Just thought I'd give you guys a quick recap of my yesterday, so you can laugh/cry with me.

I met up with a chick for coffee yesterday. She had seemed nice when I was in class with her last semester, and VERY attractive, and so on. Very much my type, the tiny petite girl with the hutspa, the piss and/or vinegar, as it were. The conversation started off benignly enough, with a bit of discussion of classes, our opinions of profs and TA's. Then she started talking about herself.

I have never been subject to such a dense barrage of mental-alarm inducing comments. Over the course of about 30 minutes she casually dropped... probably no less than one terrifying factoid per minute for the entirety of that phase. To run down just a few:

- She is chronically discriminated against on the basis of her race (she is half black, half Asian.) This is possible, of course, but honestly unlikely. I am fully willing to believe she has encountered racism, but she blamed it for quite literally everything that had gone wrong in her life for the past two years. From low marks to broken relationships, to a speeding ticket.

- She was a "cutter" in highschool. "But the scars are gone!" she quickly added.

- She was anorexic in grade TWO. TWO, people. Two.

- She is currently 5'3" and ~110lbs. She is absolutely obsessed with getting down to 99. "If I see triple-digits, I basically freak out. I'm so fat right now."

- She said she loved fish and wanted to be a marine biologist when she was a kid. Putting aside the fact that all little girls want to work with animals, I asked her why she didn't go forward with working with fish. This resulted in a few minutes of slowly deteriorating self-hating, ultimately resulting in a near-tears proclamation that she was stupid.

- She has been clinically treated for depression, anxiety, mania and "they thought I had like schizo stuff too, but I didn't." When she made a joke that this must be why she was going into psychology, I tried to lighten the mood by saying "maybe one of your personalities could council the others!" She did not laugh. Awkward.

- In an attempt to relate, I told her about my mild OCD. She looked at me as though I were a freak could attack her at any second. Alrighty, then.

- She related to me the deep spiritual experience that had occurred when he dead grandfather had appeared to her. Which is... whatever. I have friends who have similar stories. She then went on to say how her sister had seen their grandmother's spirit after her death, but that she hadn't. She complained that this was unfair, and how she had been far more deserving of her grandmother's visitation than her sister.

- She declared "I'm an activist." When I asked her what she was an activist for, she replied "everything I can be an activist for, I am." Then did the confrontational eye-lock thing and declared "I despise people who don't stand up for what they believe." I asked what sorts of things she did, suggesting protests, rallies, fund-raisers, etc. She shrugged and replied "oh, I don't know."

- She convinced me to try bubble-tea, and it was gross.

To top it all off? I was walking with her back to the bus-loop at the school (yes, I am that classy ladies,) she all but demanded that I ask her out, to take her to the Vancouver Aquarium. "It's the most romantic place on earth. I'm such a hopeless romantic." So... because I am a pussy, I am semi-committed to calling her sometime, in order to set up a time to go to the Aquarium. I believe that this will never happen.

Just to solidify any lingering impression some of you may have that I'm a horrible person, or suicidal, or both, I considered seeing where this might go, simply for the inevitably super-kinky sex that would follow. The formerly goth cutter crowd? Not known for their bedroom restraint. But then I realized that she'd probably write an editorial in the local paper calling me a racist, or something. Or maybe she'd just cut off my penis and throw it in a bush. Or just murder me and wear me like a man-suit.

Calm down, man. She ain't worth it...