Guild Wars: Factions

A Postmodern Dialog

INT: ITALIAN CAFE, MANHATTAN - DAY

A small cafe, reminiscent of the old Italian
coffeehouses of McDougall street in the village.
The espresso machine is a tentacled hairdo of brass piping and
weathered wood. Behind it stands a 19-year-old, pierced
BARRISTA, cute. It's raining.

RABBIT enters. Disheveled, eyes baggy from one too many
martinis and 4 hours of sleep. He orders a double shot of
espresso, overloads it with brown granulated sugar and
sits at a small table, looking out at the rain.

After a few moments, JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK enters, limping.
His uniform, the color of ancient urine, is torn.
He approaches the counter.

KIRK
Saurian Brandy.

BARRISTA (incredulous)
What?

KIRK (Looking around the room, confused)
Coffee then. You have? Coffee?

KIRK takes his coffee--a large clumsy looking white mug, and
walks over to RABBIT's table. After a pause, he sits down.

KIRK
Long night?

RABBIT (nodding)
Yeah. I was playing Guild Wars: Factions until 2AM. Two martinis. No sleep.

KIRK
Alliance battle? On the Front?

RABBIT (pauses)
What?

KIRK
You. Guild Wars. Must have been. some. struggle I was in sickbay... all night. Recovering from my... command... the day before. Someday. We'll make those

(scowls, spit coming out as he says)
Luxons pay.

RABBIT
No. No. I was under the city. I needed to rescue something I can't remember what.

KIRK
What? Why?

(aggressive, with disbelief)
Wasting time. Down there in the muck It's just training for... the real war you know. It's not real. It's... holodeck.

SMASH CUT TO: LONGSHOT FROM DOOR

RABBIT
Wait. Wrong captain.

KIRK
Right, sorry about that.

ZOOM TO: CLOSE ON RABBIT

RABBIT
But the war--I don't know. It just leaves me empty. I've been there so many times.

(beat)
The chaos. A massive furball of churning flesh. The rapidfire click click click, the skill-chains.

(looks at KIRK)
It just seems so random.

KIRK (OFF SCREEN)
Are you mad man!!?? It's brilliant. It's... it's art! It's blood! Honor! Glory! Good men... fighting at your side!

CUT TO: MEDIUM SHOT

KIRK grows agitated, stands up, pushes the chair behind him.

KIRK
Wake up!!! We need men. Like you. On the line. There's no excuse!

RABBIT (sheepish)
But, but, I was fighting for the alliance, in my way. I was working for the Kurzicks.

KIRK
Hah! Well... Someone has to fetch the water keep those of us on the line... fighting.

RABBIT squints, turning his gaze back out the window. KIRK sits back down.

RABBIT
There's more to this than just the war you know! Have you stopped on the hills and taken a breath? Have you quieted your thoughts and listened--just listened? Have you given yourself to the world, so that it could give back?

RABBIT fidgets, agitated.
KIRK casually looks at his palm, still caked in blood.
He wipes it on the front of his torn uniform, leaving a stain.

KIRK gives RABBIT the STARE

RABBIT (standing dramatically)
No! You can't be!

You're one of

(scowls)
one of them!

KIRK (quickly)
I don't know what you're talking about.

RABBIT
You! You press skip on the cutscenes don't you! You see a plot unfold, a story told and you...

RABBIT's eyes go glassy and he stares into space.
RABBIT sits, deflated.
KIRK stands, quickly. Coffee spills.

CUT TO: OVERHEAD MEDIUM, BEHIND RABBIT

KIRK rages, his torn shirt falls open as he leans forward,
revealing a muscular chest covered in sweat and blood.

KIRK
Gods man! You... play your game. I'll play mine. You can wallow in your, your music your scenery and

(disgusted)
Story!

(pause)
But MY world... MY world needs MEN!

KIRK, disgusted, turns to leave.

CUT TO: RABBIT P.O.V

RABBIT
Where are you going?

(pleading)
Don't we have some common ground? Aren't we ultimately from the same world?

Just different times?

Different places?

Different points of view?

KIRK, looking over his shoulder, softens, turns around.
He tosses a small, dog-tag-shaped coin on the table in front of RABBIT.

KIRK
Go buy yourself some pretty armor for your assassin. I'm getting back in the FIGHT.

Limping slightly, KIRK walks back out into the rain.
RABBIT stares down into his coffee.
The BARRISTA comes over and cleans up KIRK's mess.

BARRISTA (with innuendo)
Anything more?

RABBIT
No. Thanks.

The BARRISTA walks back to the espresso machine.

DISSOLVE TO: LONGSHOT, OVERHEAD

RABBIT
I guess there isn't.

FADE TO: BLACK

Junior Executive
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Smials's picture

*swoon*
*faint*

Brilliant.

Fedaykin98 wrote:

And so far there isn't, but I think we'll both be a LOT happier when there is. That would get me in bed at a decent hour, and she can sleep through it anyway.

Aperture Science wrote:
We do what we must, because we can

the soul still burns...
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souldaddy's picture
Location: where falling trees make no sound

Holy sh*t, rabbit.

EDIT: So good I had to read it again. Obvious where you loyalties lie, foul knave! But like a poor marksman you keep... missing... the target!

I can't stand plot in an online game.

We shall grapple with the ineffable, and see if we may not eff it after all.

It's Jolly Time
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Jolly Bill's picture
Location: On the Launching Pad of Destiny

Flavorful to the last drop. Thanks Rabbit.

If you're not maintaining a daily regiment of body hair removal, you're not committed enough to the GWJ sorority. -Certis

0 to Zen in under 6 seconds
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karmajay's picture
Location: St. Pete, Florida

Story FTW!

I don't think I've ever said this sentence before, but man would I love to hump that butterfly.-- KrazyTaco
One phone call and you're melting like butter over my kettle pop. -- Edwin to Mex
2005 GWJFFL2 Champion

Junior Executive
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Zaque's picture
Location: Lost......in his mind

See thats why I think guild wars is so good. Story plus pvp, who could ask for anything more.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they fly by." -- Douglas Adams

Office Linebacker
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Jakobedlam's picture

So let me get this straight...(I haven't gotten Factions yet, and barely scratched the surface of GW)

Kirk shows up on the new Factions continent??

Great piece, Rabbit. How many job offers have you had so far?

"I am a cipher; a cipher, wrapped in an enigma, and smothered in secret sauce!" - Jimmy James

Optimus Primate
Gorilla.800.lbs's picture
Location: New York, NY

So... much... suffering...

Xbox Live tag Gorilla800lbs

Baron Münchhausen
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rabbit's picture
Location: The Basement

I tried really really hard to figure out how to get "Khaaaaaaan!!!" in there...

And this IS my job offer! Dream job at that!

Gamertag: GWJ Rabbit | Last.fm

"Think of it as 'grinding SO rep in the Kitchen instance.' " - Montalban

The Confused Philosopher
Demosthenes's picture
Location: The corner of No and Where...

Zaque wrote:
See thats why I think guild wars is so good. Story plus pvp, who could ask for anything more.

Players who aren't obnoxious to play with?

"Just remember that sometimes you need to allow problems to just roll like water off of a duckilama's back." ~Reaper

Junior Executive
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Arovin's picture

Demosthenes wrote:

Players who aren't obnoxious to play with?

Turning off local chat and only grouping with people I know has solved that problem for me.

I stab at thee
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Montalban's picture
Location: Hell's heart

rabbit wrote:
"Khaaaaaaan!!!"

What?

Oh yeah, and you got Kirk spot on. I caught him playing Oblivion the other night and he was just fast-traveling everywhere. "Take the scenic route," I told him. "Admire the trees, the flowers." He just mumbled something about tree-huggers and long hair.

Great piece, Rabbit!

Wiener Bombardier
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Podunk's picture
Location: The People's Republic of Goodge

Kirk FTW.

Could we call this a game review? 'Cause if so this is easily the coolest one I've ever read.

Xbox Live: CrankyBaby

baggachipz: Who cares about Japan, let them have their silly pointless dog games and countless re-hashes of anime-based dragon princess super lucky crapitty crap.

Baron Münchhausen
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rabbit's picture
Location: The Basement

I think I posted it as a review, didn't I? A little tongue in cheek, I suppose (thanks).

Gamertag: GWJ Rabbit | Last.fm

"Think of it as 'grinding SO rep in the Kitchen instance.' " - Montalban

Coffee Grinder

no idea what this has to do with gulid wars but it has KIRK in it, so yeah, Kirk pwns guildwars. Set phazers on kill the mountan troll and the people that nerfed the monks!

start over.

All your sietch are belong to us
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Fedaykin98's picture
Location: Houston, TX

This is great, but I would not call it a game review - imho, a game review will answer some basic questions about the game. After reading this, I'm not even sure whether you like the game in question or not. Surely every game review ever written answers that, no?

However, as a Lobo-esque commentary in the form of a narrative, it's fantastically delicious. Don't get hung up on what I just said about reviews.

Quote:

Would be a good idea. I plan to have Logan sit in for me when I am on my honeymoon.

- Legion, taking "keeping it in the family" to a whole new level.

Xbox Live: Fedaykin98

Coffee Grinder
Location: Under Your Bed

lol.. I have to say, you have to know a bit bout Guild Wars to be able to truly appreciate this review. But, everything in the entire commentary hit my funny bone factor. keep it up. That was pure chocolate.