and follow their advice in my day-to-day doings. Check with your school.

It certainly seems like there is at least some sensory processing difficulty present. I encourage you to pick up The Out of Sync Child, an excellent resource for sensory processing issues. A lot of times a child with difficulties regulating their own responses can be helped by sensory stimulation of the right type. If he's having trouble staying regulated in public places, try giving him a thick milkshake or something else to suck on. Oral stimulation can help focus a child's system. Try back rubs, squeeze hugs, joint compressions (starting with the fingers, compress the joints together firmly but comfortably up to the shoulders -- give it a few tries, it usually takes getting used to but he should be able to give you feedback on whether he likes it), hanging from a bar, hanging upside down, getting into different positions, in short try whatever stimulates the child's nervous system and see what he responds to, if anything. Again, you'll want to consult an occupational therapist about these things but that should give you some ideas to get started and to see if it works.

As far as social skills are concerned, it's been my experience (though this may be different at your school) that school social skills programs are taught didactically, which is a format that is particularly difficult to generalize, especially for those with traits of PDD, autism, ADD, etc. where abstract thought is particularly difficult. My success with social skills training with Asperger's kids has come almost exclusively from actual coaching in actual social situations. See if your school or state can provide psychosocial rehabilitation (PSR) services on the playground or after school. Preferably in addition to that, take him to the playground/park yourself and pay close attention to how the kids interact. How they start playing together, what they play, how it is sustained, and both model and encourage these behaviors in your child. Kids tend to make up "games" with "rules" (I'm a magical fire being that can only be killed by silver bullets fired from an aardvark's butt -- game: magical beings. Rule: killed only by silver bullets), so make sure your child can follow these dynamic interactions and if he struggles, model. Can he sustain a conversation/stay on topic? There're some good responses I can dig up if he struggles with that.

Oh, and remember to support yourself. Join support groups, post in GWJ, take a break. Take care of yourself and your child will likely emulate you. Even with all the help in the world, your job will be the hardest out of all of them. We're pulling for you

Ive been diagnosed with add scince the second grade, I took ridilin on and off through school and while it didnt make me the perfect student I would have likely been expelled without it. I went through highschool without taking any drugs and Barely made it through, from lack of doing anything other then tests which i did fairly well at. Today I take adderal which although its not perfect i am geatfull for it. When I dont take it and somtimes i dont, life is totally different for me. People with add have different expeiriences but If one of those is a lack of intrest and motivation it for me was very severe and adderal is the only thing that I found to correct this. Without it I get very little satisfaction from activities that should be entertaining, and when i have to go to work, thats when it gets ugly. For me adderal makes my life worth living so I would think twice before eliminating it as an option.

I did get the zombification effect from it, I have terrible social skills and there are downsides, but those are all better then suicide which I many times contemplated unmedicated

My parents presented me with ADD solutions when I was in Jr High. I declined, and they honored my wishes(love them for that). They did however make things more strict for me. I was pretty well expected to do as many extra curriculars as I could handle, and still get my homework done. At around age 13, having a summer off wasn't expected, so I started working summers. First few years of highschool were difficult, I got into some deep trouble, but an oppurtunity came along and I proved to myself and my folks that I was worth something. 16 and on I aced everything. Bombed out of college, lack of interest in anything I was studying compounded the problem with my ADD.

I'm still undecided on whether medication would have been an answer. Would it have done anything for my college years? I had a boss a few years back, who was in his mid 60's and had recently started taking Adderal. Changed things for him 100%. We had many of the same problems, and I was quite tempted to do it, but lack of health insurance canceled my visit to the doc. After that I partook in scholastics that I was interested in, and did quite well.

I've worked with many teenagers who were using medications for behaviour/social/learning issues. Some definitely benefited from it, others obviously didn't need them but were on them because of what I saw as an easy solution for parents. It was an eye opener for me when I was on one work project and the 5 students I had with me were sitting around the stove at dinner comparing the different meds their parents had them on.

It's a hard hard decision, and it looks like you've worked hard on a solution that doesn't involve the meds. As long as you're looking at all options before resorting to the meds, you're heading in the right direction in my opinion. Just don't take the "easy" way out without trying other ways, which it doesn't sound like you would do.

*Disclaimer* I am not a medical doctor, so take the "advice" offered here for exactly what it is: words posted on the internet from someone you only know in an electronic medium. With that being said, on with my two cents:

There has been a great amount of fantastic advice offered here by everyone. I especially agree with shihonage's post: when you embarrass yourself in front of your classmates which results in them ridiculing you, I know from first hand experience that this will temper and shape your mood and attitude towards school, and social interactions in general.

I have literally no experience with the medications discussed here, so I will leave that to the other knowledgeable posters.

With regards to the clumsiness: I am quite surprised that they need to believe that a child who is clumsy has some kind of medical condition. Let's whip the science out here for a second:

Co-ordinating and controlling our muscles is a complex, tricky balancing act that takes years of practice to get right. Even tasks as simple as typing and walking require a huge amount of co-ordination between our muscles, and many different parts of our brain. A muscle fiber either contracts fully, or not at all; there is no middle ground for it. The reason why we don't smash our fingers through the keyboard when we type, or slam our feet into the ground when we try to walk is that our brain has learned what muscle fibers to activate at certain points, and which ones to keep in-active. Whenever we are trying to learn a new movement (e.g. golf swing, dance step, skating), the period between our initial first clumsy attempt and the final, perfect execution of this movement is our brain learning to turn on and off the correct muscles.

The point I am trying to make here, is that for any given physical movement, it takes more co-ordination than we originally think it does. Your son is only 7 years old and is in effect, still getting use to body. If you son is more physically developed (taller, heavier, stronger etc.), than the average 7 year old, then chances are he is still getting use to moving his body; which in itself is changing at a rapid pace faster than others. Everyone is different, and we all learn at different rates.

The best way to master control of any movement, is to practice, practice, practice. To this end, I would recommend your son partake in sports, specifically martial arts. There are several people here on the board who practice martial arts and can testify to the amount of co-ordination and control it develops in you.

Sorry for the long winded rant here. Please keep us up to date on how you are doing with the situation.

Late to the thread but I recommend you and the wife watch this.

Ha! When I saw that my DVR taped a replay of that show earlier tonight, and I saw this thread in the Popular Forum Threads section, I knew someone was bringing it up.

I already mentioned it in my first post, so, "filthy skimmer" and all that, though your link is slightly different than mine.

Frontline did an updated medication special called the Medicated Child focusing on how many kids are now diagnosed as bi-polar after the FDA put the black warning label on anti-depressants, no one that is four years old should be diagnosed as Bi-polar.

Just when I was comfortable with the thought of having kids you guys terrify me all over again....