Cleansing Your Insides (SFW)

Countless Wounded
93_confirmed's picture
Location: A grassy knoll

So, I've been seeing random infomercials and hearing people talking about various body cleansing/detox methods and I'm wondering if any of you goodjers believe in any such practices. For example, colon cleansing, products like Evercleanse that "flush" the body clean (basically a weekend spent in the bathroom), and/or consuming various solid/liquid food concoctions that work more naturally. People seem to claim that there can be food substantial food residue in the colon, intestines, and lower stomach and I'm debating whether to do some sort of detox to address any such issues. What are your thoughts? Discuss.

Lag used to be a lot worse back in the day. Hell, it took Jesus 3 days to respawn.

Quintin_Stone wrote: The typical American eats 3.5 bigfoots in their sleep each year.

PSN: x93_confirmedx (message me for Socom!)

The King of Empty Promises
Donator V4.0
Desram's picture
Location: Saskatoon, SK

Feeling sh*tty?

Well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty good amateur rectal photographer. Would you like to see my portfolio?
Song of the Week: ...on Facebook...

jpwner
Donator
jowner's picture
Location: Capital of the Igloo People.

Penn & Teller did a show about this topic this season and if you've ever seen the show you know their opinion is its BULLsh*t!!!

Death Metal!
Donator V3.0
LupusUmbrus's picture
Location: On a wild sheep chase

Honestly, if I'm feeling in need of detox, I either drink extra juice/water and eat yogurt. I'm pretty weary of any "special" method of performing what your body does naturally.

"Screw the speed of light, fan-boy rage is my new gold standard for measuring velocity." - Dr. J
"Lupus with a crowbar is the meaning of life itself." - Certis

CEO
Certis's picture

If it's the beginning of a new diet/lifestyle that's low on "toxins", then sure, why not get that feeling like you're starting with a clean slate. If it's just an attempt at a quick fix I can't imagine it would be worth the suffering that process normally involves.

Certis beat me to it. - Elysium

Lord of the Rats
Donator
Rat Boy's picture
Location: Hitting. It.

"If I want to cleanse myself, I'll have a bran muffin." - Damon Wayans, some crappy movie co-starring Steven Seagal.

"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie

"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!

'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce

Junior Executive
Donator V6.0
Kepheus's picture
Location: On a rooftop overlooking The City

Some of the guys I work with do it every couple of years and seem to like the results. I believe the go with the more natural approach. As someone who's done it the fast way (for colonoscopies), I can't really endorse it...it's annoying as all hell.

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit. - Oscar Wilde
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) - Roedy Green

To Serve Man
Donator V3.0
CannibalCrowley's picture
Location: Grand Rapids, MI

It's like getting all the water out of a hose and then turning it back on. Unless you never it food again, the extra material that you've voided will be replaced by new waste material as it moves out the body. Sadly some people are too naive to realize this and they end up paying twenty bucks a gallon for what's basically juice mixed with Benefiber.

Unless you're cutting weight or prepping for a medical procedure I really don't see the point (even then I wouldn't pay anyone for their "special formula").

I <3 Brains
Donator V3.0
lunabean's picture

What Cannibal said. There is no such thing as "residue" in your intestines. No crevices for stuff to hide. Also, it should be noted that "flushing" the body will not get rid of those pesky Platyhelminthes.

Ouch, I have lost myself again
Last.fm

Suck My Diction
dhelor's picture
Location: Oregon

Okay, here's what you do: eat beans. Lots of beans. Scads and scads of beans. But no bean and cheese burritos - the cheese defeats the purpose of the beans. Before long, your colon will be "cleansing" itself, no problem.

Plus, think of all the interesting new sounds and smells your body will be making!

"I'm absolutely retarded. Not 100% sure why." - atom
"Dhelor + intarwebs = Great ideas." - wordsmythe
"Do I what I do: hate everyone." - Quintin_Stone

Got Blood?
Donator V4.0
Nosferatu's picture

Rat Boy wrote:
"If I want to cleanse myself, I'll have a bran muffin." - Damon Wayans, some crappy movie co-starring Steven Seagal.

doesn't the "co-starring Steven Segal" part kinda cover the "crappy" part already?

but seriously, drink lots of water and given an otherwise normal/healthy body you should "detox" quite rapidly, throw in a good amount of fiber/bulk in your diet and the inside of your colon will be as clean as its ever going to be short of taking it physically out of the body and scrubbing it down. Stuff doesn't hide in your colon, as there are no crevices for it to lodge into, since it moves and stretches. Ever seen them make sausages? that casing is basically like your gut, if you fill it up it becomes a smooth tube eliminating corners. I mean people have passed doll heads for gods sakes, If Barbies empty noggin can make it out safely just about anything can.

"Also, I have four legs and am covered in wool. Baa!" *Legion* reveals his inner furry.

Boss Mom
Donator V2.0
Kiri's picture
Location: Sittin' in the shade enjoying life

Having had colon cancer, I am an expert at "detoxing". The "colon" diet is heavy on fiber and water. Nothing else special is needed. My doctor highly recommends tuna fish and oatmeal. I have no idea why, but it works very well. Cut out the greasy fast food and you will be all set.

Live Strong

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ~ George Carlin

I Am The Greetest!
Donator
KaterinLHC's picture
Location: On the moon. Whaling.

Don't waste your money or time. "Detox" plans rely mostly on the placebo effect, because as others have said, your colon isn't exactly a craggy, cavernous place. If there were "residue" in your system, even if you managed to flush it out, you'll just put it back in a few days anyway.

A more effective method of "detox" - by which I mean making yourself feel lighter, more energetic and healthier overall - is a two-fold prescription of more water and more fiber in your diet. That will get everything moving promptly through. So drink plenty of liquids (try to stay away from acidic drinks, coffee and alcohol if you're having stomach pains), eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and get lots of whole grains like oatmeal, barley, bulgher, brown rice, etc.

"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you, Kat. You." - Haakon7

My Website v. 3.0

Optimus Primate
Gorilla.800.lbs's picture
Location: New York, NY

Won't it make you look like you're hating America?

Xbox Live tag Gorilla800lbs

Indecisive
Donator V4.0
Funkenpants's picture

I would say go for it if you aren't looking so much for health benefits but are really more interested in the experience of having water laced with herbs pumped up your pooper and then drained out again.

Not Without Incident
Donator V3.0
Quintin_Stone's picture
Location: Cary, NC

Drink a gallon of Milk of Magnesia*.

That'll clean you right out.

* Do not drink a gallon.

Fedaykin98 wrote:

Good lord, I wouldn't have expected brilliance like that from that nemeslut Quintin Stone!

wordsmythe wrote:
I know I'm not terribly cool

Lord of the Rats
Donator
Rat Boy's picture
Location: Hitting. It.

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:
Won't it make you look like you're hating America?

That depends. Are you using the American flag as toilet paper?

"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie

"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!

'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce

Executive
Donator V2.0
stupidhaiku's picture
Location: Ceci n'est pas une Location

I think this is part of what fasting does, which I've heard is a very refreshing experience (if not for anyone around you, you'll get bad breath). Might want to look into that -- more credible than these colon cleaners too.

I'm also disappointed that everyone's so wary now that there are virtually no OOCT quotes in this potential goldmine of a thread.

I am attracted
To moronic, time-wasting
dumb activities
- nsmike

Attention Whore
Donator V3.0
KrazyTaco[FO]'s picture
Location: Hawaii

If you clean your colon the terrorists have already won.

"Thanks, KrazyTaco, thanks. I'd put it in your pooper too." -Mex
"Krazy, I love the fact that you exist." -Vector
"Oh, KrazyTaco, you fulfill all my wishes." -pneuman
xboxlive= KrazyTacoFO

Guerrilla Comedian
Donator V2.0
Demiurge's picture
Location: Seattle

KrazyTacoFO wrote:
If you clean your colon the terrorists have already won.

I'm afraid to ask what they win.

"Even though that place should only be fifteen or twenty minutes away geographically, in actual practice - between the hours of four and seven - Redmond might as well orbit the Earth." - Tycho, Penny Arcade

Ursa Major
Donator V4.0
Rubb Ed's picture
Location: In ur volcanoz, stealing ur coldz

Demiurge wrote:
KrazyTacoFO wrote:
If you clean your colon the terrorists have already won.

I'm afraid to ask what they win.

I'm afraid to ask how they know you've done it.

I accrue pens like Hefner accrues bimbos. -- duckideva
I agree on the balls. Not a fan of the balls. -- wordsmythe asserting himself in OOC Theater

Executive
Donator
Al's picture

jowner wrote:
Penn & Teller did a show about this topic this season and if you've ever seen the show you know their opinion is its BULLsh*t!!!

An actual medical doctor also weighed in on this and came to the same basic conclusion. If you're feeling constipated then eat more fiber (air popped popcorn with no seasoning works for me) or take something like Benefiber.

try being a vegetarian?

don't you wonder sometimes...

Discretion is not the better part of
Donator V4.0
Malor's picture
Location: Perpetually suspended

The way these things usually work is by making you fast for several days while doing heavy-duty enemas. People talk about how good they feel afterward, but that's because of the fasting... if you don't eat for a week or so, you get into a mildly euphoric state. People attribute this to the cleansing, when it's really just the not eating.

Undigested food in your colon would ROT and would eventually kill you. If you take pretty much any biological material, particularly meat, and hold it at 98.6 degrees in a wet environment, it's just NOT going to sit there without rotting away. That's pure silliness. It wouldn't last in your refrigerator. Why on earth would it last in an environment that's DESIGNED to break it down?

Metaphorically Speaking
Logan's picture
Location: Hollywood, California

I'm changing up my diet a little bit. The heavy part of college is over, and now all I'm doing basically are projects with my major that I want to be doing anyway, so the stress is gone.

First off, I'm cutting out most of my soda intake. I don't bring it home anymore. If I'm fooding it up in a restaurant, maybe I'll have a Coke/Pepsi, but even then, I think about it. Just today, I was eating with the parents, ordered a coke, but my mother ordered a strawberry lemonade. I immediately changed my mind and ordered that instead. It's still tasty, still got some sugar, but it's better for you.

I'm also drinking Propel. Basically tastes like Gatorade, has a small percentage of the calories of even Gatorade. Good stuff, because I just can't bring myself to drink water only.

Plus, snacks are switched out. I bought different fruits. I started getting the reduced fat Cheez-Its instead of the normal ones, and eating less of them. Cereal became a nice and easy late night snack, as I sleep at very odd hours. Soup as well. Canned peaches. Stuff that I like and eat anyway, y'know? I just now make a point of choosing those items instead of the 3:00am Taco Bell runs.

Not to mention that I'm exercising again. I'm getting back into competitive tennis, and after a long round of serving, I'm hungry. That feeling of hunger, not just, "oh, my stomach's empty," but your body screaming, "dude, we are depleted" is a great feeling. Those are the best meals ever, because you know that you did something other than sit and breathe. Like you earned that meal, y'know?

"Time traveling terrorists are no laughing matter, Malor." - *Legion* quote #30201

XBox Live: Novopain

Aggie Otaku
Donator V2.0
kilroy0097's picture
Location: Bryan/College Station, TX

I personally go to a fish, fruit and vegetable diet for lunch and dinner and I eat cereal for breakfast anyways.
Also I drink lots of juices and green tea for antioxidants and many liters of filtered water.

Believe you mean, after about 3 days of this diet you will feel completely cleared of any grease, poisons or otherwise ill feeling effects. If you do not want a caffeine headache I would suggest just one cup of coffee. That's actually all you need. If you need more then a strong tea will also work.

Stay away from all greasy foods, anything fried is a no no and also stay away from preserved foods such as canned foods or frozen dinners. So no fast food or TV Dinners. Grilled food is ok especially grilled chicken or turkey breasts. Also remove all soda from your diet or sugared drinks.

Follow these food habits for a long time and you will not only feel better but also find yourself loosing quite a bit of weight. The only problem of course is sticking to it. It's hard to keep something like this going if you have odd hours or you don't plan your meals a week in advance.

Prederick wrote:

"Hulk think you overcompensating for tiny man bits. You know why Hulk always wear pants? Because Hulk HUGE."

"When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross." - Sinclair Lewis.

The Goddess
Elysia's picture
Location: Minnesota, USA

Nosferatu wrote:
I mean people have passed doll heads for gods sakes, If Barbies empty noggin can make it out safely just about anything can.

My cousin worked as an X-ray tech for many years, and said her weirdest patient was the guy with seven Ken doll heads at various locations throughout his intestinal tract. He was there because the newest one had lodged at the pyloric sphincter, and stopped him up. They had to surgically remove it. She said it was the oddest thing to see seven little plastic heads scattered thoughout his abdomen. She didn't ask him why...

Logan wrote:

I'm also drinking Propel. Basically tastes like Gatorade, has a small percentage of the calories of even Gatorade. Good stuff, because I just can't bring myself to drink water only.

Logan, you might try doing what I had to do to get myself to drink water. I hated drinking plain water, but I gradually trained myself into it by mixing it with some juice (such as cranberry juice, grape juice, etc.), gradually cutting back the ratio of juice to water over several weeks. I also used a squeeze of lemon or lime in the water when I stopped mixing in juice. After a while, I stopped using anything in it. I love drinking plain water now, but I have to say it helps for it to have lots of ice, or be very, very cold from the fridge.

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
- Dr. Martin Luther King

Got Blood?
Donator V4.0
Nosferatu's picture

Elysia wrote:
Nosferatu wrote:
I mean people have passed doll heads for gods sakes, If Barbies empty noggin can make it out safely just about anything can.

My cousin worked as an X-ray tech for many years, and said her weirdest patient was the guy with seven Ken doll heads at various locations throughout his intestinal tract. He was there because the newest one had lodged at the pyloric sphincter, and stopped him up. They had to surgically remove it. She said it was the oddest thing to see seven little plastic heads scattered thoughout his abdomen. She didn't ask him why...

I've heard a similiar instance, and well lets just say the reason that this person was doing it would make the topic no longer SFW...

"Also, I have four legs and am covered in wool. Baa!" *Legion* reveals his inner furry.

I am the Milkman
Donator V4.0
Crouton's picture
Location: In the basement of the Alamo

93_confirmed wrote:
So, I've been seeing random infomercials [/snip]

A good rule of thumb is to regard anything seen on an infomercial or with a red "As Seen on TV" sticker as summarily dismissible.

XBox Live: Croutonic | Bungie.net: Croutonic
kaostheory wrote:

Chipotle is to Qdoba as Awesome is to Not Awesome

Intern
Shrike's picture

I personally recommend beef jerky. also, have a bowel movement at least once a month whether you need to or not.

Office Linebacker
Symbiotic's picture
Location: The Emerald City, WA

Obviously there are a lot of opinions here, and since scientists themselves can't seem to agree on this topic, I personally don't believe any single post on here can be taken as gospel. So I'll abstain from commenting on anyone else's post and post only what I know from first hand experience detoxing and fasting many times over the past years.

There were and are many, many things that I've consumed over the years that were a) not found in nature and b) not meant to be consumed in the quantities in which I've consumed them. The human digestive system was not meant to digest large amounts of meat in the absence of even larger amounts of fiber. Compare the digestive tract of a true carnivore to that of a human and you'll see that one was meant to deal with meat quickly and efficiently, and one was meant to break down highly fibrous materials. It also wasn't built to digest highly processed foods in a really effective manner - wheat products, refined sugars, etc. Much of the modern diet is made up of these types of foods, and what's more, there are an increasing number of toxins in said foods.

The existence of mucoid plaque is contested in scientific circles - let alone a Goodjer web forum. I can only say that when I did my first detox - a 5 day juice fast - things came out of my body that had no business being there. That was when I first transitioned from being lacto-ovo vegetarian to vegan. Since then I've gone back to eating some dairy and eggs, because I found myself eating more refined and processed foods as a vegan than when I was just lacto-ovo-veggie. But I digress - I've since done several more juice fasts and liver cleanses, and every time my general health and wellness - both in terms of 'feeling' and actual bodily functions - are improved.

I should also mention that whether or not anything remains in the colon or not, the fact is that toxins DO remain in the body - they live in your fat cells - and unless you do something to specifically help your body get rid of them, they'll remain there and cause you, and your liver, a lot of problems over the span of your lifetime.

There are many, many ways to cleanse or detox. The simplest way has already been mentioned: drink a LOT more liquid (in the order of 128oz a day or more - feel free to add lemon juice or cranberry juice for added benefit), and increase your raw vegetable intake, particularly foods high in fiber.

You could also do a 3 or 5 day juice fast - fresh juice is best, but I've done some where I'll just do apple juice and water for 5 days, and maybe add some 'green mix' to the one in the morning to give a little extra fiber and nutrients.

Anyway - I'd steer clear of most of the detox 'systems' that claim a detox can come from taking a couple of magic pills daily. A change of diet over an extended period will have more thorough and lasting effects.