Re: the initial bad reaction, it sounds like he is having an adverse reaction to the room because he has a strong negative association with it due to stressful bedtimes. You could try playing with him during the day in the room (i.e. when he's not expected to sleep in it), to try to get positive connotations back. Or maybe you could try and get him to choose some new stuff to go in his room, e.g pillows, rugs, cot bumpers, duvets, pyjamas. That might help.

As far as the night time forays into your bed, I must say that we just let ours sleep in the bed when this happened. My wife was pregnant during this time also, and I needed to go to work, so I just moved into the other room and junior slept with Mummy when he woke up. You do what works for you. Or wait till he falls asleep in your bed and transfer him back.

It sounds like you have his door locked, so have you tried leaving it open? He might hate the idea that you are locked away from him. Or try the moving chair thing, where you start the chair off next to his bed, and move it a bit every night until you are outside the door. That really worked for me, and I've got a 2yo and a 4yo sleeping in the same room.

Ugh, I feel for you. It sounds almost identical to what we went through with our first child, though he was a bit younger - he was great at bedtime until one day he decided he wasn't.

Unfortunately I don't have any silver-bullet advice for you, and anything I'm gonna say doesn't do justice to the desperation and exhaustion you're probably feeling. The best advice we ever got was to let him cry it out - it sucks to hear and there are nights when that is simply impossible -you need sleep too. But in the long run I don't know that there is any other answer. You'll feel like the cruelest monster this side of Caligula, but he'll eventually decide it's not a battle worth fighting.

I wish I had more comforting advice for you, but the only thing I can offer is the inevitable truth: it will pass.

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that.

Short version:
Do you have another bedroom he can sleep in? If you're desperate (which I would be if I were in your shoes), you might try to set up his bed in that room and see what happens. My son had a problem near that age, and that solved it, though it is not the same problem you described. He (my son) seemed to have developed a strong aversion to his room for sleeping.

Long version:
We'd put my son to bed, with the same routine as usual. Everything would seem to be fine. Later that night, we noticed he had moved his pillow and was sleeping in the hallway outside his bed. He wasn't looking for attention or anything, he was just sleeping away. We'd wake him up, walk him back to his bed, and explain to him that his bed was his sleeping place. He put up no fight, but sometime later we'd find him right back out there. We tried talking to him more about it (both at night and during the day), and he put up no resistance. He's not a sly kid, and when he doesn't like something he'd tell you right then, so my wife and I were confused when we'd find him right back out in the hallway. We put up a gate to his room, which was higher than he was tall, and he still managed to get himself, his pillow, his blanket, and his teddy bear out in the hall for sleeping. Finally, after months, we made a sleeping spot for him in the guest bedroom, and he didn't have any problems. Never tried to sleep in the hall again. Since my wife and I were trying for another child, we decided to just roll with the punches and let him switch rooms, as the guest room was going to become the nursery anyway. That worked just fine, but he'd never tell us why he didn't like sleeping in his old room.

In summary, the only (non-professional) advice I can give is that maybe he's developed an aversion to sleeping in that room. In any case, I hope it works out for you.

Hold the line!

I had a similar problem with my son at the same age, although nowhere near as bad as what you are going through, so I don't know if this would be good for you or not - we ended up buying a sound machine that could play white noise, ocean surf, rain, etc. My son would give us a hard time going to bed, but once he was in bed and the machine was playing (ocean surf), he would be out like a light.

I hear that shaking is highly effective, but not optimal.

My boy is doing this, too. He is also getting over a cold. He and his sister get post nasal drip along with every cold. Last time, he was cutting some teeth, but every once in a while, there seems to be no reason at all. In these cases, we would usually have success in going in to his room, lying him down on his bed, saying night night, and walking away. We would have to do that a few times, but he usually got the point. (He is still in a crib though, so he can't get out.)
On the other hand, he also wakes up sometimes totally ready to rumble, and we really have no choice but to bring him out, watch some Treehouse at 3 AM, and let him play around for a while to get tired again.
I guess I am saying that I don't know what will help you out, sorry. We just try to roll with whatever happens, and thank God for the nights that he sleeps through.

Try putting him into a stroller and talking for a 30-45 min walk outside. This calms them down. After coming home, give him a bath. Actually, the hot bathtub ritual every night at that age works well alone.

I am not sure why you don't want the kid to go to sleep with you occasionally. Nothing tragic about that at this age. Inconvenient for you, that's sure, but I am certain that it's still better than having him scream for hours on end. Just take him back to his own bed when he's soundly asleep and when it's your own time to hit the sack.

The solution is simple: Duct Tape.

OK, serious time now.

If he seems so hell-bent on getting out of the room and getting somewhere safe and secure (between you two), maybe he's seeing something he can't articulate yet. Monster in the closet or some such.

Does he have a nightlight?

Have him play some Doom 3 and he'll get bored of it soon enough.

You said your wife is 10 weeks pregnant; is your son maybe feeling a little premature jealousy of the new arrival? That he realizes he won't be getting all of mommy and daddy's attention anymore, and is thus acting out so that he can ensure you still love him when the baby arrives? Or do kids not really think that way, and I've just been watching too much Supernanny?

He's 19 months old but he was also born 3 months premature so from a developmental standpoint he's like a 16/17 month old.

We've been through 1 night terror with him already and this hasn't been like that. He just doesn't want to be in his room at all. If we opened the door and babygated his door or the hallway, I bet he'll scream at us from his side of the gate or he'll just crawl into bed with us.

Is he still taking naps during the day or perhaps too late? I just wonder why isn't he tired. Also, is he getting any late night snacks? Perhaps some warm milk or those camamille (sp?) baths would help ease him into bed. Does he also use a pacifier? That helps sometimes and actually encouraged from the doctor who invented the whole "let'em cry" theory.

When my son isn't tired, its rough, but my wife usually sleeps in the bed with him until he falls asleep (he's two years old, but we went straight to the twin). I'm not crazy about my wifre doing this fearing that he might get too clingy, but it works for now.

Oh man, now I have the Hootie & the Blowfish song in my head.