Frozen Pizza Taste Test
AOL Foods did it so you don't have to. They had taster test a bunch of different brands and rate them from worst to best. Some of the descriptions from the testers are priceless and definitely worth the read. Here are some choice quotes:
"This actually made me start to cry, it was so bad."
"It looks, um, pre-eaten."
"Tastes artificial and cheap. Made me feel dirty inside."
"I'd say what the burger looks like, but we're in polite company."
"Putting ingredients on a round piece of dough doesn't make it a pizza. This is just a reformatted sandwich."
"It's like the bottom of a Spaghetti-os can was spread on Wonderbread toast."
"Maybe if I were stumbling home from a party. Okay, not even then."
"Can I spit this out?"
"I'd rather BE bitten than bite this."
And they couldn't get anyone to try either of the Lunchables pizza kits. Not that I blame them, as I've tried one and it is thoroughly awful.
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The two best ones were:
"Tastes a little better than it looks, but how could it not?"
and
"I didn't know it was possible for pizza to actually make me sad."
Those statements combined sum up my view of ALL frozen pizza. I'll stick to local pizza place instead.
Obviously it's hard to beat fresh pizza from some of the local joints, but as far as frozen pizza goes DiGiorno and California Pizza Kitchen are pretty good for what it is. Though, they never seem to put enough cheese on them so I do add some of my own before throwing them in the oven.
Whoever was cooking those pizzas for the taste test/photos apparently has never been in a kitchen before. A lot of them were burnt (or burnt just one side.. no idea how they managed that) and since I can only speak for the DiGiorno ones (haven't tried many in that list) I've never seen them as misshapen as in those pictures.
Mr T broke the speed of light in the A-Team van because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of Jibba Jabba.
Hm. They didn't review the Giant Eagle brand pizzas. Those do pretty good when you feel like just tossing something in the oven and not cooking.
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Simple, they were probably use a coil-heated oven, and one of their coils was running hotting than the others. Therefore, burnage on one side and not the other.
"I'm absolutely retarded. Not 100% sure why." - atom
"Dhelor + intarwebs = Great ideas." - wordsmythe
"Do I what I do: hate everyone." - Quintin_Stone
Fresh pizzas from a local shop are significantly better than pretty much any frozen pizza. But on nights when you just don't feel like cooking, it's hard to beat a $4 meal for two people.
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Yeah but when you add the price of the necessary MALOX afterwards it becomes the same as a "real" pizza.
My wife and I like Red Baron. Grab it on sale when it's $2-3 each and you've got a quick, cheap meal when you don't feel like cooking. We both feel the tomato sauce is one of the better tasting ones on a frozen pizza.
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I'm also a fan of the Red Baron pizzas. It's the only frozen pizza I'll eat.
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The absolute best frozen pizza I've had is a local Chicago brand called HOME RUN INN (not sure how far they spread outside of the WI/IL area...).
It has a super-buttery crust (which some people don't like), and it's a total calorie bomb (2800 calories for the whole pizza, about 1,000+ more than most others of comparable size), but I think they're great.
Only problem is, they cost $7.99, which is way too much. For that kind of money, I can buy a fresh pizza... they occasionally go on sale for $5, though, so I do indulge every once in a while.
I used to always buy the JACKS rising crust pizzas, and they're OK, but I've been buying Red Baron the last two weeks... not bad.
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I really like the Stouffer's French Bread pizzas.. been eating them since I was a kid so maybe thats why. But I think they're great!
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You know, I just remembered... One of the GREAT local pizza places will sell you their pizza un-baked, so you can take it home and freeze it, to bake at your convenience. I forgot they do that.
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DiGiorno has the best crust.
Red Baron has the best sauce(easily the best).
California Pizza Kitchen has the most interesting flavors/toppings.
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"Looks like brain." Zombie pizza?
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I'm a big fan of the CPK pies. Good tasting and fairly tame on the calories/fat/sodium scale.
I've also just mastered the breakfast pizza. Cheese, thick smoked bacon, sunny-side up eggs on pre-made pizza dough (thin crust is the bestest). Toss in some sauted mushrooms and onions. Can't forget some garlic. Maybe some fresh oregano. Mmmm, mmmm. Dang good way to start the morning.
I do like frozen pizzas from Freschetta.
Hate pretty much every other one I've tried though.
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Anyone who doesn't praise Freschetta as the undisputed ruler of frozen pizzas can just pack up and get the hell off my planet.
(J, you're good.)
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Most Chicago deep dish chains will mail frozen pizzas anywhere within the continental US. Some will ship farther than that.
Oh yeah, it's something like $50 S&H.
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If you have a Papa Murphy's around, the one near us is fan-freakin'-tastic. Their white garlic sauce is tasty, and even in February the Roma tomatoes popped with flavor.
We've pretty much stopped buying baked pizzas.
Grenn wrote:
You can find this in Western North Carolina at least and I agree, it is BY FAR, the best frozen pizza available.
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I swear I'm not crazy, but it'll be hard to prove it after this statement.
Dipping any frozen pizza in applesauce makes it taste much better.
Yep, I stand by that statement.. I didn't believe it when someone whipped that statement out in a speech class in High School, but they backed it up with some samples and I swear, it's true.. Granted, that's like saying cardboard tastes better when soaked in rum, but then again, what doesn't.
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Ketchup can fix everything. If you can't fix it, you haven't used enough ketchup.
The storm is coming.
Same. I add pasta sauce and extra mozz cheese.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
Sweet BeJeezus, is that article available in a *non-flash* format? I couldn't find much content, only a couple of sentences per pizza squeezed into a tiny box in the middle of the page. Hopefully it's my browser. Makes me pine for http://lanceandeskimo.com/chefelf/bev_coca-colablak.shtml kind of stuff.
The best frozen pizza I've found is Palermo's - their Margherita pizza is great.
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Red Baron's selections all seem to do pretty well. Now I know which brand to get if I need to stock up on frozen pizza.
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You can't expect a frozen pizza to taste good, it's just not possible. Just use it for what it is -- a delivery mechanism to get the ranch dressing from the plate to your mouth.
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So true, so true. Though I do actually like the Totino's pizza as a quick snack. I don't think they tested those, did they?
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Fixed that for you.
Ketcup? On Pizza? You must be kidding!
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Ketchup, Ranch, and Applesauce?! I knew the pizza situation outside New York was pretty dire, but I didn't realize it was this bad. That's like Mad Max after-the-nuke type pizza.
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I'm just skimming here, but does nobody like tombstone anymore? Tombstone and Red Baron were the best growing up and today.
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