Martha Stewart loses prison decorating contest
Monday, January 3rd, 2005 - 2:50pm
Too funny ...
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/state/ny-bc-ny--marthastewart-pri1231d...
NEW YORK (AP) _ Martha Stewart, who has regaled audiences with countless holiday decorating tips in her magazine and on television, reportedly was unable to lead her team to victory in a prison decoration contest.
Stewart and a team of fellow inmates at a federal prison camp in Alderson, W.Va. crafted paper cranes to be hung from the ceiling, People magazine reported in an article posted on its Web site Wednesday. They lost out to a competing team that built a nativity scene showing "pictures of snow-covered hills and sleds and clouds on the wall," the magazine quoted an inmate as saying.
Each team was given $25 worth of glitter, ribbons, construction paper and glue to build a display based on the theme "Peace on Earth," the magazine said.
Stewart, who built a billion-dollar empire in homemaking, was convicted along with her stockbroker of lying about why she unloaded shares of ImClone Systems Inc. stock in 2001, just before the price plunged.
She is due to be released in early March from Alderson, then must spend five months confined to her home in Bedford, N.Y.
Following the house arrest, she is scheduled to begin shooting a daytime talk show with a live studio audience.
Ha, ha!
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!
'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce
I bet she stashed a bunch of the ribbon for strangling her former team to death later.
Certis beat me to it. - Elysium
And you can bet the leftover glitter will be used for nefarious purposes!
WoW Baelgun: Omusa, Spits
You know, glitter, filed correctly against the cement walls, can create little shiny daggers. Using a paste made from toilet paper dissolved in a little jailhouse applejack, you can attach said daggers to one''s fingernails. Then, well...we''ve all seen enough prison movies to know the next steps...
*Legion* wrote:
I''d bet it was the other inmates'' fault. We all know Martha can do no wrong. Oh, wait...
You frighten me, Deva. The thought process alone involved with that scares me.
Not that that''s a bad thing.
MechaSlinky wrote:
-on L4DOn the upside, now we know Deva''s just as hard on the outside.
Quote:
XBL Tag: Prederick
Wow, this sure sounds like a tough prison. This''ll sure teach her to lie! Between the games of duck-duck-goose, naptime, recital of the alphabet, and the reading of ""The Puppy Who Lost His Way,"" Martha will realize the seriousness of her crime. Well done, judicial system!
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Hehe, I saw this and nearly peed my pants...
Oh how the mighty have fallen!
Yeah, that sounds about right in this situation... that said... yeah, this prison sound really lame... I''d probably be asking for a real prison to avoid the boredom... well, I would have until I read that thing by DuckiDeva...
"Just remember that sometimes you need to allow problems to just roll like water off of a duckilama's back." ~Reaper
I suppose this means I shouldn''t share my ideas on how to make grenade launchers using boiled turkey carcasses, steamed potatoes and expired orange juice?
*Legion* wrote:
Wouldn''t that require a little gas mixed with the orange juice?
"Just remember that sometimes you need to allow problems to just roll like water off of a duckilama's back." ~Reaper
I would hope so, since that''s what I had for dinner last night.
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"If ads put your sanity to the test
come on down to Rat Boy's nest!
light up a stogie, and soon you'll see
how rock can be commercial-free!
'I'd hit it!'" - HP Lovesauce
**backs away slowly**
"Thanks, KrazyTaco, thanks. I'd put it in your pooper too." -Mex
"Krazy, I love the fact that you exist." -Vector
"Oh, KrazyTaco, you fulfill all my wishes." -pneuman
xboxlive= KrazyTacoFO
Can DuckiDeva join the GWJ Halo team?
I don't think I've ever said this sentence before, but man would I love to hump that butterfly.-- KrazyTaco
One phone call and you're melting like butter over my kettle pop. -- Edwin to Mex
2005 GWJFFL2 Champion
Doncha see, Demos? That''s why the orange juice needs to be expired.
MechaSlinky wrote:
-on L4DFallen yes, but she''ll be back.
Hell, Pee Wee Herman was on his way back until the kiddie porn.
Nobody comes back from kiddie porn.
All this science I don't understand. It's just my job five days a week.
As fun as it is to ridicule such a rediculous ''celebrity,'' I have to say that insider trading is not really a serious enough offense to warrant non-stop public humiliation she''s had to endure because of it. Hell, wasn''t she convicted of perjury, rather than the initial insider trading charge?
Martha Stewart''s annoying, there''s no doubt. But still, I fell a little bad about making fun of her like this. I mean sh*t... I''m going to go out on a limb and say that the real criminals aren''t exactly being nice to her in there...
"PEACE ON EARTH. GOOD WILL TO MEN. PUBLIC SHELTER. ADMISSION 50¢"
Actually Morrolon, I agree. I mean, don''t get me wrong, I''ve been making fun of Martha Stewart for a decade or more...but I objected pretty strongly to her trial, and her sentencing.
I found it fairly sexist, in that none of the Enron or other men who did drastic damage to consumers, markets and people were prosecuted, but everybody was pretty happy to take the ""uppity bitch"" down.
She was another crust in the bread and circuses that the powers that be use to keep people from noticing that the emperor has no clothes.
I hope she does make a comeback. I''ll still make fun of her, mind you...but there''s a little bit of me that''s proud of the empire she built, and hopes she can once again reign as queen over those people willing to spray paint pine cones to match their china. Bless their weird little hearts.
*Legion* wrote:
Insider trading is like stealing lots of money from people. I would say that it is serious enough. Hell, if she stole ass-loads of money from me I''d want her to go to prison as well.
"Thanks, KrazyTaco, thanks. I'd put it in your pooper too." -Mex
"Krazy, I love the fact that you exist." -Vector
"Oh, KrazyTaco, you fulfill all my wishes." -pneuman
xboxlive= KrazyTacoFO
See, I didn''t really think ""sexist"" so much as ""distraction"". You take down a minor player in a big legal circus to let the guys who actually destroyed people''s lives off scott free because they happen to be your friends/contributors/golf buddies.
"Poor Eli Nooo... *child starts crying*"
"Come on now, there's no need to make that kind of noise. It sounds awful and you'll upset other people." - Ionae from Spirit Engine 2
I''m still not sure how I feel about the Martha Stewart shenannigans. I can''t stand the woman, but the fact that she was sentanced to prison for lying about something she wasn''t found guilty of doesn''t make any sense at all (she was found innocent of insider trading, but guilty of lying about it).
Edit to add:
That''s kind of how I saw the whole thing too.
WoW Baelgun: Omusa, Spits
Hey Slambie,
you might want to submit a couple more birthday posts to the ol'' site. That upstart DuckiDeva is starting to garner a following amongst the boys with her sordid front page introductions and prison shiv-nail recipes.
ohhhhh maybe we can all watch a virtual cat fight, or a virtual lime/ cat fight...
"My motto is, if it's not strong enough to release bowel control, it's not strong enough!"
Morrolan
There''s always room in the harem for more women, Garrad. Why settle for the dirty deeds of one when you can have many?
WoW Baelgun: Omusa, Spits
Indeed, I say there''s room for everyone. Everybody has their own special talents. Who else, besides Slambie, can wear the melon hat? Looks at her avatar, cracks up yet again
Oh, and about this Martha thing... the whole debacle is retarded. It''s like someone getting a speeding ticket while a murder 20 feet away is going unnoticed.
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Ooooh, no cat fights for me...I have no power over lime cat...
*Legion* wrote:
I feel Martha was wronged for sure...but I''m all for making fun of her above all...
well done <golf clap>
and Peecaboo...my favorite gnome...let it be known that in my mind I actually visualized the whole process of filing down the glitter and such, and how Marth would look stylish as she swirled in a Raptor strike with razor gold glitter on her nails, and ''whooped them other bit**es''.
Quite a site in my mind...still laughing...
Unless you're running out of mana overhealing is the most worthless stat in the game. Underhealing is effectively known as "wiping".
so sayeth the Bear...
I agree that she has been subject to an inappropriate amount of criticism, but by some of the posts it sounds like you guys are ok with people lying to government agents investigating a crime? Perjury or obstruction of justice are serious charges and if they prosecuted them more, then we would have less people getting away with crimes.
I think her term in jail is punishment enough. I see why all this stuff is funny, and I see that it''s impossible to stop, it''s just that I do feel a bit bad for her. I mean, when, in all of history, has a conviction for perjury resulted in this kind of long term, widespread torment? Hell, what was done to Clinton?
[edit] - The more I think about it, the more I realize that Clinton got a good roasting, too. The difference, of course, is that he wasn''t in jail at the time.
"PEACE ON EARTH. GOOD WILL TO MEN. PUBLIC SHELTER. ADMISSION 50¢"
I didn''t know who was MArtha Stewart, but after I saw her...
Man, I''d hit that. Every day, twice on sunday.
The man wears a bucket of KFC on his head. I wouldn't expect anything less. - Pred
Once again Mex blurs the line of strangely amusing and akward.
"Thanks, KrazyTaco, thanks. I'd put it in your pooper too." -Mex
"Krazy, I love the fact that you exist." -Vector
"Oh, KrazyTaco, you fulfill all my wishes." -pneuman
xboxlive= KrazyTacoFO
Who''d of guessed that Mex has a thing for unattractive 60-year old women. Damn, Mex, thats just wrong.