"Never...." - Tales of hard earned wisdom
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 - 11:52am
I'll start with a recent life lesson:
NEVER eat hot Italian Sausage and drink copious amounts of beer late into the night before your 7 AM stress test. For those that don't know what a stress test is, they hook you up to all sorts of meters and put you on a tredmill that goes faster and faster until you can't keep up. Stress tests are particularly cruel to people with minor OCD and want to "beat my last score".
You don't have to call me Lieutenant, Rosie......
Woof Woof! That's my other dog imitation...
Never respond to a traffic cop by saying "Zat iz a problem. Because you zee, I cannot avvord yet anoza ticket on mine Porsche". Especially when driving through New England on your way to Canada.
Did that. Didn't get the response I wanted.
This is the internet! In our natural environment, atheists run in packs and have dictionaries! --- JoeBeDurndurn
Don't ask me how I know.
Elysium: The democratization of the web ... has installed an illusion of a digital first amendment that protects speech no matter how poorly spelled or stupid.
XBL: E Munnie
elementsofmeaning.blogspot.com
Never send your kid to Senior High Christian camp unless he really wants to go.
FYI, I was the kid.
I'm an Uncle!!! -8/20/07
Scrub wrote:
ICO: General Fancypants l Steam: Grenn[GWJ] l WoW: Goquelyrslf, Grendwar l XBLA: GWJ Grenn
Don't go to Vegas with your heart broke,
Don't bum your cousin for that first smoke
You're right, I REALLY don't want to ask.
Certis beat me to it. - Elysium
Never ask a woman to marry you cuz you feel guilty for going out with her for more than 4 years.
PAR
LinkedIN profile
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For all who live in such times, it is not for them to decide. All we get to decide is what to do with the time given to us
Never eat at a place with the words "Mom's" or "Homestyle" in the name.
Duoae wrote:
Never read those "other" gaming sites...
Fear the flames...
Never buy beer in green or clear bottles in a six-pack; only buy it in a covered 12-pack.
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Never get into a car with a transexual you picked up on the street
Never go out with a stripper "seriously"
You can hitchhike to the beach, but when you hitchhike, never get in a trailer with a 30-40ish trucker who looks like he's doped
The man wears a bucket of KFC on his head. I wouldn't expect anything less. - Pred
When you're at the point of getting stress tests, maybe it's time you put the italian sausage aside, old man.
We're going to troll country lyrics for OoCT? This should be fun and easy!
Also: No matter what a stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champagne room. None.
Elysium: The democratization of the web ... has installed an illusion of a digital first amendment that protects speech no matter how poorly spelled or stupid.
XBL: E Munnie
elementsofmeaning.blogspot.com
Never kill the spiders in your hotel room. They are probably eating all the other bugs that want to move in.
Letters to the Internet
Corrolary.
Never eat at any Italian restaurant with a menu containing the word "Authentic" or missing the word "Veal"
An ounce of prevention creates a single point of failure -- IT Security Proverb
Giannino - 70 Fury Warrior
Never put salt in your eyes.
Elysium: The democratization of the web ... has installed an illusion of a digital first amendment that protects speech no matter how poorly spelled or stupid.
XBL: E Munnie
elementsofmeaning.blogspot.com
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Nothing original is coming to mind, though I should probably have plenty.
JUST PUZZLED YOUR ASS UP, SON! -Mr Crinkle
Put salt in your eyes!
Never watch Pink Flamingos. DON'T DO IT!
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Last.fm
Never buy a house with a high density of mature trees on the lot, no matter how excited your family gets about their shade making for lower summer electric bills. A yard perpetually under veil of darkness where only weeds can thrive, 2+ feet of leaves to clear off every year, constant threat of rotten branches taking out your power lines or a section of your roof, and ruined car tops from constant icky drips will be the inevitable result unless you have $1K+ to spend per tree on taking them out.
Come to think of it, never buy a house.
Everything can be debated, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's debatable.
--Chuck Klosterman, Fargo Rock City
Never get romantically involved with a bipolar person. Unless you really, really need to get a good head of grey hair quickly, that is.
And if I haven't seen further, it's because those bloody giants blocked my sight.
A-freaking-men.
That said, it must also be noted that all straight women are at least 30% bipolar. I don't know, from personal experience, if lesbians are as well, but I'm told by other lesbians that they are.
This is the internet! In our natural environment, atheists run in packs and have dictionaries! --- JoeBeDurndurn
Never spray pepper spray prior to checking the wind direction.
After eating crawfish, never touch your personal parts prior to washing your hands.
Never shave your beard prior to attempting to enter a foreign country, when you have a beard on your passport photo.
Xbox Live Gamercard - bennard
Beer For Ben
Don't forget:
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Other than that, I can't think of anything. Haven't made enough mistakes yet I guess!
Tobyus
Still searching for the perfect game...
Last edited by Tobyus on Sep 14, 2006 - 02:06 PM; edited 1,000,000 times in total
Never let your best friend set your legs on fire in a foreign country -- even if you ARE both drunk.
This is the internet! In our natural environment, atheists run in packs and have dictionaries! --- JoeBeDurndurn
Damn I never knew that.. thanks for the advice Pal
PAR
LinkedIN profile
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For all who live in such times, it is not for them to decide. All we get to decide is what to do with the time given to us
Never agree to let your roommate's "internet girlfriend" that he's never met come and stay with you "just for one week."
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
Never masturbate at QuakeCon.
The same goes for using IcyHot.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:
Long story. Maybe over beers. I'll bring the lighter.
This is the internet! In our natural environment, atheists run in packs and have dictionaries! --- JoeBeDurndurn
Never be rude to an Arab.
MechaSlinky wrote:
-on L4DNever lend money to a friend or family member. Give or don't, those are your options.
Never hook up with an ex if there are ANY FEELINGS whatsoever between you two other than dislike or horniness.
Never ever EVER go to the cheap seats in a Reds game unless you're ready to be surrounded by fans of the opposing team.
"Just remember that sometimes you need to allow problems to just roll like water off of a duckilama's back." ~Reaper
Never let curiosity get the better of you and sell your soul to your roommate for $5.
Baba Ganoush1
-WAR, Iron Rock-
Flisriin, Zamfir, Ser