In need of Advice
Thursday, January 20th, 2005 - 10:44pm
I just started a new job last week. I am really excited about it as the work is very satisfying and my coworkers are cool as hell. However, I have come to a small problem and I think I know the correct solution, but I wanted to bounce it off y'all first, as I really respect this community for it's sanity and wisdom.
As I said, my coworkers are awesome. In particular, my boss is one of the coolest, most down to earth people I have met in a while. Furthermore I am finding myself attracted to her and even developing somewhat of a crush. I have been sort of toying with the idea of asking her out, but there is obviously a huge line there that I am not sure I want to cross. We just have so much in common (and she's cute 
), so that is why I am even considering this.
Realistically, I don't wanna mess up this gig, so I will likely not make any moves. This office does a lot of stuff together outside of work, so we will likely see eachother socially plenty and if she makes the first move I probably wont put up much of a fight. But, I think my first priority is definitely keeping this job safe. So what do you guys think? Have any of you been in a similar situation? I appreciate your help.
"I like to hear people talking when they're not talking to me," I said. "It's soothing to know that I don't have to listen." -- Bill Harris describing a truism.
Yes, keep the job, and ask if she has a sister.
"PEACE ON EARTH. GOOD WILL TO MEN. PUBLIC SHELTER. ADMISSION 50¢"
Hit it.
/And... hell, even I know, when I say that, you know it''s totally wrong... So take it as you will.
The man wears a bucket of KFC on his head. I wouldn't expect anything less. - Pred
Dont do it. Especially since she is your boss (or if you were her boss). It might work as a relationship... but in the professional world it would never work EVEN if you two could personally pull it off. Coworkers, other superiors... there is a reason why the military has a rule against it.
But there are other things you have to think about... do you like your job enough to put undo stress on it if she has a negative reaction to you asking her out?
Imagine getting into a fight with her... then you have to see her at work AND she can tell you what to do.. GAH!
PAR
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For all who live in such times, it is not for them to decide. All we get to decide is what to do with the time given to us
Don''t. Do. It.
Been there. Done that. Ended in distaster.
"This is way, way more bad boy than you're gonna be able to handle." - Tommy Gavin on Rescue Me.
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Don''t dip your pen in the company ink. It''s all bad.
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As soon as I saw that I had to stop reading. Don''t even think about it. Office relationships do not work, especially with your boss.
Don''t listen to these reasonable replies. Hit it.
The man wears a bucket of KFC on his head. I wouldn't expect anything less. - Pred
I am the product of an inter-office relationship between a boss and a superior. Take that as you will...
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...probably as an argument against a relationship, since the statistical improbabilities involved would make such a coupling that much more unlikely.
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!
'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce
Never date a coworker unless its a large company and she works in another department. If she''s in another building or offsite most of the time, so much the better.
A good chunk of the reason I was fired was because of a coworker that liked manipulating me with her wiles. She is a master at snaring men into the ""friends or more than"" limbo. She brings a lot to the company but ends up being a net loss with all the crap she pulls.
Being fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster.
Has she done anything definite to encourage this? My guess is that she treats you decently, like a good boss would, and you''re getting infatuated with her. Because this totally non-existent fantasy relationship exists only in your mind, color your butt ""fired"" the first time you make a move on her. If she''s cute, then this isn''t the first time a coworker has fallen for her, so she''s far more likely to be repulsed and angry that a subordinate has misinterpreted her actions again.
"Raise high the black flags, my children."
-- Gebhard von Blucher.
My gut reaction was definitely ""Hit it"". I''ve always had a thing about sleeping with a boss. The idea of being with a woman in power was very exciting to me.
Then I got married. Dude, it gets old REAL quick.
What you should really be asking yourself is how much you really need/want this particular job. It''s kind of like Vegas in that you will most likely lose, BUT if you go into it with that understanding and you can actually afford to lose the job (assuming), you could have a blast.
All that said, I know a couple who met and started dating while she was his boss. They''re still together after at least 6 years.
Just leave it be and let it fester in you. If the pain starts to hurt pour beer over it to make the hurting go away.
McChuck wrote:
Stay far, far away from the darkside - young Jedi.
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SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM "IF YOU SEEK PEACE... PREPARE FOR WAR"
PUBLIUS RENATUS, 390 AD
A buller-proof advice is to not to even think about making any advances. You may try and develop a friendship and see where it takes you. Maybe it will be worth to sacrifice this job if you''re on to something serious with this woman
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No, definitely not. She has acted very professionally and I didn''t mean to imply that. I just think she''s cute and we have a lot in common. In social situations when this set of circumstances occurs I go for the jugular. Also, I should note that this not a normal, grind it out, 9-5 type of job. It is a non-profit organization, staffed by young folks just out of college just like myself.
Not at all impossible. She is hosting a Superbowl/Birthday Party in two weeks which will no doubt be wrought with drunken debauchery and football mayhem. I intend to bring my digital camera along to capture my coworkers in comprimising positions.
"I like to hear people talking when they're not talking to me," I said. "It's soothing to know that I don't have to listen." -- Bill Harris describing a truism.
Eh. Screw it, man. I''d hit it. You only live once right? How many fun stories will you have to tell when you''re older if you don''t learn at least a few things the hard way? Besides, it might work out. Who knows?
Don't be saucy with me, Bernaise. - Count DeMonet
FalseGravity - My first blog.
Put me down in the ''Don''t do it'' category'' Concentrate on learning your new job.
The question isn't "Who is going to let me?" It's "Who is going to stop me?"
Hit it hard, hit it fast, let the splinters fall where they will.
Mercury's been in retrograde most of the week. It's like a full moon with a side of kicked-in-the-nuts. -- H.P. Lovesauce
I think at this point it is ""Try to hit it."" She might just kick him.
Spiderman wouldn't sneak, Spiderman would go. -Elysium
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DO NOT DO IT.
Simple. Play it safe and spank the monkey to her and various other porn at home.
Unfortunately, if I slash my wrist with my lightsaber it cauterizes instantly. - PurEvil on emo Star Wars plots.
I''d say do it if the opportunity presents itself, but realize that she will probably be adverse to the idea. As your manager, she''s not supposed to do that kind of stuff. In most organizations, it''s the manager''s fault if they date their subordinates. So, assuming she feels the same way about you, she has more liability and more to lose. Your best bet is to get hammered at a work function and work it from there. But, like others have said, you''d better not value your job because you can most likely kiss it goodbye, were this situation to pan out. So, is she worth it?
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Set up a camcorder in her bathroom, take secret tapes of her, and masturbate to them while sitting at your desk pretending to work. And just wait for the promotion. Oh, yeah!
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Seriously. Don''t do it. 80-20 it''ll end in disaster. But if SHE asks YOU out, then do as Mex urges.
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By the way, ignore that camera in your office, Swampy.
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Doing backgrounds on applicants has taught me that there is nothing you can do, no matter how twisted you are, that has not been done before.
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I''ll take that challenge!
Unfortunately, if I slash my wrist with my lightsaber it cauterizes instantly. - PurEvil on emo Star Wars plots.
Thanks for turning my own shock-value humor back on me. That''s disturbing.
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Oooh Oooh! Try this: Go about your work normally, but whenever she approaches to give you feedback or further instructions look absolutely shocked and gasp ""Are you coming on to me?!?"" While her mind is processing that information, let your gaze wander around her body and let your facial expressions tell the tale that even if she was, considering THESE goods, you just might not mind!
Oooh Ooooh! Or tell her that you''ve been taking Hungarian lessons over the Internet to make you a more versatile member of their team then, in a heavy european accent say ""If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I am no longer infected!""
These are sure-fire hits to determine if SHE is receptive to further advances from you!
Seriously? Considering the situation you described I would give it a 70% No, 30% It could happen if you keep your private life out of the workplace. Otherwise it would be a solid 99.9% Hell no, .1% It could happen if she leaves no doubt in your mind that she is 100% willing to engage in that sort of a relationship (such as... tying you to her desk).
Remember, Good Friends have less problems meeting in the hall than Past Lovers.
Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative.
Photocopy your penis and leave a copy in her coffee cup every morning.
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