Emabrassing moments or Stupid Spy Tricks
Sunday, December 12th, 2004 - 8:46am
Ok so the other day was my secret anniversary with my wife (secret because not too many folks know we are married - which we did before I went off to the Great Desert). Anyhow, I had just come off the mid shift - and finally went to sleep around 10am fully expecting my wife not to be home until around 4pm. Suddenly I awake to someone in the room standing over me with a weapon of some sort - I lunge up disarm my attacker with my right hand get bring my left up inside their arm to grapple and pin when I realize I am getting ready to cripple my wife - this is all in a span of seconds. I was horrified - she was PISSED... Her dastardly weapon was a bouquet of roses and I was in the ultimate doghouse. Needless to say there was much making up to do and all is well..., but has anyone else borked up like this?
XBL Gamertag
SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM "IF YOU SEEK PEACE... PREPARE FOR WAR"
PUBLIUS RENATUS, 390 AD
Wow, that''s tragically hilarious. And nope, sorry, but I''ve not nearly crippled my wife on accident. I can''t even imagine how I''d make that one up.
Worst signature ever.
Gamertag: Tex Red
www.mumfordland.com
Too funny, Spy!
I somehow managed to dislocate my husband''s shoulder in a ""wrestling"" accident once. It was rather embarrassing at the time but we''ve laughed about it many times since then.
WoW Baelgun: Omusa, Spits
I can''t tell you how many times my intense combat training has almost killed my wife, cat and immediate family. Don''t feel too bad Spy, I think she''ll find such cat-like reflexes sexy once she heals up and thinks about it for a bit.
Certis beat me to it. - Elysium
I dont think I improved the immediate situation with the following dialog:
Me: ""Honey, what the heck are you doing home?""
.
Her: <sniff> ""Trying to surprise you with roses...""
Me: ""Well you freakin surprised me...""
Her: ""What were you trying to do - kill me?""
Me: ""Honey if I had tried to kill you - you''d be dead.."" <immediately goes Doh - that was stupid to say>
Her: ""A-hole"" <walks away>
Me: <Cringes thinking how stupid he is and whats it going to take to get out of the dog house> Subsequently scraps original ""anniversary gift"" and replaces with 600 dollar digital camera - yep thats right boys I am not above buying my way out of a situation. It apparently worked and now I am a hero again and am no longer A-hole with Job
XBL Gamertag
SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM "IF YOU SEEK PEACE... PREPARE FOR WAR"
PUBLIUS RENATUS, 390 AD
I have had night terrors before where my wife said I pinned her down on the bed while looking around for snakes and spiders.
Wow Spy. Nope. Never confused my wife with gooks coming through the wire.
Although I did confuse my wife with a video game once. During one of our many wonderful all-night argument-a-thons, I sort of dazed out and imagined that the accusations and other misc. angry words she was flinging my way were Tetris blocks, and that all I had to do to resolve the situation was to arrange them so that they lined up, and they''d go away.
Wishful thinking, that.
Don't be saucy with me, Bernaise. - Count DeMonet
FalseGravity - My first blog.
It''s times like that I''m glad I''m not a highly-trained killing machine. Of course if someone was standing over me with a gun I''d probably wake up and hug them.
I generated a virtual world in the toilet bowl this morning.
-- Podunk on the PS3's mystical, magical abilities
Good thing you don''t sleep with a gun under your pillow or we wouldn''t be talking to you right now.
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Oh man, that sounds scary as hell (on both ends of the action).
Stupid question time - what causes that? What is the experience of it like - a hallucination, a dream that just prompts an automatic reaction?
Don''t have a wife, just yet, but for years after my army experience I''d try to kiss the floor every time someone would shoot off fireworks.
I guess some survival instincts just run deep.
(@)
doihaveto,
It was more induced by shock and surprise - it was a matter of not expecting someone to be home coupled with extreme fatigue... I dont think I would have reacted like that if I had been asleep a bit longer. Very similar to waking up suddenly and not realizing where you are for a few seconds - disoriented - well now couple that with ""someone"" standing over you with an object in their hands. I am joking now with my wife that she was trying to stake me through the heart with ""hardened"" roses
.
XBL Gamertag
SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM "IF YOU SEEK PEACE... PREPARE FOR WAR"
PUBLIUS RENATUS, 390 AD
When my younger brother was six and came at me with a knife I did some James Bond moves where I grabbed his knife hand with both of mine, smashed it against my leg and got it from him and then started terrorizing him with it... that''s about the closest thing that compares. The only time I''ve had a situation with the wife like yours was when she was throwing the dogs squeeky toy and it hit me in the face and reflex action was to throw it back at the throwers face (I''m a middle son of three sons, retaliation must be swift and severe!). She didn''t like that but she was the oldest of 5 she doesn''t understand these things.
Do you ever walk alone like a drifter in the dark?
Hmmm....well, like Spynavy, I have a military background and training from other sources and am the victim of occasional night terrors as well as Sheared. Needless to say I have on a couple of occasions thrown lamps across the bedroom in my sleep, forearmed my wife in the face in our sleep, and have been known to kick her every now and again.
We are now the proud owners of a VERY wide King size bed.
On a related note, my wife awoke to our son (then 2 years old) standing above her on the bed with one of my katanas out and had it pulled back in an attack pose over his head. I got rid of that particular sword.
My house is fun.
Quintin_Stone wrote:
lunabean wrote:its an automated reflex action, kind of like jerking your hand away when it is getting burned, the signal doesn''t even reach your brain until afterward, the movement is usually already happening before you consciously realize that you are doing it and why. At least that''s how it usually is with me.
Another similar anecdote: After a particularly grueling belt test, my wife and i had gone to bed and my dreams drifted back to the test, specifically the sparring section... well, my wife woke me up pretty quickly yelling at me for attacking her in my sleep. Lucky for me she kept pretty good humor about it, and restricted her vengeance to giving me a hard time about it the next time we were out with our sensei... rather embarrassing, but easier to deal with than an enraged wife.
Halo2 and Xbox Live seem to have combined in my system to form some manner of video game crack...
GamerTag = Tak Denizen
Timezome = EST
Once upon a time, I was really into James Ellroy''s books. I was reading through American Tabloid when I had this dream about fighting with G-men. I was throwing punches, when one of them actually connected with something -- That woke me up because they shouldn''t have connected with anything.
I had punched my (former) girlfriend in the face.
Same girlfriend also once said that I shook her awake and yelled ""Hitler is burning the village!""
Apparently, I went right back to sleep, leaving her confused and disoriented. I have no memory of the event.
We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.
Nice. For your next anniversary I suggest getting her a mouth guard. Hopefully you''ll both be able to laugh about this incident by then.
All this science I don't understand. It's just my job five days a week.