"Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie" 3 pages
The challenge has been issued.
Oso wrote:
Long live biscuits and gravy. Dannon Smoothies could never spawn three pages of posts.
Careful. Someone around here just might take that as a challenge, you know.
I'l start
We knew it was going to be hard on the relationship when she took the 3-month contract working for an engineering firm in Iraq rebuilding the shattered oil wells. I had supported her and agreed that I would stay home with the baby while she went overseas. Aside from the fact that taking the contract would help her climb the corporate ladder inside the engineering firm, the best reason was that her income from those three months would be enough to move us out of our drab inner city apartment and allow us to buy a home in the "˜burbs to raise our son.
But 6 weeks into the deal I was ready to give up, being a single father was hard enough, but I desperately missed my wife. It was at this point, the hardest part so far, that she surprised me with a trip home.
She had silently come into the apartment; slipping her clothes off as she approached the bed, making just enough noise to wake me up. As I opened my eyes I thought it was just a dream as the moonlight cascaded across her skin, as soft and pale as a Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie.
"My motto is, if it's not strong enough to release bowel control, it's not strong enough!"
Morrolan
Homer: "Mmmmmmmm Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie"
WOW: Bounce
I'll wait for the 80 proof version: The Dannon Fight 'n Lit Smoothie.
Got any toast?
Smoothies have a lot of calories...oh, and biscuts dont?! (fighting in my head apparently)
I don't like those smoothies. I much prefer straight-up yogurt. You can't beat plain whole-milk yogurt.
Kat on Cally wrote:
Boötes's Photo Blog
*cough* Dannon corporate marketing plant *cough*
I do not support this unholy goal of a 3 page "Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie" thread and hope you fail.
Now how do I delete this post.
Posting on the boards is easy. The trick is to kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Chiggie Von Richthofen on how to transition from lurker to poster.
fap?
An ounce of prevention creates a single point of failure -- IT Security Proverb
Giannino - 70 Fury Warrior
Bump
WSTR.info: Western Swordsmanship Technique & Research
Mars Hall
But a Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie is not dyspeptic, and my wife, her gastrointestinal tract riddled by six weeks of nervous tension, a foreign diet, and an assemblage of microbes hitherto unknown to her pale Canadian sensibility, was. The dream rapidly devolved into a nightmare. A sticky brown triple-orifice-evacuating vomitorium of a nightmare.
"Can I help?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Something for your stomach?"
"Yes. I'd like a Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie. Pocket-sized."
"All that time you waste dating and having sex could be better spent scouring the web for new game developer press releases." - Quintin_Stone
Hmm, I gather this is the stuff those airport people were discussing in my second-to-last article.
The market has much to answer for as to why gaming is NOT an art. -- illum
"Get real, babe," I replied. "You know I don't roll wit no pocket-sized smoothies. What I gots fo you is man-sized, just the firmness you like, and it ain't fo yo stomach."
A gentleman never kisses and tells (let alone makes yogurt jokes...), but I knew when the sun came up the next morning that I'd be set for the next 6 weeks.
===============================
After I saw her back to the airport, I sat the baby in his high chair and set about finding him breakfast. The only thing I could find in the decidedly anemic fridge was a Dannon Light'n Fit Smoothie.
Don't you understand, Cliff? We put a chainsaw on a machine gun! That's it! It doesn't get more awesome than that! We've peaked, man! We've peaked! - ctrl-alt-del on Gears of War 2
My Very Dear God. I never, ever intended to spark this abomination. Lord, if you see fit to strike me down, I accept your judgment.
Mercury's been in retrograde most of the week. It's like a full moon with a side of kicked-in-the-nuts. -- H.P. Lovesauce
She would later recount to me, via her long and tortured letters, just how she came upon Vance... Vance, the twisted whelp of a man, the miserable hobgoblin, the lying reprobate; Vance, the man who stole my wife away, and whose life I am destined to squeeze from his body with hands bathed in fresh-spilt blood.
Yes, apparently the two traitors became fast friends while awaiting their flight, owing to a glib discussion over that damned drinkable yogurt:
"They got this new yogurt now. It's just like regular yogurt, but you can drink it. It's a yogurt you can drink."
"What?"
"Yeah. It tastes good. It's sweet, and you drink it."
"What's it taste like?"
"Mine tasted like cherries. It's good."
"I have to try some of that then."
The market has much to answer for as to why gaming is NOT an art. -- illum
I don't know what to type here.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
My Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie is neither Light nor Fit. Discuss.
I tried to warn him, but did Oso listen?
No.
And here we are. Well, though I may have been the prophet of this doom, I won't hesitate to participate in carrying it out to its fullest extent.
Give me good old fashioned vanilla yogurt please. Mix that sh*t with some frozen blue berries or raspberries, and you have a delicious treat fit to rival even your favorite of frozen delicacies. Can I get an amen? Can I?
XBL/PSN: zeroKFE | BHA: zeroKFE | Halo Stats
Alien, Chumpy, Lobo I salute you and raise a bottle of Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie in your honour.
"My motto is, if it's not strong enough to release bowel control, it's not strong enough!"
Morrolan
By the way, why stop at three pages?
Let's shoot for five, and show those biscuit and gravy loving bastards what a real food centered conversation is!
XBL/PSN: zeroKFE | BHA: zeroKFE | Halo Stats
Alright, guys, I'm going to use this thread to chonicle my adventures in Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie Gaming.
DANNON LIGHT 'N FIT SMOOTHIE SHOT COUNT: 1
"PEACE ON EARTH. GOOD WILL TO MEN. PUBLIC SHELTER. ADMISSION 50¢"
The market has much to answer for as to why gaming is NOT an art. -- illum
Amen brother. Er, husband.
Last.fm
One is enough and it's driving me crazy
Thank you, sister! Er, wife!
Halelujah and praise be to the dairy gods!
XBL/PSN: zeroKFE | BHA: zeroKFE | Halo Stats
Something else:
I had copied "Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie" out of the subject line so I wouldn't have to retype it in my post above. I just started working on a new Visio diagram and, thinking I had an image I needed on my clipboard, hit Control-V.
Much to my surprise, "Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie" appeared dead center.
It's a sign.
The rising sun bathed the airport in creamy light as the conversation paused, the silence rich with unspoken possibilities.
She was the one to finally break the silence, ravenous for another taste of human contact.
"I wish I had a smoothie now. I didn't get to eat anything before heading out."
"You should go get some. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Miss..."
"I'm married."
His smile hardly broke, but she noticed. Their eyes met and in that instant, she knew- they both knew, that what they were craving was far more than a convenient yet nutritious meal to start the day. They were both hungry, but not for food. They were starving... for love.
"I always remember to eat, myself. I usually just grab something after I work out." He said without missing a step. "I like to keep myself Light n' Fit."
"Like a Dannon Smoothie." She said with a smile.
If only she had remembered Breakfast.
(This thread is awesome
)
I feel this strange urge to introduce zombies into this story. Not surprisingly, I blame Chiggie Von Richthofen.
Fedaykin98 wrote:
I hear zombie brains taste AND flow like a Dannon Light Smoothie. A little deeper color though.
"You know..." He began. "They have a little airport shop over near gate G4. I got a Clif Bar from there just about half an hour ago, before they delayed my flight."
She licked her lips hungrily, gazing deep into his eyes. He felt a stirring in his soul, a desire to take her, to wrap his arms around her waist and walk her to the counter, to hear her say those words that would fire white flame in his very soul.
"Just one Light 'n Fit Smoothie." she would say.
He imagined her bringing it to her lips, tasting the first drips of Strawberry on her tongue. She would consume all of its daily value of Riboflavin, Vitamin C and Potassium, before finally finishing it off, tossing the empty, discarded bottle aside, dabbing a spot of smoothie from the side of her lips.
A man near them coughed, a dry, hacking noise. He looked like he'd been subsisting on Nestle Instant Breakfasts.
"Can... you take me there?" She asked, placing her hand on her hip. "Can you bring me to the smoothies?"
"I think I can remember. What flavor do you like?"
"Peach passion." She smiled, pushing a strand of golden brown hair from her face.
Quote:
XBL Tag: Prederick
"Please do not leave bags unattended." Squawked the nasal, static-riddled voice over the loudspeaker. A voice at once female and sexless. Grating yet reassuring. Loud, yet barely intelligible.
As he took her hand, leading her towards the gleaming oasis of between-flight refreshments, she felt her stomach do a flip. She stopped, gasping. Suddenly unsure of her motives, her desires or her morality. What had she become? Just a few short hours ago she had been reveling in the embrace of her beloved spouse. Drinking in the smell, sight and touch of him like a Cherry Flavored Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie. Yet this man, with whom she was about to embark upon an all expenses paid, one-way trip to the land of illicit yogurt-fueled passion was not her husband. She barely even knew who he was.
He sensed her hesitation. Knew instinctively that her desire was slipping away. Fading, like the label on a package of Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie left too long in the sun. Not wanting to loose one bit of the succulent fruit hidden at the bottom of her desire, buried beneath layers of devotion and duty, he grabbed her by both arms, pushed himself into her and placed his mouth on her parting, whispering lips.
"Don't ..." she breathed before his questing tongue silenced her.
She sighed and melted into his embrace. The two became one. Like yogurt mixing with milk in a bottle of Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie.
Don't be saucy with me, Bernaise. - Count DeMonet
FalseGravity - My first blog.
It was then that the zombies chose to attack.
Without warning the glorious crystal skylight came crashing down all around them, followed by the bloated corpses of the shambling dead. As their putrid bodies struck the hard tile floor, decayed bones could be heard to snap; but still the undead moved. The crowded terminal filled with screams and turmoil as the grim host set about their task of gnawing the quivering meat from the bodies of the living.
Vance urged her to run, but she was held rapt by the plight of a fat, middle-aged woman wearing a blue dress and pearl necklace, which earlier Vance had pointed out and, with that exotic curl of the lips, said, "Come with me, my love, and I shall shower you with a thousand such pearls!" The woman clutched to her enormous bosom a half-eaten container of Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie. A zombie had fixed its viselike hands about her arms, and her screams sounded above the uproar as the chattering teeth ruptured her belly. Amid a spray of blood could be seen thick, yellow sheets of fat, which slopped onto the floor like so many dead fish. The necklace broke, and dozens of pearls rained down upon the bloodstained tiles. Then came the organs. The zombie decorated the terminal with the fat woman's insides, and her engorged stomach slid to a rest right near Vance's feet.
She looked down at the stomach. Its thick membrane had been punctured by gnashing teeth, allowing the contents to spill out. Oozing out of the bloody sack was a viscous, white sludge, and suspended in it were dainty pieces of delectable fruit; Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie, set loose from its digestive confines by the eager maw of a dead man.
She screamed. She ran. And Vance ran with her.
The market has much to answer for as to why gaming is NOT an art. -- illum
Oh my sweet lord.
This is so horrifying, it actually approaches beauty.
Oh my sweet lord.
***
After, she left. Calls went unanswered. Letters were returned unopened. He somehow was unable to think of anything but her. He began to drink. He hardly noticed the changes around him. He began to drink heavily. At some point his sister in law took the baby. He continued to drink. Eventually he grew weak, and he understood he needed some form of food other than bourbon. The only think unspoiled in the fridge were ice cubes and a Dannon Light 'n Fit Smoothie. He drank half the smoothie, then topped off the bottle w/ bourbon. He liked it better that way. He wondered if he could market his bourbon smoothies. Maybe dip the tops of the bottles in red wax, like Maker's Mark.
We all know that there is no quicker way to empty a joke of its peculiar magic than to try to explain it -- to point out, for example, that Lou Costello is mistaking the proper name "Who" for the interrogative pronoun "who," etc. - D.F.Wallace