The Onion, bringing tears since just now

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Faceless Joe's picture
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http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daddy_put_in_bye_bye_box

Um, wow. This is fiction and it is still incredibly sad. Some really creative journalism going down at The Onion.

"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far."

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E Hunnie's picture
Location: Chicago, IL

That is really sad. Is it dedicated to (about) anyone in particular?

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Mystic Violet's picture
Location: San Diego, CA

That is unbelievably sad. I wonder what this is actually related too.

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Gorilla.800.lbs's picture
Location: New York, NY

The Onion puts out stories like that now and then. Of note, I recall this one story about a kid with failed kidneys who with his whole family prayed to God for a cure. God was very very moved, practically brought to tears... Even though he decided to answer "no" to the prayers.

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Stengah's picture
Location: Augusta, ME

Well...
I just clicked the "Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity on Internet" story thinking it'd be a nice funny counter to such a depressing story. Turns out The Onion doesn't censor thier pictures. And I'm at work.

Duoae wrote:

Frankly i'm sick of all this anti-nipple-establishmentarianism

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PoderOmega's picture
Location: Troy System

Stengah wrote:
Well...
I just clicked the "Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity on Internet" story thinking it'd be a nice funny counter to such a depressing story. Turns out The Onion doesn't censor thier pictures. And I'm at work.

Wow, they really don't censor their pictures.

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Stengah's picture
Location: Augusta, ME

Yeah, so...Oogaba = good and all, but not while I'm at work.

-Edit for pesky punctuation.

Duoae wrote:

Frankly i'm sick of all this anti-nipple-establishmentarianism

merphle wrote:
The Konami Code taught me everything I need to know about sex.

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Baron Münchhausen
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rabbit's picture
Location: The Basement

Wow. For that's freaking brilliant. Truly. Writing funny is hard. Writing touching is hard. Writing so you don't know which way to turn as a reader - that's impossible. It is what it is, but I admire the craft. It takes a fine hand.

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Faceless Joe's picture
Location: The dirty, dirty south

E Hunnie wrote:
That is really sad. Is it dedicated to (about) anyone in particular?

There has been a lot of inquiry on Digg/Reddit but nothing has come up. I did sit through this thinking that it was in memory of someone, though, but I'm not sure.

"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far."

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Dr._J's picture
Location: Traversing the warp.

I still believe that the Onion's articles on the September 11th tragedies are some of the best pieces of writing I have ever read. It's a shame that you have to be a paying customer to go back through their archives to read past material.

*Edit* ....and I am wrong about having to be a paying customer to view old material. I remember at one point having to have a subscription to browse the archives. I guess they changed that at some point. Here are two of my favorite articles they did on September 11th.

A Shattered Nation Longs to Care About Stupid Bullsh*t Again

God Angrily Clarifies "Do Not Kill" Rule

A Mind Without Purpose Will Walk In Dark Places

"I may be out of ammo but I ain't out of chainsaw B*TCHES!" - Sinister's warcry for Gears of War

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Faceless Joe's picture
Location: The dirty, dirty south

Yea, sometimes The Onion has the amazing ability to be satirical and serious at the same time. Some of the talent over there surprises me.

"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far."

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Prederick's picture
Location: [Start of line][dramatic pause][puts on sunglasses][end line] YEAHHHH!

That may be my favorite article.

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But the style that I use is the style that's mine

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Puce Moose's picture
Location: Waiting for you in heaven... with a gun.

One of the first sites I discovered that helped convinced me that the Internet was worth having. ^.^

Here's one of my all-time favorite Onion articles:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28315

And yeh, Bye-Bye Box was a rather good one. Nice to see they haven't lost their touch.

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Veloxi's picture
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Faceless Joe wrote:
Yea, sometimes The Onion has the amazing ability to be satirical and serious at the same time. Some of the talent over there surprises me.
My comment was going to be on exactly the same lines as this one. I was moved by this article too.

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ColdForged's picture
Location: Cary, NC

Mystic Violet wrote:
That is unbelievably sad. I wonder what this is actually related too.

F*ck me. Why can't they stick with things that don't destroy me?

Rock Band Name Generator!... too funny to merely be coincidence.

"Truly, this mishap has set back the swamp sciences several years." - H.P. Lovesauce, lamenting a tragedy.

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Location: Pennsylvania

Powerful. And Satire in the truest sense. It's not always funny.

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lethial's picture
Location: NY

Prederick wrote:

That may be my favorite article.

Same here... I always liked the articles from The Onion, but I thought you had to subscribe to them in order to read all their articles... But I guess not!

Decisions are just decisions, there are neither "good" or "bad"
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*In response to being rewarded with a in-game shack for NOT nuking FO3 city Megaton*
Yeah, but if you set off the bomb in Megaton you are rewarded with a parking lot!

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Location: Western Washington

Do you ever walk alone like a drifter in the dark?

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TinPeregrinus's picture
Location: Connecticut

I'm not going to deny the effect "Daddy Put in Bye-Bye Box" had on me. In fact, I've thought about the story way too much for my liking since I read it, having two children of my own.

But I've finally decided that although the writer achieved his or her effect with extraordinary skill and power, he or she should be ashamed of him or herself for seeking to publish a story whose only purpose can be to wound the reader. Just because you can, it doesn't mean you should.

In case you haven't had your morning controversy yet, I guess.

ou gar dokein aristos, all' einai thelei
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Funkenpants's picture

Definitely not a piece for everyone.

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Faceless Joe's picture
Location: The dirty, dirty south

Funkenpants wrote:
Having lost my own father at that age, I wish I hadn't read it. Probably a subject that's best viewed from the outside rather than from within. Very conflicted about it.

It's clever, and if the story involved a guy who lose his arm in a chainsaw accident and then his oblivious five-year old son goes to the hospital to get a new arm so he can glue it back on his Daddy's stump like he does with his toy soldiers, I might feel differently because I've got all my limbs intact.


Sorry, man. I didn't mean to inflict this on you or anything.

"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far."

Indecisive
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Faceless Joe wrote:
Sorry, man. I didn't mean to inflict this on you or anything.

No need to apologize. I edited my post because it didn't come out the way I wanted it to sound, but it must have been too late. I don't think any of the reactions here were off base. It was more a comment on the different perspective people would have on the story. As I said, if the story was in a different context that involved a different kind of tragedy, I probably would have had the same reaction as everyone else.

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Vega's picture
Location: In a mad, mad world

Oh.. and in case anyone didn't know. The Onion Movie (yes, NSFW; language) is soon upon us. It appears it will be going straight to DVD, but the trailer did make me chuckle. Come on.. who wouldn't go see the "Cockpuncher"?

Mr T broke the speed of light in the A-Team van because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of Jibba Jabba.

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Puce Moose's picture
Location: Waiting for you in heaven... with a gun.

I think I chortled (and possibly guffawed) for at least five minutes over my Horoscope this week from The Onion:


Embarrassment will be yours this week when you're caught peeking over someone's shoulder during an important test. The fact that it's a urine test also won't help.

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Location: Melbourne, Australia

TinPeregrinus wrote:
I'm not going to deny the effect "Daddy Put in Bye-Bye Box" had on me. In fact, I've thought about the story way too much for my liking since I read it, having two children of my own.

But I've finally decided that although the writer achieved his or her effect with extraordinary skill and power, he or she should be ashamed of him or herself for seeking to publish a story whose only purpose can be to wound the reader. Just because you can, it doesn't mean you should.

Where do you get that interpretation of purpose from? As a father of a 15 month old boy, the article reminded me that I should spend more time with him and less on my computer. I think that the author deserves kudos. I don't agree with your position at all.

If it moves, count it. If it doesn't move, then cut it down and count it.

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TinPeregrinus's picture
Location: Connecticut

Beadframe wrote:

Where do you get that interpretation of purpose from? As a father of a 15 month old boy, the article reminded me that I should spend more time with him and less on my computer. I think that the author deserves kudos. I don't agree with your position at all.

I'm happy for you that you got that redeeming meaning from the piece, but I have to say that I can't see where you got your interpretation either. If the author had wanted to remind fathers to spend more time with their kids, wouldn't the Daddy in the story have been characterized as not having spent very much time with his kids?

My complaint against the story, though, is above all for its utter failure to provide exactly the kind of meaning you seem to have gotten from it, so I suppose I should just retract my statement and move on. It still doesn't seem to me, though, that the author made the slightest effort to contextualize the suffering, so as to make it tragic rather than merely painful. As I said, it's an extraordinarily effective piece at what it does, but I would hope that if I wrote such a piece I'd realize that I shouldn't seek to publish it, because we want less pain in the world, rather than more. Perhaps what really made me angry was the way that pain was infliicted in this story through such young children.

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NemesisZero's picture
Location: The frozen heart of Germany

TinPeregrinus wrote:
I would hope that if I wrote such a piece I'd realize that I shouldn't seek to publish it, because we want less pain in the world, rather than more.

Sorry to butt in on this already emotional topic, but I don't understand this opinion. What the article describes is a reality. As such, it is fit to be discussed. Personally, I found it admirable that the author did not try to weigh his piece down with some sort of easy moral, but instead simply approached a difficult topic and left the conclusions to the reader.

And if I haven't seen further, it's because those bloody giants blocked my sight.

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TinPeregrinus's picture
Location: Connecticut

I certainly didn't mean to suggest that it shouldn't be discussed! I don't know where that impression originated. Nor was I looking for a "moral," but rather a context.

Nor, most importantly, would I ever challenge the author's right to publish such a story.

But I do believe that a writer, on approaching such a subject, has a moral responsiblity to do more than wound. From my perspective, the relentless focalization of the story through the eyes of two young children served only to wound.

In my own struggle--and it has been a true struggle--with the piece, I have had to resort to imagining that the author was as a child in the same position as the children in the story, and that he or she wrote the piece to work through his or her own memories. With that context, I do better with the piece. I just wish it hadn't been published in a humor magazine, devoid of any such context as I've imagined for it.

ou gar dokein aristos, all' einai thelei
http://livingepic.blogspot.com: where Classics and gaming meet

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Grenn's picture
Location: Sitting uncomfortably close to your girlfriend

It is a very emotional article, but I think it speaks volumes about what we tell kids who are faced with serious problems. Nobody is a stranger to tradgety, but as adults, we're armed with a certain amount of understanding. Children don't have that yet. While this article does go to the extreme, I have been in situations where kids as old as 9 don't know that their parents have terminal cancer, or were in near fatal car accidents. They knew something was wrong, but not how serious and were getting no information.

Nobody wants to see a child in pain, or worse yet, put the child in pain by explaining some hard realities of life very early. I believe there isn't a poster here that wouldn't brave heaven or hell to prevent their child from suffering. But sometimes I believe we underestimate the resiliance of a child. There is a proper way to do it, and a delicate hand and significant block of uninterrupted time is needed, but I think it is possible to tell them the truth. They can begin to cope in their own way, and, if need be, say goodbye in their own way.

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NemesisZero's picture
Location: The frozen heart of Germany

TinPeregrinus wrote:
I certainly didn't mean to suggest that it shouldn't be discussed! I don't know where that impression originated. Nor was I looking for a "moral," but rather a context.

Nor, most importantly, would I ever challenge the author's right to publish such a story.

But I do believe that a writer, on approaching such a subject, has a moral responsiblity to do more than wound. From my perspective, the relentless focalization of the story through the eyes of two young children served only to wound.


I think that is where we disagree. To me, the portrayal of suffering, which is the best word I have for this, is not something that has to wound. You may be aware of the 'memento mori'-motif in literature - the reminder of the universal existence of death and tragedy. It serves the important purpose of setting life into perspective and is as such the origin of another motif - 'carpe diem'. Beadframe gives us an example for such a connection: He reads this horribly sad storty, and decides upon thinking about it to spend more time with his child. We will all perish - so let us use the time we are given.

The lack of context enhances this message to me. The author does not create a story by which to identify the concerned people as indivuals. He (or she) simply presents a universal facet of human existence.

TinPeregrinus wrote:
I just wish it hadn't been published in a humor magazine, devoid of any such context as I've imagined for it.

I don't see the Onion as a humor magazine. I see it as a sairical magazine. They have continuuously published extraordinarily bitter articles on the political landscape and more mundane parts of human life, which is something I value highly. Sure they do publish a lot of humor, but the inclusion of material that elicits other emotions keeps the magazine from becoming shallow.

And if I haven't seen further, it's because those bloody giants blocked my sight.

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TinPeregrinus's picture
Location: Connecticut

That several people posting here have managed to extract a positive experience from the piece indicates that I was mistaken in my criticism. Apologies for having made it.

ou gar dokein aristos, all' einai thelei
http://livingepic.blogspot.com: where Classics and gaming meet