This is so sad and painful to read, my condolences. From my very limited experience - the same thing happened to my best friend - I can just tell you to rely on your good friends. They will understand and help, I believe that. Maybe go and visit them, maybe invite them to your place, for a visit, maybe for a few days. They will surely take a bit of weight off your shoulders, so that you don't have to be the only comfort for your family. And by all means, share your grief as much as you deem appropriate, there is no reason to keep it inside, your friends will understand.

Oh God, man. My most sincere condolences to you and your family. I hesitate to give advice given I have no remotely comparable experience. The only thing I can think of is take it one day at a time, circle the nearest family wagons and give and take what comfort you can.

Spy, I'm so sorry for you and your family. I wish there were more that I—that anyone—could do.

My wife and I have lost a two children before they were born. One was a twin to my son and the other was a few years later. You never really get over it but it will get alot easier. The best advice I can give is just spoil the children you already have. That was how we dealt with it. if you can find someone who went through the same thing talking to them will help alot as well. While in our case both losses happened a lot earlier than yours (so there wasn't a way to have a funeral) I'd recommed it highly as it will add a bit of closure for you and your whole family and kickstart the greiving process. The main thing I can add is that eventually you will not hurt as bad, and life will return to normal. The only other advice is simply one day at a time and try to enjoy the small things with your wife and other children. Your friends and family will be there for you as well as this community. My wife ad I also sought out counciling after a year or so and it helped us beyond anything we could ever have hoped for. We wish that we'd have gone alot earlier as such loss was putting a strain on our marriage. Make sure you look for signs of problems and seek help if you do see any.

Having said that you have my deepest simpathy and I will say a prayer for your healing. I don't know if you are a religeous family or not but if you are your church and minister/pastor/priest might be a good place to turn.

Jeremy

This is such a heart-wrenching thread to open first thing in the morning. I have nothing but sympathy for you in your loss, and I just hope you can get past the pain. Take solace in the child you do have, and don't hesitate to ask for what help this community can offer. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we will do what we can to help. I'm so sorry for you.

I am deeply sorry for your loss.

I don't know if you belong to a local church but if you do I encourage you to meet with your pastor as soon as you can. Recently on a men's retreat a respected member of our church talked about the loss of his child that was born with too weak of a heart. They had three months with their child before he finally died. Much is talked about the love of a mother for a child, but watching a father relate the story of losing a child and seeing the anguish on his face was as painful an experience as any. Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm a father and this is my greatest fear.

I digress, shortly after hearing this man speak I found out that quite a few members of our church have lost children. We actually have a grief recovery group where I attend church. We have five families that have lost children and still continue on with their lives.

The tragic reality is that there is nothing that will ease your pain at this moment, it will require time. You have to keep moving and soldiering on. I really encourage you not to do it alone. If you don't belong to a church and don't feel comfortable talking to a pastor, I ask that you be willing to accept offers of help and the comfort of friends and family. Many times in the past I have seen people who are grieving that hold fiercely to their pride and all they do is prolong their suffering. You live in a world where men are encouraged to be stoic and strong, please don't bottle up your emotions. Here I sit a bitter, cynical crank and I will admit right now that I'm holding back the tears because I understand what a father's love for a child is. Don't be ashamed to look for or accept help.

I'll be praying for you.

You have my sympathies. As empty as that seems coming from a post on the internet, it's sincere.

I have no advice on losing a child, but on grief in general... Despite your desire to be a comfort to others, I can only echo Botswana in saying, don't ignore your own grief. You and your wife are sharing a pain more profound than either of you can probably find words to express. Be a comfort for each other.

Spy, my deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your wife. There are no words.

My deepest condolences to you and your family, Spy.

I've been incredibly lucky in that i've never lost anyone (human) very close to me. But times that i've felt emotionally overwhelmed i've found that i do better if i let my grief run its course rather than holding back. Generally i've tended to do this on my own in a quiet place where i won't be disturbed. Holding stuff in isn't good and i've learned this the hard way.

To a large extent I don't know if you cope.
This is an event that you will probably remember for your whole life and may alter your behavior as well.
My deepest condolences as well.

I'm praying for you and your wife, Spy. I'm so sorry.

I offer my deepest condolences. I know how real a child is that close to the due date, and I can't imagine what today must be like. We're all thinking about you.

I feel for you, Spy.

We'll never have the words Spy. My deepest sympathies to you and your wife.

Remember one thing: you'll meet your child someday.