As promised in this week's GWJ Conference Call, we're sharing with you the entries for our Fake Game Commercial contest. The contest, sponsored by Liongames.com came with the prize of a free game of the winner's choosing ($60 or less), and after enjoying a number of unusual, clever and often deeply disturbing entries we gathered the submissions, processed them through sixteen different highly specialized processes for determining objective quality, and came to a clear consensus. Thus, we present to you the winner, Sheared with his brutal and painfully accurate assessment of Direct X 10.
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From shihonage: This submission is all action, and may contain spoilers for 24 Season 5.
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The audio ads were featured during the show, with music added by Gorgeous Rob Borges.
Fuzion Frenzy 3! - Phoenix (Animal Crossing Friends)
Ready for the third installment of the heart pounding game so full of adrenaline it would kill a small puppy? Well here it is! Race through brand new levels with your friends such as "can you press the A button?", "don't step in the stinky poo!", and my favorite, "jump over the space hobo!" Intense button mashing madness combines with cornea burning graphics to create the most ultimate party game ever! Cryogenically frozen Ryan Seacrest voices the host with the most! Now with 3 differnet phrases that he repeats every 4 seconds! He guides you through all new "worlds" such as Zooland, filled with monkeys and fluffy bunnies, Fantasy, filled with unicorns and gumdrops, Sea, crammed with vicious whales and photoplankton, and many many more! There are so many levels, you will never be able to stop playing! Try to find a friend online who will play with you for days at a time to unlock exciting acheivements, now worth nothing! Your favorite characters are back, well most of them anyway, some have landed in hard times and have found other careers or have died, but it's still just as exciting! Endless fun with button mashing madness and so much talking and useless stuff between games you'll soil yourself! Pre-order yours TODAY!!
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Gamefly! - Gemini Ace
At Gamefly our passion for money has led us to rent games differently.
We think different is better. Choose from dozens of the latest video games eventually delivered riht to your door. Choose from the latest games from the PS3 including Gundam:Crossfire and the newest Xbox 360 games including Perfect Dark Zero and Gun. Keep them as long as you want with no late fees. Send them back in our pre paid envelope, which is strangely oversized. People think we're crazy to rent for $9.95 a month for the first month, mainly becauase it takes a month to recieve your first game. People think we're visionaries. Our vision, make renting easier. Slower, maybe. Smarter, no way. Go to gamefly.com and start your short wait today.
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XBOX Live TV ad: Wanderer 14 offers us SirRockford and Wordsmythe in this ad for Xbox Live
Intro Music: Making our Dreams Come True by Norman Gimbel & Charles Fox. Sung by Cyndi Grecco (AKA the theme song to Laverne and Shirley)
Scene: Split screen. Left Sir Rockford, right WordSmythe. Both men sit and write diligently at a classroom chair, with their little pens working feverishly. They simultaneously put their pencil to their mouths, look skyward ponderously, then raise an eyebrow, nod and smile to themselves and continue writing. They have aced the essay test. At the top of each screen appears the little cup of victory and the words "Achievement Unlocked" as the achievement sound plays. Gamerscore appears in the lower left of each split screen at 50 pts.
Scene: Split screen. Left Sir Rockford, right WordSmythe. Both men wear suits and carry brief cases and extend a hand to shake with an older business man, also wearing a suit. They walk out of the frame grinning, leaving the older business man standing, arms crossed, smiling. They have got the job. "Achievement Unlocked". Gamerscore appears in the lower left of each split screen at 100 pts.
Scene: Split screen. Left Sir Rockford, right WordSmythe. Both men are at a bar regaling friends with a story. Each finishes and the whole table erupts in laughter, slapping the men's backs and turning to each other to celebrate such cleverness. They have a great social life and many friends. "Achievement Unlocked". Gamerscore appears 200pts.
Scene: Split screen. Left Sir Rockford, right WordSmythe. Both men are at a window with a power drill in one hand and a curtain in the other. There is a HOT woman in the background, ostensibly the significant other. Rocky skillfully hangs the curtains with a flourish. The woman in the background clasps her hands together over her breast and leaps in the air, kicking her feet behind her (very cheesy). Meanwhile Smythe can't get the drill to spin up and drops the curtains, knocking over a flower pot. The woman in his background flips him off and walks out of frame. Rocky's frame zooms in and he winks, Smythe's frame zooms in and he frowns. At that moment "Achievement Unlocked" shows on Rocky's screen. Gamerscores are at 300 and 200 respectively. Rocky winks again and his gamerscore goes up to 400, 500, 600"… The song reaches crescendo, "You're going to make it after all!"
Fade to white, XBOX logo and the now famous words, "Jump In."
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Dread Ale sends us the future of gaming and the best suggestion for Game Begging To Be Sued
Hunt of Man 2: For Real.
(Read in deep movie-trailer voiceover guy type voice): "In a time, when terror rules."
"A people, descending into barbarism"
< Illegible reporter in general mayhem ""…Thousands of"…raging, co"… authorities must"…">
"In a world, where MTV doesn't play music, one man will stand up to fight the greatest threat the civilized nations have ever faced: Reality TV"
"Damian Mayne Basterd, a 29 year old converted Muslim with strong ideals of purity and the sanctity of the body, has been casted for the 39th season of "Euphoria Hotel""
"Live Broadcast – Live Ammo. Hunt of Man 2: For Real, This Summer, rated T for Teen"
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Much love and respek knuckles also go out also to Montalban for his Phantom ad which was featured on this week's Conference Call.
Congratulations again to Sheared for his life-changing accomplishment and everyone who submitted their advertising ideas. We'll forward all calls from Madison Avenue directly to the appropriate advertising geniuses for a modest finders fee. Finally, thanks to Liongames.com for sponsoring this contest!
Comments
The music behind all the audio entries was added by me in post reduction. Thanks again to Benoit Casey for the awesome tunes, and thanks to all those submitted entries for the contest!
"Can I have a job? I donut have much experiences, butt I always use an spellchecker spellchecker on my articles." - Sway
Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria since 2005!
Spoiler Fanatic!
sheared, I am outside of your window right now. In the bushes.
Ha! Well thanks to the powers-that-be at GwJ and Liongames.com! I always wondered if wasted 6 years in engineering school - the introverted geek inside of me was just waiting to express himself artistically. Now that I have blown my one creative wad, I will return to my compass and protractor. I have learned that the high rolling, fast life is just not for me.
Of course, the game I'm going to pick from Liongames.com is probably going to make others cry -- I blame rabbit.
Grats, sheared!
The even LITTLER fremen!
SW 8367-1790-9698
Mr. Call, Montalban? Is that a reference to The Conversation, or am I just a big ol' movie nurd?
Well, I really meant it as a kind of spam phone call like you'd get from, say, E-Z Car Insurance or The State Trooper Orphan Fund, where "Tim" doesn't realize he's calling a podcast instead of a person's home. Trying to convey how low Infinium has sunk.
In retrospect, with the music in the background and compared to everyone else's sweet entries, Tim did sound pretty pathetic and sad.
But I like your cinematic reference idea better, so let's go with that!
"Jaggermeister, for those special occasions when you desire to snuggle with a baby walrus." -tuffalobuffalo
Obscure but true: I'd never even heard of "The Conversation" until I picked up ClockDVA's "The Hacker/The Act", which sampled from it heavily. Cut to a few years later and it ended up being one of the films I had to watch in my Film Studies class. Freaky!
Don't tease. What game are you picking?
"$10 - Exclusive Sean-cam where he just shakes his head, over and over." From Pyro's Kickstarter, "Endless Pit of Human Misery Livestream"
I'm guessing LOTRO, personally. COME TO THE DARK SIDE.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
Good point, that is the game that rabbit is currently pushing.
The even LITTLER fremen!
SW 8367-1790-9698
Wrong thread.
Dude, Edwin, was that a complete non-sequitur, or did I miss something? You just ambushing us?
The even LITTLER fremen!
SW 8367-1790-9698
Woops, wrong conference call thread.
I did the same thing as Edwin. Wrong CC thread.
Only furries play Druids.
Rocky and Wondy, you two are both going down.
Stangely enough, I'm one of the only people in my IRL circles that owns and knows how to use a power drill.
Ok, that's two in a row that just sound filthy in light of Rocky's euphemistic tendencies.
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.
If by dark side you mean watch my poor computer scream with agony and then go dark, then I could see that. No, my 3 1/2 year old son is a HUGE Cars fan. He sleeps with the little hot-wheel versions of Lightning and King. I heard rabbit talking on the podcast about how his son loves playing Cars on the Wii, and I figured that if I won this, I'd get that game for Ben. I think he will fall over from excitement at the prospect of actually racing Lightning McQueen and all those other characters.
So, yes, my choice is Wii Cars, but understand it is for a great cause!