State Senator Sues God

The Dark Knight
Prederick's picture
Location: [Start of line][dramatic pause][puts on sunglasses][end line] YEAHHHH!

My Hero

Quote:
OMAHA, Neb -- State Sen. Ernie Chambers is suing God. He said on Monday that it is to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.

Chambers said senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He said his main objection is that the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all.

"Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody -- even God," Chambers said.

Chambers said he decided to file the lawsuit after a suit was filed in early September in federal court against Lancaster County Judge Jeffre Cheuvront. He's the judge who was hearing a sexual assault case in which the plaintiff wants to use the words rape and victim during her testimony.

Chambers lawsuit, which was filed on Friday in Douglas County Court, seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.

The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is omnipresent.

In the lawsuit, Chambers said he's tried to contact God numerous times.

"Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon defendant 'Come out, come out, wherever you are,' has been unable to do so,'" Chambers said.

The suit also requests that the court, given the peculiar circumstances of this case, waive personal service. It said that being omniscient, the plaintiff assumes God will have actual knowledge of the action.

The lawsuit accuses God "of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent." It says God has caused "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

The suit also says God has caused "calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction."

Chambers also says God "has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that defendant will laugh" when calamity comes.

Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgment. He said as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as expeditiously as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.

I now have a write-in Candidate for President.

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Some might choose to pray, some might choose to snooze
But the style that I use is the style that's mine

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The Wizahd
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Brizahd's picture
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So would the Pope have to represent God in court? I'm going to laugh when someone decides to represent God, and it becomes a huge fiasco of a case.

I Can Has Manga?
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AnimeJ's picture
Location: The skies of Norkia

Brizahd wrote:
So would the Pope have to represent God in court?

If you ask me, the Prophet, being the only person on earth called to speak in the name of the Lord would have to.

Coldstream wrote:

Sands, S. & Murdoch, J.; New England Journal of Medicine. Why Guys Dig Chicks Who Violently Kill Stuff Nov, 2008; pp 65-68.

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In follow-up news, burnt body found near the clocktower has been identified as late senator Ernie Chambers. The idenfitication was complicated by a previously unknown tattoo discovered on the senator, forming the words "SUE THIS.".

PIE MASTER
fangblackbone's picture
Location: bay area

*cough*

=)

Sorry I like Lobster's Phoenix Wright reference in his post.

Being fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster.

The Wizahd
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Brizahd's picture
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AnimeJ wrote:
Brizahd wrote:
So would the Pope have to represent God in court?

If you ask me, the Prophet, being the only person on earth called to speak in the name of the Lord would have to.

Wow... I never knew that about the Church of Latter Day Saints. Now they just need to list a few of God's aliases so people can get really riled up.

Plays A Pretty Girl Online
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Mordiceius's picture
Location: The place with men in white coats

Haha reminds me of the book series "Incarnations of Immortality" where they take God to court.

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Vrikk's picture
Location: Onett, Eagleland

It'd be great if God actually showed up to the court date.

Yet even then we ran like the wind,
whilst our laughter echoed under cerulean skies...

I Can Has Manga?
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AnimeJ's picture
Location: The skies of Norkia

Brizahd wrote:
AnimeJ wrote:
Brizahd wrote:
So would the Pope have to represent God in court?

If you ask me, the Prophet, being the only person on earth called to speak in the name of the Lord would have to.

Wow... I never knew that about the Church of Latter Day Saints. Now they just need to list a few of God's aliases so people can get really riled up.

AnimeJ: Friendly neighborhood Mormon, settin the record straight.

As for Aliases.. let's see..

Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. He is the Fiery God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. He is the Eternal Father in Heaven. He is Elohim and Yahweh. Immanuel, the Prince of Peace, Wonderful.

Well, that covers both Father and Son. But they are one in purpose, so I suppose it counts.

Coldstream wrote:

Sands, S. & Murdoch, J.; New England Journal of Medicine. Why Guys Dig Chicks Who Violently Kill Stuff Nov, 2008; pp 65-68.

Metaphorically Speaking
Logan's picture
Location: Hollywood, California

Vrikk wrote:
It'd be great if God actually showed up to the court date.

But He's already there! He's there right now. He was there then. And He's actually there in the future-now, which will soon become our present!

"Time traveling terrorists are no laughing matter, Malor." - *Legion* quote #30201

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XLCS's picture
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Nothing says "classy" like making a mockery of a rape victim's plee for free speech!

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Consultant
Location: Central NJ

In a startling turn of events, the Post Office delivers 21 bags of mail addressed to "God" to Sen. Ernie Chambers, making him both the plaintiff and the defendant in this suit.

If I'd known it was harmless, I would have killed it myself

Suck My Diction
dhelor's picture
Location: Oregon

AnimeJ wrote:
As for Aliases.. let's see..

Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. He is the Fiery God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. He is the Eternal Father in Heaven. He is Elohim and Yahweh. Immanuel, the Prince of Peace, Wonderful.

And then there's Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, The Traveller, Lord of the Sebouillia, etc.

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Location: I've come to love this American giant, viewing it as the most misunderstood, most underrated city in the world.

Bailiff: State your name for the record.
God: I am.

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DSGamer's picture
Location: Portland, Oregon

My hero too. Especially because of his list of grievances. That's my list that I throw out when my evangelical family members try to ram religion down my throat. I kindly try to explain that the Bible isn't exactly a consistent narrative of a loving God.

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I Got Nothing
NemesisZero's picture
Location: The frozen heart of Germany

Nice PR gag, but I see nothing wrong with the suit he is trying to protest with this stunt.

[Edit] As XLCS already pointed out, I now realize...[/Edit]

And if I haven't seen further, it's because those bloody giants blocked my sight.

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The courtroom sketch artist is gonna have one heck of a time with this one.

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From A Certain Point of View
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Parallax Abstraction's picture
Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

This guy is awesome. I hope he wins.

"We're taught from a young age how to dodge rock hard objects moving at incredible rates of speed while simultaneously beating folks half to death with sticks. We do this for fun." -kung fu grip
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LobsterMobster's picture
Location: On a picnic, going "Ho ho ho!"

If he wins, we might have to lock God up. And we all know how that turned out for Sigil...

NOTE: This is not a doodle bug.

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wordsmythe's picture
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I am the Key Master.

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El Pollo Diablo
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Vrikk wrote:
It'd be great if God actually showed up to the court date.

He'll still lose, because he doesn't have any lawyers...

edit: Yes, because all lawyers go to hell rimshot thank you thank you I'm here all week try the veal tip the waitress

The man wears a bucket of KFC on his head. I wouldn't expect anything less. - Pred

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Vega's picture
Location: In a mad, mad world

In a shocking turn of events..

'God' Responds.

Quote:
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here poof!" Friend said.

Mr T broke the speed of light in the A-Team van because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of Jibba Jabba.

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HantaXP's picture

Vega wrote:

Quote:
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here poof!" Friend said.

You'd think with god being all powerful, it would think of a better way of sending a message other than a note.

Consultant
Strewth's picture
Location: Northrend, Azeroth

LobsterMobster wrote:
If he wins, we might have to lock God up. And we all know how that turned out for Sigil...

We don't have to. God's already in prison.

That whole omnipresent thing again.

Moo.

Intern
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araczynski's picture
Location: midwest

Chambers is a very rare politician. He's one of those that speaks his mind and doesn't hide behind PR. He tends to be controversial at times, but people like him for being honest. i would definitely vote him in for president if he ran. Visually he looks like someone that was very active in the Black Power movement in the 70's. Best part is that he rarely wastes time with fancy suits and more often than not will wear sweatshirt and regular clothing.

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Thirteenth's picture
Location: Los Angeles, California

Vega wrote:
In a shocking turn of events..

'God' Responds.

Quote:
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here poof!" Friend said.

I like how they positioned the camera so that the fan resembles a halo behind Chambers.

"Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is kind of stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability." - Bill Bailey

The Dark Knight
Prederick's picture
Location: [Start of line][dramatic pause][puts on sunglasses][end line] YEAHHHH!

My question is, what if Jesus then files a lawsuit for Wrongful Death against Rome and all its inheritors (i.e. Western Civilization). Then we're all boned.

Quote:

Some might choose to pray, some might choose to snooze
But the style that I use is the style that's mine

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Pharacon's picture
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas... Houston that is...

Blah Blah Blah, wasnt this done before? I do like the response to him by the anonomous sender, its just another Atheist peddling their religon of man, not to mention someone just doing a PR stunt so he can grab a few more votes.

Nothing to see here move along.


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Tempest says: "A team hat doe snot communicate and talk to each other about what the next move will be is going to lose."
Mex is my hero = "f*ck it, I'll do it. WE'LL DO IT LIVE."

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wordsmythe's picture
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Pharacon wrote:
Blah Blah Blah, wasnt this done before?

Last I read was a guy who sued Satan. The case was thrown out, as they didn't have jurisdiction over Satan. (The ol' "Satan doesn't live here" defense!) They should have at least tried to attach his property.

Elysium: The democratization of the web ... has installed an illusion of a digital first amendment that protects speech no matter how poorly spelled or stupid.
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Goin' Commando
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Edwin's picture
Location: Miami, FL

Don't worry, we have other people that want to fund his stuff.