WHat would [insert name here] do?

Some people ask themselves 'What would Jesus do?' when faced with a problem. I've got a different question. My question is 'What would [insert fictional character here] do?'

Look at each of these scenarios and tell me who you'd act like in each one. You wouldn't be in costume; you'd just adopt the tone, mindset and possibly mannerisms of a fictional character.

1. You're at work. The photocopier is playing up and you've got a report to copy, but you're struggling to fix the machine. To make matters worse, an attractive colleague has come to the photocopier too. You want to make a good impression...

I would act like

2. You're going to shops in the car. You spot a spot a space and start to turn in, but another driver zooms in and blocks you. Now no-one has the space, but it is clear that you found it first. The other driver starts getting out of the car. It's an old lady. She turns out to be incredibly rude.

A group of schooldren (aged between four and ten) are watching.

I would act like

3. You're on the tube (aka subway). You are surrounded by Orthodox Jews. They are all seated, while you are standing. One of them is in a wheelchair. You are very careful not to obstruct him and even apologies when he runs over your foot. At the next stop a seat becomes free. The guy in the wheelchair stands up, folds up the chair and goes to sit down.

I would act like

I'll post my answers after we get some in. By the way, one of the scenarios happened to me. Can you guess which one?

I vote John Wayne for all 3.

wordsmythe wrote:

I vote John Wayne for all 3.

He's a fictional character?

Podunk wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:

I vote John Wayne for all 3.

He's a fictional character? ;)

He is now!

1. Jack Bauer
2. Jack Bauer
3. Jack Bauer

Marcus Feenix... what can't be resolved with The Hammer of Dawn or a chainsaw to the 'nads?

BATMAN!

1. I hit the copier with a Baterang, causing it to start working. Attractive colleague swoons at my Batmanliness but I catch her before she falls. I make my exit with a powered grappling hook fired out the window.

2. A few rockets knock the rude old lady's car out of the way. I park and activate my Batmobile shield to prevent her from keying my paint. I make my exit with a powered grappling hook fired at a nearby building.

3. It's the Penguin in disguise! I pull the emergency cord, sending everyone crashing towards the front of the train. A few well placed sleepgas bombs leave everyone in lala land until the transit cops can come in and sort out the mess. I make my exit with a powered grappling hook fired out the window.

1. The Rock
2. The Rock
3. The Rock

Rat Boy wrote:

1. Jack Bauer
2. Jack Bauer
3. Jack Bauer

QFT.

dejanzie wrote:
Podunk wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:

I vote John Wayne for all 3.

He's a fictional character? ;)

He is now!

I was more wondering, actually, if any of the characters he "played" weren't just him being himself... in a costume.

1. Michael Bolton (the Office Space one), as I beat the living crap out of the machine, ideally with my shoe.
2. Winston Churchill (the witty one from all the anecdotes), so I could insult her dreadfully without worrying about the children understanding.
3. The Champ; I lose it. SNAP!

Chuck Norris. (Note the period)

I'll break with tradition and try to answer each question intelligently. I assert the answer should come from an evaluation of the most desirable outcome.

1. The question here is whether I prefer to fix the copier or shark the colleague. If you fix the copier, you are placed in the "geek" pigeonhole and are immediately off on the wrong foot. The only women who wants MacGyver are Patty and Selma. I am going to go with the shag possibilities here. Hence I want the demeanour of an attractive, confident person who doesn't give a toss about work. I choose Bruce Campbell.

2. There's no outcome here where you get the parking space and not look like you have dominated a poor, defenceless old coffin dodger. If you pushed her car out the way and drove in yourself, then she would just get the manager or a passer-by to kick your arse. So you basically want to let her have the space, but make it clear that she has got it by behaving in a bad way, and try to wake some tiny spark of guilt in her black, desiccated heart. So either you go for the guilt and try the Forrest Gump approach so she thinks she's behaving badly to a dimwitted moron, or go for the moral high ground. Act like Jesus. She'll be dead soon, so she'll be worried about arsing up her brownie points with the sky bully. And yes, I think Jesus is a fictional character.

3. Very tricky, possibly because of the extreme unlikelihood of this actually happening. I predict that the other Orthodox Jews will side with their cohort, so there's no way you're getting that seat by force. Moral high ground is hard to get here, so Jesus might not be the best one to choose here (for all sorts of reasons). Maybe you want to make them feel scared of you. Be Hannibal Lecter. "Jews taste like pork, just like everyone else. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f" and all that. Scare 'em off, grab the seat.

1.Photocopier and fit woman:

I'd make a plan and follow through... that's what i would do.

3. Crazy Jew:

If i were there that day, I'd kick an ass or two... that's what i would do.

2.Annoying, old lady, car-driver:

I'd call all the kids in town and tell them to unite for true... that's what i would do.

I reckon that the tube incident happened to you... Knowing that you're from the UK and that the incident is also described in such a way as to express your anger and astonishment...

1. Smile at the hottie. Come back later, burn the copier down.
2. Smile at the old lady and find another spot. Come back later, burn her car down.
3. Smile at the trickster and maybe even laugh a little. Come back later, burn the subway down.

What would Scooby do?

1Dgaf wrote:

By the way, one of the scenarios happened to me. Can you guess which one?

The scenario that actually happened was the one with the wheelchair Orthodox Jew. Due to sheer unlikelihood of someone making this up!

Jack Bristow

Marsman wrote:

Chuck Norris. (Note the period)

That was going to be my response!

Parallax Abstraction wrote:

Jack Bristow

Torture them by putting their heads in a workshop vice?

Like Hell yeah! I mean the guy has a warehouse full of army stuff including a pit for cutting off people's heads and cleaning up afterwards!

Mike Tyson X3

kung fu grip wrote:

Marcus Feenix... what can't be resolved with The Hammer of Dawn

Things that are both indoors or out of range of the satellite.

Good to see the ideas, especially Dudley's.

The Orthodox Jew story is the true. The only bits I didn't mention were I was with a friend (who found the whole thing farcical) and that there were quite a few young girls in the group, who all stared at me. It was like something from the Jewish Village of the Damned.

In all honesty, it would be closer to Woody Allen X3 for me.

1) I would smile, make some half-assed gesture towards the copier, turn and trip over a stack of copy paper.

2) I would actually take the opportunity to act tough on this occasion as there are only old ladies and children involved. I would end up getting owned by Edna and the 2007 Washington Irving Elementary 2nd grade class.

3) I would do nothing as it is petty and it would not bother me at all. Then I would go home, kick my dog and wonder where my sac scampered off to.

Parallax Abstraction wrote:

Like Hell yeah! I mean the guy has a warehouse full of army stuff including a pit for cutting off people's heads and cleaning up afterwards!

It's true. Any time he opens up one those magnificent storage lockers of his, I have to change my shorts. Absolutely chock full of guns, explosives, and stacks of cash.

1. Shaft
2. Ari Gold
3. Cartman

Things that are both indoors or out of range of the satellite.

Hence the chainsaw to the 'nads. His problem-solving skills are diversified and useful in all environs.

WWKD!!!

What would King do!

/Ready to Rumble

1. Glenn Quagmire. Ignore the machine. Get the lady back home and procreate with said lady.
2. The Terminator. Severly hurt the woman, but not kill her. Teach the kids that they should never ever steal a mans parking spot. Go on with day being happy.
3. Be myself. Talk to the man, angrily. Will not stop until I get either the seat or the wheelchair. Won't care what the jews think.

Personally, it would be Mike Hammer for all three.

Edit: It occurs to me that that really does not answer the question.

1. You're at work. The photocopier is playing up and you've got a report to copy, but you're struggling to fix the machine. To make matters worse, an attractive colleague has come to the photocopier too. You want to make a good impression...

Mike looks at the colleague, a sly grin on his face. "Excuse me doll face" he says, removing his hat, exposing his rakishly greyed hair, "...but can you get this for me? I'm going to be busy removing your clothes."

2. You're going to shops in the car. You spot a spot a space and start to turn in, but another driver zooms in and blocks you. Now no-one has the space, but it is clear that you found it first. The other driver starts getting out of the car. It's an old lady. She turns out to be incredibly rude.

Mike Hammer gets out of the car, leaving the door open, the V8 purring under the hood.

He slowly removes his hat, placing it on the trunk of her car. "Excuse me ma'am, but I think you forgot your manners."

He connects with his right to her sternum, dropping the elderly dame like a sack of potatoes.

He places his hat back on his head, and suddenly remembers that all he needs are some more cigarettes and another bottle of scotch.

"Guys like me don't go to the mall...that's what secretaries are for." He muses as he drives away.

3. You're on the tube (aka subway). You are surrounded by Orthodox Jews. They are all seated, while you are standing. One of them is in a wheelchair. You are very careful not to obstruct him and even apologies when he runs over your foot. At the next stop a seat becomes free. The guy in the wheelchair stands up, folds up the chair and goes to sit down

Mike grabs the man by the collar, and throws him into the aisle. With that movement, his jacket was open, the nickel plated .45 that he now favors loose in it's holster.

The gun was in Mikes hand within seconds, an extension of his intent, a final judgment.

"Nothing worse than a fraud" he said, a single shot echoing in the car.