I once painted Morrolan's picture blue and said he had Smurf cancer, just to spite him. I'm almost tempted to leave it at that, but it wouldn't be doing enough honor to a man who has stuck with the site through thick and thin for nearly three years now. Well known for his Smurf fetish, Morrolan also hates cats and prefers living in mushroom houses.

Must ... resist ... blue ... PAINT!

Who the devil are you?

My name is Graham Templeton, and I'm a 21 year old university student living around Vancouver, BC. I'm a newly minted Biology major, coming off of over two years spent studying English. I expect to graduate alongside the release of DNF.

What are you supposed to be doing during the day when you're reading GWJ?

Studying. Having decided that taking fifteen years to get your bachelors degree is not a mark of pride, I've decided to instead commit myself to death by overworking, in order to graduate as early as possible.

I know some people are supposed to be working while they surf, but my job doesn't have access to a computer. My job entails picking up heavy things, and putting them down somewhere else. I do it with middle aged men with bushy beards and fresh trackmarks marring their flaming skull tattoos, all of whom beat their kids while trolling for hookers and earmarking passages in the Bible. For me, the term "Not Safe For Work" refers simply to any sign of weakness, like casting your eyes downward, or exposing your belly.

How about family? Kids? Pets? Particularly meaningful inanimate objects?

I have exactly two parents, no siblings, and currently have no pets.

What was your favorite game over the last year or so? Why?

Tough one. Overall, though, I'll go with Okami. Although I have yet to play the Twilight Princess, I still feel confident saying that Okami is Zelda, but better. It's the same gameplay, but with amazing art direction, an interesting story, and an innovative mechanic that adds to every facet of the game.

Which game are you looking forward to most?

Probably Assassin's Creed. There are a lot of games that are looking great, but I have an almost sexual love of anything set during the Crusades. It's disappointing that Ubi felt the need to throw in a stupid sci-fi twist, but I'm willing to look past it. Couple the Crusades setting with great graphics and visual touches, and gameplay that looks like how I've always wished the Hitman games would be, and you've got yourself a fan. Close contenders include, but are not limited to: Half Life: Episode 2, Spore, Mass Effect, Bioshock and, completely on faith, Too Human.

What is your fondest gaming memory?

I'll talk your ear off about the importance of narrative in games, but my greatest gaming moment comes from a game with no story. In one of my early forays into Tribes 2, I had the good fortune of being on a team that was actually interested in being organized. I got into Scout (fast) armor with a cloaking pack, infiltrated the base, and placed a targeting beacon on their major turret, which had been shooting down all our air. I told my team to aim for that beacon, then high-tailed it out of there, out of energy and fully visible. Just as I exited, I saw no less than five mortal shells sail over my head, and smack the turret almost simultaneously, destroying it utterly. Just seconds later, our bomber came over the horizon and just decimated them. 'Twas fun.

Finally, why do you play games at all? Why haven't you outgrown them?

I play games for the same reason everyone plays them: To simulate murder. Beyond that, I think I've stayed with games because they've been growing in tandem with me. That's what's great about being a fan of such a new medium. I think games, or at least mainstream games, have been maturing steadily, at about the same pace I have. Only the very best games from my childhood still hold their appeal.

Thanks for taking the time to answer our hard hitting questions! Any last words?

I'm hoping that we'll be able to swing a Vancouver Slap and Tickle '07. I won't name Demi, Swat or el_dino, because they know who they are. I'll just mention that if they don't show up this time, they're missing out on their complementary Dannon Lite 'n Fit Smoothies.