Sincerity. If you can fake that, the rest is easy.

Conversation without substance? Avoid at all cost.

Specifically what questions did you ask?

Person I was speaking to was a designer. She wanted to move into designing covers for music albums.

I asked her to name an album she liked, whose image she didn't like , how she change it and why.

She'd done also done some pieces with different textures on - presumably bits of paper and material. I asked her how she laid things out, her reasoning and how she wanted people to feel.

I then talked about an idea I'd just had. I realised that, if she'd designed a poster with different textures, people viewing the poster could start interacting with it at any point. (Top left, middle, bottom, near the corner but not quite.)

That would affect they way they interepreted her work, at least in a tactile way.

Then I wondered if you could have one long, thin, piece placed against the wall in a gallery. It would run from left to right. You could put different materials along it, setting up a patter - rough, smooth, rough, smooth. This would continue for a while, then you'd break the pattern, putting a rough where someone expected a smooth and so on. That way you'd have a better chane of controlling the way the viewer / 'toucher' interacts.

I also said it could evoke the feeling of being a child - walking down corridor and running your fingers along the wall.

Of course this was all spur of the moment stuff.

She was interested in the ideas that followed, but she said several of my questions were tough. And that's what I want to avoid - when someone has to think too much, it affects the flow of the conversation.

Wouldn't it be easier to just modify your questions rather than find out new topics? I'm worried how you'll ever steer the conversations to the topics you've prepared.

That's pretty much it. I stand by starting with a couple questions though; better to take the initiative yourself if no one else is interested.

Yup, that can really help. It's no magic bullet - if the other person is not into smalltalk or not good at it because he/she's simply not talkative, there isn't a lot you can do. If smalltalk doesn't work, it's not always your fault. Paraphrases - no idea if it actually means the same in English - can help to keep a person going. Example:

"So, then I this and then attended the Oxford university."
"Oh, so you attended Oxfort university?"

Basically, you simply pick a part from a statement, and turn it into a question. Since you'll focus on something the other person said, chances are that person will keep talking, obviously. It's a simple method used by psychologists and psychotherapists, too.

Also, nod in case you're not doing it usually. Research has shown that someone will talk more and longer if his/her counterparts nods compared to when he doesn't. It's a subtle sign of confirmation and reassurance, one of those non-verbal aspects in communication people tend to not perceive directly.

Of course, both, paraphrases and the nodding have to be used in the right way. Overdo it, and your conversation partner will quickly think you're retarded.

1D, take a look at "mirroring" and perhaps even take a look at what Neuro-Linguistic Programming has to say on the subject.

My personal advice is to avoid the "demon voice": the bit inside you that thinks of something funny but not perhaps appropriate or likely to be appreciated.

I'd steer clear of mirroring someone because you know that it's good for relating... just because you know of certain social mechanisms doesn't mean you should apply them when it isn't natural to do so.
Let things flow naturally, don't test people on their pastimes or behaviours but do ask questions that show you're interested or turn the other person's explanations/conversation to experiences you have gone through:

eg. P-A: I do physiotherapy and run my own practice...

From that you have three possible responses - four if you allow them to continue.

1) Physio? I had to go through 6 weeks of physio when i put my back out, though it was very hands-off.

2) You run your own practice? How's that turning out? I hear that Physio pays quite well. OR I have a relative who also does this (something similar) where did you train?

3) Cool, i do freelance computer programming. We have to be careful of all that correct posture stuff

(Okay no. 3 was a bit crap but i forgot what i was going to write as i got distracted at work )

Try and save any deeply questioning conversations until you know a person better or if you strike it really well with that person on first meeting. Otherwise the person will feel attacked, on the defensive and stressed by the overly forward nature of the conversation.

The main problem i have is interrupting people - i try not to but some people have VERY long pauses in their flow of talking.... i start to jump in but they've started talking again... annoying

"Seen any movies?"

"Going to watch any of the new TV shows this fall?"

Vanilla stuff.

My questions aren't particularly personal (i.e. about relationships, love, sorrow etc.), so I wouldn't say the conversation is overly forward.

I've just been reading "Watching the English" by Kate Fox, and she codifies the "rules" of Englishness. Even though I technically knew them instinctively it is disconcerting to see them written down.

The burden of it is that the English are basically awkward, embarrassed and generally useless at all social interaction, and so need lots of rules to enable them to get anything done at all. You are basically not allowed to have meaningful converstation until you know someone a lot better. You aren't even allowed to tell people your name until the end of the conversation or ask people about their job directly. You have to ask about the traffic or something, then ask if they have a long journey in the morning, and then they're duty bound to give you hints as to what they do. You always have to assume they have the highest status job that could match the clues (e.g. if they say they work at the hospital, ask them if they're a doctor rather than a porter). It's extremely bad manners to give vague clues or to be too cryptic. And you can never just ask what they do right out. Only uncouth Americans would do such a crass thing.

Rule Zero is to have an inconsequential, tedious conversation with them.

Start with the weather. Then move onto gossip, or something in the news. That's nice and safe. Then ask an oblique question about work, such as whether they work in "the city"? Then follow the clues to what they do. Say "Wow! That's really interesting!" even if they're a bin emptier or peep show booth cleaner. They will, of course, being English, make a self-deprecating statement about what they do which you must immediately refute. Then go back to the weather. Always agree with what they say. If you disagree with someone when they say it's too hot you get them all huffy. If it's a guy then you go into the "Mine's better than yours" game. At the end of the conversation you are allowed to say "I didn't catch your name?" even though they didn't say it. Then you must take 15 minutes to say goodbye to them, including a ridiculous pantomime of feint and bluff where you decide whether to shake hands if it's a guy or kiss a cheek if it's a girl.

Try to work the words "teabagging," "wiener bomb," and "oogaba" into the conversation.

What often works for me is keeping up with things like the "post a news story" thread or Reuters "oddly enough" stories. Then if all else fails, I can ask, "Hey, did you hear about... ?" Generally, you'll get some sort of reaction, and you can move on from there.

It does sound like your delivery is the main problem, though. You're asking questions in a manner that sounds like a test question, and the questions are things that the other person has some sort of investment in. Ask about if they know anybody at the party, or how they feel about the song that's playing. Often it helps to offer some middle-of-the-road opinion to start. Example: "Isn't this the Hives? They sure seem to be doing well for themselves these days, don't they?"

Above all, smile when they respond, regardless of whether you agree. After all, you're talking about things that ostensibly don't much matter to either of you. That's what makes it small talk.